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If You Want to Find The One, You Need To Understand And Work On Yourself First

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If You Want to Find The One, You Need To Understand And Work On Yourself First

After yet another disappointing date or terrible letdown by a seemingly great future partner, you are back in that dark place of thinking how many more heartbreaks is it going to take before you quit on love and dating once and for all. Sounds familiar? If you are fed up with being single but all your efforts to change it seem to end in the same way, it’s time to change the approach by adopting a new mindset.

Stop idealizing relationships of others

It can be a great torture to have the perfect couple around and have to witness a very public display of their love for one another, while you are alone and miserable. Help yourself, and next time when you start feeling jealous at others’ love, keep in mind that not any two people are the same, or perfect, for that matter. You simply cannot compare yourself to anyone, nor should you. Seeing two soul mates should serve as a reminder that there is one for everyone, and not a reason for jealousy.

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Stop being so hard on yourself

As the years go by, you may start to wonder if it is your fault that you are still single. Maybe it is you, and you’re just not a fun person to be around? There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody is perfect, and all the people who have found the one have their own weaknesses and insecurities, but it didn’t prevent them from finding love. Thinking that you are unlikeable will only stop you from letting your light shine in front of the person who is just into your kind of “wrong”.

Stay away from needy people

As much as it is important for you to not enter a relationship out of need, the same goes for avoiding committing to a partner who needs love way too desperately. It can be hard to escape the needy mindset, especially if you have been single for a while, but being with a partner who needs love more than he actually wants you is a burden no one can handle. Instead, look for a person who is in it because they want you and everything you come with, and don’t perceive you as a prototype partner.

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Refuse to play games

The world is full of players, but you don’t need to play along. Most often men take on the role of restless chasers, while women come up with tactics to keep them chasing. Yet, sooner or later the chase is done, leaving men moving on to another exciting adventure, and women asking themselves if it was all worth the struggle. If you are feeling ready to quit playing games and start something worthwhile, start being upfront and look for a bit more quiet individuals, with a bit more substance.

Rethink your lists

Making a list of traits our ideal partner should have can help us focus more on what we want, but it can be damaging our chances as well. It is one thing to want a partner who is compassionate and caring, and a totally different thing to refuse to get to know a person just because they don’t entirely fit our look requirements.

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Change your perspective of the one

Instead of putting too much pressure on finding the one who fulfills all of our impossible requirements, we should focus more on what we have to offer. By developing as individuals, we would be more able to give a chance to people to reveal themselves to us and become one gradually.

It is not easy to all of a sudden stop caring about the public opinion and social norms, and praise yourself for holding on and not settling for less than you feel you deserve, or to change our old ways, but with little effort, we can all adopt a positive outlook on ourselves and love.

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Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/ via unsplash.com

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Ana Erkic

Social Media Consultant, Online Marketing Strategist, Copywriter, CEO and Co-Founder of Growato

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