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If You Want to Find The One, You Need To Understand And Work On Yourself First

If You Want to Find The One, You Need To Understand And Work On Yourself First

After yet another disappointing date or terrible letdown by a seemingly great future partner, you are back in that dark place of thinking how many more heartbreaks is it going to take before you quit on love and dating once and for all. Sounds familiar? If you are fed up with being single but all your efforts to change it seem to end in the same way, it’s time to change the approach by adopting a new mindset.

Stop idealizing relationships of others

It can be a great torture to have the perfect couple around and have to witness a very public display of their love for one another, while you are alone and miserable. Help yourself, and next time when you start feeling jealous at others’ love, keep in mind that not any two people are the same, or perfect, for that matter. You simply cannot compare yourself to anyone, nor should you. Seeing two soul mates should serve as a reminder that there is one for everyone, and not a reason for jealousy.

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Stop being so hard on yourself

As the years go by, you may start to wonder if it is your fault that you are still single. Maybe it is you, and you’re just not a fun person to be around? There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody is perfect, and all the people who have found the one have their own weaknesses and insecurities, but it didn’t prevent them from finding love. Thinking that you are unlikeable will only stop you from letting your light shine in front of the person who is just into your kind of “wrong”.

Stay away from needy people

As much as it is important for you to not enter a relationship out of need, the same goes for avoiding committing to a partner who needs love way too desperately. It can be hard to escape the needy mindset, especially if you have been single for a while, but being with a partner who needs love more than he actually wants you is a burden no one can handle. Instead, look for a person who is in it because they want you and everything you come with, and don’t perceive you as a prototype partner.

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Refuse to play games

The world is full of players, but you don’t need to play along. Most often men take on the role of restless chasers, while women come up with tactics to keep them chasing. Yet, sooner or later the chase is done, leaving men moving on to another exciting adventure, and women asking themselves if it was all worth the struggle. If you are feeling ready to quit playing games and start something worthwhile, start being upfront and look for a bit more quiet individuals, with a bit more substance.

Rethink your lists

Making a list of traits our ideal partner should have can help us focus more on what we want, but it can be damaging our chances as well. It is one thing to want a partner who is compassionate and caring, and a totally different thing to refuse to get to know a person just because they don’t entirely fit our look requirements.

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Change your perspective of the one

Instead of putting too much pressure on finding the one who fulfills all of our impossible requirements, we should focus more on what we have to offer. By developing as individuals, we would be more able to give a chance to people to reveal themselves to us and become one gradually.

It is not easy to all of a sudden stop caring about the public opinion and social norms, and praise yourself for holding on and not settling for less than you feel you deserve, or to change our old ways, but with little effort, we can all adopt a positive outlook on ourselves and love.

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Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/ via unsplash.com

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Ana Erkic

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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