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If You Want to Find The One, You Need To Understand And Work On Yourself First

If You Want to Find The One, You Need To Understand And Work On Yourself First

After yet another disappointing date or terrible letdown by a seemingly great future partner, you are back in that dark place of thinking how many more heartbreaks is it going to take before you quit on love and dating once and for all. Sounds familiar? If you are fed up with being single but all your efforts to change it seem to end in the same way, it’s time to change the approach by adopting a new mindset.

Stop idealizing relationships of others

It can be a great torture to have the perfect couple around and have to witness a very public display of their love for one another, while you are alone and miserable. Help yourself, and next time when you start feeling jealous at others’ love, keep in mind that not any two people are the same, or perfect, for that matter. You simply cannot compare yourself to anyone, nor should you. Seeing two soul mates should serve as a reminder that there is one for everyone, and not a reason for jealousy.

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Stop being so hard on yourself

As the years go by, you may start to wonder if it is your fault that you are still single. Maybe it is you, and you’re just not a fun person to be around? There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody is perfect, and all the people who have found the one have their own weaknesses and insecurities, but it didn’t prevent them from finding love. Thinking that you are unlikeable will only stop you from letting your light shine in front of the person who is just into your kind of “wrong”.

Stay away from needy people

As much as it is important for you to not enter a relationship out of need, the same goes for avoiding committing to a partner who needs love way too desperately. It can be hard to escape the needy mindset, especially if you have been single for a while, but being with a partner who needs love more than he actually wants you is a burden no one can handle. Instead, look for a person who is in it because they want you and everything you come with, and don’t perceive you as a prototype partner.

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Refuse to play games

The world is full of players, but you don’t need to play along. Most often men take on the role of restless chasers, while women come up with tactics to keep them chasing. Yet, sooner or later the chase is done, leaving men moving on to another exciting adventure, and women asking themselves if it was all worth the struggle. If you are feeling ready to quit playing games and start something worthwhile, start being upfront and look for a bit more quiet individuals, with a bit more substance.

Rethink your lists

Making a list of traits our ideal partner should have can help us focus more on what we want, but it can be damaging our chances as well. It is one thing to want a partner who is compassionate and caring, and a totally different thing to refuse to get to know a person just because they don’t entirely fit our look requirements.

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Change your perspective of the one

Instead of putting too much pressure on finding the one who fulfills all of our impossible requirements, we should focus more on what we have to offer. By developing as individuals, we would be more able to give a chance to people to reveal themselves to us and become one gradually.

It is not easy to all of a sudden stop caring about the public opinion and social norms, and praise yourself for holding on and not settling for less than you feel you deserve, or to change our old ways, but with little effort, we can all adopt a positive outlook on ourselves and love.

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Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/ via unsplash.com

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Ana Erkic

Social Media Consultant, Online Marketing Strategist, Copywriter, CEO and Co-Founder of Growato

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Last Updated on October 9, 2018

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

27 Ways to Instantly Feel Better When You’re Down

Who has never gone through some ups and downs in the life? But some people can feel better in a quicker way than others because they’ve found their own remedies to heal the bad feelings.

If you haven’t found yours, these ways will help you instantly feel better and ditch that negative self talk when you’re feeling bad about yourself:

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  1. Listen to the songs you loved when you were in high school or university, this will recall you of the old good times.
  2. Write something. Write down how you feel as a way to express your thoughts if you don’t feel like talking to anyone.
  3. Draw something. Draw anything you want because no one’s going to judge your drawing skills.
  4. Read the postcards or letters your friends or family sent you before, remind yourself there are people who always remember you.
  5. Silently think of a day or moment which you truly enjoyed and try to recapture that very first feeling. Was it the day of your graduation? The moment you traveled with your loved one?
  6. Take out your photo albums and go over your childhood photos.
  7. Cry when you feel like doing so. There’s nothing wrong with crying; cry out all your fear and stress and just face the truth after crying.
  8. Sing loudly like no one can hear you. Do you know that in Japan, people always sing karaoke to relieve stress?
  9. Cook a nice meal for yourself or for your family.
  10. Read your previous diary entries and look at your great memories.
  11. Dress up nicely to feel happier.
  12. Don’t stay in your bed! Get your laptop or a book and sit in a coffee place.
  13. Take a walk outside and feel the fresh air.
  14. Sweat yourself! Go jogging or play some sports.
  15. Pick up the musical instrument you used to play a lot and start to play it.
  16. Tidy up your desk or wardrobe, you’ll feel good that you’re being productive and actually doing something.
  17. Watch some funny videos, sure you can find a lot of them on Youtube.
  18. Eat something you like, be it a chocolate cake, or an ice-cream. Just please yourself with the flavour you like.
  19. Re-read your favorite book and write down the sentences or passages that you love.
  20. Watch a new movie, there must be a movie which you’ve always interested in but had no time to watch it.
  21. Do something nice that no one will notice, say picking up a rubbish in the street and throw it to a trash bin.
  22. Call your best friend and just talk whatever you want! Human beings are social animals after all, connecting with people close to you will make you feel better.
  23. Do voluntary work and help people in need, you’ll feel happy and satisfied.
  24. Get drunk with your close friends at home – a safe place for you to get drunk and get crazy. Let loose and have fun with your very close friends.
  25. Write an email or a note to a friend who you care about.
  26. Get out of your routine life and meet new friends. Get out of your comfort zone! Meeting new people can give you new inspirations in life.
  27. Look into the mirror and smile. Act like today’s already a wonderful day. How we act affects how we feel. It’s difficult to go on feeling sad if you’re trying to smile!

Remember:

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It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.  — Epictetus

If you want to feel better, change what you’re doing because obviously what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy!

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Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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