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I Am Single Because A Lasting Relationship Shouldn’t Be Rushed

I Am Single Because A Lasting Relationship Shouldn’t Be Rushed

Does it seem like all of your friends are adding a +1 to party invitations? Are you feeling left out? Maybe even beginning to question your ability to find a romantic partner? At some point, every single one of us has been single. Every single person knows what it feels like to be left out of couples only events or to be the third wheel on a date. I know things can start to feel lonely, but there’s a reason you’re single now. Enjoy being single for the moment and don’t rush into a relationship just to avoid that feeling. Those are the relationships that usually don’t work out. Try not to worry about it. You won’t be single forever (unless you want to be). By choosing singleness now and not rushing into a relationship, you’re actually more likely to have a long-lasting and fulfilling relationship in the future.

“You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. You just need to understand yourself.” [1]

If you’re not happy now, committing yourself to a relationship isn’t going to help. Being alone is exactly what you need right now – learn to deal with that feeling of loneliness. Chances are, that lonely feeling means you don’t understand yourself yet. Spending some time alone can help you learn more about who you really are and what you need to be happy. Relish that time and never forget what you learn about yourself. Then, you won’t rely on another person to bring you happiness. Remember, you are a complete person without having a significant other.

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“Be together for the right reasons”

Don’t get yourself into a relationship before you’re ready. Make sure you understand yourself first and that you’re happy. This way, when you do find a romantic partner, you can make sure it’s for the right reasons. Both partners in a relationship need to be able to give and feel love, admiration, and respect for one another. This shouldn’t be one-sided. When you’re with another person for the right reasons, you benefit through personal growth and so does your partner. [2] Being with another person for the right reasons means the relationship is more likely to last.

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“When we believe we cannot have what we desire—when we lack faith in ourselves and in the goodness of life—we settle for less.” [3]

If you rush into a relationship before you understand yourself and your needs, you’re probably settling for less than you deserve. The same is true if you rush into a relationship for all the wrong reasons. The thing is, sometimes we might feel so lonely that we’re willing to let any available person into our lives. It’s the erroneous idea that whatever is within our reach is good enough, better than nothing. If you find yourself saying that about a potential relationship, you’re probably settling. As with most things we settle for, the relationship probably won’t last long.

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Let’s be honest. Not only do you deserve better, but the other person deserves better too. Nobody wants to settle and nobody wants to be the person settled on.

“Single is not a status, it is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.” [4]

Embrace your singlehood for now. Focus on the commitments you have to yourself, be spontaneous and free. Don’t listen to what anybody else says about your personal relationship and life. It’s your life and you’re doing this for you and your happiness. Be confident in knowing that you are spending time to get to know yourself so you’re with somebody for all the right reasons without settling for less than you deserve. Once you do find a partner, you can be sure that you’ve prepared yourself for a lasting relationship.

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Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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