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He Asked People To Give Relationship Advice, And This One Is The Most Important And Repetitive One

He Asked People To Give Relationship Advice, And This One Is The Most Important And Repetitive One

Romantic relationships can be difficult to navigate and sometimes, they don’t work out. Other times, you manage to find the person of your dreams out of the giant sea of available fish. When that happens, you probably want everything to work out so you can spend the rest of your lives together. But, how exactly do you make your relationships work out? By asking for relationship advice from people in happy relationships!

That is exactly what author and blogger Mark Manson set out to do just before getting married. He sent out a relationship advice request to all of his readers with one qualification. They must be married for longer than 10 years and still happy in their relationship. He asked responders to pass on their relationship advice to other couples and the response was more than he expected. Nearly 1,500 people sent in their relationship advice. [1]

Mark noticed something. Most of the pieces of advice were similar. The most common bit of relationship advice was: “Be together for the right reasons”.

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Most Common Piece of Relationship Advice

Be together for the right reasons. To have a healthy relationship, both partners need to feel admiration and respect for one another. When you’re with another person for the right reasons, you benefit through personal growth and so does your partner.

As most relationship advice will tell you, being in a healthy relationship is good for you. Having somebody to come home to, who you legitimately love to share your time with, can actually make you healthier. Not only that, but you’ll feel more motivated to accomplish your goals and you’ll probably get more done as well. Maintaining happiness gives you hope and can help relieve the stress of life’s difficult moments. [2]

But, you and your partner will only experience these benefits if you really love each other. Unfortunately, people end up in relationships for all the wrong reasons far too frequently.

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Wrong Reasons to Be In A Relationship

Feeling Lonely

Maybe you met your significant other at a time in your life when you were feeling lonely or worried that you’d never meet the right person. Or maybe you’re staying in a relationship that you know isn’t right because of the fear of never finding somebody else. According to Carole Lieberman, MD and psychiatrist, “They [women] convince themselves that even a selfish, boring, or abusive boyfriend is better than no boyfriend at all.” [3] The same is true for men. Follow the relationship advice, don’t risk your happiness.

Fear of Losing an Entire Family

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Another wrong reason to be with somebody else is for their family. Lots of people love their significant other’s family, particularly if the relationship has gone on for a long time. Sound familiar? Breaking up with that one person suddenly seems like you’ll be losing an entire family. Don’t let that stop you. It’s not a good enough reason to stay with somebody. If it’s the only reason, neither one of you will be happy.

Hoping that He/She Would Fix Everything That’s Wrong In Your Life

If you think that having a partner will magically fix everything that’s wrong in your life, you’re not following good relationship advice. Being with somebody because you think they can relieve your emotional issues is the wrong reason to be with somebody. Not only that, but you might find yourself in a codependent situation. This is when you put up with somebody else’s unhealthy behavior and they put up with yours because neither person wants to be alone. Not good.

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Remember, finding the right relationship is not impossible. It just takes being honest with yourself about why you want to have a significant other. Once you’ve found the person that you want to grow old with and create a life with, follow the most common relationship advice discussed above. Make sure the two of you are in it for the right reasons.

Featured photo credit: freestocks.org via pexels.com

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It How to Know If You’re Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing) Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together Why Worrying About Losing a Friend Is Unnecessary No.1 Relationship Killer: Your Good Intention to Advise Your Partner When They’re Upset

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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