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No Truly Happy Person Feels The Need To Stand In Front Of A Mirror And Recite That She’s Happy. She Just Is.

No Truly Happy Person Feels The Need To Stand In Front Of A Mirror And Recite That She’s Happy. She Just Is.

Be honest. When was the last time you laughed so hard that your ribs began to ache? Or better yet, when did you last find yourself sitting in quiet contentment, looking at something beautiful or nothing in particular? When you answer a question about your life to a friend do you find yourself altering the story to make it seem happier, while a peculiar sense of unease builds in the pit of your stomach? We all want to be happy. When we’re not we still want to convince our friends, family, and ourselves that we are because, in our society, happiness is equated with success. What happiness is truly, however, is completely transcendent of all worldly acquisitions, feats, and delusions.

Deluding Yourself Won’t Bring You Happiness

Have you ever felt down on yourself because when you look back and find you have everything that you said you wanted all of those years ago, you still don’t feel fulfilled? Do you shake it off and say to yourself, “I’m happy. Of course I’m happy”? Or maybe you say it in front of a mirror, put on a happy face, and try to further convince yourself. Here is a secret; gratitude may increase happiness but delusion won’t. “No truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of a mirror and recite that she’s happy. She just is.”[1] If you’re truly content with who you are and what you have, then you shouldn’t need to convince yourself or anyone else that you are. You’ll feel it above all else. Beware of trying to convince yourself that you’re happy just because you believe you should. If you aren’t happy it’s because you’re neglecting a key aspect of yourself and it’s calling out to you.

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Gratitude and Affirmations vs. Delusions

You may feel that using gratitude and positive affirmations are important ways to increase your happiness. You’re right. These tools are wonderful for helping you gain a more positive outlook on life and helping you achieve a greater level of contentment. The difference between using these and using delusions has to do with honesty. Always be honest when you go through your practice of gratitude and self-affirmation. If you lie then they cease to be an effective spiritual practice and will instead lead to greater suffering.

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Love and Happiness

Think about what love means to you. Does it mean pain, attachment, or loss? Real love means none of these things. The negatives that we associate with love don’t actually come from love but from a sense of attachment to an object or a person. If you feel an unhealthy sense of attachment to something, whether it be a person, a house, a job, or even just an idea, you may often feel unhappy when those things fall short of your expectations or when they’re lost. It’s important to redefine love as something pure and unalterable. You may hear different spiritual practices, such as Buddhism, talk about love in the context of love for all living things and its ability to make us unbelievably happy. This should be a long-term goal for all of us, however, for those living in the west, it’s hard to contemplate loving every living being when we don’t even love ourselves! For this reason, it’s important that to become a happier person; you learn the art of self-love. A sense of peace, happiness, and universal love will invariably follow.

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Self-Love

It’s important not to confuse the concept of self-love with egocentric behavior. It’s easy to tell the difference because self-love is unbiased, unconditional, and totally accepting. To love yourself is to accept your brightest day and your darkest night, to see your biggest success and your hardest fall with total impartiality. In western culture, many of us are programmed to believe we are only as good as our achievements. To be truly happy, you need to disregard this foolish propaganda. This all may seem very difficult to you, but if you’ve chosen to read this article, then one assumes that you are looking for a very true sense of happiness. And for the true seekers, happiness is always within reach. So how do you start? Here are some ideas:

  1. Write a list of things that you wish you could change about yourself.
  2. Next to it, write a list of things you appreciate about yourself. This will help you achieve an unbiased view of who you are and where you are in life. Using this unclouded view, you can learn to accept and love yourself and to change the things that you can’t accept.
  3. Put aside some quiet time. Why is this so important? It’s important because most of us spend too much of our day worrying about everything other than our own spiritual well-being.
  4. Take some time to meditate, draw, journal, or just sit quietly with a cup of tea. When you make this a daily habit you’ll begin to feel more comfortable being alone with yourself and more peaceful throughout your busy days.
  5. Spend time with the people who love you. One of the best ways to remember your own self-worth is to be around friends and family; people who make us feel loved and accepted.

Don’t Be Afraid of Major Life Changes

Sometimes people find stillness only after a storm that rocks the foundations of everything they thought they knew. If you’re stuck in a pattern of delusion and unhappiness in your current life situation, then your life situation may just need to change. Change is frightening to many people, but it’s necessary. Remember that the true enemy to happiness isn’t change, but stagnation. The only person who knows whether you are happy or not is you. Don’t deny yourself happiness by incorrectly assuming that you already are. You should never settle for inferior contentment; instead go out, embrace the adventure that is your life, and be happy.

Featured photo credit: Unslpash via pixabay.com

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Reference

[1] The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

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Last Updated on January 16, 2020

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

12 Simple Ways to Boost Your Confidence Right Now

The way you feel about yourself greatly influences how you live and interact with others. If you are confident about yourself, you tend to see yourself positively and actually enjoy spending time with and around people. You don’t feel self-conscious or awkward around others, and that allows you to live your fullest and happiest life.

However, if you’re drowning in a sea of self-doubt, hesitancy and shyness, you often withdraw and isolate yourself from others and avoid interacting and connecting with people. That anxiety you feel in the pit of your stomach when you are around people is holding you back greatly and it is not good for your emotional health and overall well-being. You need to do something about it if you are low in self-confidence or have friends or family members who are not confident.

“Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, it’s walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone” – Anonymous

Here are simple, practical tips to boost your confidence right now and make you feel and act your best.

1. Stop labeling yourself as awkward, timid or shy.

When you label yourself as awkward, timid or shy, you sub-consciously tell your mind to act accordingly and psychologically feel inclined to live up to those expectations. Instead of labeling and entertaining negative self-talk, visualize and affirm yourself as confident and strong. Close your eyes for a minute and visualize yourself in different situation as you would like to be.

Be your own cheerleader. Experts believe that positive affirmation and good mental practices like picturing yourself winning or achieving a goal can lead to greater feelings of self-assurance and prepare your brain for success.[1] As the saying goes, “seeing is believing.” Picture yourself as confident and soon enough you will begin to manifest behavior that gives evidence to this new ‘fact.’

2. Recognize that the world is not focused on you (unless, of course, you are Kanye West).

That means you don’t have to be excessively sensitive about who you are or what you are doing (or not doing). You are not on the center stage; there is no need for preoccupation with self and perfectionism. As rap music star Rocko sings, “You just do you and I will do me, aight?”

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Forget about trying to please everyone or being perfect. Trying to be perfect and being a people-pleaser puts too much pressure on you and creates unnecessary anxiety. Besides, people are too preoccupied with their own issues to pay much attention to your every move unless, of course, you are a mega famous, super celebrity like Beyonce or Kanye West.

3. Focus on other people as opposed to yourself.

If you are low on confidence, self-conscious, nervous and shy in social situations, focus your attention on other people and what they are saying or doing instead of focusing on your own awkwardness.

For example, think about what it is that is interesting about the person who’s the centre of the party or the guy or girl you are talking with. Prompt them to talk more about themselves and be genuinely curious and interested in what they say. You will instantly come across as confident and warmhearted.

People generally want to talk about themselves, be heard and understood. They will love it when you’re eager and willing to listen to them and really hear what they have to say.

This habit of focusing more on what you love in others as opposed to what you dislike in yourself will not only help you become more assertive and comfortable in virtually all social situations, but also instantly make you feel great about yourself.

4. Know (and accept) yourself for who you are.

Chinese military general, strategist and philosopher Sun Tzu, author of the internationally acclaimed book The Art of War, said, “Know yourself and you will win all battles.” Even in the battle with lack of confidence, you will need to know yourself to win.

Knowing yourself starts with understanding that people are not all the same, neither are all social situation suitable for everyone. You might not be confident in large gatherings, but you could be bold and confident in one-on-one and small group interactions. We all have our own unique gifts and unique ways of expressing ourselves. Embrace yours!

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Introverts, for example, have a quiet confidence that is, unfortunately, often confused for shyness. They are naturally low key and prefer to spend time alone. However, this natural disposition affords them certain unique gifts, such as an ability to listen better than most people and notice things that others don’t.

Your uniqueness is where your strength and advantage lies. You won’t be comfortable and confident in all situations all the time. Albert Einstein said,

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

5. Crack a smile.

If there is one sure way to instantly boost your confidence, it’s cracking a smile. Christine Clapp, a public speaking expert at The George Washington University, says that flashing those pretty, pearly white teeth will immediately make you appear both confident and composed. But, the effect of smiling is not just external. Studies show that smiling can also help nix feelings of stress and pave the way for a happier and more relaxed you.[2]

Not a bad return for something seemingly so trite, wouldn’t you agree?

6. Break a sweat—with exercise.

Working out is another great way to make yourself feel amazing and confident. Science has shown that exercising increases your endorphins, helps reduce stress, tones your muscles and makes you feel happy and confident.[3]

And hey, all you have to do is take a walk a few times a week and you’ll see the benefits. What seems to matter—as far as your confidence goes—is whether you break a sweat, not how strenuous your session is, which is pretty cool. Start working out now.

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7. Groom yourself.

This might seem mundane, but it’s amazing how much of a difference a shower and shave can have on your confidence and self-image. And when you spritz on a scent, the boost on confidence and self-esteem is incredible. As it turns out, your favorite fragrance does more than make you smell oh-so-nice.

A study found that a fragrance can inspire confidence in men. Interestingly, the study also found that the more a man likes the fragrance, the more confident he might feel. Another study found that 90% of women feel more confident while wearing a scent than those who go fragrance-free.

8. Dress nicely.

Another one that might seem trite, but it works. If you dress nicely, you’ll instantly feel good about yourself and give your confidence a real boost. That is largely because you’ll feel attractive, presentable and sometimes even successful in nice clothes.

While dressing nicely means something different for everyone, it does not necessarily mean wearing $500 designer outfits. It means wearing clothes that are clean, that you are comfortable in and that are nice-looking and presentable, including casual clothes.

9. Do activities you enjoy.

Whether it is reading a book, playing a musical instrument, riding your bicycle or going fishing, do what you really enjoy and what makes you truly happy often. It will boost your self-esteem, soothe your ego and allow you to identify with your gifts and talents. That will in turn bolster your self-belief and grow your confidence exponentially.

You might not become popular for doing what you love, but you might not even want to be popular at all. Being popular doesn’t make you happy; doing what you love does.

10. Prepare for the possibility of rejection / setback.

Late World No. 1 professional tennis player Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. A key to self-confidence is preparation.” You need to prepare for the possibility of rejection and setback.

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Why?

Everybody suffers rejection and setback at one point or another. You are not exempted. The question on your mind, therefore, should not be if you will be rejected, but how you will handle rejection when it comes.

Prepare yourself adequately in every situation to minimize the risk and effect of rejection and so that your confidence is not broken. For example, learn public speaking and rehearse what you are going to say beforehand if you have landed a public speaking engagement. That way, you are sure of yourself and confident you have what it takes to hack it. If you are rejected, don’t take it personally.

Rejection and setbacks happen to the best of us. Take it as a learning experience. Learn from your mistakes and move on.

11. Face uncomfortable situations square in the face.

Don’t run away from uncomfortable situations. Running away from people or situations because you feel scared, shy or timid only confirms and reinforces your shyness. Instead, face the situation that makes you uneasy square in the face. For example, go ahead and talk to that person you are afraid to approach, or go straight to the front of your yoga class! What’s the worst that can happen?

Prepare and be ready for any eventuality. The more you face your fears, the more you realize you are stronger than you thought and the more confident you get. This simple, yet admittedly courageous, act makes you unstoppable. You get comfortable being uncomfortable and begin to feel like you can take on the world. And that is the hallmark of someone destined for great things.

12. Sit up straight and walk tall—you are awesome!

Yes, sit up straight and believe you are awesome. Don’t slump in your chair or slouch your shoulders. Experts say the right stance can not only keep your self-esteem and mood lifted, but also lead to more confidence in your own thoughts.[4]

The way to sit is to open up your chest and keep your head level so that you look and feel poised and assured. And when you get up, stand tall and walk like you’re on a mission. People who sit up straight and walk tall are more attractive and instantly feel more confident. Try it now: you’ll feel fierce and confident just by sitting up straight and walking tall.

Featured photo credit: Freshh Connection via unsplash.com

Reference

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