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If You Want To Be Successful, Stop Trying To Please Everybody

If You Want To Be Successful, Stop Trying To Please Everybody

Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time.

Arnold H. Glasow summarized his reason for success in a single, simple sentence. Here comes the question that has perpetually mystified human beings: what is the right thing to do?

They say curiosity kills the cat. In a sense, that is true. Every time we make a decision, we constantly question ourselves, “what if we did it the other way round?”. We initiate battles within ourselves, leading us to be miserable no matter what we chose or did in the end. Perhaps it comes with experience, but as I grew up, I began to realize that many of these battles began because we weren’t choosing the option we really wanted. We weren’t acknowledging our own desires. And if we want success that bad, we just have to stop trying to please everybody.

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Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.

It’s pretty self-explanatory, isn’t it?

It doesn’t seem appropriate to say “no” when someone is enthusiastically asking you to a party. I know I would have a hard time because that would mean looking at the crestfallen face of your friend and feeling guilty. Moreover, no one likes a killjoy. So you say, “maybe… I’ll see” instead. But once you said that, you started feeling a pull, an obligation to go and when you ended up in a place where you didn’t even want to be in, you started wondering how it had come down to this.

The truth is – you need to start saying no instead of maybe. Shake your head instead of shrugging. It’s okay to be polite, but not to the point when you have to force yourself to be somewhere or do something you don’t want to. There is only so much time you can spend and so many things you can do. Don’t waste it on the non-essentials.

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One aspect of your life is going to affect other aspects of your life.

The four burners theory mentioned that you would need to cut off something from your life if you want to be successful.[1] That’s because the people that constitute the different aspects of your life are going to expect you to go an extra mile for them. They don’t mean to make your life difficult. But do you remember your boss asking if you can help with an extra project? Or your husband or wife other asking if you can help with the kids on the weekends when they meet up with their friends?

When you agree with one side, you are going to have to stretch certain areas in your life, such as your health. Your choice has unconsciously affected your entire life. More importantly, when one area of your life is out of alignment, every area of your life suffers. The more you work for others instead of yourself, the more you are going to feel like your life is getting torn asunder.

Remember: everyone has their expectations, but it’s not your obligation to do what they want you to do. You own yourself.

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Don’t let “should”s hold sway over you.

It’s alright if you think you should do something because it would make yourself happy. However, most of the times, our mind goes like this:

“I should join their gossiping or else I am going to look out of place eating lunch alone.”

“I should probably go to this dinner or my friends are going to feel bad.”

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Nothing leads to indecision faster than letting your actions be guided by the desire to impress or satisfy others. – Iyanla Vanzant

There are a lot of things that you will feel that you should do. But as you go on in life, you will realize these are not things that you must do. There is only one right thing to do, and that is the things that you do for yourself and yourself only.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via Picjumbo.com

Reference

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Eamon Suen

Student, The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology

Life Is Not Supposed To Be Fair, We’re Supposed to Learn To Live With It If You Want To Be Successful, You May Need To Cut Off Something From Life The Earlier You Understand These Truths Of Happiness The Better Accept Where You Are And Happiness Is At Your Fingertips Your New Habits Will Stick With These 5 Killer Strategies

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

What Is Creativity? We All Have It, and Need It

What Is Creativity? We All Have It, and Need It

Do you think of yourself as a creative person? Do you play the drums or do watercolor paintings? Perhaps compose songs or direct plays? Can you even relate to any of these so called ‘creative’ experiences? Growing up, did you ever have that ‘artistic’ sibling or friend who excelled in drawing, playing instruments or literature? And you maybe wondered why you can’t even compose a birthday card greeting–or that drawing stick figures is the furthest you’ll ever get to drawing a family portrait. Many people have this common assumption that creativity is an inborn talent; only a special group of people are inherently creative, and everyone else just unfortunately does not have that special ability. You either have that creative flair or instinct, or you don’t. But, this is far from the truth! So what is creativity?

Can I Be Creative?

The fact is, that everyone has an innate creative ability. Despite what most people may think, creativity is a skill that everyone can learn and hone on. It’s a skill with huge leverage that allows you to generate enormous amounts of value from relatively little input. How is that so? You’ll have to start by expanding your definition of creativity. Ironically, you have to be creative and ‘think out of the box’ with the definition! Creativity at its heart, is being able to see things in a way that others cannot. It’s a skill that helps you find new perspectives to create new possibilities and solutions to different problems. So, if you encounter different challenges and problems that need solving on a regular basis, then creativity is an invaluable skill to have.Let’s say, for example, that you work in sales. Having creativity will help you to look for new ways to approach and reach out to potential customers. Or perhaps you’re a teacher. In this role you have to constantly look for new ways to deliver your message and educate your students.

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How Creativity Works

Let me break another misconception about creativity, which is that it’s only used to create completely “new” or “original” things. Again, this is far from the truth. Because nothing is ever completely new or original. Everything, including works of art, doesn’t come from nothing. Everything derives from some sort of inspiration. That means that creativity works by connecting things together in order to derive new meaning or value.From this perspective, you can see a lot of creativity in action. In technology, Apple combines traditional computers with design and aesthetics to create new ways to use digital products. In music, a musician may be inspired by various styles of music, instruments and rhythms to create an entirely new type of song. All of these examples are about connecting different ideas, finding common ground amongst the differences, and creating a completely new idea out of them.

What Really Is Creativity?

Creativity Needs an Intention

Another misconception about the creative process is that you can just be in a general “creative” state. Real creativity isn’t about coming up with “eureka!” moments for random ideas. Instead, to be truly creative, you need to have a direction. You have to ask yourself this question: “What problem am I trying to solve?” Only by knowing the answer to this question can you start flexing your creativity muscles. Often times, the idea of creativity is associated with the ‘Right’ brain, with intuition and imagination. Hence a lot of focus is placed on the ‘Right’ brain when it comes to creativity. But, to get the most out of creativity, you need to utilize both sides of your brain–Right and Left–which means using the analytical and logical part of your brain, too. This may sound surprising to you, but creativity has a lot to do with problem solving. And, problem solving inherently involves logic and analysis. So instead of throwing out the ‘Left’ brain, full creativity needs them to work in unison. For example, when you’re looking for new ideas, your ‘Left’ brain will guide you to a place of focus, which is based on your objective behind the ideas you’re searching for. The ‘Right’ brain then guides you to gather and explore based on your current focus. And when you decide to try out these new ideas, your ‘Right’ brain will give you novel solutions outside of the ones you already know. Your ‘Left’ brain then helps you evaluate and tune the solutions to work better in practice. So, logic and creativity actually work hand in hand, and not one at the expense of the other.

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Creativity Is a Skill

At the end of the day, creativity is a skill. It’s not some innate or natural born talent that some have over others. What this means is that creativity and innovation can be practiced and improved upon systematically.A skill can be learned and practiced by applying your strongest learning styles. Want to know what your learning style is? Try this test. A skill can be measured and improved through a Feedback Loop, and can be continuously upgraded over time by regular practice. Through regular practice, your creativity goes through different stages of proficiency. This means that you can become more and more creative! If you never thought that creativity was relevant to you, or that you don’t have a knack for being creative… think again! You can use creativity in any aspect of your life. In fact you should use it, as it will allow you to to break through your usual loop, get you out of your comfort zone, and inspire you to grow and try new things. Creativity will definitely give you an edge when you’re trying to solve a problem or come up with new solutions.

Start Connecting the Dots

Excited to start honing your creativity? Here at Lifehack, we’ve got a wealth of knowledge to help you get started. We understand that creativity is a matter of connecting things together in order to derive new meaning or value. So, if you want to learn how to start connecting the dots, check out these tips:

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Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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