Advertising
Advertising

Life Is Not Supposed To Be Fair, We’re Supposed to Learn To Live With It

Life Is Not Supposed To Be Fair, We’re Supposed to Learn To Live With It

It is uncommon to hear someone say, “I invested $1 million in stocks yesterday. There is no way I wouldn’t earn money.” This is easily understood – because no amount of money invested would guarantee you a return.

Yet, it seems like we believe that simply because we invested in the people and work in our lives, we should be compensated accordingly.

If we pulled three all-nighters in a row for a project, it must succeed. If we exhaust ourselves every day to make sure our kids’ studies and homework are done perfectly, they have to get a good score at school. If we went through all those difficulties and obstacles during a relationship, surely our marriage would be an easy, peaceful ordeal.

But reality doesn’t deal its cards according to fairness. A sudden earthquake could destroy the fields and crops farmers spent a whole season caring for. A stroke of luck could allow a gambler to win a million dollars without working for it.

Advertising

The most unimaginable things happen to the most ordinary people.

Sometimes we win. Sometimes we learn. That’s the way of life.

Like stars, life sparkles, shines and smiles. It won’t do, however, if we forget that they also flicker, darken, and hide in times. Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we learn. Yet it is this uncertainty that gives us the urge to try harder, run faster, and jump higher. We may not always win. But we won’t always fail either. We just have to make sure every time we trip, we would push ourselves up – our knees may be bloody, our elbows may be bruised, but we will leap over whatever it is that put us down before.

Aspire to be excellent, not successful.

“Don’t run behind success. Follow behind excellence, success will come behind you.”

– Rancho, 3 Idiots.

We set our goals at getting promotions at work, making our children the best students, or getting the highest grades. It’s so often that we forget in chasing after success, we lost sight of what is important. Work is about writing great articles that people enjoy reading, teaching and transferring knowledge to students, or designing beautiful residences for people to live in. Success is not, and should not be your destination. It should merely be something you pick up along the way.

Work hard and step forward – even if they are just baby steps.

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.”

– Nora Roberts

We may work extremely hard for something we wanted. Unfortunately, it isn’t just about how hard we worked. There are factors that we can’t control in the ultimate scheme of things.

Advertising

Does that mean we should just give up?

No. No. It simply means we must dedicate 120% of our efforts towards the things we want, so when the opportunity comes, we are going to hold it as tight as we can and let it carry us towards success. Be not afraid of stumbling and embrace challenges as they come, because if you don’t work hard for it, if you don’t try to go forward, you will never have it.

Failures in life don’t define us.

Life may not be fair. There will be many times when you would be frustrated and tired, grief-stricken and furious. And that is completely normal. Just don’t let these times define you.

You are better than that.

Advertising

We are better than that.

Shine like the stars and be remembered for all your beauty and glory.

Featured photo credit: Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

More by this author

Eamon Suen

Student, The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology

Life Is Not Supposed To Be Fair, We’re Supposed to Learn To Live With It If You Want To Be Successful, You May Need To Cut Off Something From Life The Earlier You Understand These Truths Of Happiness The Better Accept Where You Are And Happiness Is At Your Fingertips Your New Habits Will Stick With These 5 Killer Strategies

Trending in Communication

1 11 Red Flags in a Relationship Not To Ignore 2 10 Strategies to Keep Moving Forward When Feeling Stuck 3 Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating 4 7 Simple Ways To Be Famous In One Year 5 How To Feel Happier (10 Scienece-Backed Ways)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 11, 2021

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

Easily Misunderstood by Others? 6 Barriers You Should Overcome to Make Communication Less Frustrating

How often have you said something simple, only to have the person who you said this to misunderstand it or twist the meaning completely around? Nodding your head in affirmative? Then this means that you are being unclear in your communication.

Communication should be simple, right? It’s all about two people or more talking and explaining something to the other. The problem lies in the talking itself, somehow we end up being unclear, and our words, attitude or even the way of talking becomes a barrier in communication, most of the times unknowingly. We give you six common barriers to communication, and how to get past them; for you to actually say what you mean, and or the other person to understand it as well…

The 6 Walls You Need to Break Down to Make Communication Effective

Think about it this way, a simple phrase like “what do you mean” can be said in many different ways and each different way would end up “communicating” something else entirely. Scream it at the other person, and the perception would be anger. Whisper this is someone’s ear and others may take it as if you were plotting something. Say it in another language, and no one gets what you mean at all, if they don’t speak it… This is what we mean when we say that talking or saying something that’s clear in your head, many not mean that you have successfully communicated it across to your intended audience – thus what you say and how, where and why you said it – at times become barriers to communication.[1]

Perceptual Barrier

The moment you say something in a confrontational, sarcastic, angry or emotional tone, you have set up perceptual barriers to communication. The other person or people to whom you are trying to communicate your point get the message that you are disinterested in what you are saying and sort of turn a deaf ear. In effect, you are yelling your point across to person who might as well be deaf![2]

Advertising

The problem: When you have a tone that’s not particularly positive, a body language that denotes your own disinterest in the situation and let your own stereotypes and misgivings enter the conversation via the way you talk and gesture, the other person perceives what you saying an entirely different manner than say if you said the same while smiling and catching their gaze.

The solution: Start the conversation on a positive note, and don’t let what you think color your tone, gestures of body language. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and smile openly and wholeheartedly…

Attitudinal Barrier

Some people, if you would excuse the language, are simply badass and in general are unable to form relationships or even a common point of communication with others, due to their habit of thinking to highly or too lowly of them. They basically have an attitude problem – since they hold themselves in high esteem, they are unable to form genuine lines of communication with anyone. The same is true if they think too little of themselves as well.[3]

The problem: If anyone at work, or even in your family, tends to roam around with a superior air – anything they say is likely to be taken by you and the others with a pinch, or even a bag of salt. Simply because whenever they talk, the first thing to come out of it is their condescending attitude. And in case there’s someone with an inferiority complex, their incessant self-pity forms barriers to communication.

Advertising

The solution: Use simple words and an encouraging smile to communicate effectively – and stick to constructive criticism, and not criticism because you are a perfectionist. If you see someone doing a good job, let them know, and disregard the thought that you could have done it better. It’s their job so measure them by industry standards and not your own.

Language Barrier

This is perhaps the commonest and the most inadvertent of barriers to communication. Using big words, too much of technical jargon or even using just the wrong language at the incorrect or inopportune time can lead to a loss or misinterpretation of communication. It may have sounded right in your head and to your ears as well, but if sounded gobbledygook to the others, the purpose is lost.

The problem: Say you are trying to explain a process to the newbies and end up using every technical word and industry jargon that you knew – your communication has failed if the newbie understood zilch. You have to, without sounding patronizing, explain things to someone in the simplest language they understand instead of the most complex that you do.

The solution: Simplify things for the other person to understand you, and understand it well. Think about it this way: if you are trying to explain something scientific to a child, you tone it down to their thinking capacity, without “dumbing” anything down in the process.[4]

Advertising

Emotional Barrier

Sometimes, we hesitate in opening our mouths, for fear of putting our foot in it! Other times, our emotional state is so fragile that we keep it and our lips zipped tightly together lest we explode. This is the time that our emotions become barriers to communication.[5]

The problem: Say you had a fight at home and are on a slow boil, muttering, in your head, about the injustice of it all. At this time, you have to give someone a dressing down over their work performance. You are likely to transfer at least part of your angst to the conversation then, and talk about unfairness in general, leaving the other person stymied about what you actually meant!

The solution: Remove your emotions and feelings to a personal space, and talk to the other person as you normally would. Treat any phobias or fears that you have and nip them in the bud so that they don’t become a problem. And remember, no one is perfect.

Cultural Barrier

Sometimes, being in an ever-shrinking world means that inadvertently, rules can make cultures clash and cultural clashes can turn into barriers to communication. The idea is to make your point across without hurting anyone’s cultural or religious sentiments.

Advertising

The problem: There are so many ways culture clashes can happen during communication and with cultural clashes; it’s not always about ethnicity. A non-smoker may have problems with smokers taking breaks; an older boss may have issues with younger staff using the Internet too much.

The solution: Communicate only what is necessary to get the point across – and eave your personal sentiments or feelings out of it. Try to be accommodative of the other’s viewpoint, and in case you still need to work it out, do it one to one, to avoid making a spectacle of the other person’s beliefs.[6]

Gender Barrier

Finally, it’s about Men from Mars and Women from Venus. Sometimes, men don’t understand women and women don’t get men – and this gender gap throws barriers in communication. Women tend to take conflict to their graves, literally, while men can move on instantly. Women rely on intuition, men on logic – so inherently, gender becomes a big block in successful communication.[7]

The problem: A male boss may inadvertently rub his female subordinates the wrong way with anti-feminism innuendoes, or even have problems with women taking too many family leaves. Similarly, women sometimes let their emotions get the better of them, something a male audience can’t relate to.

The solution: Talk to people like people – don’t think or classify them into genders and then talk accordingly. Don’t make comments or innuendos that are gender biased – you don’t have to come across as an MCP or as a bra-burning feminist either. Keep gender out of it.

And remember, the key to successful communication is simply being open, making eye contact and smiling intermittently. The battle is usually half won when you say what you mean in simple, straightforward words and keep your emotions out of it.

Reference

Read Next