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Easily Feel Drained? Beware Of These 10 Energy Suckers

Easily Feel Drained? Beware Of These 10 Energy Suckers

Do you find it hard to focus on your day-to-day activities? Do you still feel tired after two cups of coffee? When your mind and body feels drained, it can be hard to complete your work… which will lead you to feel even worse, in a vicious cycle.

What can we do to get back into our normal routine and avoid feeling like this? I’d like to bring you 10 tips right from the Dalai Lama, so we can figure out what’s causing us to feel drained and find solutions to help us bounce back to our former self.

1. Stay with toxic people

bench-sea-sunny-man

    This one is self-explanatory, but so many people have trouble identifying those who are toxic, and those who are not. Whether it’s a friend or a family member, there comes a time when you have to cut them loose. You have your own problems to deal with; adding more stress to your life will only bring you down that much more.

    It’s going to hurt cutting ties with the people you care about, but your mental health will thank you for it. It’ll give you time to rejuvenate! Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Remember: “If you light a lamp for someone else, your own path will also brighten.” A famous quote to live by from the Buddha.

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    2. Grudge but not forgive

    Learning how to forgive people who wrong you is such an important step towards self-growth. If you carry the weight of hate around on your shoulders forever, you’ll start to suffer. Whether they deserve forgiveness or not doesn’t matter. You’re not doing it for them – you’re doing it for you!

    If you learn to forgive someone for the actions and pain they’ve caused in your life, you’ll know what to look out for next time. Forgive, but never forget.

    3. Make promises but fail to keep them

    Pinky swear

      If you’re the type of person that pinky swears you won’t tell a secret, keep that promise. Not only does breaking a promise hurt your friends and family, it gives you a bad name. No one will want be around you if they think you’re untrustworthy.

      Keep promises and don’t be afraid to open up and tell somebody a secret of your own. Trust is a two-way street. It takes forever to build, but can break in a matter of seconds.

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      4. Not pay your bills on time

      No one wants to walk around knowing they owe money to someone else, whether it’s $10 or $10,000. If you borrow money from your friends or family, come up with a date that you will pay them back by. You’d be surprised at how many people would be okay with a “payment plan”. Paying back something as small as $1 will show them that you’re trying to pay them back for all they’ve done.

      A good motto you should follow is “Don’t owe anyone anything”. Treat others the way you wish to be treated, and the world will be a much better place.

      5. Try to control of everything in life

      We are constantly looking for the next big thing to happen. Whether that means buying a home, getting married, having children or becoming the next big CEO of a corporation. If you can’t stop to smell the coffee every now and again, your life is going to fly by faster than you’d like. Take each day with a grain of salt. Work towards your goals, but take time to enjoy each improvement you make.

      Accept your life, your choices and the people in it. Everyone is working towards a better future and everyone deserves to take a break to see just how far they’ve come. Remember this: you navigate your own ship. Go with the waves and avoid going “full steam ahead” all the time.

      6. Keep pleasing everyone but not yourself

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          Too many people worry about what someone else thinks of them. If you spend your life trying to please everyone else, you’ll never please the most important person: you. Don’t worry about following the crowd. Do things for you and you alone.

          If you love knitting, find a unique pattern and knit your day away. If you love pottery, create beautiful handmade pieces that you can give as gifts. Show off what you love! Chances are, more and more people will follow in your example.

          7. Forget the importance of being healthy

          Your body and mind rely on your good health. Work towards becoming a better version of you every day. If you’re overweight, start doing small exercises to get you back on track. If you’re addicted to smoking, try to limit yourself to a few cigarettes a day until you can go a full day without any.

          If you don’t pay attention to how your body is feeling, it will shut down. Mental, physical and emotional health should be worked on each and every day. Start small and work your way up.

          8. Keep clutter with you
          Declutter your life

            If you feel like your life is cluttered all the time, rearrange everything! Go through your home and move furniture around. Go through your computer and delete files you no longer need. Use space-saving techniques to make more room in your home.

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            Work on decluttering your life at least two or three times every month. If you want to declutter your mind, you must first declutter your life. That’s so powerful I’ll say it again:

            If you want to declutter your mind, you must first declutter your life.

            9. Not do the right things at the right time

            Throughout your life you will learn that there is a time and place for everything. There are times where you should act immediately. These times include (but are certainly not limited to) going shopping when you run out of food, continuing your education (even if you believe you know everything there is to know) and getting to work on time.

            There are also times where you need to rest. These times include (but again are not limited to) after a long day at work, after exercising and after a hard day. So many people believe that working harder and pushing yourself will keep you from becoming lazy. The truth is, you need a lazy day every now and again. Your brain will turn into mush if you work it too hard! Give yourself (and your brain) a rest.

            10. Trapped by your fears

            This is something that everybody struggles with. Facing your fears is harder than it looks on your favorite TV show. It takes a lot of courage, guts, and knowledge to do. If someone is hurting you, confront them. If they refuse to listen to you, cut them out of your life. Do not allow a bully to rule your mind.

            Don’t wait for the answers to fall into your lap. Be an adult and stand up for yourself (and others) when you need to. You have the ability and strength to fight your demons, you just need to look around.

            What do you think you need to do in order to stop feeling so drained? Have you tried anything from the list above? Did it work? Let me know in the comments below!

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            Bill Widmer

            Content Marketing Expert

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            Published on April 7, 2021

            6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

            6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

            Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

            While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

            1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

            Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

            If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

            In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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            2. They Make Everything Transactional

            Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

            For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

            Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

            A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

            Some statements to be wary of include:

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            • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
            • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
            • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
            • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

            3. They Criticize Everything

            One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

            However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

            Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

            • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
            • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
            • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
            • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

            4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

            We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

            For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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            This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

            5. They Socially Isolate You

            Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

            Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

            This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

            In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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            6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

            It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

            Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

            Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

            • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
            • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
            • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
            • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

            Final Thoughts

            It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

            More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

            Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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