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Discover 3 Ways To Refresh, Relax, and Rest

Discover 3 Ways To Refresh, Relax, and Rest

You need to rest.

You need to take time to be away.

And that is perfectly OK.

We live in a continuous, no break, rapid need for information world. A fast paced, hurried world where the ‘early’ bird is often the most compensated which supports the concept of continuous work.

However, there is a danger that exists with the concept of never slowing down, resting, or relaxing to recalibrate or refresh one’s focus. In addition, the mindset that equates activities (hurried pace) with progress must be avoided at all cost. To anyone, overwhelmed by the sheer pace (madness) of deadlines and deliverables, I have good news for you.

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First, do not panic.
Second, give yourself permission.
Third, go ahead and hit the pause, rest or reset button.

If you practice those steps, you will discover very quickly that: You are your biggest challenge. The greatest obstacle is the individual with the busy schedule, to dos, responsibilities, etc.

Rest

Rest provides solitude.
It is during rest that one’s perspective is renewed.
Rest provides a habitat for the soul and mind to ponder, reflect and recalibrate.

The popular psalm 23, highlights the effect of rest and mentions the role of the good shepherd who makes the sheep lie down in green pastures, beside quiet waters where the soul is refreshed.

Rest provides an escape and this quote sufficiently captures my thought.

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“In order to have focus, we need to escape to focus.”
—  Greg McKeown

The Modem Story

Here’s a brief true story that further highlighted this lesson for me, after numerous attempts to fix my modem a few years ago, I gave in and called the technical support helpline for assistance. It was a call I dreaded because I imagined that the call would be a waste of my time.

Boy, was I so wrong!

This is a fairly simple and common problem, I recalled him stating as he instructed me to turn off the modem, disconnect from the power source, and wait for a few minutes.

That’s it? Seriously??

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Cross roads

That got me thinking… If we are being honest, we will all admit that we’ve been at some crossroads on the journey (career, business, family, etc) and the intent, objective or purpose so articulately defined and readily embraced is often a blur.

For my modem, that re-start was the main difference between success and failure (inability to function). Some of the benefits of restarting include allowing the system to catch up, clearing out hung signals, dead and stale traffic.

Do not forget that even ‘reliable’ machines have a maintenance cycle.

So today and beyond, I want to challenge anyone who is uptight, nervous, pent up, stuck, busy, hung-up, overwhelmed, and troubled to give themselves permission to re-start their system. In essence, hit the restart button and clear out the old, stale remnants of yesterday and the dead weights from the failures, delays, disappointments and missed opportunities. So here are three things to do.

FIRST, UNPLUG
This means learning to turn off devices, gadgets, and everything that easily distracts. The physical process of separating from the routine of the day and life.

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SECOND, DISCONNECT
This is a mental process that engages the mind to slowly unwind. Have a plan and approach for handling distractions such as a simple out of office message or a voice mail directing people during your absence.

THIRD, STEP AWAY
Perhaps the most difficult of the three as it involves a conscious and continuous decision to relax by doing nothing sometimes or something totally unrelated to one’s normal actions such as reading a good book.

Remember, the words of a wise King Solomon who declared the ideal type of rest as being the one that leads to life, contentment and freedom from trouble.

That’s the rest you need.

More by this author

Dr. Flo

Executive Director, Hybrid Leadership Institute

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Last Updated on September 17, 2018

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

7 Signs of an Unhappy Relationship That Makes You Feel Stuck

Relationships are complicated and when you’re unhappy, it can be difficult to tell what’s causing it and what needs to change.

Sometimes it’s as easy as opening up to your partner about your problems, while other times it may be necessary to switch partners or roll solo to get your mind straight.

When you’re in the thick of things, it can be difficult to tell if you’re unhappy in your relationship or just unhappy in general (in which case, a relationship may be just the cure you need).

Here’re signs of an unhappy relationship that is possibly making you feel stuck:

1. You’re depressed about your home life.

No matter what you do in life, you’re going to have good and bad days. Your relationship is no different.

However, no matter what you’re going through at home, you have to feel comfortable in your own home.

If you constantly dread going home because your significant other is there, there’s a problem. Maybe it’s something you already know about, everyone has an argument or just needs some alone time.

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When that yearning to be alone becomes an insatiable obsession over the course of months and years, it’s time to realize you’re not the exception to the rule.

You’re unhappy in your relationship, and you need to take a look in the mirror and do whatever it takes to make yourself smile.

2. You aren’t comfortable being yourself.

Remember all those things you discovered about yourself when you first got together? The way your partner made you feel when you met that made you fall in love with him or her in the first place.

If they don’t make you feel that way anymore, it’s not the end of the world. If your partner makes you uncomfortable about being you, then her or she is only dragging you down. It’s up to you to decide how to handle that.

You need to be comfortable with who you are. This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you.

If the person who supposedly loves you doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, know that you can do better. They’re not even one in a billion.

3. You can’t stop snooping.

Mutual trust is necessary in any relationship. The only way to get that trust is with respect.

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I can find you anywhere online, no matter how private and secure you think you are. The odds of you having a password I can’t crack are slim. If we’ve met in person, I could install a remote key logger on your device without even touching it.

Finding your information online hardly takes a clandestine organization. Any idiot with a Wi-Fi-enabled device can cyberstalk you. I’m just the only idiot in the village admitting it.

So now that we know everyone snoops, it’s time to address your personal habits. Governments snoop because they don’t trust us. If you’re snooping on your partner, it’s because you don’t trust them.

It’s ok to have doubts, and it’s perfectly normal to look into anything that looks weird, but keep in mind that data collection is only half of an investigation.

If you find yourself constantly snooping and questioning everything, clearly there’s a trust issue and the relationship likely needs to end.

4. You’re afraid of commitment.

If you’ve been dating longer than a year and you aren’t engaged, it’s never going to happen.

Commitment is important. People will come up with a million ways to describe why they can’t be committed.

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No matter who you are if you like it, you need to put a ring on it. Find an engagement ring, stick a gemstone in it and marry the person. If you’re not legally able to get married or you don’t believe in it for one reason or another, have a child (or adopt one, however you’re able to) or treat your partner’s family like your own. It’s a huge financial and mental commitment.

If you’re not ready for one or the other after some time, don’t waste anymore of your precious life on the relationship.

Your relationship should be something that propels you forward. If it’s not going anywhere, make it an open relationship and call it what it is—dating multiple people.

5. You imagine a happier life without your partner.

If all you’re doing is imagining a happier life without your partner, it’s a sign that you’re in the wrong relationship. You’re unhappy and you need to get out.

Your partner should be included in your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a future with someone.

Try to remember what you dreamed of before you got your heart broken by the realities of life, love and the pursuit of human success.

Remember when you would crush on that cute kid in class? You would secretly imagine marrying him or her and going on an adventure—that’s the way life should be.

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If you’re not at least imagining adventures together, then why are you in that relationship?

6. You resent, rather than love your partner.

When a relationship starts to crumble, you begin to resent your partner for all the things you once loved about him or her.

When you’ve reached this point, your partner has reached at least No. 2 on this list. From your partner’s perspective, your unhappiness with them is picked up as bashing them for being who they are.

If you’re both unhappy in the relationship, it’s better if it ends as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7. You chase past feelings.

It’s okay to reminisce about the past, but if all you do is wish things were like they used to be, it’s a sign you’re not on the right path.

You’re unhappy and, at the very least, you need to have an open dialogue about it. This isn’t necessarily a sign that the relationship should end, but it definitely needs a spark.

When you talk to your partner candidly about what it is you’re looking for, you never know how they’ll react. The risk alone is worth it, good or bad.

Final thoughts

If you’re feeling stuck in your current relationship, it’s time to reflect about it with your partner. Don’t ignore these signs of an unhappy relationship as they will slowly go worse and harm both you and your partner in long-term.

Featured photo credit: josh peterson via unsplash.com

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