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4 Things You can Do to Turn Your Kids Into High Achievers

4 Things You can Do to Turn Your Kids Into High Achievers

I recently talked to a friend who’s raising a boy about different parenting methods and he said that he doesn’t give the whole thing much thought; after all, his parents let him bang his head all he wanted and he turned out to be just fine.

That is true and he is quite a character, but I disagree with his ignorance regarding parenting. Although you shouldn’t keep your kid under a glass bell and prevent them from experience the good and the bad in the world, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t guide them towards a concrete goal – to make your children high achievers.

Raising my girl has so far been a very rich experience for me and I expect nothing less than that in the future. She showed various talents and aspirations and I’m very satisfied with where she’s headed, which is why I’d like to share several things I have learned so far.

1. An Early Start

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    It’s never too early to start this process. Some parents neglect their careers in order to devote their full time and attention to raising a high achiever and I believe this is a mistake – the fact that you have a child doesn’t mean you should stop being a complete person.

    A very important thing here is balance. Investing everything you have in your child’s future will put a lot of pressure on them and that is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode sooner or later. It is possible to mold a brilliant mind without it snapping.

    So, keep your career, don’t put all the weight of the world on your child’s back, but do pay close attention to their development by keeping track of affinities they manifest during all kinds of activities like precise coloring, extra developed motor skills, etc. That way, your kid will be aware of their capacities very early, which is a major confidence boost, and confidence plays a very important role in molding your child into a high achiever.

    2. Creative Upbringing Methods

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      Most parents present themselves as an authority figure and they never leave that position. If you consider doing this, you should know that “Because I said so” won’t work forever. In fact, you can be sure that it will cause rebellion at an early age and there’s very little you can do about that in case you don’t change.

      No, you shouldn’t be just friends with your child because they do need a guide, but you can be a parent/friend, which I believe is a perfect balance. As soon as your child starts talking and their sentences start to make sense, everything you two do together should be a matter of agreement. If you want them to clean their room, explain why that is necessary – that simple.

      Also, the old reward/punishment system should be upgraded a bit, because it’s not all black and white in parenting. Naturally, you should teach your child that bad actions have their consequences and that being helpful and productive has its reward, but there’s so much more to parenting than this.

      3. Learning Is Fun

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      I love to read

        Which brings me to my next point – you can and should indulge your child’s curiosity. Allow them to try as many things possible and enable them to discover the world by themselves and experience as much as possible – with your supervision, obviously. Children’s minds are like sponges and they gather absolutely everything they see, feel, smell, taste and touch.

        Acting this way and introducing them to the world in this manner will enable them to lower confusion levels maximally, boost their confidence even more and help them develop resourcefulness, which is a magnificently useful tool to have.

        You should also explore the meaning of a growth mindset and try to plant this kind of approach into your child’s mind, because it will enable them to look at problems as a challenge that requires a unique solution and not as something that causes anxiety and frustration.

        4. Freedom of Choice

        This is a part I’d like to emphasize because it is a common mistake a lot of parents out there make. You must have had daydreams about what you want your child to be when he or she grows up, but you should make peace with the fact that they are not an extension of you that exists to fulfill your long-lost aspirations.

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        It would be nice if your child actually turns out to be a healthcare expert who invents a medicine, an extremely talented dancer who charms the whole world with the elegance of movement or a legend of football who will go right down in history. A truly successful high achiever needs to do what they actually enjoy doing.

        The bottom line is that you want your child to be happy, so don’t forget to enable them to have a careless childhood and this is something that slips parents’ minds very often. Basically, you should introduce discipline and hard work without presenting them as must-do obligations and shower them with affection and support whenever possible – this is a balance you need to strive towards.

        Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/photos/ZSrgSSGJiQs via pexels.com

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        Ivan Dimitrijevic

        Ivan is the CEO and founder of a digital marketing company. He has years of experiences in team management, entrepreneurship and productivity.

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        Published on August 15, 2019

        15 Tips for an Overwhelmed Working Mom to Feel Better

        15 Tips for an Overwhelmed Working Mom to Feel Better

        As an overwhelmed working mom, you get a lot of intelligent ideas from magazines, friends and the internet about how to manage work, children, and a household.

        Unfortunately, you may still feel exhausted and insufficient at work and home despite the advice to organize, cook efficiently and pamper yourself .

        How great would it be to wake up tomorrow knowing that you can begin to feel better without all of those overwhelmed feelings?

        The sensation of feeling overwhelmed when you wear a lot of hats: mom, professional, household manager, partner, friend, etc. has its roots in reality. You are absolutely doing a lot of important jobs. But here’s the thing:

        If feeling overwhelmed has become your knee-jerk or chronic reaction, this emotion is now literally a part of you that needs your attention so that you can move forward more confidently.

        If helping yourself sounds too difficult, never fear. These tips come straight from therapy and neuroscience to hack into your nervous system. You will learn deeper ways to calm down and feel more confident about yourself, your life and your choices.

        1. Breathe and Notice What Your Body Feels like Inside and Out

        By using body-centered therapy techniques, you can better understand your overwhelmed feelings and offer accurate and practical help.

        As you’ll learn, when you feel stressed out, your thinking brain is not your best resource. In fact, simply thinking about and bolstering your efforts to “get rid” of overwhelmed feelings might actually make them worse.

        The first step to help when you feel overwhelmed is to simply slow down and breathe. This does not mean that you should suddenly take in huge gulps of air or breathe rapidly. That will send you into panic!

        Breathe normally and naturally. Make your breath comfortably slow, extending the exhale. Count 5 to 10 breaths.

        2. Get a Little Curious

        Ask yourself: How do I know I’m overwhelmed? Close your eyes or soften your gaze if you are able. Imagine shifting your awareness from your outside world and sending it into your body along with your breath.

        You might notice the signals right away. For example: My chest is tight, my heart is beating rapidly and there’s a sense of frustrated energy in my legs and arms. Or you might just hear some words like: I’m freaking out, failing or cannot do it!

        If it’s possible, get a little curious about this sensation. Consider that while it may be a big feeling, you probably have other parts of you that feel differently.

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        3. Offer Some Loving Care to Stressed-Out Parts of You

        Richard Schwartz, developer of Internal Family Systems Therapy defines our personalities as made up of sub-parts that interact within us. This explains why a “part” of you can feel one way and yet, you have another part that feels differently.[1]

        Gently acknowledging the part of you that feels overwhelmed and offering it some support and compassion (as you would a frightened child) can soothe your body and mind. “I’ve got you,” is a great mantra to breathe in when you’re overwhelmed.

        4. Get Smart About Your Wise Nervous System

        You may have heard of the “gut” brain or “body” brain. The science of Polyvagal Theory shows that the entire nervous system impacts how you think and feel – not just your thinking mind.

        In fact, did you know that your wise nervous system generally picks up information from your environment before your brain can interpret it?[2]

        When you feel overwhelmed, just one tiny cue of “danger” felt in your nervous system is often the unconscious trigger that tips you from busy but competent to feeling freaked out and exhausted.

        This cue could be as simple as a song on the radio that feels overly-stimulating, a child’s bad mood (even if it has nothing to do with you) or your spouse forgetting an unimportant errand.

        5. Remind Yourself That a Feeling Can Just Be a Feeling

        When you’re feeling agitated, your physical body is naturally on high alert. Any information or stimulation you receive at these times will feel overwhelming.

        This is not your fault, but it is helpful to understand that usually, when you feel like you’re not good enough, it is not objectively true. Your mind may just be creating a reason for the signals of danger coming from your body.

        Allow your body to feel without making a negative judgement about yourself or your life. This technique will help you break the cycle of feeling overwhelmed, then creating negative thought about the feeling resulting in overwhelming yourself even more.

        6. Learn Your Most Common Unconscious Responses to Stress

        Why is this important? When you feel stressed, you probably respond unconsciously in the same ways throughout your life.

        For some, too much stress will quickly create a numb, hopeless sensation. For others, the thought that life is just “too much” leads to bouts of panic or anger. Still, others might freeze completely, feeling highly anxious but not able to do much at all.

        From a biological perspective, all of these experiences are pretty normal. When you recognize that your body’s reactions are not faulty or foolish, it’s much easier to reassure yourself and move forward confidently.

        7. Exercise the Part of Your Nervous System That Provides Wellbeing and Social Connection

        Did you know that you can actually tone your ventral vagal nerve, the nerve responsible for feelings of safety and social connection?[3]

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        As often as you are able, allow yourself to linger on your favorite memories that invoke feelings of wellbeing, connection to loved ones, times of beauty in nature or your favorite memories of pets or places. Use all of your sense to really feel the experience in your body.

        By doing this, you’re activating and toning your ventral vagus nerve as you might tone your muscles. Make a kind of “body bookmark” of these purely content sensations to which you can return when stressed.

        This practice may feel silly, like an indulgence or even a fantasy. But it is supported by science and is important for you to create a strong and healthy response to stressors.

        8. Give Baby Parts a Break

        No part of you is trying to hurt you. But parts of us do feel extreme feelings and carry burdens from our past.

        For example, if you are feeling overworked in the present, it may activate parts of your personality that felt similarly earlier in life. Deep anger, fear, resentment or sadness provide a signal to you that something from your past could benefit from your attention.

        I know this may sound strange, but the next time you feel very overwhelmed, take a breath and notice if you feel like a child trying to do an adult’s job. If so, spend a moment calmly and compassionately reminding all of your inner child parts that you are indeed grown, capable and doing something appropriate.

        9. Address Critical Messages You Give Yourself

        What do you hear yourself saying to yourself when you feel overwhelmed? You may notice parts of you that sound critical or even cruel.

        Statements like “I’ll never catch up,” “Why do I try,” or “I can’t do anything right,” are very common to hear when you’re under stress. Believe it or not, these inner messages are likely misguided protective parts of your personality.

        These parts are normal and try to help you by “whipping you into shape” so you won’t fail, alerting you about scared feelings inside, or avoiding shock or disappointment by anticipating how others might criticize you.

        If it’s possible, acknowledge these parts as protective. Maybe express a bit of gratitude. Notice how the critical voices inside you, even though they likely mean well, cause exhaustion and even more stress.

        When you acknowledge these messages inside, letting them know they are part of you and you see their positive intention, the critical messages calm.

        10. Take Small Moments to Express Gratitude

        Everyone is talking about gratitude, I know. But there are good reasons for this trend.

        More and more studies about gratitude show valid connections between gratitude and lowered stress and mental health. A 2018 multi-university research study concluded that gratitude not only has direct effects on quality of life, but also has indirect effects through perceived stress and mental health.[4]

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        There are many reasons that gratitude impacts our nervous systems in positive ways, but the best way to discover this impact is to simply try it yourself.

        Take a minute each day to write down one to three things for which you feel grateful. These can be large or small, important or trivial, but they must be true. Make this a habit and watch your stress-relief grow.

        Or you can try some of these 40 Simple Ways To Practice Gratitude.

        11. Play with Time

        In Gay Hendrick’s 2010 book The Big Leap, he talks about the concept of Einstein time vs. Newtonian time.

        Newtonian time is the clock time we all watch all day. Einstein time is more about what you make with your moments, realizing that your perception can slow or speed time up.

        For example, if you are spending time with someone you love and doing something you enjoy, time moves very quickly. Conversely, if you are doing a miserable job in uncomfortable weather, each second can feel like an eternity.

        The next time you feel stressed for time, take a slow breath and remind yourself that you make time. Time belongs to you. Then, enjoy the pace and do what you need to do. With practice, this little tool will become valuable for overcoming the mental pressure of time.

        12. Don’t Be Tricked by Perfection

        When you’re in the thick of raising children and working, sometimes nervous energy presents as perfectionism. In an effort to feel in control, you may make arbitrary but unreasonable goals for yourself that feel like they are necessary or true.

        Make a quick inventory of every job you are expecting of yourself and your family. Now question it all. What is really important and what is just preferable? What jobs can be left to someone else’s discretion, done well-enough by the children or dropped completely?

        Keep any jobs that give you joy and do them joyfully. Let go of jobs that feel like standards or expectations with little or no payoff. Save them for retirement if you like.

        13. Give Yourself Credit for Quality Time with Your Kids

        Think of the time you spend relaxing with and enjoying your children as a $100,000 per hour job. Very small amounts are still incredibly valuable.

        Showing your children that they are important is just as likely to happen in a ten-minute game of catch as in a whole day at the water park. A shared snack time, a book before bed, a half hour away from your phone to allow loving eye contact with your babes adds up to a lifetime of security and wonderful memories.

        Imagine your child someday saying, “Mom worked hard, but she always had time to hug me, to hear about my day, and to offer me guidance. I always knew that I mattered to her.”

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        14. Meditate for One Minute a Day

        Yes, you may do more. But if you can’t afford any more than one minute, go ahead and sit comfortably, breathe and be in your body for this time. It’s such a simple but powerful exercise and the kids can do it too.

        While you meditate, notice your loving heart. What does it need from you today — patience, compassion, creativity, caring, play? Remember to show up for yourself and you will show up for your work and your family as well.

        15. Guard and Celebrate Sleep

        From tinies to teens, there are many unavoidable reasons that kids interrupt your sleep.

        Here’s the thing: Unexpected sleeplessness due to childhood growth or illness is normal and not easy to control. If you are feeling overwhelmed, though, sleep is crucial.

        There are two things you can do to improve your mindset toward sleep so that you set yourself up for confidence rather than collapse.

        One, prioritize and protect your sleep time. If you tend to wait until the kids go to sleep to complete work or finally relax, that’s okay. But don’t let these activities cut into your sleep time.

        Given the choice between another load of laundry, Words With Friends, binge watching Game of Thrones or eight hours of sleep, consistently choose sleep.

        Two, appreciate and express gratitude for any sleep you get. Sometimes, it’s impossible to get seven or eight hours of sleep. However, allow yourself to enjoy any time when you are laying in a comfy space allowing your body to rest and repair.

        When you wake up saying “I didn’t get enough sleep last night,” you put your mind on alert that there is something lacking. This thinking alone can trigger feelings of overwhelm.

        Set your nervous system up for success by appreciating any amount of rest.

        Final Thoughts

        Life as a working mom is not an easy one. Overwhelmed feelings are natural and normal but, they can take over and cause chronic stress and dissatisfaction.

        Allow yourself just a few moments a day to reorganize your thoughts and feelings using the steps above. You’ll soon discover your calm and capable self.

        Take a lesson from your growing children: small changes create big results now and in the future.

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        Featured photo credit: Bruno Nascimento via unsplash.com

        Reference

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