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Unwanted Situations Will Keep Happening Until You Learn Your Lesson

Unwanted Situations Will Keep Happening Until You Learn Your Lesson

We often forget this simple fact that learning is a lifelong process. As soon as we open our eyes to this world, we begin to learn how to get our basic needs fulfilled. Then as we age, we make attachments and learn how to associate feelings with people.

One vital part of our human learning process is making mistakes. It’s only after falling down or failing that we realise how to pick up the pieces and put them back together. But often when we encounter trouble, we lose our optimism and faith before succumbing to circumstance.

But simply submitting to these situations is not the solution. Instead, we should choose to grow, learning what went wrong and becoming wiser for the future. If you give into unwanted situations and don’t look for the lesson it is trying to teach you, you’ll be trapped in a cycle of pestering situations.

Beware the Lure Social Acceptance

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    As human beings, we are social creatures and naturally seek social approval. Sometimes we can go to an extreme extent to get that approval, without realising the degree of pain we put others through. And once we receive the approval we crave, the pressure doubles as we struggle to maintain this position in the hierarchy.

    At this point, we often forget the truth of our existence. We would be nothing without the people who helped us climb the ladder of life. But hurting people during this process can become a habit and with no remorse, or even a compulsion. But this doesn’t lead to true happiness, loneliness will always linger. This is something I did not realise until last summer.

    Learning From My Failures

    I had always been a very carefree and casual human. As a child, I was highly pampered and babied by my parents, specifically my mother. We were four siblings, two sisters and two brothers. All four of us were very different. My siblings had something against me from the very beginning, for obvious reasons. I didn’t care much at the time since I’d already gained a whole bunch of new friends.

    As I grew up, I was filled with self-esteem, confidence and high self-worth. A people’s person, as they called me, I was always in the centre of the spotlight at every gathering, meeting and party. I cultivated an interest in music and along with four of my friends, formed a rock band that proved to be extremely successful and (almost) famous. I fell in love with popularity and recognition. Out of jealousy, my “old-time” friends were no longer around.

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      But right at the peak of my happiness, I started losing people. My siblings had long abandoned me, which I never really cared about. Then due to some unforeseen circumstances, our rock band and our raging popularity seemed to shatter.

      Now I can see clearly it was not a circumstance that broke our band, it was my brash attitude towards life and people. It was not jealousy that repelled my ‘old-time’ friends; it was my crude behaviour towards them. I became so self-absorbed that I never cared how others felt because of my conduct. If I had bothered to stop my brothers and sisters from leaving, I may have learned the lesson of life and avoided this destructive process.

      Discover the Root Cause and Break the Chain

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        People tend to overlook the subtle signs life gives us as lessons, this prevents us from breaking these vicious circles of unwanted situations. We often attribute our flaws to misfortune or bad luck and fail to recognise the real faults that lie without ourselves.

        A rough conduct is the biggest culprit. It made me so blind to my own faults that I continued committing mistakes without taking responsibility for my actions. And not just that, if we fail to recognise the lessons life wants to teach us, these undesirable situations simply repeat themselves.

        The communication gap is another huge factor that contributes to this issue. We must always remember that communication is a two-way process. It happens between two people and compliance from both the sides is required. Communication distortion can lead to serious errors in expression, a disaster for our relationships. Most of these conflicts can be traced back to our relationships. People can become haughty and arrogant because of miscommunication, miss the cues and cause serious clashes. It’s arrogance that then prevents them from correcting their mistakes, so it seems they never learn.

        Grasp the Lessons Life is Trying To Teach You

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          Every one of us creates our own set of moral values and principles. They become the ethics and code of conduct we follow throughout life. While we are born with some values, others are pushed in by our parents and the society. These values determine our thought process, perception and attitude towards everything we come across. But it’s essential to keep an open mind, so new experiences can lead to new skills and proficiencies.

          Committing a mistake is not the end of the world, in fact, it’s entirely natural. But succumbing to the situation only stalls your  learning curve. Stat open minded and accept mistakes as the lessons they are. If you can comprehend what exactly went wrong, it’s a valuable life experience. To prevent these unwanted situations from repeating themselves, you need to face the consequences. You’ll learn a lot about yourself in the process!

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          Published on May 4, 2021

          How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

          How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

          They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

          In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

          How to Spot Fake People?

          When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

          Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

          1. Full of Themselves

          Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

          Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

          2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

          Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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          It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

          3. Zero Self-Reflection

          To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

          Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

          4. Unrealistic Perceptions

          Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

          A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

          5. Love Attention

          As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

          6. People Pleaser

          Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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          Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

          7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

          Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

          8. Crappy friend

          Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

          It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

          The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

          How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

          It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

          There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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          1. Boundaries

          Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

          2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

          Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

          3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

          If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

          4. Ask for Advice

          If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

          Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

          5. Dig Deeper

          Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

          Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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          6. Practice Self-Care!

          Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

          Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

          Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

          Final Thoughts

          Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

          We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

          More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

          Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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