Advertising
Advertising

Unwanted Situations Will Keep Happening Until You Learn Your Lesson

Unwanted Situations Will Keep Happening Until You Learn Your Lesson

We often forget this simple fact that learning is a lifelong process. As soon as we open our eyes to this world, we begin to learn how to get our basic needs fulfilled. Then as we age, we make attachments and learn how to associate feelings with people.

One vital part of our human learning process is making mistakes. It’s only after falling down or failing that we realise how to pick up the pieces and put them back together. But often when we encounter trouble, we lose our optimism and faith before succumbing to circumstance.

But simply submitting to these situations is not the solution. Instead, we should choose to grow, learning what went wrong and becoming wiser for the future. If you give into unwanted situations and don’t look for the lesson it is trying to teach you, you’ll be trapped in a cycle of pestering situations.

Beware the Lure Social Acceptance

Advertising

smoker-1209493_1280

    As human beings, we are social creatures and naturally seek social approval. Sometimes we can go to an extreme extent to get that approval, without realising the degree of pain we put others through. And once we receive the approval we crave, the pressure doubles as we struggle to maintain this position in the hierarchy.

    At this point, we often forget the truth of our existence. We would be nothing without the people who helped us climb the ladder of life. But hurting people during this process can become a habit and with no remorse, or even a compulsion. But this doesn’t lead to true happiness, loneliness will always linger. This is something I did not realise until last summer.

    Learning From My Failures

    I had always been a very carefree and casual human. As a child, I was highly pampered and babied by my parents, specifically my mother. We were four siblings, two sisters and two brothers. All four of us were very different. My siblings had something against me from the very beginning, for obvious reasons. I didn’t care much at the time since I’d already gained a whole bunch of new friends.

    As I grew up, I was filled with self-esteem, confidence and high self-worth. A people’s person, as they called me, I was always in the centre of the spotlight at every gathering, meeting and party. I cultivated an interest in music and along with four of my friends, formed a rock band that proved to be extremely successful and (almost) famous. I fell in love with popularity and recognition. Out of jealousy, my “old-time” friends were no longer around.

    Advertising

    concert-768722_1280

      But right at the peak of my happiness, I started losing people. My siblings had long abandoned me, which I never really cared about. Then due to some unforeseen circumstances, our rock band and our raging popularity seemed to shatter.

      Now I can see clearly it was not a circumstance that broke our band, it was my brash attitude towards life and people. It was not jealousy that repelled my ‘old-time’ friends; it was my crude behaviour towards them. I became so self-absorbed that I never cared how others felt because of my conduct. If I had bothered to stop my brothers and sisters from leaving, I may have learned the lesson of life and avoided this destructive process.

      Discover the Root Cause and Break the Chain

      Advertising

      beautiful-820950_1280

        People tend to overlook the subtle signs life gives us as lessons, this prevents us from breaking these vicious circles of unwanted situations. We often attribute our flaws to misfortune or bad luck and fail to recognise the real faults that lie without ourselves.

        A rough conduct is the biggest culprit. It made me so blind to my own faults that I continued committing mistakes without taking responsibility for my actions. And not just that, if we fail to recognise the lessons life wants to teach us, these undesirable situations simply repeat themselves.

        The communication gap is another huge factor that contributes to this issue. We must always remember that communication is a two-way process. It happens between two people and compliance from both the sides is required. Communication distortion can lead to serious errors in expression, a disaster for our relationships. Most of these conflicts can be traced back to our relationships. People can become haughty and arrogant because of miscommunication, miss the cues and cause serious clashes. It’s arrogance that then prevents them from correcting their mistakes, so it seems they never learn.

        Grasp the Lessons Life is Trying To Teach You

        Advertising

        girl-1562025_1280

          Every one of us creates our own set of moral values and principles. They become the ethics and code of conduct we follow throughout life. While we are born with some values, others are pushed in by our parents and the society. These values determine our thought process, perception and attitude towards everything we come across. But it’s essential to keep an open mind, so new experiences can lead to new skills and proficiencies.

          Committing a mistake is not the end of the world, in fact, it’s entirely natural. But succumbing to the situation only stalls your  learning curve. Stat open minded and accept mistakes as the lessons they are. If you can comprehend what exactly went wrong, it’s a valuable life experience. To prevent these unwanted situations from repeating themselves, you need to face the consequences. You’ll learn a lot about yourself in the process!

          More by this author

          How to Make Learning Fun for Adults 3 Home Exercises To Fix Your Rounded Shoulders In One Month When You Drink Water On An Empty Stomach After Waking Up, These 8 Amazing Things Will Happen 20 Rules to Live by for Those Who Want to Lose 10 Pounds in 3 Weeks 7 Reasons You Should Thank The Second Language You Learned

          Trending in Communication

          1 Why Am I So Sad? 9 Possible Causes You Shouldn’t Ignore 2 How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace 3 10 Things That Even You Can Do to Change the World 4 5 Ways to Get Out of a Bad Mood (Backed by Psychology) 5 How a Gratitude Journal Can Drastically Change Your Life

          Read Next

          Advertising
          Advertising
          Advertising

          Last Updated on December 4, 2020

          How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

          How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace

          We all crave constructive feedback. We want to know not just what we’re doing well but also what we could be doing better.

          However, giving and getting constructive feedback isn’t just some feel-good exercise. In the workplace, it’s part and parcel of how companies grow.

          Let’s take a closer look.

          Why Constructive Feedback Is Critical

          A culture of feedback benefits individuals on a team and the team itself. Constructive feedback has the following effects:

          Builds Workers’ Skills

          Think about the last time you made a mistake. Did you come away from it feeling attacked—a key marker of destructive feedback—or did you feel like you learned something new?

          Every time a team member learns something, they become more valuable to the business. The range of tasks they can tackle increases. Over time, they make fewer mistakes, require less supervision, and become more willing to ask for help.

          Boosts Employee Loyalty

          Constructive feedback is a two-way street. Employees want to receive it, but they also want the feedback they give to be taken seriously.

          If employees see their constructive feedback ignored, they may take it to mean they aren’t a valued part of the team. Nine in ten employees say they’d be more likely to stick with a company that takes and acts on their feedback.[1]

          Strengthens Team Bonds

          Without trust, teams cannot function. Constructive feedback builds trust because it shows that the giver of the feedback cares about the success of the recipient.

          However, for constructive feedback to work its magic, both sides have to assume good intentions. Those giving the feedback must genuinely want to help, and those getting it has to assume that the goal is to build them up rather than to tear them down.

          Promotes Mentorship

          There’s nothing wrong with a single round of constructive feedback. But when it really makes a difference is when it’s repeated—continuous, constructive feedback is the bread and butter of mentorship.

          Advertising

          Be the change you want to see on your team. Give constructive feedback often and authentically, and others will naturally start to see you as a mentor.

          Clearly, constructive feedback is something most teams could use more of. But how do you actually give it?

          How to Give Constructive Feedback

          Giving constructive feedback is tricky. Get it wrong, and your message might fall on deaf ears. Get it really wrong, and you could sow distrust or create tension across the entire team.

          Here are ways to give constructive feedback properly:

          1. Listen First

          Often, what you perceive as a mistake is a decision someone made for a good reason. Listening is the key to effective communication.

          Seek to understand: how did the other person arrive at her choice or action?

          You could say:

          • “Help me understand your thought process.”
          • “What led you to take that step?”
          • “What’s your perspective?”

          2. Lead With a Compliment

          In school, you might have heard it called the “sandwich method”: Before (and ideally, after) giving difficult feedback, share a compliment. That signals to the recipient that you value their work.

          You could say:

          • “Great design. Can we see it with a different font?”
          • “Good thinking. What if we tried this?”

          3. Address the Wider Team

          Sometimes, constructive feedback is best given indirectly. If your comment could benefit others on the team, or if the person whom you’re really speaking to might take it the wrong way, try communicating your feedback in a group setting.

          You could say:

          Advertising

          • “Let’s think through this together.”
          • “I want everyone to see . . .”

          4. Ask How You Can Help

          When you’re on a team, you’re all in it together. When a mistake happens, you have to realize that everyone—not just the person who made it—has a role in fixing it. Give constructive feedback in a way that recognizes this dynamic.

          You could say:

          • “What can I do to support you?”
          • “How can I make your life easier?
          • “Is there something I could do better?”

          5. Give Examples

          To be useful, constructive feedback needs to be concrete. Illustrate your advice by pointing to an ideal.

          What should the end result look like? Who has the process down pat?

          You could say:

          • “I wanted to show you . . .”
          • “This is what I’d like yours to look like.”
          • “This is a perfect example.”
          • “My ideal is . . .”

          6. Be Empathetic

          Even when there’s trust in a team, mistakes can be embarrassing. Lessons can be hard to swallow. Constructive feedback is more likely to be taken to heart when it’s accompanied by empathy.

          You could say:

          • “I know it’s hard to hear.”
          • “I understand.”
          • “I’m sorry.”

          7. Smile

          Management consultancies like Credera teach that communication is a combination of the content, delivery, and presentation.[2] When giving constructive feedback, make sure your body language is as positive as your message. Your smile is one of your best tools for getting constructive feedback to connect.

          8. Be Grateful

          When you’re frustrated about a mistake, it can be tough to see the silver lining. But you don’t have to look that hard. Every constructive feedback session is a chance for the team to get better and grow closer.

          You could say:

          • “I’m glad you brought this up.”
          • “We all learned an important lesson.”
          • “I love improving as a team.”

          9. Avoid Accusations

          Giving tough feedback without losing your cool is one of the toughest parts of working with others. Great leaders and project managers get upset at the mistake, not the person who made it.[3]

          Advertising

          You could say:

          • “We all make mistakes.”
          • “I know you did your best.”
          • “I don’t hold it against you.”

          10. Take Responsibility

          More often than not, mistakes are made because of miscommunications Recognize your own role in them.

          Could you have been clearer in your directions? Did you set the other person up for success?

          You could say:

          • “I should have . . .”
          • “Next time, I’ll . . .”

          11. Time it Right

          Constructive feedback shouldn’t catch people off guard. Don’t give it while everyone is packing up to leave work. Don’t interrupt a good lunch conversation.

          If in doubt, ask the person to whom you’re giving feedback to schedule the session themselves. Encourage them to choose a time when they’ll be able to focus on the conversation rather than their next task.

          12. Use Their Name

          When you hear your name, your ears naturally perk up. Use that when giving constructive feedback. Just remember that constructive feedback should be personalized, not personal.

          You could say:

          • “Bob, I wanted to chat through . . .”
          • “Does that make sense, Jesse?”

          13. Suggest, Don’t Order

          When you give constructive feedback, it’s important not to be adversarial. The very act of giving feedback recognizes that the person who made the mistake had a choice—and when the situation comes up again, they’ll be able to choose differently.

          You could say:

          • “Next time, I suggest . . .”
          • “Try it this way.”
          • “Are you on board with that?”

          14. Be Brief

          Even when given empathetically, constructive feedback can be uncomfortable to receive. Get your message across, make sure there are no hard feelings, and move on.

          Advertising

          One exception? If the feedback isn’t understood, make clear that you have plenty of time for questions. Rushing through what’s clearly an open conversation is disrespectful and discouraging.

          15. Follow Up

          Not all lessons are learned immediately. After giving a member of your team constructive feedback, follow it up with an email. Make sure you’re just as respectful and helpful in your written feedback as you are on your verbal communication.

          You could say:

          • “I wanted to recap . . .”
          • “Thanks for chatting with me about . . .”
          • “Did that make sense?”

          16. Expect Improvement

          Although you should always deliver constructive feedback in a supportive manner, you should also expect to see it implemented. If it’s a long-term issue, set milestones.

          By what date would you like to see what sort of improvement? How will you measure that improvement?

          You could say:

          • “I’d like to see you . . .”
          • “Let’s check back in after . . .”
          • “I’m expecting you to . . .”
          • “Let’s make a dent in that by . . .”

          17. Give Second Chances

          Giving feedback, no matter how constructive, is a waste of time if you don’t provide an opportunity to implement it. Don’t set up a “gotcha” moment, but do tap the recipient of your feedback next time a similar task comes up.

          You could say:

          • “I know you’ll rock it next time.”
          • “I’d love to see you try again.”
          • “Let’s give it another go.”

          Final Thoughts

          Constructive feedback is not an easy nut to crack. If you don’t give it well, then maybe it’s time to get some. Never be afraid to ask.

          More on Constructive Feedback

          Featured photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com via unsplash.com

          Reference

          Read Next