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Why It’s Difficult To Love People Who Don’t Love Themselves

Why It’s Difficult To Love People Who Don’t Love Themselves

It can be very difficult to love people who don’t love themselves. When you love someone, you want to tell them how amazing they are, but often people who don’t love themselves struggle to hear compliments. They will push the compliments away, and this can be painful for the other person to experience.

When you are in love, you want your partner to love themselves as much as you love them. Here are five reasons why it is difficult to love people who don’t love themselves.

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1. It Can Make Communication Difficult

Conversations can become difficult if you are in love with a person who doesn’t love them-self, as they can read into what you are saying too much and assume the worst. This can be frustrating, but it is normally just them projecting their own inadequacies onto their partner. For example, you might compliment a smart idea that they had and they will take this as a patronizing comment or a lie. This makes them defensive, even though you were being honest and kind.

2. It Is Hard To Care For Someone Who Doesn’t Care For Themselves

Over time, it can become frustrating to love someone who doesn’t love them-self. If you say anything nice to them, such as “you look nice today,” they will immediately insult themselves, saying “No I don’t – I feel really ugly today.” This is frustrating because you spend time and energy trying to make them smile and it never has the intended effect.

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3. People Who Don’t Love Themselves Can Become Overly Dependent

If your partner often feels sad and down, they may start to rely on you to cheer them up. While this is normal in small amounts, it is unhealthy to rely on only one person for happiness. It can also result in them becoming clingy or dependent, as they are worried that you will leave them and then their “happiness” will be gone.

4. It Is Frustrating To Be With Someone Who Rejects Your Help

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, you will try to help them start because it is difficult to watch someone you love suffer. However, their self-loathing existed before they knew you, and often they will reject your help. This can be difficult, as you know that they could choose to take your help, but they won’t.

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5. It Can Destroy The Trust In The Relationship

People who don’t love themselves don’t understand why other people love them; they worry that their partner will “realize” that they are difficult and break up with them. This can make it difficult to establish a trusting bond, as one person is permanently worried that the other person will leave.

What Should You Do If You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love Them-self?

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, it is normally a good indicator that you are a caring and loving person. You enjoy helping others, which is why you weren’t initially put off by their self-loathing. If you believe that you can help your partner, sit down with them and have a conversation about helping them to love them-self. If they are willing to work on their problems, you can still have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

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However, if you feel tired and drained by the relationship, it is probably an unhealthy relationship. In this case, it is unlikely that your partner will change. Ask yourself these questions: Do I truly believe that my partner will change? Are they aware that I am unhappy? Do they care?

Don’t sacrifice your own happiness for someone who is going to be unhappy either way. Remember that you are not responsible for them; they are, and you are responsible for yourself.

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Amy Johnson

Freelance writer, editor and social media manager.

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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