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Why It’s Difficult To Love People Who Don’t Love Themselves

Why It’s Difficult To Love People Who Don’t Love Themselves

It can be very difficult to love people who don’t love themselves. When you love someone, you want to tell them how amazing they are, but often people who don’t love themselves struggle to hear compliments. They will push the compliments away, and this can be painful for the other person to experience.

When you are in love, you want your partner to love themselves as much as you love them. Here are five reasons why it is difficult to love people who don’t love themselves.

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1. It Can Make Communication Difficult

Conversations can become difficult if you are in love with a person who doesn’t love them-self, as they can read into what you are saying too much and assume the worst. This can be frustrating, but it is normally just them projecting their own inadequacies onto their partner. For example, you might compliment a smart idea that they had and they will take this as a patronizing comment or a lie. This makes them defensive, even though you were being honest and kind.

2. It Is Hard To Care For Someone Who Doesn’t Care For Themselves

Over time, it can become frustrating to love someone who doesn’t love them-self. If you say anything nice to them, such as “you look nice today,” they will immediately insult themselves, saying “No I don’t – I feel really ugly today.” This is frustrating because you spend time and energy trying to make them smile and it never has the intended effect.

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3. People Who Don’t Love Themselves Can Become Overly Dependent

If your partner often feels sad and down, they may start to rely on you to cheer them up. While this is normal in small amounts, it is unhealthy to rely on only one person for happiness. It can also result in them becoming clingy or dependent, as they are worried that you will leave them and then their “happiness” will be gone.

4. It Is Frustrating To Be With Someone Who Rejects Your Help

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, you will try to help them start because it is difficult to watch someone you love suffer. However, their self-loathing existed before they knew you, and often they will reject your help. This can be difficult, as you know that they could choose to take your help, but they won’t.

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5. It Can Destroy The Trust In The Relationship

People who don’t love themselves don’t understand why other people love them; they worry that their partner will “realize” that they are difficult and break up with them. This can make it difficult to establish a trusting bond, as one person is permanently worried that the other person will leave.

What Should You Do If You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love Them-self?

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, it is normally a good indicator that you are a caring and loving person. You enjoy helping others, which is why you weren’t initially put off by their self-loathing. If you believe that you can help your partner, sit down with them and have a conversation about helping them to love them-self. If they are willing to work on their problems, you can still have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

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However, if you feel tired and drained by the relationship, it is probably an unhealthy relationship. In this case, it is unlikely that your partner will change. Ask yourself these questions: Do I truly believe that my partner will change? Are they aware that I am unhappy? Do they care?

Don’t sacrifice your own happiness for someone who is going to be unhappy either way. Remember that you are not responsible for them; they are, and you are responsible for yourself.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on January 21, 2020

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

How to Motivate People Around You and Inspire Them

If I was a super hero I’d want my super power to be the ability to motivate everyone around me. Think of how many problems you could solve just by being able to motivate people towards their goals. You wouldn’t be frustrated by lazy co-workers. You wouldn’t be mad at your partner for wasting the weekend in front of the TV. Also, the more people around you are motivated toward their dreams, the more you can capitalize off their successes.

Being able to motivate people is key to your success at work, at home, and in the future because no one can achieve anything alone. We all need the help of others.

So, how to motivate people? Here are 7 ways to motivate others even you can do.

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1. Listen

Most people start out trying to motivate someone by giving them a lengthy speech, but this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others. The best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are. If it’s something you want to encourage, then continue through these steps.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are the best way to figure out what someone’s dreams are. If you can’t think of anything to ask, start with, “What have you always wanted to do?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

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“What makes you so excited about it?”

“How long has that been your dream?”

You need this information the help you with the following steps.

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3. Encourage

This is the most important step, because starting a dream is scary. People are so scared they will fail or look stupid, many never try to reach their goals, so this is where you come in. You must encourage them. Say things like, “I think you will be great at that.” Better yet, say, “I think your skills in X will help you succeed.” For example if you have a friend who wants to own a pet store, say, “You are so great with animals, I think you will be excellent at running a pet store.”

4. Ask About What the First Step Will Be

After you’ve encouraged them, find how they will start. If they don’t know, you can make suggestions, but it’s better to let the person figure out the first step themselves so they can be committed to the process.

5. Dream

This is the most fun step, because you can dream about success. Say things like, “Wouldn’t it be cool if your business took off, and you didn’t have to work at that job you hate?” By allowing others to dream, you solidify the motivation in place and connect their dreams to a future reality.

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6. Ask How You Can Help

Most of the time, others won’t need anything from you, but it’s always good to offer. Just letting the person know you’re there will help motivate them to start. And, who knows, maybe your skills can help.

7. Follow Up

Periodically, over the course of the next year, ask them how their goal is going. This way you can find out what progress has been made. You may need to do the seven steps again, or they may need motivation in another area of their life.

Final Thoughts

By following these seven steps, you’ll be able to encourage the people around you to achieve their dreams and goals. In return, you’ll be more passionate about getting to your goals, you’ll be surrounded by successful people, and others will want to help you reach your dreams …

Oh, and you’ll become a motivational super hero. Time to get a cape!

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Featured photo credit: Thought Catalog via unsplash.com

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