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Why It’s Difficult To Love People Who Don’t Love Themselves

Why It’s Difficult To Love People Who Don’t Love Themselves

It can be very difficult to love people who don’t love themselves. When you love someone, you want to tell them how amazing they are, but often people who don’t love themselves struggle to hear compliments. They will push the compliments away, and this can be painful for the other person to experience.

When you are in love, you want your partner to love themselves as much as you love them. Here are five reasons why it is difficult to love people who don’t love themselves.

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1. It Can Make Communication Difficult

Conversations can become difficult if you are in love with a person who doesn’t love them-self, as they can read into what you are saying too much and assume the worst. This can be frustrating, but it is normally just them projecting their own inadequacies onto their partner. For example, you might compliment a smart idea that they had and they will take this as a patronizing comment or a lie. This makes them defensive, even though you were being honest and kind.

2. It Is Hard To Care For Someone Who Doesn’t Care For Themselves

Over time, it can become frustrating to love someone who doesn’t love them-self. If you say anything nice to them, such as “you look nice today,” they will immediately insult themselves, saying “No I don’t – I feel really ugly today.” This is frustrating because you spend time and energy trying to make them smile and it never has the intended effect.

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3. People Who Don’t Love Themselves Can Become Overly Dependent

If your partner often feels sad and down, they may start to rely on you to cheer them up. While this is normal in small amounts, it is unhealthy to rely on only one person for happiness. It can also result in them becoming clingy or dependent, as they are worried that you will leave them and then their “happiness” will be gone.

4. It Is Frustrating To Be With Someone Who Rejects Your Help

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, you will try to help them start because it is difficult to watch someone you love suffer. However, their self-loathing existed before they knew you, and often they will reject your help. This can be difficult, as you know that they could choose to take your help, but they won’t.

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5. It Can Destroy The Trust In The Relationship

People who don’t love themselves don’t understand why other people love them; they worry that their partner will “realize” that they are difficult and break up with them. This can make it difficult to establish a trusting bond, as one person is permanently worried that the other person will leave.

What Should You Do If You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Love Them-self?

If you love someone who doesn’t love them-self, it is normally a good indicator that you are a caring and loving person. You enjoy helping others, which is why you weren’t initially put off by their self-loathing. If you believe that you can help your partner, sit down with them and have a conversation about helping them to love them-self. If they are willing to work on their problems, you can still have a happy and fulfilling relationship.

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However, if you feel tired and drained by the relationship, it is probably an unhealthy relationship. In this case, it is unlikely that your partner will change. Ask yourself these questions: Do I truly believe that my partner will change? Are they aware that I am unhappy? Do they care?

Don’t sacrifice your own happiness for someone who is going to be unhappy either way. Remember that you are not responsible for them; they are, and you are responsible for yourself.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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