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Sometimes You Still Love The Person But You Have To Let Go

Sometimes You Still Love The Person But You Have To Let Go

It is that struggle that makes the final release feel so freeing, so life-affirming, and it is what makes us stronger

Love is a tricky thing if we find ourselves standing on the giving, but not receiving side of it. Sometimes it feels as though someone is literally cutting us into pieces when we are stuck loving someone who has moved on. This emotion can truly consume a person. Every thought, every action or inaction, and every moment is taking up precious life as we try to hold on to those who have walked away. Think of it like a giant boulder that is tied to your leg. You cannot move forward easily as you drag that boulder behind you. If you do happen to get an inch ahead that boulder is still tied to you. It becomes a giant conversation piece when you wish that it would become invisible. Cutting the ties to that boulder is the only way that it will ever become invisible. It seems like such a simple thing, but anyone who has ever had that boulder tied to them knows the real struggle of letting go. It is that struggle that makes the final release feel so freeing, so life-affirming, and it is what makes us stronger.

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If we do not learn to let go then we are asking for trouble. Holding on to someone that has let us go is unhealthy. This behavior is not only mentally unhealthy but can be physically unhealthy as well. Stress is the silent poison that sneaks up on even the strongest of persons and breaks them down into a sick pile of goo. Holding on to someone that has let us go puts our bodies in a constant state of stress, which leaves us vulnerable to every creepy, crawling germ out there.

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There are many different psychological theories on why we are all resistant to change and this also means resistant to letting go. One theory that is brought up in Behavioral Psychology is the resistance to extinction. This simply means that even though a person that we love is no longer in the picture we still refuse to give up the behavior of loving them. Something is still hanging on in us that reinforces that type of behavior. This reinforcement could come from old photographs or even old text messages that we know we should delete but for the purpose of holding on to the one we love, we keep them. Keeping this type of reinforcement hinders a person’s ability to move forward in life.

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We are creatures of comfort that comes from a habit that has been built over time

Fear of letting go and moving forward is another problem that many of us encounter even if we are not aware of it. We are creatures of comfort that comes from a habit that has been built over time, and undoing that habit is frightening as it takes us out of our comfort zone. In reality that zone is not that comforting and in fact it can be very painful. Facing reality is just one step to letting go and healing. There are a few tried and true methods that help to get over the fear barrier and face reality. Therapy is one of those methods that will work for facing any obstacle that we may encounter in life. In therapy we get to talk to a person about our problems confidentially and this person even has unbiased help to offer us. Writing things down is another common practice that people use to help them break through barriers. Writing down goals that do not include self-delusions of getting the other person back or changing certain things about us for that other person are helpful. Of course replacing one not so comfortable habit with a healthier habit is also helpful in moving on in life. Our bodies would love us if we suddenly dropped down to do sit-ups each time that other person entered our heads.

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Replace the old habit of loving someone who does not return the emotion with a habit that is beneficial to our health and our lives

The old saying that life is short is undeniably true. We can either spend our lives being miserable, holding on to poisonous ideas and notions, or make this life one that has been lived to the fullest. Taking the time to work through the barriers that keep us tied to someone who has turned away from us is one step in creating a life that has been well lived. Making goals, short term and long, can give us direction. Replacing the old habit of loving someone who does not return the emotion with a habit that is beneficial to our health and our lives is an excellent way to recover from the heartbreak. Be strong, be vigilant, and one day you will wake up and you will be happy. You will find a calming peace within yourself, the moment that you do let go. Your time and life will be your very own to do absolutely anything that you put your minds to, once you leave the poisonous thoughts that consume behind.

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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