Advertising
Advertising

Sometimes You Still Love The Person But You Have To Let Go

Sometimes You Still Love The Person But You Have To Let Go

It is that struggle that makes the final release feel so freeing, so life-affirming, and it is what makes us stronger

Love is a tricky thing if we find ourselves standing on the giving, but not receiving side of it. Sometimes it feels as though someone is literally cutting us into pieces when we are stuck loving someone who has moved on. This emotion can truly consume a person. Every thought, every action or inaction, and every moment is taking up precious life as we try to hold on to those who have walked away. Think of it like a giant boulder that is tied to your leg. You cannot move forward easily as you drag that boulder behind you. If you do happen to get an inch ahead that boulder is still tied to you. It becomes a giant conversation piece when you wish that it would become invisible. Cutting the ties to that boulder is the only way that it will ever become invisible. It seems like such a simple thing, but anyone who has ever had that boulder tied to them knows the real struggle of letting go. It is that struggle that makes the final release feel so freeing, so life-affirming, and it is what makes us stronger.

Advertising

If we do not learn to let go then we are asking for trouble. Holding on to someone that has let us go is unhealthy. This behavior is not only mentally unhealthy but can be physically unhealthy as well. Stress is the silent poison that sneaks up on even the strongest of persons and breaks them down into a sick pile of goo. Holding on to someone that has let us go puts our bodies in a constant state of stress, which leaves us vulnerable to every creepy, crawling germ out there.

Advertising

There are many different psychological theories on why we are all resistant to change and this also means resistant to letting go. One theory that is brought up in Behavioral Psychology is the resistance to extinction. This simply means that even though a person that we love is no longer in the picture we still refuse to give up the behavior of loving them. Something is still hanging on in us that reinforces that type of behavior. This reinforcement could come from old photographs or even old text messages that we know we should delete but for the purpose of holding on to the one we love, we keep them. Keeping this type of reinforcement hinders a person’s ability to move forward in life.

Advertising

We are creatures of comfort that comes from a habit that has been built over time

Fear of letting go and moving forward is another problem that many of us encounter even if we are not aware of it. We are creatures of comfort that comes from a habit that has been built over time, and undoing that habit is frightening as it takes us out of our comfort zone. In reality that zone is not that comforting and in fact it can be very painful. Facing reality is just one step to letting go and healing. There are a few tried and true methods that help to get over the fear barrier and face reality. Therapy is one of those methods that will work for facing any obstacle that we may encounter in life. In therapy we get to talk to a person about our problems confidentially and this person even has unbiased help to offer us. Writing things down is another common practice that people use to help them break through barriers. Writing down goals that do not include self-delusions of getting the other person back or changing certain things about us for that other person are helpful. Of course replacing one not so comfortable habit with a healthier habit is also helpful in moving on in life. Our bodies would love us if we suddenly dropped down to do sit-ups each time that other person entered our heads.

Advertising

Replace the old habit of loving someone who does not return the emotion with a habit that is beneficial to our health and our lives

The old saying that life is short is undeniably true. We can either spend our lives being miserable, holding on to poisonous ideas and notions, or make this life one that has been lived to the fullest. Taking the time to work through the barriers that keep us tied to someone who has turned away from us is one step in creating a life that has been well lived. Making goals, short term and long, can give us direction. Replacing the old habit of loving someone who does not return the emotion with a habit that is beneficial to our health and our lives is an excellent way to recover from the heartbreak. Be strong, be vigilant, and one day you will wake up and you will be happy. You will find a calming peace within yourself, the moment that you do let go. Your time and life will be your very own to do absolutely anything that you put your minds to, once you leave the poisonous thoughts that consume behind.

More by this author

Daydreaming Indicates A Well-Equipped Brain, Study Says How Weight Lifting Can Change The Structure Of Your Brain, Science Explains Weight Lifting Might Lead To 46% Reduced Risk Of Death Applying Vicks On Your Feet Can Clear Cough? Experts Explain To The Babies Who’ve Gone to Heaven, You Won’t be Alone

Trending in Communication

1 How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 3 Ways to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind to Reach Your Goals 4 Practical Advice for Overcoming Problems in INFP Relationships 5 How to Live up to Your Full Potential and Succeed in Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

Advertising

It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

Advertising

3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

Advertising

Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

Advertising

6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

Read Next