Advertising
Advertising

5 Reasons Why “Lonely” Seems To Be The Hardest Word (And Why We Should Be Saying It)

5 Reasons Why “Lonely” Seems To Be The Hardest Word (And Why We Should Be Saying It)

We’ve all felt it. That empty feeling in your stomach. The thought of hours or days ahead of you with no company but yourself. That restless feeling, like you’re in a little bubble that you’re afraid might implode at any minute. You may even have felt it when you’re surrounded by people. No matter how hard we try and fight it, we all feel alone sometimes. So why do we find that so hard to admit to each other? Even to ourselves?

The answer is important. Loneliness has been shown to be very significant in the deterioration of our physical and mental health, and it can have a huge impact on lifespan. In short, being lonely for extended periods of time does no good for you or for society as a whole. So let’s bust some loneliness myths right now. After all, no man (or woman) is an island!

1. We think it shows weakness (but it doesn’t)

This is one of the biggest reasons we suffer in silence from depression, from loneliness, from anything that life throws at us that we “should” be able to handle. We seem to have a need to soldier on through feeling low, and a lot of us would rather carry on in silent misery than face the shame of admitting it to another person.

The fact is you don’t need a right to feel lonely. It can happen at any time in your life. Whether you’re young, old, whether you’ve just had a child or whether you’re at college surrounded by people, you can still feel alone. To admit it can make you feel weak and unworthy at the time, but the truth is it will actually make you stronger. Admitting that you’re going through a tough time is a strength, not a weakness.

2. We don’t want to burden others (but we won’t)

26878763011_7b0fc55c8f_b

    Photo credit: Loneliness via photopin (license)

    When we’re feeling lonely, we assume that everyone else has more exciting stuff going on in their lives than us. Whether this is true or not, we convince ourselves that we shouldn’t hassle them. The last thing we want is for people to spend time with us out of pity. So instead of reaching out and asking someone over for dinner or a glass of wine, we hide behind pride and make ourselves lonelier.

    But hang on one second — if you think about it, how many times when a friend has called us have we thought “oh no not them again?” Most of the time, we are delighted to hear from that person because we’re feeling the same way ourselves.

    It’s easy to assume other people have these exciting lives and are too busy for us. Most of the time, it’s just not the case.

    Having said that…

    3. We’re living busy lives (so slow down)

    In our fast-paced society, it can be easy to be lonely even when you’re surrounded by people. Yes, it’s true that you are working with people all day, but how often in your day do you make meaningful connections? How many times do you open up about yourself to another person rather than letting them just see the surface version of you?

    Going through the motions and hiding behind a mask can make you feel like a living ghost. Not taking the time to really listen or contemplate conversations and the people around you is equal to walking around in a bubble. No wonder you’re feeling lonely. Slow down and take the time to listen and connect with people. It will make the world of a difference.

    4. We live on our keypads (so give someone a call!)

    24927534446_ae54329770_k

      Photo credit: Communication Centre via photopin (license)

      With all the technology at our fingertips, it can be easy to rely on our phones and laptops as the sole form of communication with our friends and family. After all, it’s easier to send a quick Whatsapp or update our Facebook status than it is to pick up the phone and call someone. But in keeping everything digital, we are losing out on a vital part of human connection. Being able to hear someone’s voice and reactions or see them in person goes a long way to helping you feel less lonely. It reminds us that someone cares about us and wants to know how our day has been. It allows us to feel connected to another human in a much more natural way than looking at words on a screen.

      5. We are scared of it (but it shows we’re human)

      11961206266_29e24ef46d_k

        Photo credit: Christophe Leung via Flickr

        The biggest reason we don’t want to tell anyone we’re lonely is because we don’t want to admit it to ourselves. Sometimes, it’s easier to mask it by being really busy, and then when we are alone finding any distraction we can — movies/the internet/drinking. The thing about that is it will always catch up with you eventually. It is far more helpful to admit it to yourself — “Oh hey, yep, I think I’m lonely.” — and work out how you’re going to deal with it.

        How to deal with loneliness

        Step 1: Just accepting it is a big step. It’s okay to be lonely. We’re human and we all get lonely sometimes.

        Step 2: Know that it will pass. Although it may feel like it, you won’t be lonely for the rest of your life. Feelings come and go, like people, and sometimes loneliness is a natural emotion signaling that you need to change something to move onto the next stage.

        Step 3: Do something about it. Even if it’s something small like making a dinner date with a friend or joining a local club. Doing something about it will make you feel more positive and in control of the situation. Remember that there are millions of other humans out there that want to make connections too. This proves that you should never feel ashamed to feel lonely.

        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via hd.unsplash.com

        More by this author

        11 Truths About Depression That Everyone Should Understand 5 Reasons Why “Lonely” Seems To Be The Hardest Word (And Why We Should Be Saying It) 5 Reasons That Walking Is the Best Meditation

        Trending in Health

        1 10 Weight Loss Tips to Help You Lose Weight the Easy Way 2 How to Get More Energy for an Instant Morning Boost 3 15 Most Effective and Nutritious Healthy Foods to Lose Weight 4 5 Reasons Why Overusing Hand Sanitizer Isn’t Good For You 5 5 Best Calcium Supplements That Work Beyond Bone Health

        Read Next

        Advertising
        Advertising
        Advertising

        Last Updated on September 18, 2020

        7 Simple Rules to Live by to Get in Shape in Two Weeks

        7 Simple Rules to Live by to Get in Shape in Two Weeks

        Learning how to get in shape and set goals is important if you’re looking to live a healthier lifestyle and get closer to your goal weight. While this does require changes to your daily routine, you’ll find that you are able to look and feel better in only two weeks.

        Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to get in shape. Although anyone can cover the basics (eat right and exercise), there are some things that I could only learn through trial and error. Let’s cover some of the most important points for how to get in shape in two weeks.

        1. Exercise Daily

        It is far easier to make exercise a habit if it is a daily one. If you aren’t exercising at all, I recommend starting by exercising a half hour every day. When you only exercise a couple times per week, it is much easier to turn one day off into three days off, a week off, or a month off.

        If you are already used to exercising, switching to three or four times a week to fit your schedule may be preferable, but it is a lot harder to maintain a workout program you don’t do every day.

        Be careful to not repeat the same exercise routine each day. If you do an intense ab workout one day, try switching it up to general cardio the next. You can also squeeze in a day of light walking to break up the intensity.

        Advertising

        If you’re a morning person, check out these morning exercises that will start your day off right.

        2. Duration Doesn’t Substitute for Intensity

        Once you get into the habit of regular exercise, where do you go if you still aren’t reaching your goals? Most people will solve the problem by exercising for longer periods of time, turning forty-minute workouts into two hour stretches. Not only does this drain your time, but it doesn’t work particularly well.

        One study shows that “exercising for a whole hour instead of a half does not provide any additional loss in either body weight or fat”[1].

        This is great news for both your schedule and your levels of motivation. You’ll likely find it much easier to exercise for 30 minutes a day instead of an hour. In those 30 minutes, do your best to up the intensity to your appropriate edge to get the most out of the time.

        3. Acknowledge Your Limits

        Many people get frustrated when they plateau in their weight loss or muscle gaining goals as they’re learning how to get in shape. Everyone has an equilibrium and genetic set point where their body wants to remain. This doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve your fitness goals, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you are struggling to lose weight or put on muscle.

        Advertising

        Acknowledging a set point doesn’t mean giving up, but it does mean realizing the obstacles you face.

        Expect to hit a plateau in your own fitness results[2]. When you expect a plateau, you can manage around it so you can continue your progress at a more realistic rate. When expectations meet reality, you can avoid dietary crashes.

        4. Eat Healthy, Not Just Food That Looks Healthy

        Know what you eat. Don’t fuss over minutia like whether you’re getting enough Omega 3’s or tryptophan, but be aware of the big things. Look at the foods you eat regularly and figure out whether they are healthy or not. Don’t get fooled by the deceptively healthy snacks just pretending to be good for you.

        The basic nutritional advice includes:

        • Eat unprocessed foods
        • Eat more veggies
        • Use meat as a side dish, not a main course
        • Eat whole grains, not refined grains[3]

        Advertising

        Eat whole grains when you want to learn how to get in shape.

          5. Watch Out for Travel

          Don’t let a four-day holiday interfere with your attempts when you’re learning how to get in shape. I don’t mean that you need to follow your diet and exercise plan without any excursion, but when you are in the first few weeks, still forming habits, be careful that a week long break doesn’t terminate your progress.

          This is also true of schedule changes that leave you suddenly busy or make it difficult to exercise. Have a backup plan so you can be consistent, at least for the first month when you are forming habits.

          If travel is on your schedule and can’t be avoided, make an exercise plan before you go[4], and make sure to pack exercise clothes and an exercise mat as motivation to keep you on track.

          6. Start Slow

          Ever start an exercise plan by running ten miles and then puking your guts out? Maybe you aren’t that extreme, but burnout is common early on when learning how to get in shape. You have a lifetime to be healthy, so don’t try to go from couch potato to athletic superstar in a week.

          If you are starting a running regime, for example, run less than you can to start. Starting strength training? Work with less weight than you could theoretically lift. Increasing intensity and pushing yourself can come later when your body becomes comfortable with regular exercise.

          Advertising

          7. Be Careful When Choosing a Workout Partner

          Should you have a workout partner? That depends. Workout partners can help you stay motivated and make exercising more fun. But they can also stop you from reaching your goals.

          My suggestion would be to have a workout partner, but when you start to plateau (either in physical ability, weight loss/gain, or overall health) and you haven’t reached your goals, consider mixing things up a bit.

          If you plateau, you may need to make changes to continue improving. In this case it’s important to talk to your workout partner about the changes you want to make, and if they don’t seem motivated to continue, offer a thirty day break where you both try different activities.

          I notice that guys working out together tend to match strength after a brief adjustment phase. Even if both are trying to improve, something seems to stall improvement once they reach a certain point. I found that I was able to lift as much as 30-50% more after taking a short break from my regular workout partner.

          Final Thoughts

          Learning how to get in shape in as little as two weeks sounds daunting, but if you’re motivated and have the time and energy to devote to it, it’s certainly possible.

          Find an exercise routine that works for you, eat healthy, drink lots of water, and watch as the transformation begins.

          More Tips on Getting in Shape

          Featured photo credit: Alexander Redl via unsplash.com

          Reference

          Read Next