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13 Ways To Encourage Curiosity In Children That Most Parents Ignore

13 Ways To Encourage Curiosity In Children That Most Parents Ignore

Do you still think that curiosity killed the cat? After reading this article, you may be rephrasing this idiom to ‘curiosity actually saved the cat’!

Curiosity is what drives us to learn new things, which is why curiosity is essential in the education process. As adults, there are ways to stimulate us to stay curious, but it is critical to encourage curiosity from a very early age too.

According to research conducted by the Association for Psychological Science, curiosity is a big part of academic performance. “If you’re intellectually curious, you’ll go home, you’ll read the books. If you’re perceptually curious, you might go traveling to foreign countries and try different foods” and both of these, explained Sophie von Stumm, co-author of the paper, could help you do better in school.

Many kids are naturally curious and are always actively looking to explore and discover new things. However, I’m sure you know more than one kid who hasn’t developed this instinct to the same degree and it becomes their parents and educators’ role to identify this issue and help them cultivate their curiosity. These are 13 exciting ways to awaken kids’ curiosity that a number of parents may ignore:

1. Change their routine

It is important for kids to have a daily routine but occasional small changes in their daily habits can stimulate their brain to think in different ways, which will provoke curiosity. It can be something as simple as changing the bar of soap they normally use, for foam soap and let them discover the new texture, play with it and determine which they prefer.

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2. Surprise them

Positive surprises can enhance a child’s curiosity. You could leave a good morning note under their pillow, organize a treasure hunt for a snack, or invite someone they like for lunch and don’t tell them until the loved person arrives.

3. ‘Kidnap’ your child from school

If you can take a day off work and ‘kidnap’ your child from school, they will remember it his entire life. You can spend some enjoyable time together: take them to the local bookstore and eat their favorite ice cream. Your child will have such a lovely time that they’ll want to do it again and again. You will need to make clear that it is an exceptional day. Just be sure to know they aren’t missing out on anything that day at school!

4. Bake a cake together

Kids love cake. But not all of them know how to make a cake. Experiencing the process of making a cake – from the ingredients to the final result – can be quite amazing for a child. And, doing it themselves, will awaken all their senses: hearing how to do it, seeing the transformation and colors, touching unusual textures, smelling the cake while it is baking and finally tasting it!

5. Open-ended stories

Reading a tale before bedtime is a good habit to get kids to sleep. However, always reading the same stories can get monotonous. To make it more fun, you can tell them stories with open ends so they can use their imagination to finish the story. Other ways to help them develop their creativity with tales is by asking them to come up with a new title, encourage them to start the story or continue with it. You can also find different ends for the same stories to grab their attention and keep them interested to see what happens this time.

6. Be prepared to answer their questions

Kids are continuously asking questions and sometimes they can be quite tough to answer. To be able to give them a constructive response it is necessary to understand why are they asking that question. For instance, when they ask you ‘why do you have to go to work?’ they don’t want to hear a list of reasons. They have a desire to spend more time with you. Understanding what they really mean will help you clarify their doubts.

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7. Encourage kids to ask (even) more

Curiosity can lead to more curiosity. When your child asks you something like ‘why does it rain?’, you can explain to them the cycle of rain and at the end of your rationalization, you may mention the forms of water without explaining it in detail. If they are interested, it may call their curiosity to ask you more about that subject. This is because if we know nothing about a subject, we cannot be curious about it but as soon as we know a little bit about something, our curiosity is picked up. So encourage more questions!

8. Be the one who asks the questions

By asking questions to your kids, you will pick their brain and make them think about different possible solutions to a problem or matter. Remember always to ask them to give you a reason. Be prepared to hear all sorts of fascinating answers. Some questions ideas are:

“Do you think you are a good friend?”

“Where is your favorite place in the world?”

“If you could invent something that would make life easier for people, what would you invent?”

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“If you had super powers, what would they be?”

“If you had your own country, what would it be called?”

9. Take your kids to an ethnic restaurant

Discovering new cultures is a great way to nurture curiosity. And local food is an excellent way to find out more about a new culture, its flavors, manners, and tradition. Take your kids for a lovely meal in an authentic Japanese, Thai, Indian, Vietnamese or Spanish restaurant, whatever you think they will enjoy more.

10. Travel and visit new places

It is highly recommended to take your kids to a foreign country to experience new cultures, see diverse places and meet new people. Do this as frequently as you can. One of the main reasons why we travel is to satisfy our curiosity and traveling makes us more curious. So getting your kids into this stimulating circle at an early age, will help them get pleasure from visiting new places during their whole live.

11. Encourage your children to study music

You probably already think that it would be good for your kid to learn how to play an instrument, but you may not have thought about the actual reasons behind it.

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Do you know how music affects your brain? We all use either more of our right side or left side of the brain, but people who study music actually tend to use both sides of their brain. This makes them better at lateral thinking, which means being able to solve problems through a creative approach. Having a creative mind will make your child more curious about the world around them.

12. Observe their interests

We all have different interests, and there is proof that we are only predisposed to learn new things when we are interested in them. As a parent, you may observe what your child likes and dislikes, so focus on encouraging his curiosity for those areas of knowledge he prefers.

13. Let your kid be a kid

As a parent, it can sometimes be tough to let your kids do what they want. They can often want to do most inconvenient things. But as long as their latest idea isn’t dangerous, it is better to let them explore the world their own way. At a certain age, toddlers develop the desire to do things by themselves, and it is recommended to let them try. Saying things like “that’s not how you should do it” can negatively affect their curiosity. You may better let them make mistakes and learn from them.

Do you have your own strategies to cultivate curiosity in children? We would love to hear your suggestions.

Featured photo credit: Flickr: Raul Pop via flickr.com

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Maria Onzain

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Published on December 20, 2019

Is Authoritarian Parenting Good or Bad for Your Child?

Is Authoritarian Parenting Good or Bad for Your Child?

Kate sits down to the dinner table and is eager to be a good girl and eat her dinner like her Mom and Dad want her to do. She is a sweet girl who wants the approval of her parents very much. It is not always easy though. During dinner, she stands up and starts to leave the table because she has to use the bathroom. Her Dad yells at her to sit back down. He tells her “we don’t just get up from the dinner table, we wait and ask to be excused after everyone is finished eating.” She begins to protest, wanting to explain that she needs to use the bathroom. Her father becomes more upset with her and yells at her that she is now talking back and she is not allowed to say another word at the dinner table until everyone is finished eating and then she can be excused.

Unfortunately for Kate, she can’t hold it, and she has a little accident because she is too fearful to say a word to her Dad. She doesn’t want to get yelled at anymore. She also knows that in her home, kids don’t have a say. What Mom and Dad say is like words carved into stone. They are strict beyond reason and they will not bend their rules. Therefore, Kate felt that she had no choice in the matter and when she could no longer hold it. There was nothing she could do about it.

Kate’s parents are an example of authoritarian parenting. They are strict, they are not emotionally engaged with their children, and they have very high expectations for their children. This type of parenting style leaves children feeling disconnected from their parents.

Kate wanted to communicate to her parents that she had to use the restroom, but she couldn’t even get her words out because her parents have such strict rules and demands of her. They did not care to hear what she had to say, because upholding their rules was more important to them. In their household, a child’s opinions and feelings do not matter.

This kind of strict parenting is not helpful for children. It can damage a child and leave them with low self-esteem, mental health issues, and doing poor academically among other problems cited by research in Parenting Science.[1]

What Does Authoritarian Parenting Look Like?

In the 1960’s, a researcher and theorist by the name of Baumrind established the well known theory of parenting styles. Those four parenting styles, which are well known today, are authoritarian, authoritative, passive, and neglectful. For proactive parents that are trying hard to be good parents, they will usually lean toward either authoritarian or authoritative.

Authoritarian parenting involves strict parenting and high expectations for children. This can sound reasonable and even like good parenting. However, the strict parenting is often characterized by lack of compassion toward the child, little to no flexibility in rules, and complete control sought over the child’s behavior.

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Parents who use this parenting style believe it is their job to control the will and behavior of their children. An article in Psychology Today explains how authoritarian parents operate:[2]

Authoritarian parents believe that children are, by nature, strong-willed and self-indulgent. They value obedience to higher authority as a virtue unto itself. Authoritarian parents see their primary job to be bending the will of the child to that of authority—the parent, the church, the teacher. Willfulness is seen to be the root of unhappiness, bad behavior, and sin. Thus, a loving parent is one who tries to break the will of the child.

For example, Jake has authoritarian parents. He wants to stay out past curfew on a school night because he has an opportunity to play in a jazz ensemble. He has been playing the saxophone for years and his ambition is to play in a college jazz ensemble.

With Jake still being in high school, his parents have a curfew. On school nights, it is 8:00 pm. This rule is instituted because his parents believe they need to ensure that Jake gets his school work done each night and that he needs to be well rested for school the next day. However, they don’t explain the why of their rules to him, they simply tell him that those are their rules. The jazz ensemble is practicing at 8:00 pm on a Thursday night and they have invited Jake to come play with them. It is a well known group and a huge opportunity for Jake.

Unfortunately, his parents say no. Their authoritarian parenting style is unwavering. He wants to discuss the opportunity and its importance, but his parents will not even entertain the conversation. They stop him mid-sentence and go over their rules again. There is no flexibility.

If Jake’s parents had been authoritative, they would have taken the time to hear out his case and would likely have granted him a later curfew for that one instance. They would see that, although they have a curfew, there are some instances when an opportunity is worth bending the rules. They would ask that he has his homework done before going to play with the group, and that he come home as soon as the practice was finished.

Authoritative parents have rules, but they are also flexible based on reasonable requests for exceptions. The authoritative parents are interested in how their children are thinking and feeling. Conversely, authoritarian parents are not likely to be interested in hearing their child’s thoughts and feelings, because they want to control the will of their child, not come to some middle ground.

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Here are some characteristics of authoritarian parenting:

  • They have strict rules that are unyielding and unwavering. This is often called “heavy handed parenting.”
  • They do not want input from the child about rules. They also feel that the child’s opinion does not matter, because they are the parent thus are the supreme authority over the child.
  • There are severe punishments when rules are broken.
  • There is an emotional disconnection between parent and child, because the parent is not interested in what the child thinks or feels. They are more interested in controlling the behavior of the child and having the child be compliant to their rules.
  • Children are expected to listen to their parents and follow the rules, there are no exceptions. A child that voices their objections will likely be punished for doing so.
  • The parents have high expectations, especially when it comes to compliance of their rules.
  • Parents expect that their child will be obedient and they do not need to explain the “why” of their rules and expectations. Compliance is expected out of sheer obedience, not because the child understands the reasons why the rules are set. Parents do not feel the need to explain why they set their rules.
  • There is a failure to have attached relationships between parent and child because of the overly dominant nature of authoritarian parents and their unwillingness to allow their children to have their own voice or free will.

Authoritarian parents are driven by a belief that they need to control their children. This means controlling their children’s behavior to an extreme. They are inflexible and don’t take into account the child’s desires, emotions, or well-being as being as important to enforcing rules to get the desired outcome. Authoritative parents on the other hand, seek to guide and direct their children instead of control. There is a distinction.

The Problems of Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parenting has many negative consequences to children. Children who are raised in homes with extreme authoritarian parenting are more likely to become dependent on drugs and alcohol, have lower academic performance, and increased mental health issues according to Parenting for Brain.[3] Children who are raised with authoritarian parents are also more likely to have lower self esteem, inability to make decisive choices, and have social skills that are lacking.

When a child is raised to be taught day in and day out that their voice does not matter, then that child will likely be ingrained with that belief. They will not value their own opinions because they have been taught that what they think does not matter and is of no value. This leads to poor self-esteem and low self-worth.

If a child doesn’t believe that their thoughts matter, then what they think about themselves overall is going to be affected. They will not think highly of themselves or believe that what they think, say, or do is of value. This will contribute to low self-esteem long term.

Social skills will suffer because a child who comes from an authoritarian home will be trained to believe that nobody wants to hear their opinion and that relationships are based on compliance.

For example, Judy is raised in an authoritarian home. She is now 18 years old and has her first boyfriend. Anytime that he asks something of her, even if she internally disagrees, she feels that she is supposed to comply and do what he says in order for him to like her and continue wanting to be with her.

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He wants to have sex. She does not feel that she is ready, but she will not voice this to her boyfriend because she doesn’t think that her opinion will matter or that he will want to listen to what she is feeling. She goes along with sex in their relationship to be compliant. She doesn’t want to be punished by disagreeing with not having sex. He says that they are ready for that next step in the relationship and she fears that the consequence of saying no would be that he ends the relationship.

Therefore, she doesn’t even voice her thoughts or feelings on the situation because she doesn’t think they have value or will be heard anyway.

She has been taught by her parents that her opinions and feelings don’t matter. She has learned from the past 18 years with her parents that what matters most is that she is compliant. She gets along with her parents best when she is doing exactly what they want her to do. This is why she feels the need to do the same with her boyfriend.

Going along with his decisions, being compliant, and not voicing her feelings will keep the relationship going and avoid conflict or punishment. The ultimate punishment in her mind would be that he ends the relationship.

With her opinions never being valued by those who she has loved the most (her parents), she has learned that she should not voice her opinion if she wants to keep the other person in the relationship happy. In her mind, because of how she has been raised, compliance overrides all else, and her opinion is meaningless.

However, her boyfriend is not her parents. He is understanding and would want to know how she feels. He wants a long term relationship with her and he loves her so much. His true desire is for her to be happy. He would never want her to have sex if she wasn’t feeling the same way that he was feeling. He would gladly wait and would want to hear what she thinks and feels about taking their relationship to the next level.

Authoritarian parenting methods can inflict great harm on a child. The child becomes emotionally damaged because they grow up believing that their opinions, thoughts, and feelings do not matter. Instead they are taught that compliance and being obedient supersedes all else.

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The Solution

The solution is to move from authoritarian parenting methods to authoritative parenting practices.

Authoritative parenting has been deemed as the best parenting method by researchers, according to Psychology Today. Parents who use authoritative parenting methods have rules for their children, but they are not looking for blind compliance. They recognize that having a relationship with their child is of great importance and therefore valuing the child’s voice, opinions, and thoughts is important.

Authoritative parents seek to guide and direct their children, but they do not seek to control the will of their child.

Parenting Coach Plan explains the foundation of authoritative parenting as the following:[4]

Authoritative parenting can be described as a style of parenting that combines firm limits and clear boundaries with fair and consistent discipline. Authoritative parents are also nurturing, highly-involved, and willing to speak openly with their child regarding expectations and the consequences for failing to meet those expectations. Rules are enforced and fair consequences are put in place for when those rules are broken.

Children raised in authoritative homes follow the rules because they understand the “why” of the rules. They are also bonded to their parents because they are able to talk to their parents openly. This bond helps nurture a positive home environment and a two-way relationship that can last a lifetime.

To learn more about how to be an authoritative parent and how to discipline a child using this parenting method, check out my article:

How to Discipline a Child (The Complete Guide for Different Ages)

Featured photo credit: Xavier Mouton Photographie via unsplash.com

Reference

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