Advertising
Advertising

Is Your Personality Flawed? Learn the 7 Ways to Be More Likable

Is Your Personality Flawed? Learn the 7 Ways to Be More Likable

I study great conversationalists for a living. The best conversationalists are all very likable. The reason many people struggle to acquire/maintain friendships, progress through careers, or find romance is often the result of one thing: their personalities are flawed.

The seven most likable personality traits are listed below. As you read each one, honestly assess whether you fall closer to the likable trait or the opposite side of the spectrum.

Be Humble

Admit your mistakes and don’t brag. Give others credit. Embracing your flaws is disarming. People will warm up to you quickly and more easily identify with you. Don’t be arrogant.

Example: “He’s an amazing artist. I still struggle drawing triangles!”

Advertising

Be Caring And Unselfish

Care about others and what they are saying, doing, and feeling. Ask follow-up questions, and reference something they said in the past. Share and relate to their feelings. Don’t be cold or self-centered.

Example: “You mentioned last month you were thinking of _____, did you end up doing that?”

Be Positive

Not many people enjoy hanging out with Debbie Downer or Eeyore. You increase your odds of being likeable by generally remaining optimistic and looking for the good in life. You will see more good in things simply by trying to see more good. Avoid complaining too much. Don’t be too cynical, negative, or bitter.

Example: “At least we were able to _____.” 

Advertising

Be Enthusiastic

Give your words and expressions some life! You don’t have to be a cheerleader, but if someone tells you some good news, be excited for them. Put some feeling and energy in your voice. Remember, if you aren’t adding energy, you may be unintentionally subtracting from it. Don’t be an Energy Vampire.

Example: “I love your kitchen… it reminds me of _____.”

Be Goal Oriented And Passionate

Have direction in life and be able to share your goals. Working towards goals will increase your inner confidence. People are drawn to success and passion. Develop hobbies and passions. Talk about them. Don’t be overly lazy and uninspiring.

Example: “This weekend, I’m volunteering for _____ / running a _____ / trying to build a _____.” 

Advertising

Be Playful

Lighten up! Humor and playfulness are critical to exceptional conversation, but also the hardest to achieve. For now, don’t be too serious all the time.

Example: “Even if I miss the game, I avoid everyone until I can watch it. I’m actually good at avoiding everyone. If there was a career for professional avoiders, I’d be a very wealthy man by now!” 

Be Flexible

Adapt to changing environments. Don’t turn cranky when something doesn’t go your way. Being flexible means being easy-going and going with the flow of conversation instead of stopping it. Play along with silly jokes. Don’t be rigid or defensive with friends.

Example: “It’s closed? That’s okay, I bet we can find some cool ____ over at _____ too!”

Advertising

Did you discover any traits you need to work on? Are there multiple areas for growth? If you aren’t sure, it helps to ask a friend or confidant. Honestly assessing your strengths and weaknesses now is crucial to improving in the future. When I work with my clients, I always start with non-verbal skills and the seven likable traits. Personality traits are easiest to assess, tweak, and evaluate. Spend some time over the next week thinking about these traits as you interact with others. Systematically work on improving one of the seven traits. Notice what happens. Notice how the other person reacts.

If you want to become more likable, you need to emulate the best. Compared to losing weight or getting rich, improving your personality is easy. You just need to try.

Featured photo credit: istock.com via istockphoto.com

More by this author

Gregory Peart

Gregory is the author of The Conversation Code: How to Upgrade Your Social Skills and Your Life. He regularly teaches adult social skills classes.

How to Have More Entertaining Conversations Is Your Personality Flawed? Learn the 7 Ways to Be More Likable

Trending in Communication

1 5 Powerful Ways for Building Fulfilling Relationships 2 How a Lack of Communication Can Cost Your Career 3 What Makes People Happy? 20 Secrets of “Always Happy” People 4 How to Find Happiness in Your Everyday Life 5 What Is Self Awareness (And How to Increase Yours)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on October 16, 2019

5 Powerful Ways for Building Fulfilling Relationships

5 Powerful Ways for Building Fulfilling Relationships

We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are not fulfilling.

They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth.

Unfortunately, in today’s society, we tend to have shallow, superficial relationships with others, and it’s extremely hard for this kind of relationships to provide anything more than faint satisfaction.

I’d like to show you, based on my experience as a communication and confidence coach, how you can add a significant amount of depth, and thus strength, to your relationships and make your social life a whole lot more meaningful.

Here’re 5 simple yet powerful ways for meaningful relationships building:

1. Meet More People

This is an apparent paradox, but the quality of the people you meet has considerably to do with the quantity of people you meet.

Advertising

If you don’t know a lot of people and you barely meet one or two new people every season of the year, considering the variety of individuals out there, you won’t meet very often people who are a good match with you in terms of personality, interests and values.

And since this natural match plays a huge part in building strong relationships, you’ll just as seldom have the opportunity to develop strong relationships.

Conversely, if you go out a lot, you meet a lot of new people and you constantly expand your social circle, you’re much more likely to meet people you match up well with, and these people have a tremendous potential to become good friends, reliable partners, etc.

This is why it’s important to meet more people.

2. Talk about the Things That Matter To You

A relationship becomes the strongest when two people discover they believe in the same things and have similar interests. It’s these commonalities regarding values and interests that create the strongest emotional connection.

I’ve noticed that many people keep conversations shallow. They talk about trivial stuff such as the weather, what’s on TV, the lives of various movie stars, but they rarely talk about what really matters to them in life. This is a mistake from my perspective, because it’s the perfect method for a relationship to not develop.

Advertising

Talk about the things that truly matter to you and give others a chance to know what you care about and what you believe in. If they believe in the same things and they care about the same things, they’ll eagerly let you know. Thus you’ll find meaningful common ground and you’ll feel more connected.

3. Express Vulnerability

Many people try to come off as perfect. They don’t talk about their failures, they hide their shortcomings and they never say anything that could embarrass them.

This is all just a facade though. You may appear perfect to some, but you know you’re not perfect and they know that too. You’re only human and humans have flaws.

However, by hiding your flaws, what you do succeed in is appearing cold and impersonal. You seem like a marble statue rather than a real person. And this makes it very hard for anyone to connect with you emotionally.

Humans connect with other humans, not with ideals. Keep this in mind and don’t be afraid to let your vulnerability and your humanity show. This is what takes a relationship to the next level.

Take a look at this article and find out Why Showing Vulnerability Actually Proves Your Strength.

Advertising

4. Have Integrity

Integrity, as I see it, is the alignment between your thoughts, your words and your actions. When you say what you think and you do what you said you’ll do, you have integrity.

This is a crucial trait because if you have integrity, people can trust you. They can trust you to give them an honest feedback, even when it’s hard to shallow, and they can trust you to keep your promises.

This trust is one of the central pillars of a strong relationship, both in your personal and your professional life. So, as challenging as it can be sometimes, always try to have integrity.

Be honest with the people around you, even when this will initially hurt them. It’s more important for them to trust you than to not feel hurt. And always do what you promised. Even better, think twice before you promise anything, and only promise what you really can and you are willing to do.

5. Be There for Others

Another central pillar of strong relationships is support. Connections between people grow sturdy if they can rely on each other for support when it’s needed, whether that support means a few kind words or several massive actions.

Of course, you can’t be there for everybody, all the time. Your time, energy and other resources are limited. But what you can do is identify the genuinely important people in your life and then seek to be there as much as possible, at least for them.

Advertising

Your support will help them practically, and it will comfort them emotionally; which makes one hell of a difference in a relationship.

The Bottom Line

With the right mindset and the right behavior, you can strengthen a wide range of relationships in your life and advance them as far as they can be advanced.

And with strong relationships, not only that you feel more fulfilled, but you feel more connected to the entire world. You feel that your life has real value, you have more fun and you live in the moment. An entire world of opportunities opens up in front of you.

Then your task is to simply walk through the open doors.

More About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: Proxyclick Visitor Management System via unsplash.com

Read Next