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7 Things to Give up If You Really Want Your Kids to Be Great

7 Things to Give up If You Really Want Your Kids to Be Great

It’s possible to parent your kids a little too carefully.

Every good parent wants to be active in their children’s lives and set them up for future success. However, there’s a fine line between sticking to appropriate boundaries, making constructive suggestions, and over-parenting your child. Stifling kids with too many rules and expectations can lower their confidence and creativity. Here are seven things you must give up to ensure that your children grow up healthy, happy, and free to be themselves rather than tire themselves mentally and physically trying to live up to the expectations you place upon them.

1. Give up telling them what to do.

Of course children need to be given guidance as they learn more about the world around them, but this does not mean that they need to be told what to do in every aspect of their lives! Instead, ask them about the actions they have chosen for themselves. Bombarding your children with unnecessary instructions as to how they should live their lives will trigger resentment and hinder their creativity because you will be doing all their thinking for them!

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This advice applies from the games they want to play and the clothes they want to wear right up to the career path they wish to pursue. Research published in the journal ‘Sociological Spectrum’ suggests that children given more freedom by their parents are less likely to fall victim to anxiety, depression or feelings of failure in their college years compared with those who are closely monitored or subject to ‘helicopter parenting.’

2. Give up your unrealistic expectations.

Remember that children are human beings, and that no human being is perfect. It is immensely stressful for a child to believe that they have to be “the best” at something (or even everything!) in order to considered a worthwhile person. We all have our own individual strengths and weaknesses. Communicate to your child, both explicitly and implicitly, that you appreciate their own unique mix of talents.

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3. Give up over-protection.

If you are the kind of person who tends to worry about every possible outcome or potential disaster, take care not to let this attitude be reflected in your parenting. Children need to be granted the freedom to have new experiences and to make their own mistakes. If you hold your child back from new opportunities or activities on the off-chance that they will be dangerous, your child will learn that the world is an unsafe place. As a result, they will be less likely to take positive risks in the future.

4. Give up making decisions for them.

An important skill for all successful adults to learn is how to make healthy decisions. This ability needs to be developed in childhood. Give your child help in making life choices, such as choosing a hobby or major in college, but know that ultimately you need to make it clear that they should be the ones in charge of their own decision-making. Do not attempt to tell them how to build a CV or map out their life path for them as this can have damaging consequences. Researcher Bill Deresiewicz’s 2014 book, “Excellent Sheep,” makes a convincing argument that academic over-involvement increases a child’s risk of depression, anxiety and fear of failure later in life. 

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5. Give up blaming them for their mistakes.

Everybody makes mistakes, and this includes your child. Unless a particular mistake is the result of an obviously unwise decision, try not to blame your child more than is necessary when they make an error. Mistakes are often a valuable means of acquiring new knowledge. Sit down with your child and talk about how they can learn from their mistake and make better choices next time.

6. Give up praising their intelligence.

When children are praised for their efforts rather than their intelligence, they feel more inclined to push themselves harder in the future. Praising a child for their intelligence gives the impression that you are praising them for a fixed characteristic, which in turn does nothing to spur them on to greater self-improvement.

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7. Give up setting so many family rules.

Some family rules are a necessity. After all, children do require some boundaries and need to be taught right from wrong. However, an overly rigid family setup can cause a child needless anxiety if it means they live in constant fear of breaking a rule. In addition, it can also stifle their creativity if they feel as though they are merely a cog in the family machine that has to behave in the same manner at all times. Research carried out by psychologists at the University of Colorado-Boulder have uncovered links between a highly-structured childhood and a lack of decision-making ability. Prepare to change or get rid of family rules if they have no obvious benefit.

It can take time to shift your thinking and approach, especially if you were raised by over-protective or over-involved parents. Remember that in general, psychological research supports a careful but liberal parenting style as the best way of encouraging your children to really excel in life and also to feel happy in themselves. Enjoy your children for who they are, and endeavour to demonstrate your love for them on a daily basis.

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Westra via unsplash.com

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Jay Hill

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Published on August 8, 2018

How Guided Meditation for Kids Can Boost Learning and Social Skills

How Guided Meditation for Kids Can Boost Learning and Social Skills

Do you want the best for your kid? Of course you do!

Boosting your kid’s learning ability and social skills in less than 20 minutes a day? That’s where guided meditation for kids comes in.

You have probably heard a lot about meditation the last couple years. As there’s more and more research in the area of meditation, a lot of people finally start to see the benefits.

A subject that’s not talked about too much is that meditation can also help kids grow incredible learning and social skills.

Meditation for kids is becoming more popular every day as parents want their kids to see the benefits too.

What is guided meditation for kids?

First things first, what exactly is the guided meditation for kids that is talked about in this article?

We can define meditation with the help of Headspace:[1]

Meditation is about training in awareness and getting a healthy sense of perspective. You’re not trying to turn off your thoughts or feelings. You’re learning to observe them without judgment. And eventually, you may start to better understand them as well.

And according to GuidedMind, guided meditation is:[2]

Guided meditation is when you are guided, by a narrator, to elicit a specific change in your life. You are first guided to relax your body and mind, to help you reach a deep meditative state before going on a journey, in your mind, to reach a specific goal.

If you want to get into guided meditation, read this:

The Guided Morning Meditation for Beginners (That Will Change Your Day)

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As you may know, there are a lot of variations on meditation. This includes:

  • Mindfulness, focusing on the breath while accepting everything that’s happening (thoughts, sounds, etc.).
  • (Guided) Visualization, visualizing a particular event, environment, feeling, etc.
  • Heart Rhythm Meditation (HRM), focusing on the breath and the heart while feeling at one with everything. A focus on downward energy flow within the body.
  • Transcendental Meditation (TM), this technique is literally about transcending the negative through internal mantras.
  • Qi Gong, this is a form of meditation that is done through specific movement patterns while focusing on the breath.
  • Kundalini focuses on the upward flow of energy within the body. Focusing on that energy with your breath gives you a higher sense of consciousness.
  • Zazen, sitting with a back straight while focusing on deep breaths.

You can find out more about different forms in this article:

17 Types of Meditation (Techniques and Basics) to Practice Mindfulness

All these forms of meditation can be done individually or guided. Guided meditation for kids is the best choice because it will make it easier for them to follow and understand.

The benefits of meditation for kids

There are a lot of benefits meditation has to offer, but the most important benefit is that it relieves stress. In this time and age, this becomes more important than ever.

(Post-)millennials are dealing with a lot of stress due to the amount of work pressure, opportunities (decision making) and student loan debt (which results in wanting early financial success).[3]

Making sure children are stress resistant is of high importance for the future of their lives.

Of course, there are way more benefits to meditation. So, to convince you further; here follow more benefits to meditation.

There are precisely 76 benefits to meditation which are scientifically proved.[4] But the main benefits of meditation are:

  • Improved concentration[5]
  • Increased happiness[6]
  • Slows down the aging process[7]
  • Increased immunity[8] and cardiovascular health[9]
  • Improved mood and brain power

Here I’m going to look into some of meditation’s benefits that parents care about most:

Boost learning ability

The question is: ‘How does meditation for kids improve learning ability?’

There are, of course, multiple answers but there’s one simple answer; concentration. As you read earlier on in this article, meditation improves the ability to concentrate.

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If the ability to concentrate increases, it will lead to an increased attention span which is one of the factors that affect learning.

By implementing guided meditation into your kids’ life; he/she will become a better learner.

Another reason to increase the attention span of your child beside learning is that our average attention span per person is decreasing exponentially because of all the distractions that we have around us.

The more we let distractions in, the less easy it becomes to really focus on something. This is because it takes us 23 minutes to get into something after being distracted.[10]

Improve social skills

The way meditation for kids improves the social skills of the meditator is through the sense of presence it creates.[11] Being present in a conversation is more important than you may think.

Do you know those people who are just way up in their head which makes it hard to have an in-depth conversation with?

They probably don’t meditate.

By being present in a conversation, you can better understand the person you’re talking to. Not being carried away by your thoughts makes it easier to process the information the other is providing. Including non-verbal signs, you may never have noticed if you weren’t present.

Meditation for kids also improves charisma because of the loving nature that grows from meditating. Especially the kindness and gratitude focused forms of meditation for kids. By being more kind and grateful; your kid will increase in charisma and feeling of interconnectedness which will improve social skills.

Last but not least, implementing guided meditation for kids in the form of guided meditation by you (the parent) will likely improve the relationship between you and your child.

This creates the opportunity to educate your child on specific social skills you’ve picked up and the other way around. Also, a child is very dependent on its environment.

By increasing social skills yourself, you will improve the social skills of your child.

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How to get started with guided meditation for kids

Below follows a step-by-step process on how to implement guided meditation for kids into your kids’ life.

Step 1: Do it yourself first

Have you ever tried learning Spanish from someone who doesn’t speak Spanish? No, because it doesn’t make sense!

This is the same for meditation for kids. If you want to teach your kid how to meditate, you will first have to do it yourself.

Pick a form of meditation for kids you think would work best and get the hang of it. Follow guided meditation via YouTube or any platform you like.

Suggestions: Visualization meditation, body scan meditation or simple mindfulness.

There’s an easy guide on meditation you can do anywhere at any time:

The 5-Minute Guide to Meditation: Anywhere, Anytime

Step 2: Expose your kid to the practice

By exposing your kid to the practice without him/her knowing, its intention will raise their curiosity. This makes it easier to convince them afterward.

Meditate in the presence of them; put your earplugs in and start meditating while they are around. When they talk to you or touch you while you’re meditating, keep meditating until they walk away.

When you’re done, you can explain what you were doing and why you were doing and ask to do it together. Explain it in a way, so they understand it.

Here’s an article that will help you explain mindfulness to your kid:

Mindfulness: What it is and How to Explain it to Kids and Adults

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Tip: Make it sound like it’s very special (which it is) so that they’ll grow their curiosity and excitement even more.

Step 3: Do it together

Now that you have the interest of your child and know the essence of meditation you can finally do it together. Guide them through the meditation or put on the meditation you followed before.

Make it a fun and enjoyable experience for your child at first while keeping the essence of meditation in mind.

As you and your child progress you may want to make it more serious.

Step 4: Let your child express himself/Herself entirely

You will get a lot of insights about your feelings and thoughts through meditation. Your child will also experience these things and may want to express it.

Ask your child after the meditation what he/she experienced or felt. Let them get rid of everything that’s bothering them.

Step 5: Be consistent

As you do it more frequently; you will build a habit for you and your kid that will benefit you both. Reward them after each meditation.

Make it a fun experience instead of something they must do. Don’t push it.

Step 6: Be calm and let it be

Again, don’t push it and don’t expect anything. You want to get your child into meditation for kids so he/she can benefit from it in the long run. But you can’t decide for your kid if he/she wants it or not.

You will have to educate yourself first before you can train your child. Read books or articles about meditation for kids and try your best.

Conclusion

Here’s a summary of the key points you have learned by reading this article:

  • You now know what (guided) meditation for kids is.
  • You know why it’s so important to include (guided) meditation into your and your kids’ life.
  • You know how (guided) meditation for kids helps improve the learning ability of your kid.
  • You know how (guided) meditation for kids helps improve the social skills of your kid.
  • You have the steps you can follow to implement meditation for kids into your kids’ life.

Good luck and start meditating with your kids!

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

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