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5 Signs Of A Pushover

5 Signs Of A Pushover

You’re easily persuaded by your friends. Your girlfriend or boyfriend “wears the pants”. It’s not your fault. You’re the person lacking confidence to assert yourself in a situation.

In life there are leaders, and there are followers. The distinction is rather obvious. There is also a difference between a follower and a pushover. A follower is content with their position and can still make decisions for themselves, whereas a pushover knows they’re simply “falling into line” and can become rather annoyed in doing so. A follower respects the direction of their leader, but a pushover goes with the flow to avoid confrontation, hate, and attention.

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Have you ever wanted to understand the reasons why you can’t say no? Here are five signs that you are a pushover with ways to steer the control back in your favour.

“If you don’t have a plan for your life, you will fall into someone else’s plan. Guess what they have planned for you: not much.” – Jim Rohn

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You’re afraid of confrontation

You want to speak up; you want to stand for your point of view, but the thought of arguing or confronting another person makes you sick to the stomach. The idea makes you nervous so you avoid the issue and get in line behind the leader. You get angry at yourself because like the reason above, it is putting you in a position where others dictate your actions and happiness. Some people will never confront others and that’s understandable, but you can’t spend your life subduing your desires. Write an email, send a text, or even make a call; pushovers fear face-to-face more than anything so carefully constructing views in writing can help plan the conversation. Write a letter to yourself to fully understand your situation, and you’ll feel better approaching people. Just think, when the time comes to ask for a salary raise, propose marriage, say no to a dangerous work duty, etc., will you be ready?

You are always the one apologizing

You order a meal and it comes out wrong; yet you find yourself apologizing to the waiter even though it was his/her lack of communication skills that caused the mistake. This stems from a need to be liked by everyone. You don’t want to be seen as an angry or cruel person, so you smile and nod at the misfortunes caused by others. Apologizing is a mechanism used by the perennial pushover. It removes any possible negativity on your end and lets the other person know you mean no harm. It is also a weakness as it can mean you’ll be taken advantage of. So next time you’re about to apologize ask yourself, “did I do anything wrong?”. At the very least you’ll feel stupid for saying you’re sorry and next time it won’t be as hard to stop apologizing.

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You find yourself at events you didn’t want to attend

There’s a new movie out that you’ve been waiting to see for months, but your friends want to go to a party, club, or anywhere but the cinema. You join them because they keep telling you, “Come on; it’ll be fun! Don’t be boring”. Rather than spend a night happy, you’re depressed as you try to keep your friends happy. What are the alternatives? You either attempt to persuade them to go to the movie, see the movie by yourself, or go somewhere else that makes you happy. It is also important to let your friends know you are uninterested in a certain event because it would not be fair to judge them if they are unaware of your opinion. The people around you can enhance or decrease your confidence, and there is no point being at a social gathering if you’re feeling down. Try making compromises.

You don’t like to change

Change happens everywhere: new job, new house, new partner, new friends, etc. However, these changes don’t happen as often in life because your pushover-level reaches into nervousness. Keeping things the same means less confrontation (reason 2), less chance of new events (reason 1), and less need to apologize when you’re out of your depth (reason 3). If you’re a pushover, don’t you want to change? It’s a fair question, because many are content with their personality trait. Many are happy to be the follower in the pack or the couple, but you deserve to do the things that make you happy. Change may place you onto new ground but it also provides the opportunity to uncover new facts about yourself.

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You’re constantly trying to please others

In order to be liked, a pushover sacrifices their time for the sake of other people’s happiness. It’s ok; it’s the key trait of a pushover. There’s a time and place to offer your help as it must also suit you. Others will take advantage of you if they know you’ll intervene with help, due to a need to be liked. Be selfish, even if it doesn’t come naturally. Write down what you want and balance it with what you’re doing for others. Communicating with yourself is essential to the process of lessening the pushover set within you. Everyone has the ability to alter their responses to a situation. With analysis and time, you can start on a path to a life where you can have a say.

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Last Updated on February 13, 2019

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

10 Things Happy People Do Differently

Think being happy is something that happens as a result of luck, circumstance, having money, etc.? Think again.

Happiness is a mindset. And if you’re looking to improve your ability to find happiness, then check out these 10 things happy people do differently.

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. -Dalai Lama

1. Happy people find balance in their lives.

Folks who are happy have this in common: they’re content with what they have, and don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying and stressing over things they don’t. Unhappy people do the opposite: they spend too much time thinking about what they don’t have. Happy people lead balanced lives. This means they make time for all the things that are important to them, whether it’s family, friends, career, health, religion, etc.

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2. Happy people abide by the golden rule.

You know that saying you heard when you were a kid, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you.” Well, happy people truly embody this principle. They treat others with respect. They’re sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people. They’re compassionate. And they get treated this way (most of the time) in return.

3. Happy people don’t sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest things happy people do differently compared to unhappy people is they let stuff go. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. Happy people realize this, are able to take things in stride, and move on. Unhappy people tend to dwell on minor inconveniences and issues, which can perpetuate feelings of sadness, guilt, resentment, greed, and anger.

4. Happy people take responsibility for their actions.

Happy people aren’t perfect, and they’re well aware of that. When they screw up, they admit it. They recognize their faults and work to improve on them. Unhappy people tend to blame others and always find an excuse why things aren’t going their way. Happy people, on the other hand, live by the mantra:

“There are two types of people in the world: those that do and those that make excuses why they don’t.”

5. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people.

happiness surrounding

    One defining characteristic of happy people is they tend to hang out with other happy people. Misery loves company, and unhappy people gravitate toward others who share their negative sentiments. If you’re struggling with a bout of sadness, depression, worry, or anger, spend more time with your happiest friends or family members. Chances are, you’ll find that their positive attitude rubs off on you.

    6. Happy people are honest with themselves and others.

    People who are happy often exhibit the virtues of honesty and trustworthiness. They would rather give you candid feedback, even when the truth hurts, and they expect the same in return. Happy people respect people who give them an honest opinion.

    7. Happy people show signs of happiness.

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    smile

      This one may sound obvious but it’s a key differentiator between happy and unhappy people. Think about your happiest friends. Chances are, the mental image you form is of them smiling, laughing, and appearing genuinely happy. On the flip side, those who aren’t happy tend to look the part. Their posture may be slouched and you may perceive a lack of confidence.

      8. Happy people are passionate.

      Another thing happy people have in common is their ability to find their passions in life and pursue those passions to the fullest. Happy people have found what they’re looking for, and they spend their time doing what they love.

      9. Happy people see challenges as opportunities.

      Folks who are happy accept challenges and use them as opportunities to learn and grow. They turn negatives into positives and make the best out of seemingly bad situations. They don’t dwell on things that are out of their control; rather, they seek solutions and creative ways of overcoming obstacles.

      10. Happy people live in the present.

      While unhappy people tend to dwell on the past and worry about the future, happy people live in the moment. They are grateful for “the now” and focus their efforts on living life to the fullest in the present. Their philosophy is:

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      There’s a reason it’s called “the present.” Because life is a gift.

      So if you’d like to bring a little more happiness into your life, think about the 10 principles above and how you can use them to make yourself better.

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