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Are Beautiful Women or Handsome Men Really More Confident Than Ordinary People?

Are Beautiful Women or Handsome Men Really More Confident Than Ordinary People?

True Confidence Isn’t an Appearance

“You can only be confident if you’re handsome”… Super helpful advice, right?

It’s astounding just how many people have fallen into this fallacy that handsome or beautiful people are the only confident people in the world. Why is it that society has focused solely on the aspect of physical beauty? Especially to assign a value on something that’s so absurdly vague? Think about it for a second, we take something that is generally only a person’s opinion, and then just base an aspect of life on it?

Absolutely bonkers. There’s a quote by Barrie Davenport, the writer and operator of Live Bold and Bloom. When it comes down to Self-Confidence and Beauty, she says:

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“True beauty is the flame of self-confidence shining from the inside out.”
– 
Barrie Davenport

Think about that for a moment. Beauty coming from within. Here’s a fact about that life that most individuals realize at different points. Physical beauty doesn’t last, it’s fleeting. So then let’s break this down, even if you have an absurd amount of money available to help maintain a sense of beauty in yourself, your good looks WILL in fact disappear, it’s a part of life! Why base your entire self-esteem on something that will eventually vanish? That isn’t confidence, it’s a fallacy as there’s nothing you can really do to make it last.

The truth is that most people who base their confidence on their looks are actually really don’t have confidence at all. “Everyone else needs to think i’m gorgeous or else I’m not good enough” is a very poor mindset to have. In fact, there are many celebrities that even with their good looks didn’t have any confidence for a long time. Here’s a truth…

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True Confidence isn’t Beauty

Many people believe that famous people are all looks and that’s why they achieved what they have. But there are quite a few celebrities that were quite shy before accomplishing the things they love to do. Bob Dylan, the famed folk singer for example. He was shy and not at all confident in his ability to play guitar or write songs, yet now he’s one of the most prolific musicians we have. Tina Fey and Tom Cruise as well. Both of them are massively famous actors, yet both suffered from not being confident for YEARS before either of them hit it big!

None of them changed their physical beauty when they became famous either. All that truly changed in their lives was that they went out and took on the world and won. They dreamed and dared to chase it! That’s a true basis of being confident, going after and doing what you love, even if it seems crazy.

So instead of basing your confidence on an opinion, try and rewire your brain a little bit. See the cool thing about life and psychology is that you have the ability to control your brain. The way you associate certain aspects of your life is a powerful concept. There was a reason that you decided to associate your confidence with other peoples beauty right? Instead of just associating it with something that’s just a loose concept, it’s time to build a solid foundation for yourself. It’s time to rethink your confidence.

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True Confidence Comes From Challenges and Passion

True confidence comes from two different things, challenges, and passions. People who have true confidence aren’t focused about how they look, but what they’re working on in life! The challenges people encounter in their lives are often viewed as just obstacles. But, think about how you feel as you overcome those challenges. During the period of stress, you’re unhappy, frustrated, and probably upset. But once you get over the hump, you tend to feel empowered right?

It almost makes you feel as if you can do anything, you look back at it later in life, and smile because you’ve come so far from those low points! Plus, the struggles happen periodically to just to make sure that you stay on your toes and keep moving forward. So here’s a crazy theory, what if those challenges are there to help inspire a definite sense of confidence in you? What if those barriers are there to not just challenge you, but inspire you to keep moving? Being able to be confident is more of a sense of being able to rely on yourself to take on each day.

So instead, base your confidence on your ability to handle challenges and come out on the other side. That way instead of having to gather other people’s opinions on who you are, you’ll have the knowledge in yourself. Plus, it’s useful feeling as if you made another notch in your belt after each challenge. That way you can feel as if the world just keeps re-certifying the knowledge that you can do anything. But that’s only half the equation.

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The other half is based more on personal fulfillment. It’s not enough alone to be able to rely on yourself. Confidence is also a matter of being content and happy with who you are and what you do. If the first half of the equation was to make sure that your mind feel challenged, the other half is to make sure that your heart is content.

The way you accomplish this is to build upon your own sense of happiness. How, you ask? Well, what are the things in your life that make you happy? What activities do you do in your world that when you’re done, you find yourself feeling happy and fulfilled? Do you have those things in your mind? Good, go do them! Those things in your life are your passions, they are the things that make you want to jump out of bed and shout.

If you don’t have those things, then that is simply your latest challenge. Finding your passions, finding your hobbies is integral to making sure you’re a confident individual. Confidence is part reliance, part fulfillment. Believing in yourself and being happy sounds a lot more valid than relying on the fleeting aspect of looks, doesn’t it?

So, that’s really what you need to increase your confidence, start challenging yourself, break from the norm. Life presents us with new opportunities every day, start taking them. Second, start discovering the things you love to do. If you’ve already got passions, awesome! It’s time to start building on them. Having a great life is dependent on being confident, and confidence comes from growing. You can read on How To Boost Your Self-Confidence in 5 Easy Steps.

Life = Growth. Now get out there and start living!

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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