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Are Beautiful Women or Handsome Men Really More Confident Than Ordinary People?

Are Beautiful Women or Handsome Men Really More Confident Than Ordinary People?

True Confidence Isn’t an Appearance

“You can only be confident if you’re handsome”… Super helpful advice, right?

It’s astounding just how many people have fallen into this fallacy that handsome or beautiful people are the only confident people in the world. Why is it that society has focused solely on the aspect of physical beauty? Especially to assign a value on something that’s so absurdly vague? Think about it for a second, we take something that is generally only a person’s opinion, and then just base an aspect of life on it?

Absolutely bonkers. There’s a quote by Barrie Davenport, the writer and operator of Live Bold and Bloom. When it comes down to Self-Confidence and Beauty, she says:

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“True beauty is the flame of self-confidence shining from the inside out.”
– 
Barrie Davenport

Think about that for a moment. Beauty coming from within. Here’s a fact about that life that most individuals realize at different points. Physical beauty doesn’t last, it’s fleeting. So then let’s break this down, even if you have an absurd amount of money available to help maintain a sense of beauty in yourself, your good looks WILL in fact disappear, it’s a part of life! Why base your entire self-esteem on something that will eventually vanish? That isn’t confidence, it’s a fallacy as there’s nothing you can really do to make it last.

The truth is that most people who base their confidence on their looks are actually really don’t have confidence at all. “Everyone else needs to think i’m gorgeous or else I’m not good enough” is a very poor mindset to have. In fact, there are many celebrities that even with their good looks didn’t have any confidence for a long time. Here’s a truth…

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True Confidence isn’t Beauty

Many people believe that famous people are all looks and that’s why they achieved what they have. But there are quite a few celebrities that were quite shy before accomplishing the things they love to do. Bob Dylan, the famed folk singer for example. He was shy and not at all confident in his ability to play guitar or write songs, yet now he’s one of the most prolific musicians we have. Tina Fey and Tom Cruise as well. Both of them are massively famous actors, yet both suffered from not being confident for YEARS before either of them hit it big!

None of them changed their physical beauty when they became famous either. All that truly changed in their lives was that they went out and took on the world and won. They dreamed and dared to chase it! That’s a true basis of being confident, going after and doing what you love, even if it seems crazy.

So instead of basing your confidence on an opinion, try and rewire your brain a little bit. See the cool thing about life and psychology is that you have the ability to control your brain. The way you associate certain aspects of your life is a powerful concept. There was a reason that you decided to associate your confidence with other peoples beauty right? Instead of just associating it with something that’s just a loose concept, it’s time to build a solid foundation for yourself. It’s time to rethink your confidence.

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True Confidence Comes From Challenges and Passion

True confidence comes from two different things, challenges, and passions. People who have true confidence aren’t focused about how they look, but what they’re working on in life! The challenges people encounter in their lives are often viewed as just obstacles. But, think about how you feel as you overcome those challenges. During the period of stress, you’re unhappy, frustrated, and probably upset. But once you get over the hump, you tend to feel empowered right?

It almost makes you feel as if you can do anything, you look back at it later in life, and smile because you’ve come so far from those low points! Plus, the struggles happen periodically to just to make sure that you stay on your toes and keep moving forward. So here’s a crazy theory, what if those challenges are there to help inspire a definite sense of confidence in you? What if those barriers are there to not just challenge you, but inspire you to keep moving? Being able to be confident is more of a sense of being able to rely on yourself to take on each day.

So instead, base your confidence on your ability to handle challenges and come out on the other side. That way instead of having to gather other people’s opinions on who you are, you’ll have the knowledge in yourself. Plus, it’s useful feeling as if you made another notch in your belt after each challenge. That way you can feel as if the world just keeps re-certifying the knowledge that you can do anything. But that’s only half the equation.

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The other half is based more on personal fulfillment. It’s not enough alone to be able to rely on yourself. Confidence is also a matter of being content and happy with who you are and what you do. If the first half of the equation was to make sure that your mind feel challenged, the other half is to make sure that your heart is content.

The way you accomplish this is to build upon your own sense of happiness. How, you ask? Well, what are the things in your life that make you happy? What activities do you do in your world that when you’re done, you find yourself feeling happy and fulfilled? Do you have those things in your mind? Good, go do them! Those things in your life are your passions, they are the things that make you want to jump out of bed and shout.

If you don’t have those things, then that is simply your latest challenge. Finding your passions, finding your hobbies is integral to making sure you’re a confident individual. Confidence is part reliance, part fulfillment. Believing in yourself and being happy sounds a lot more valid than relying on the fleeting aspect of looks, doesn’t it?

So, that’s really what you need to increase your confidence, start challenging yourself, break from the norm. Life presents us with new opportunities every day, start taking them. Second, start discovering the things you love to do. If you’ve already got passions, awesome! It’s time to start building on them. Having a great life is dependent on being confident, and confidence comes from growing. You can read on How To Boost Your Self-Confidence in 5 Easy Steps.

Life = Growth. Now get out there and start living!

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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