Advertising
Advertising

How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

The Key Dynamics of Relating is an area that assesses how childhood experiences impact a person in their adult life. Often, looking back can help a person going forward. Psychologists cite parents and relationships as reasons for issues later in life, as memories alter how the present day is perceived. But sometimes merely analysing a popular problem can shed light on why unhappy childhood experiences can affect you today.

Here are some common themes that illuminate the negative progression from a childhood experience to adult life.

Advertising

If you have strict parents, you’ll be more afraid to be blamed

Strictness is all about fear, and from a strict parent a child learns consequence for their actions. But when strictness goes too far and scolding happens too often, it can create a fear of being blamed and scolded. This can make a person softer in both social and professional circles, including the workplace, friendship groups, and sporting environments, creating a pushover personality trait. Of course, it can work the other way. Strictness can create a rebellious streak, a defense mechanism learned from childhood.

If you were bullied, you’ll be more self-conscious

Being bullied as a child leads to feeling self-conscious as an adult. This can impact the ability to make friends, as talking to new people requires confidence. A fear of being embarrassed can hold a person back from opportunity. But this can also create strong personal traits such as empathy and respect for other people. Understanding the impacts of harsh words can allow your communication methods to have more thought behind them.

Advertising

If you were often blamed with very harsh words, you’ll fear making mistakes

Harsh words can be more detrimental than physical violence. They can cause a person to fear making mistakes again, which means avoiding certain situations in life. It can cause the child to adopt the harsh words and utilize them as they grow, creating their adult vocabulary. As with the above examples, the reverse can occur where a hate of harsh words and blame arise. But the feeling of being degraded as a child forever lasts.

If you were rejected by someone you cared a lot about, you might become more inward

Being rejected in the schoolyard by someone you like is common; it makes us stronger in the long run. But being rejected by a parent, guardian, older sibling, or grandparent can cause psychological effects that ruin later relationships. Trust is a difficult aspect to grasp if you fear rejection. It can create introverts who lack social skills and despise people. And it can also make someone hide their feelings in fear of getting hurt. This can lead to one-night-stands and a lack of care for others.

Advertising

If you lacked attention, you’ll be insecure and demand more love

This phrase breeds insecurity. A lack of attention and love can mean a person will demand more love in their later relationships, or it can create unrealistic expectations of others. There may be a constant comparison with siblings, relatives, and other people. Enter a lack of confidence, too much vying for affection, and a disregard for empathy.

How to deal with it

Try to list any positive effects the unhappy experiences brought

This will make the memories a bit better. Think of how to make good use of the experience for your future.

Advertising

Try to think of how to make good use of such experience for your future

Based on the positive effects listed, anything else you can make use of for your future. For example, if your empathy has been nourished during childhood due to the unhappy experiences, maybe a job that involves more human interaction would be a good fit for you?

Share your thoughts with others by sharing unhappy memories and the burden will become smaller

When you talk it out, you’re venting your frustrations and/or suppressed feelings. Holding everything in may appear to be a strength, but it’s actually a weakness. People such as parents and other children may be the reason for your issues, but they can also be the cure. Everyone reacts and behaves differently; nobody is a prisoner to their childhood memories.

More by this author

100 Foods That Are Really Good For Digestive Health Do People Who Have More Relationship Experience Have Happier Marriage? Over 240 Free Technical E-Books Are Offered By Microsoft 80% of Children Rank Achievement Over Caring For Others Can You See The Beauty Of This Photo? Most People Can’t

Trending in Communication

1 20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die 2 How to Deal with Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 3 10 Websites To Learn Something New In 30 Minutes A Day 4 7 Most Difficult Languages In The World to Learn For English Speakers 5 6 Ways to Be a Successful Risk Taker and Take More Chances

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on June 23, 2019

20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die

20 Things People Regret the Most Before They Die

Close your eyes and imagine that you’re at your own funeral—a bit morbid I know, but there’s a reason for it. Now think about what you’d like people to say about you. What kind of a life do you want to lead? People die with all kinds of regrets. Don’t be one of them.

1. I wish I’d cared less about what other people think.

It’s only when you realise how little other people are really thinking of you (in a negative sense) that you realise how much time you spent caring and wasting energy worrying about this.

2. I wish I had accomplished more.

You don’t have to have won an Oscar, built up a business or run a marathon, but having small personal accomplishments is important.

3. I wish I had told __ how I truly felt.

Even if the “one” doesn’t exist, telling someone how you truly feel will always save you from that gut wrenching”but what if…” feeling that could linger for life if you stay quiet.

Advertising

4. I wish I had stood up for myself more.

Sometimes, it’s too easy to think that if you go all out to please everyone you’ll be liked more or your partner won’t run off with anyone else. I think age probably teaches us to be nice but not at the expense of our own happiness.

5. I wish I had followed my passion in life.

It’s so easy to be seduced by a stable salary, a solid routine and a comfortable life, but at what expense?

6. I wish our last conversation hadn’t been an argument.

Life is short, and you never really know when the last time you speak to someone you love will be. It’s these moments that really stay clear in peoples’ minds.

7. I wish I had let my children grow up to be who they wanted to be.

The realisation that love, compassion and empathy are so much more important than clashes in values or belief systems can hit home hard.

Advertising

8. I wish I had lived more in the moment.

Watching children grow up makes you realise how short-lived and precious time really is, and as we age, many of us live less and less in the present.

9. I wish I had worked less.

There’s always a desire to have loosened up a bit more with this one and the realisation that financial success or career accomplishment doesn’t necessarily equal a fulfilled life.

10. I wish I had traveled more.

It can be done at any age, with kids or not but many talk themselves out of it for all kinds of reasons such as lack of money, mortgage, children, etc. When there’s a regret, you know it could have been possible at some stage.

11. I wish I had trusted my gut rather than listening to everyone else.

Making your own decisions and feeling confident in the decisions you make gives us fulfilment and joy from life. Going against your gut only breeds resentment and bitterness.

Advertising

12. I wish I’d taken better care of myself.

Premature health problems or ageing always makes you wonder if you’d eaten healthier, exercised more and been less stressed, would you be where you are today?

13. I wish I’d taken more risks.

Everyone has their own idea of what’s risky, but you know when you’re living too much in your comfort zone. In hindsight, some people feel they missed out on a lot of adventure life has to offer.

14. I wish I’d had more time.

Many people say time speeds up as we age. The six weeks of summer holidays we had as kids certainly seemed to last a lifetime. If time speeds up, then it’s even more important to make the most of every moment.

15. I wish I hadn’t worried so much.

If you’ve ever kept a diary and looked back, you’ll probably wonder why you ever got so worked up over X.

Advertising

16. I wish I’d appreciated ___ more.

The consequences of taking people for granted are always hard to deal with.

17. I wish I’d spent more time with my family.

Some people get caught up with work, move to other parts of the world, grow old with grudges against family members only to realise their priorities were in the wrong place.

18. I wish I hadn’t taken myself so seriously.

Life is just more fun when you can laugh at yourself.

19. I wish I’d done more for other people.

Doing things for others just makes life more meaningful.

20. I wish I could have felt happier.

The realisation that happiness is a state of mind that you can control sometimes doesn’t occur to people until it’s too late.

Read Next