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How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

The Key Dynamics of Relating is an area that assesses how childhood experiences impact a person in their adult life. Often, looking back can help a person going forward. Psychologists cite parents and relationships as reasons for issues later in life, as memories alter how the present day is perceived. But sometimes merely analysing a popular problem can shed light on why unhappy childhood experiences can affect you today.

Here are some common themes that illuminate the negative progression from a childhood experience to adult life.

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If you have strict parents, you’ll be more afraid to be blamed

Strictness is all about fear, and from a strict parent a child learns consequence for their actions. But when strictness goes too far and scolding happens too often, it can create a fear of being blamed and scolded. This can make a person softer in both social and professional circles, including the workplace, friendship groups, and sporting environments, creating a pushover personality trait. Of course, it can work the other way. Strictness can create a rebellious streak, a defense mechanism learned from childhood.

If you were bullied, you’ll be more self-conscious

Being bullied as a child leads to feeling self-conscious as an adult. This can impact the ability to make friends, as talking to new people requires confidence. A fear of being embarrassed can hold a person back from opportunity. But this can also create strong personal traits such as empathy and respect for other people. Understanding the impacts of harsh words can allow your communication methods to have more thought behind them.

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If you were often blamed with very harsh words, you’ll fear making mistakes

Harsh words can be more detrimental than physical violence. They can cause a person to fear making mistakes again, which means avoiding certain situations in life. It can cause the child to adopt the harsh words and utilize them as they grow, creating their adult vocabulary. As with the above examples, the reverse can occur where a hate of harsh words and blame arise. But the feeling of being degraded as a child forever lasts.

If you were rejected by someone you cared a lot about, you might become more inward

Being rejected in the schoolyard by someone you like is common; it makes us stronger in the long run. But being rejected by a parent, guardian, older sibling, or grandparent can cause psychological effects that ruin later relationships. Trust is a difficult aspect to grasp if you fear rejection. It can create introverts who lack social skills and despise people. And it can also make someone hide their feelings in fear of getting hurt. This can lead to one-night-stands and a lack of care for others.

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If you lacked attention, you’ll be insecure and demand more love

This phrase breeds insecurity. A lack of attention and love can mean a person will demand more love in their later relationships, or it can create unrealistic expectations of others. There may be a constant comparison with siblings, relatives, and other people. Enter a lack of confidence, too much vying for affection, and a disregard for empathy.

How to deal with it

Try to list any positive effects the unhappy experiences brought

This will make the memories a bit better. Think of how to make good use of the experience for your future.

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Try to think of how to make good use of such experience for your future

Based on the positive effects listed, anything else you can make use of for your future. For example, if your empathy has been nourished during childhood due to the unhappy experiences, maybe a job that involves more human interaction would be a good fit for you?

Share your thoughts with others by sharing unhappy memories and the burden will become smaller

When you talk it out, you’re venting your frustrations and/or suppressed feelings. Holding everything in may appear to be a strength, but it’s actually a weakness. People such as parents and other children may be the reason for your issues, but they can also be the cure. Everyone reacts and behaves differently; nobody is a prisoner to their childhood memories.

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Last Updated on December 10, 2019

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

5 Smart Reasons to Start Journal Writing Today

Here’s the truth: your effectiveness at life is not what it could be. You’re missing out.

Each day passes by and you have nothing to prove that it even happened. Did you achieve something? Go on a date? Have an emotional breakthrough? Who knows?

But what you do know is that you don’t want to make the same mistakes that you’ve made in the past.

Our lives are full of hidden gems of knowledge and insight, and the most recent events in our lives contain the most useful gems of all. Do you know why? It’s simple, those hidden lessons are the most up to date, meaning they have the largest impact on what we’re doing right now.

But the question is, how do you get those lessons? There’s a simple way to do it, and it doesn’t involve time machines:

Journal writing.

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Improved mental clarity, the ability to see our lives in the big picture, as well as serving as a piece of evidence cataloguing every success we’ve ever had; we are provided all of the above and more by doing some journal writing.

Journal writing is a useful and flexible tool to help shed light on achieving your goals.

Here’s 5 smart reasons why you should do journal writing:

1. Journals Help You Have a Better Connection with Your Values, Emotions, and Goals

By journaling about what you believe in, why you believe it, how you feel, and what your goals are, you understand your relationships with these things better. This is because you must sort through the mental clutter and provide details on why you do what you do and feel what you feel.

Consider this:

Perhaps you’ve spent the last year or so working at a job you don’t like. It would be easy to just suck it up and keep working with your head down, going on as if it’s supposed to be normal to not like your job. Nobody else is complaining, so why should you, right?

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But a little journal writing will set things straight for you. You don’t like your job. You feel like it’s robbing you of happiness and satisfaction, and you don’t see yourself better there in the future.

The other workers? Maybe they don’t know, maybe they don’t care. But you do, you know and care enough to do something about it. And you’re capable of fixing this problem because your journal writing allows you to finally be honest with yourself about it.

2. Journals Improve Mental Clarity and Help Improve Your Focus

If there’s one thing journal writing is good for, it’s clearing the mental clutter.

How does it work? Simply, whenever you have a problem and write about it in a journal, you transfer the problem from your head to the paper. This empties the mind, allowing allocation of precious resources to problem-solving rather than problem-storing.

Let’s say you’ve been juggling several tasks at work. You’ve got data entry, testing, e-mails, problems with the boss, and so on—enough to overwhelm you—but as you start journal writing, things become clearer and easier to understand: Data entry can actually wait till Thursday; Bill kindly offered earlier to do my testing; For e-mails, I can check them now; the boss is just upset because Becky called in sick, etc.

You become better able to focus and reason your tasks out, and this is an indispensable and useful skill to have.

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3. Journals Improve Insight and Understanding

As a positive consequence of improving your mental clarity, you become more open to insights you may have missed before. As you write your notes out, you’re essentially having a dialogue with yourself. This draws out insights that you would have missed otherwise; it’s almost as if two people are working together to better understand each other. This kind of insight is only available to the person who has taken the time to connect with and understand themselves in the form of writing.

Once you’ve gotten a few entries written down, new insights can be gleaned from reading over them. What themes do you see in your life? Do you keep switching goals halfway through? Are you constantly dating the same type of people who aren’t good for you? Have you slowly but surely pushed people out of your life for fear of being hurt?

All of these questions can be answered by simply self-reflecting, but you can only discover the answers if you’ve captured them in writing. These questions are going to be tough to answer without a journal of your actions and experiences.

4. Journals Track Your Overall Development

Life happens, and it can happen fast. Sometimes we don’t take the time to stop and look around at what’s happening to us at each moment. We don’t get to see the step-by-step progress that we’re making in our own lives. So what happens? One day it’s the future, and you have no idea how you’ve gotten there.

Journal writing allows you to see how you’ve changed over time, so you can see where you did things right, and you can see where you took a misstep and fell.

The great thing about journals is that you’ll know what that misstep was, and you can make sure it doesn’t happen again—all because you made sure to log it, allowing yourself to learn from your mistakes.

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5. Journals Facilitate Personal Growth

The best thing about journal writing is that no matter what you end up writing about, it’s hard to not grow from it. You can’t just look at a past entry in which you acted shamefully and say “that was dumb, anyway!” No, we say “I will never make a dumb choice like that again!”

It’s impossible not to grow when it comes to journal writing. That’s what makes journal writing such a powerful tool, whether it’s about achieving goals, becoming a better person, or just general personal-development. No matter what you use it for, you’ll eventually see yourself growing as a person.

Kickstart Journaling

How can journaling best be of use to you? To vent your emotions? To help achieve your goals? To help clear your mind? What do you think makes journaling such a useful life skill?

Know the answer? Then it’s about time you reap the benefits of journal writing and start putting pen to paper.

Here’s what you can do to start journaling:

Featured photo credit: Jealous Weekends via unsplash.com

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