Advertising
Advertising

How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

The Key Dynamics of Relating is an area that assesses how childhood experiences impact a person in their adult life. Often, looking back can help a person going forward. Psychologists cite parents and relationships as reasons for issues later in life, as memories alter how the present day is perceived. But sometimes merely analysing a popular problem can shed light on why unhappy childhood experiences can affect you today.

Here are some common themes that illuminate the negative progression from a childhood experience to adult life.

Advertising

If you have strict parents, you’ll be more afraid to be blamed

Strictness is all about fear, and from a strict parent a child learns consequence for their actions. But when strictness goes too far and scolding happens too often, it can create a fear of being blamed and scolded. This can make a person softer in both social and professional circles, including the workplace, friendship groups, and sporting environments, creating a pushover personality trait. Of course, it can work the other way. Strictness can create a rebellious streak, a defense mechanism learned from childhood.

If you were bullied, you’ll be more self-conscious

Being bullied as a child leads to feeling self-conscious as an adult. This can impact the ability to make friends, as talking to new people requires confidence. A fear of being embarrassed can hold a person back from opportunity. But this can also create strong personal traits such as empathy and respect for other people. Understanding the impacts of harsh words can allow your communication methods to have more thought behind them.

Advertising

If you were often blamed with very harsh words, you’ll fear making mistakes

Harsh words can be more detrimental than physical violence. They can cause a person to fear making mistakes again, which means avoiding certain situations in life. It can cause the child to adopt the harsh words and utilize them as they grow, creating their adult vocabulary. As with the above examples, the reverse can occur where a hate of harsh words and blame arise. But the feeling of being degraded as a child forever lasts.

If you were rejected by someone you cared a lot about, you might become more inward

Being rejected in the schoolyard by someone you like is common; it makes us stronger in the long run. But being rejected by a parent, guardian, older sibling, or grandparent can cause psychological effects that ruin later relationships. Trust is a difficult aspect to grasp if you fear rejection. It can create introverts who lack social skills and despise people. And it can also make someone hide their feelings in fear of getting hurt. This can lead to one-night-stands and a lack of care for others.

Advertising

If you lacked attention, you’ll be insecure and demand more love

This phrase breeds insecurity. A lack of attention and love can mean a person will demand more love in their later relationships, or it can create unrealistic expectations of others. There may be a constant comparison with siblings, relatives, and other people. Enter a lack of confidence, too much vying for affection, and a disregard for empathy.

How to deal with it

Try to list any positive effects the unhappy experiences brought

This will make the memories a bit better. Think of how to make good use of the experience for your future.

Advertising

Try to think of how to make good use of such experience for your future

Based on the positive effects listed, anything else you can make use of for your future. For example, if your empathy has been nourished during childhood due to the unhappy experiences, maybe a job that involves more human interaction would be a good fit for you?

Share your thoughts with others by sharing unhappy memories and the burden will become smaller

When you talk it out, you’re venting your frustrations and/or suppressed feelings. Holding everything in may appear to be a strength, but it’s actually a weakness. People such as parents and other children may be the reason for your issues, but they can also be the cure. Everyone reacts and behaves differently; nobody is a prisoner to their childhood memories.

More by this author

100 Foods That Are Really Good For Digestive Health Do People Who Have More Relationship Experience Have Happier Marriage? Over 240 Free Technical E-Books Are Offered By Microsoft 80% of Children Rank Achievement Over Caring For Others Can You See The Beauty Of This Photo? Most People Can’t

Trending in Communication

1 11 Facts About Volunteering That Will Surely Impress You 2 How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them) 3 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 4 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 5 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

Advertising

It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

Advertising

Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

Advertising

1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

Advertising

6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

Read Next