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How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

How Unhappy Childhood Experiences Can Affect You Today (And How To Deal With It)

The Key Dynamics of Relating is an area that assesses how childhood experiences impact a person in their adult life. Often, looking back can help a person going forward. Psychologists cite parents and relationships as reasons for issues later in life, as memories alter how the present day is perceived. But sometimes merely analysing a popular problem can shed light on why unhappy childhood experiences can affect you today.

Here are some common themes that illuminate the negative progression from a childhood experience to adult life.

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If you have strict parents, you’ll be more afraid to be blamed

Strictness is all about fear, and from a strict parent a child learns consequence for their actions. But when strictness goes too far and scolding happens too often, it can create a fear of being blamed and scolded. This can make a person softer in both social and professional circles, including the workplace, friendship groups, and sporting environments, creating a pushover personality trait. Of course, it can work the other way. Strictness can create a rebellious streak, a defense mechanism learned from childhood.

If you were bullied, you’ll be more self-conscious

Being bullied as a child leads to feeling self-conscious as an adult. This can impact the ability to make friends, as talking to new people requires confidence. A fear of being embarrassed can hold a person back from opportunity. But this can also create strong personal traits such as empathy and respect for other people. Understanding the impacts of harsh words can allow your communication methods to have more thought behind them.

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If you were often blamed with very harsh words, you’ll fear making mistakes

Harsh words can be more detrimental than physical violence. They can cause a person to fear making mistakes again, which means avoiding certain situations in life. It can cause the child to adopt the harsh words and utilize them as they grow, creating their adult vocabulary. As with the above examples, the reverse can occur where a hate of harsh words and blame arise. But the feeling of being degraded as a child forever lasts.

If you were rejected by someone you cared a lot about, you might become more inward

Being rejected in the schoolyard by someone you like is common; it makes us stronger in the long run. But being rejected by a parent, guardian, older sibling, or grandparent can cause psychological effects that ruin later relationships. Trust is a difficult aspect to grasp if you fear rejection. It can create introverts who lack social skills and despise people. And it can also make someone hide their feelings in fear of getting hurt. This can lead to one-night-stands and a lack of care for others.

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If you lacked attention, you’ll be insecure and demand more love

This phrase breeds insecurity. A lack of attention and love can mean a person will demand more love in their later relationships, or it can create unrealistic expectations of others. There may be a constant comparison with siblings, relatives, and other people. Enter a lack of confidence, too much vying for affection, and a disregard for empathy.

How to deal with it

Try to list any positive effects the unhappy experiences brought

This will make the memories a bit better. Think of how to make good use of the experience for your future.

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Try to think of how to make good use of such experience for your future

Based on the positive effects listed, anything else you can make use of for your future. For example, if your empathy has been nourished during childhood due to the unhappy experiences, maybe a job that involves more human interaction would be a good fit for you?

Share your thoughts with others by sharing unhappy memories and the burden will become smaller

When you talk it out, you’re venting your frustrations and/or suppressed feelings. Holding everything in may appear to be a strength, but it’s actually a weakness. People such as parents and other children may be the reason for your issues, but they can also be the cure. Everyone reacts and behaves differently; nobody is a prisoner to their childhood memories.

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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