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8 Signs You’ve Matured Through Hardship And Not With Age

8 Signs You’ve Matured Through Hardship And Not With Age

The saying ‘with age comes wisdom’ is true, but it is perhaps oversimplified.

When we were kids, we heard the adults in our lives tell us again and again ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’. It’s not until you’ve been out on your own for some years, and experienced a myriad of hardships, that you realize how true these sayings are. In fact, they have more to do with your experiences than simply getting older.

It’s not like our brains become more capable, or able to absorb more knowledge as we get older. In fact, it’s the opposite. As early as our late 20’s, we begin to lose neurons, and it becomes more difficult to pick up new things and remember as much information as we did when we were younger. This means maturity comes from the amount of things we’ve seen, experienced, and more importantly, how we dealt with these things. How many catastrophes and epic failures have knocked you down? How many heart breaks have taken a chunk out of you, and left you feeling like it will never be replaced? More importantly, how many times have you gotten back up, dusted yourself off and kept on going?

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The more you go through, the more wisdom you gain. The more mistakes you make, the more you qualify to dole out advice on what and how to do things. Your credibility stems from having gone through hardships yourself.

The following are 11 signs you’ve matured through hardship, and not just with age:

1. You know the difference between love, lust, and emotional dependency

You know yourself and what makes you truly happy. You are capable of telling the difference between someone who makes you feel like you desperately need them, and someone who strengthens you and has your best interests at heart. You are capable of objectively understanding the relationships you are in, as well as the kinds of relationships you want to be a part of. You also know how to love others (family, friends, pets, etc.) unconditionally, and value yourself enough to expect those who will love you, to love you just as much. You don’t settle for less, because you deserve the real thing.

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2. You are not a quitter, but you know when it’s time to give up

Yes, you’ve had to work hard to get by in life, and you’ve learned that putting in the time when it gets tough proves to be the only way to accomplish anything. Yet you also know when something isn’t going to work, or when the cons outweigh the pros. You are smart enough to not waste any more time than the necessary. Finally, you know that giving up something that’s wrong right now, will free you up to pursue something that’s much better later.

3. Your failures have taught you that you aren’t perfect, and that’s o.k.

Your failures have taught you that you aren’t perfect, and that’s o.k. You’ve learned through making mistakes what not to do, which has probably come with its fair share of embarrassment. You’ve learned that asking for help is not only necessary, but a sign of strength, not weakness. You don’t bat an eyelash at reaching out to ask for advice from someone who is better at something than you are. Doing these things has taught you humility. Although you might have believed you knew everything at 18, you are now aware of just how little you really did know. You probably also realize how annoying you must have been at that young age, when you have the opportunity to meet other young adults with the same cocky attitude. It reminds you to stay grounded.

4. You’ve learned that things don’t happen when they’re rushed

You may naturally be an impatient person, but you’ve learned that things don’t happen when they’re rushed. They happen when you put the time in, keep showing up, and keep an eye out for opportunities as you go. This routine makes you patient, because you know that you’ll achieve your goals eventually, and that things always get better. After all, you were able to get that exasperating bachelors degree after chipping away at it for 6 years while working full time. You might have also tasted the accomplishment of purchasing your own trip around the world after saving every penny for three years straight. You thought these things were impossible when you started, but learned that with patience and time, all things can be achieved.

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5. You question situations, and look for proof or confirmation before investing too much

You might not be a hardened cynic, but you certainly aren’t dewy eyed and naïve. You question situations, and look for proof or confirmation before putting your money or signature on something. For example, if a landlord asks you to sign the lease on an apartment before you’ve done a walk through and made a list of damages, your answer is no.

Similarly, If a potential flat mate tells you they are ‘100% sure’ they want a room your leasing, but won’t be able to pay you until next week, then your solution is to ask them for some up front. You’re smarter now that you’re older, and know how to manage your time and money.

Finally, if a friend tells you about an offer she’s received for a risqué-modeling shoot, but proceeds to explain that she barely knows the male photographer, chances are you’re going to help her confirm his website, Facebook, and LinkedIn profiles to make sure he’s legitimate and that your friend is safe.

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6. You don’t fall for false flattery

You’re experienced, and you’ve met a lot of different types of people. You know the users, the flatterers, and the frenemies. You’ve learned to discern the difference between false flattery and genuine compliments, and no longer have an ego that needs constant boosting. The only compliments you value are the ones that come from the heart, and are genuine. These compliments mean the most to you when they are from someone you deeply care about.

7. You find yourself giving advice and sharing insights often

I mean often. Having been through some tough experiences yourself inclines you to give lots of advice to those who are still navigating their way through life. Although this can often times come off as annoying, controlling, or patronizing, those who know you will understand that it comes from a genuine desire to help.

8. You know with certainty what you don’t want

You take calculated measures to avoid these things. You’ve learned through mistakes to know what your deal breakers are and how to handle them.

Featured photo credit: Girl from Behind With Fantasy Sky via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on March 14, 2019

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

How it helps you:

If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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How it helps you:

Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

How it helps you:

This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

How it helps you:

One word: hierarchy.

All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

How it helps you:

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Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

6. What do you like about working here?

This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

How it helps you:

You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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How it helps you:

What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

Making Your Interview Work for You

Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

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Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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