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8 Signs You’ve Matured Through Hardship And Not With Age

8 Signs You’ve Matured Through Hardship And Not With Age

The saying ‘with age comes wisdom’ is true, but it is perhaps oversimplified.

When we were kids, we heard the adults in our lives tell us again and again ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’. It’s not until you’ve been out on your own for some years, and experienced a myriad of hardships, that you realize how true these sayings are. In fact, they have more to do with your experiences than simply getting older.

It’s not like our brains become more capable, or able to absorb more knowledge as we get older. In fact, it’s the opposite. As early as our late 20’s, we begin to lose neurons, and it becomes more difficult to pick up new things and remember as much information as we did when we were younger. This means maturity comes from the amount of things we’ve seen, experienced, and more importantly, how we dealt with these things. How many catastrophes and epic failures have knocked you down? How many heart breaks have taken a chunk out of you, and left you feeling like it will never be replaced? More importantly, how many times have you gotten back up, dusted yourself off and kept on going?

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The more you go through, the more wisdom you gain. The more mistakes you make, the more you qualify to dole out advice on what and how to do things. Your credibility stems from having gone through hardships yourself.

The following are 11 signs you’ve matured through hardship, and not just with age:

1. You know the difference between love, lust, and emotional dependency

You know yourself and what makes you truly happy. You are capable of telling the difference between someone who makes you feel like you desperately need them, and someone who strengthens you and has your best interests at heart. You are capable of objectively understanding the relationships you are in, as well as the kinds of relationships you want to be a part of. You also know how to love others (family, friends, pets, etc.) unconditionally, and value yourself enough to expect those who will love you, to love you just as much. You don’t settle for less, because you deserve the real thing.

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2. You are not a quitter, but you know when it’s time to give up

Yes, you’ve had to work hard to get by in life, and you’ve learned that putting in the time when it gets tough proves to be the only way to accomplish anything. Yet you also know when something isn’t going to work, or when the cons outweigh the pros. You are smart enough to not waste any more time than the necessary. Finally, you know that giving up something that’s wrong right now, will free you up to pursue something that’s much better later.

3. Your failures have taught you that you aren’t perfect, and that’s o.k.

Your failures have taught you that you aren’t perfect, and that’s o.k. You’ve learned through making mistakes what not to do, which has probably come with its fair share of embarrassment. You’ve learned that asking for help is not only necessary, but a sign of strength, not weakness. You don’t bat an eyelash at reaching out to ask for advice from someone who is better at something than you are. Doing these things has taught you humility. Although you might have believed you knew everything at 18, you are now aware of just how little you really did know. You probably also realize how annoying you must have been at that young age, when you have the opportunity to meet other young adults with the same cocky attitude. It reminds you to stay grounded.

4. You’ve learned that things don’t happen when they’re rushed

You may naturally be an impatient person, but you’ve learned that things don’t happen when they’re rushed. They happen when you put the time in, keep showing up, and keep an eye out for opportunities as you go. This routine makes you patient, because you know that you’ll achieve your goals eventually, and that things always get better. After all, you were able to get that exasperating bachelors degree after chipping away at it for 6 years while working full time. You might have also tasted the accomplishment of purchasing your own trip around the world after saving every penny for three years straight. You thought these things were impossible when you started, but learned that with patience and time, all things can be achieved.

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5. You question situations, and look for proof or confirmation before investing too much

You might not be a hardened cynic, but you certainly aren’t dewy eyed and naïve. You question situations, and look for proof or confirmation before putting your money or signature on something. For example, if a landlord asks you to sign the lease on an apartment before you’ve done a walk through and made a list of damages, your answer is no.

Similarly, If a potential flat mate tells you they are ‘100% sure’ they want a room your leasing, but won’t be able to pay you until next week, then your solution is to ask them for some up front. You’re smarter now that you’re older, and know how to manage your time and money.

Finally, if a friend tells you about an offer she’s received for a risqué-modeling shoot, but proceeds to explain that she barely knows the male photographer, chances are you’re going to help her confirm his website, Facebook, and LinkedIn profiles to make sure he’s legitimate and that your friend is safe.

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6. You don’t fall for false flattery

You’re experienced, and you’ve met a lot of different types of people. You know the users, the flatterers, and the frenemies. You’ve learned to discern the difference between false flattery and genuine compliments, and no longer have an ego that needs constant boosting. The only compliments you value are the ones that come from the heart, and are genuine. These compliments mean the most to you when they are from someone you deeply care about.

7. You find yourself giving advice and sharing insights often

I mean often. Having been through some tough experiences yourself inclines you to give lots of advice to those who are still navigating their way through life. Although this can often times come off as annoying, controlling, or patronizing, those who know you will understand that it comes from a genuine desire to help.

8. You know with certainty what you don’t want

You take calculated measures to avoid these things. You’ve learned through mistakes to know what your deal breakers are and how to handle them.

Featured photo credit: Girl from Behind With Fantasy Sky via picjumbo.com

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Last Updated on January 18, 2019

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.

You may also want to read: How to Stop the Negative Spin of Thoughts, Emotions and Actions.

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