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Scientists Explain Why Smart People Prefer Fewer Friends

Scientists Explain Why Smart People Prefer Fewer Friends

Many of us have pondered at one time or another, what makes a life well lived. Is it being surrounded by family and a lot of friends? Could it be surrounded by a select handful of people in your life? Have you ever observed that really smart person in your life and the friends they surround themselves with? What about how many friends they choose to surround themselves with? It turns out that smarter people prefer fewer friends and here is why.

What Would Make Most People Happy

New research, published in the British Journal of Psychology, digs into the questions of what exactly defines a life well lived. Turns out, the hunter-gatherer lifestyles of our ancestors form the foundation of what makes us happy now. The research surveyed approximately 15,000 people between the ages of 18 to 28 years-old. Researchers found the people living in densely populated areas reported less satisfaction with the quality of their life. The next finding of the people polled suggests that the more frequent social interactions with close friends, a person has greatly improves self-reported happiness.

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Smart People Are An Exception

However, there is an exception. For those with higher intelligence quotients, these correlations drastically diminished. “The effect of population density on life satisfaction was therefore more than twice as large for low-IQ individuals”. So, the more intelligent you are, the less satisfied you are with life if you socialize with friends more frequently. But why?

Smart People Are Focused on Long-Term Objectives

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Two friends riding in the backseat of convertible

    People with higher IQ’s and the capacity to use their intelligence are less likely to spend time socializing. Why? Intelligent people are focused on long-term objectives. They are compelled and maybe a bit more driven to use their intelligence to create something bigger than themselves.

    For example, think of someone you know who went to graduate school or started their own business. While pursuing their ambitions and goals, they had to minimize social interactions to stay on task to achieve their goal. An intelligent person, on the pursuit of achieving something bigger and better than themselves, may deem social interaction as a distraction that pulls them away from long-term objectives, which in turn, may affect their overall well-being.

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    When pursuing long-term objective, the smarter individual would rather stay home and work towards their dreams and ambitions rather than going out on a Saturday evening with a few friends. It’s not that they don’t value friendship; they do. But when they are on the prowl of achieving greatness, they may deem socialization as distractions.

    How Smart People Develops Differently During Evolution of the Human Brain

    The human brain evolved to meet the demands of our ancestral environment in the savanna. Population density was low and we subsisted by living a hunter-gatherer lifestyle. During these times, having frequent contact with lifelong friends was necessary for our survival and for further reproduction of our species.

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    Propelling us to today, our life has changed drastically and so have our interactions with one another. Intelligent people may be better able to deal with the new challenges that modern day life throws us. Meaning, intelligent people have a better ability to solve evolutionary and new problems and have an easier time coping and dealing with new situations.

    When you’re smarter, you’re better able to adapt to things and have an easier time merging your ancestral predispositions with the modern world. Living in a high-population area may have a smaller effect on your well-being, but it may be due to being better able to jettison the hunter-gatherer need to socialize when you’re pursuing your dreams and ambitions.

    Smart People Value Relationships In A Different Way

    Intelligent people value friendships and relationships just like anyone else, but they tend to be more selective with how they spend their time. It isn’t that they don’t cherish friendships and frequent socialization occurrences, but they also cherish their personal pursuits.

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    Founder of Be Moved, Life Coach and Writer.

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    Last Updated on May 21, 2019

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

    For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

    If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

    Example 1

    You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

    You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

    In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

    Example 2

    You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

    People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

    You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

    Example 3

    You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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    The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

    Example 4

    You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

    Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

    If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

    Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

    • Understand your own communication style
    • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
    • Communicate with precision and care
    • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

    1. Understand Your Communication Style

    To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

    In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

    Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

    2. Learn Others Communication Styles

    Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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    If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

    “How do you prefer to receive information?”

    This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

    To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

    3. Exercise Precision and Care

    A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

    On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

    Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

    I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

    I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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    In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

    The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

    Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

    4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

    Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

    In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

    “Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

    Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

    Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

    It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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    It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

    It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

    Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

    Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

    The Bottom Line

    When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

    I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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    Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

    Reference

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