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5 Of The Most Deadly Mistakes When Learning Something New

5 Of The Most Deadly Mistakes When Learning Something New

It’s always exciting to learn something new, whether it’s a foreign language, an instrument, or some kind of art.

But don’t let the excitement overtake you just yet. When most people learn something new, they make mistakes that cost them time, energy, and money. Maybe you decide that you want to start painting and, when you don’t manage to create something that rivals Monet in the first week, you give up, frustrated. Or you decide that you want to play the saxophone and your learning strategy consists of poking around on the Internet for teaching clues — and that leaves you feeling hopelessly lost. Or maybe you want to learn how to speak Spanish and you attempt to do it all by yourself at home, without any help or guidance, and that results in you grasping for the right words.

Sidestep these pitfalls by creating a strategy for how you will learn something new. The first step is to avoid these 5 costly mistakes, so you can set yourself up for long-term learning success.

Mistake 1: Not setting a specific goal

Without a specific goal to work towards, it’s easy to lose motivation. Goals help you identify what you want to achieve, keep you focused on what is and isn’t important, and help you measure your progress. If you need some inspiration on what your goals should be, start by asking yourself these questions: What would you like to get out of this? How will you do that? And who can help you reach that point?

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Mistake 2: Not immersing yourself

Think about how you learned how to ride a bicycle or swim You spent hours and days on a bike or in the water. Yet, most people rely heavily on video courses or tutorials to learn something new. That might be a good starting point, but you often need to dive deeper.

A Georgetown University Medical Center researcher conducted a study where subjects were divided into two groups and were observed using a technique called electroencephalography.

The two groups were both asked to study an artificial language. One group studied the language in a formal classroom setting while the other was trained through immersion.

After five months, the results clearly showed that the immersed group displayed the full brain patterns of a native speaker.

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Nothing beats learning by doing. Jump into the trenches and get your hands dirty.

Mistake 3: Going at it alone

“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

While you do have to carve out alone time so that you can study on your own, you need a support system to grow. There are multiple ways to do this. Find a friend, colleague, or a family member that can keep you accountable on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. You want someone that has a similar, if not the same, goal as you do, where you can add value to each other. If you don’t have a single person who can be there for you, join or build a group that serves the same function but with more people, ensuring that someone will always be available. Or make a bigger investment by hiring a coach. This person can provide one-on-one guidance and attention, because they are sharing their expertise solely with you and specifically addressing any of your weaknesses.

Mistake 4: Aiming for perfection

Perfection is a momentum killer.

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When you’re starting to learn something for the first time, you’re going to face failure. It’s inevitable. This is why it’s much more important to focus on process versus progress. That means that if you want to paint, relish filling a canvas with colors of your choosing and don’t worry about the final product in the early stages. And don’t compare yourself to the masters or those who have been practicing the activity for years. Instead, refocus on your goals and what you wanted to get from tackling a new endeavor.

Mistake 5: Giving up too early

According to bestselling author Seth Godin, there are five reasons why someone will quit:

  1. You run out of time (and quit)
  2. You run out of money (and quit)
  3. You get scared (and quit)
  4. You’re not serious about it (and quit)
  5. You lose interest (and quit)

If you’re like 99% of people who have quit before, it’s probably because of the reasons Godin listed — lack of drive, interest, or guidance.

This “dip” due to lack of motivation is something all of us go through several times in the process of mastery —  even the best performers in the world.

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We all experience a high of energy and excitement when we first start to learn something new because this is the natural feeling of the “honeymoon” phase.

The best things always take more time than you originally expect. If you’re truly passionate about achieving your goals, you need to see the long-term vision instead of expecting short-term results overnight.

Do you know someone who has made these mistakes? Share this article with them!

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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