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If You Feel Lost At 29, Don’t Worry, Read This

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If You Feel Lost At 29, Don’t Worry, Read This

The age of 29 is a weird think to think about. It is the penultimate year to yours 20s and one that leaves you in a fit of confusion on how to feel about the next birthday. A weird stigma surrounds the idea of aging in the current culture of America and it baffles me. At 29, people should be excited for 30, they should look back on the previous decade and see a trail of growth and harmony, not stare at the future in fear of what they will appear to others as. For those toeing the line of knowing all too well what it is like to be 29, never fear, just continue reading.

In a conversation I once had with a friend of mine she expressed the idea that she does not enjoy the idea behind the saying of “you look younger than you are.” It sounds wild but look at it this way, where were you ten years ago? I know myself I was more of a wreck than I am now, and that’s slightly terrifying if people can see me and expect me to be at that younger age. Although I have wild and vivid stories from that different past, I think where I am now is a much more sincere and honest lifestyle, and one that has been revealed with wisdom and spiritual power. At 30 I hope to wear myself as an individual that has survived all the questionings of my twenties, not back myself into a corner fearing what I look like and believing in the propaganda that I have to retain that youth.

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At the same time there is a bit of worrying that can still be happening at 29. Relationships may still be coming and going for some people while others are settling into their marriages. It can be an odd dichotomy of worlds to walk through. The entire idea behind life should not be to constantly compete with your friends, however. If you happen to be single (shoutout to all the others out there) do not — I repeat do NOT — rush into things just because your friends have. That can be a bitter way to end a potential beautiful relationship. It’s okay to still be meandering through life in constant wonder of who will scoop you into their arms. While your other friends may have found their love and are having kids, don’t worry, your chance will come. For those in touching relationships with children, you already are finding out so much about yourself through raising your offspring that you should be proud to look at age 30 and the next decade of growth that happens not only for you but your kids as well.

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Age 29 should also be a timeframe where before you enter a new decade, you should evaluate what course of action you have taken. Hopefully, your heart has been followed and you are doing things now that are worth value to you instead of just “getting by” like you used to (hence why that looking youthful idea irks me). If not, people have been known to dive into the friendly “quarter life crisis” and find out a better work situation for themselves. Again, don’t worry if that is happening, it’s better to have a want to better yourself the next ten years after a decade under the influence that was your twenties. I mean, think about it. At some point you turned 21 and might have been surrounded by college friends and the bar scene. It happens to most people. Now, at 29 you have a potential of eight (albeit maybe even 14) years of experience under your belt of partying and you can still have a great time. You just might be in a state where you also want to be having a great time in your work life as well, instead of ambitiously working to skate by with rent or mortgages. Another thing, no one is ever too old to go back to school. Maybe you have found a new happiness for meteorology or journalism or even fashion design. You will find you are even more equipped now after all the experiences life has thrown at you to find a new field to work in.

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At 29, people should have their heads higher than before. At 29, everyone should be happy to have lived their first quarter of their life. At 29, moving on is both pensive and poignant, but it marks a new chapter in life that people should show more excitement for. Instead of worrying about the big three oh, look at it directly and accept how beautiful you and your life are.

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Featured photo credit: amjorsfeldt via cdn.morguefile.com

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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