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If You Feel Lost At 29, Don’t Worry, Read This

If You Feel Lost At 29, Don’t Worry, Read This

The age of 29 is a weird think to think about. It is the penultimate year to yours 20s and one that leaves you in a fit of confusion on how to feel about the next birthday. A weird stigma surrounds the idea of aging in the current culture of America and it baffles me. At 29, people should be excited for 30, they should look back on the previous decade and see a trail of growth and harmony, not stare at the future in fear of what they will appear to others as. For those toeing the line of knowing all too well what it is like to be 29, never fear, just continue reading.

In a conversation I once had with a friend of mine she expressed the idea that she does not enjoy the idea behind the saying of “you look younger than you are.” It sounds wild but look at it this way, where were you ten years ago? I know myself I was more of a wreck than I am now, and that’s slightly terrifying if people can see me and expect me to be at that younger age. Although I have wild and vivid stories from that different past, I think where I am now is a much more sincere and honest lifestyle, and one that has been revealed with wisdom and spiritual power. At 30 I hope to wear myself as an individual that has survived all the questionings of my twenties, not back myself into a corner fearing what I look like and believing in the propaganda that I have to retain that youth.

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At the same time there is a bit of worrying that can still be happening at 29. Relationships may still be coming and going for some people while others are settling into their marriages. It can be an odd dichotomy of worlds to walk through. The entire idea behind life should not be to constantly compete with your friends, however. If you happen to be single (shoutout to all the others out there) do not — I repeat do NOT — rush into things just because your friends have. That can be a bitter way to end a potential beautiful relationship. It’s okay to still be meandering through life in constant wonder of who will scoop you into their arms. While your other friends may have found their love and are having kids, don’t worry, your chance will come. For those in touching relationships with children, you already are finding out so much about yourself through raising your offspring that you should be proud to look at age 30 and the next decade of growth that happens not only for you but your kids as well.

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Age 29 should also be a timeframe where before you enter a new decade, you should evaluate what course of action you have taken. Hopefully, your heart has been followed and you are doing things now that are worth value to you instead of just “getting by” like you used to (hence why that looking youthful idea irks me). If not, people have been known to dive into the friendly “quarter life crisis” and find out a better work situation for themselves. Again, don’t worry if that is happening, it’s better to have a want to better yourself the next ten years after a decade under the influence that was your twenties. I mean, think about it. At some point you turned 21 and might have been surrounded by college friends and the bar scene. It happens to most people. Now, at 29 you have a potential of eight (albeit maybe even 14) years of experience under your belt of partying and you can still have a great time. You just might be in a state where you also want to be having a great time in your work life as well, instead of ambitiously working to skate by with rent or mortgages. Another thing, no one is ever too old to go back to school. Maybe you have found a new happiness for meteorology or journalism or even fashion design. You will find you are even more equipped now after all the experiences life has thrown at you to find a new field to work in.

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At 29, people should have their heads higher than before. At 29, everyone should be happy to have lived their first quarter of their life. At 29, moving on is both pensive and poignant, but it marks a new chapter in life that people should show more excitement for. Instead of worrying about the big three oh, look at it directly and accept how beautiful you and your life are.

Featured photo credit: amjorsfeldt via cdn.morguefile.com

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Last Updated on December 17, 2018

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Why You Think You’re Not Good Enough and How To Believe in Yourself

Have you ever wanted to say something at work, but a little voice of doubt crept in and said, “what if you are wrong”?

Maybe you wanted to apply for that promotion or ask that special someone on a date, but something kept you from taking action. When you think you’re not good enough, you tend to fear the outcome and lack faith in your abilities. That is why it is vital you discover how to believe in yourself so you can accomplish your goals and create your dream life.

Whatever your situation, the fears and self-doubt your false beliefs create will always stop you in your tracks. Identifying the beliefs that cause you to sabotage your life is the first step to removing them.

Self-doubt causes inaction, and inaction leads to regret. When you are not following your passion and living your dream life, you are left with a lot of questions:

  • What if I took a chance on myself?
  • Could I have had a better life if I took more risks?
  • Am I be satisfied with the legacy I am leaving behind?
  • What could I have accomplished if I did not settle for less?

So why would you think you’re not good enough?

1. Parenting

The perception you have of yourself is based on your past experiences. There are studies that show children mimic everything from their parents ability to regulate emotions, to their parents belief about money.[1]

I have had clients who did not believe they were good enough because they did not receive any positive reinforcement as a child. When they were young, their parents were extremely overprotective.

Think of your childhood challenges like dragons you had to slay. Each obstacle you overcame was another dragon you successfully removed from your life. As you slay more dragons, your self-esteem and confidence increase. When someone has overprotective parents, their parents end up slaying the dragons.

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As a result, the child builds more confidence in their parent’s abilities, while still doubting their own.

If you are never encouraged to slay your own dragons, you start to doubt whether you can. It is only natural for a child to conclude their parents are always helping them because they think they need it. This child ages into an adult who still believes they are not good enough. They seek the help and confirmation of others, and they rarely stand-up to opposition.

Solution: Slay Your Dragons!

If you want to believe in yourself, you are going to have to take steps to rebuild your trust in yourself. Start by keeping your word to others and arriving on-time. By showing yourself that others can (and do) trust you, you are going to feel more comfortable trusting yourself.

As you move onto larger and more challenging tasks, you have built a foundation of trust in your ability to keep your word. Next, you are going to want to reclaim your sword from others. At first, you may want to confide in whoever it is currently slaying your dragons.

Understand if it is your parent or someone who loves you, they want the best for you and mean well. You are simply going to tell them that you want to do the work, and will ask them for their thoughts in the planning phase. Feel free to check in with them and give them updates on your progress, while making sure they understand you are wanting to do the work yourself.

Then when the task is completed, let them know so you can celebrate together. Now that you have slayed your own dragon, you can start to reclaim your confidence. By you utilizing them as your guide, you get the added bonus of someone you respect and admire, telling you how amazing you are.

Think of it like a symbolic passing of the torch. Now, you are both dragon slayers. Which means all the positive attributes you attributed to them slaying your dragons, now belong to you.

2. Over-Exaggerating and Oversimplifying

Your past experiences may involve you or someone close to you failing. When you experience failure, you can lose your desire to continue. This has less to do with whether you are brave or scared, and more to do with the fact that your mind does not like failure.

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No one enjoys participating in events in which they under-perform. Outside of the usual reasons of embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy, and fear of failure – it is simply not fun.

Who wants to play baseball if they strikeout every time it is their turn? Would you enjoy singing in front of an audience if you were booed off the stage every time you performed? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

The thing about those two examples is no one really strikes out “every” at-bat. It is also unlikely someone could be booed off the stage “every time” they performed in-front of an audience.

What ends up happening is you oversimplify and exaggerate your past experiences and then your mind believes you. If you believe you are not good enough to ask someone on a date because they “always” tell you no, then do not be surprised you never muster the courage to do so.

If you want to overcome these feelings of inadequacy, start by changing your beliefs. This exercise does not need to be complicated. If you believe you strikeout every time it is your turn, I want to you to go to a batting cage and keep swinging until you hit the baseball.

When you experience success, I want you to take a mental note, write it down, or have someone video it. This is your proof that you do not always strike out. Then, whenever your belief that you are not good enough resurfaces, you are going to replay that video.

Regardless of the situation, you can find a successful experience that you are overlooking.

Solution: Read About the Failures of Others

It sounds a little crazy, I know, but reading about the failures of other successful people will improve your confidence. In a study conducted by Columbia University, they found that teaching students about the failures of great scientists encouraged them to do better.[2]

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When you are battling fear and self-doubt, you tend to over-exaggerate the abilities of others and diminish your own by comparison. You start to believe the successful are successful because they are courageous risk-takers, who do not take no for an answer. You tell yourself, they are meant to succeed, while you on the other hand are not.

When you are able to relate to the successful, you start to realize they have the same struggles and challenges you do. The only difference is they kept going.

Now it is not a question of whether you can succeed, it is a question of whether you want to succeed.

3. Undervalue Yourself

What is the main difference between someone who believes they are good enough and someone who does not? The person who believes they are good enough understands they are a person of value.

What I mean by this is if you do not believe you are worth being listened to, you will not have anything to say. If you do not believe you are good enough to be respected and treated as such, you will accept and rationalize all kinds of mistreatment.

There is an old saying that we are treated as we allow ourselves to be treated. When someone has the confidence and self-esteem that commands respect, they will not accept being treated any kind of way. However, if someone does not see themselves as worthy, they will remain in toxic situations because they do not believe anything better is on the horizon.

Dr. Jennifer Crocker, who worked on a series of self-esteem studies, found in her latest research that:[3]

“College students who based their self-worth on external sources–including appearance, approval from others and even their academic performance–reported more stress, anger, academic problems, relationship conflicts, and had higher levels of drug and alcohol use and symptoms of eating disorders”

Solution: Internalize Your Self-Worth

Instead of valuing yourself based on the awards, recognition, and accolades of others, you need to search internally. By basing your perception of yourself on your core values, you can regain control over self-image.

Instead of focusing on things that are outside of control, keep your mind on what it is that makes you special. You are not defined by your job, relationships, religion, or education. Rather, you are defined by the manner in which you participate in these things. You may be a creative, hard-working, and compassionate person; and that shows up in every thing you do.

Understand that you do not need to be creative, hard-working, and compassionate all the time to consider yourself these things. You are not trying to be perfect, but you are trying to connect with your true self.

By understanding the similarities in which you tackle objectives, you will build a consistent and powerful self-worth that stands apart from external confirmation.

Final Thoughts

Do not allow your past experiences do dictate your future success. You do not want to look back on your life and have a lot of questions and regrets.

Build trust in yourself by taking action today. This will help you build the confidence you need to believe in yourself and your ability to become the champion of your life.

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Featured photo credit: Riccardo Mion via unsplash.com

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