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7 Habits That Will Make Men Attractive

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7 Habits That Will Make Men Attractive

If you expect to get advice like, “grow a five o’clock shadow” or “work out”, you’re wrong. That kind of advice doesn’t fix the real problem.

What you will learn are the mental and behavioral habits that will increase your likelihood of attracting women.

How do I know this?

In a period of 4 months, I transformed myself from someone who struggled to interact with women with confidence into someone who often had spontaneous positive interactions with women as I went about daily life. That’s right. By accident.

I want you to let go and allow me to indulge your mind with an alternative reality of what it takes to become that guy that women want to talk with, spend time with, and date.

So are you ready? Lets get started!

1. Ask empowering questions

You’re walking down the street and see a beautiful woman walking past you and you have the urge to approach her. What is going through your mind?

Most likely you’re asking yourself questions like, “what if she doesn’t like me?” or “what if I get embarrassed?”

There are two types of questions: empowering questions, and disempowering questions. Empowering questions cause you to take action, and disempowering ones causes you to freeze up.

The types of questions you ask yourself effects what you chose to focus on and thus, how you’ll feel.

When you focus on what can go wrong, you get approach anxiety. But when you focus on what can go right or what you can learn from the situation, you will feel empowered.

Men who expect women to want to engage with them ask questions that guide their mind to focus on the desired outcome. If you focus on what you want you’ll feel excited; if you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll feel nervous.

The difference between a man who interacts confidently with women on a consistent basis and a man who doesn’t, comes down to the difference in the questions they consistently ask themselves.

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If you ask disempowering questions (“what if she doesn’t like me and rejects me in front of everyone?”), your mind will look for answers, even if it doesn’t make rational sense. The response will sound like, “you might look stupid in front of everyone”. A response to a disempowering question brings feelings of doubt and lack of confidence.

But if you ask empowering questions, such as, “what if she’s my next girlfriend?”, or “what can I learn from this regardless of the outcome?”, your mind will begin to look for answers, such as “I can’t miss out! I must approach her!” or “I can use this as a reference experience to improve my confidence with women,” your mind will respond with thoughts and emotions that will make you take action.

Rather than asking disempowering questions, begin to become aware of whenever you notice yourself asking disempowering questions and in exchange ask empowering question.

So if you hear yourself asking yourself, “what if she’s already taken?”, stop and interrupt the pattern by asking yourself, “what if she doesn’t have a boyfriend and she likes me?” or something along those lines. The feeling of missing out on your next girlfriend or partner will cause you to take action.

Anytime you feel some doubt or uncertainty, become aware of the questions you have to answer to elicit that kind of emotional response. You can ask yourself, “What would I have to ask myself to feel afraid of going for the kiss?” If you are aware enough you’ll notice you’re asking yourself disempowering questions such as “what if she rejects me?”

So take control of your mind and begin to ask yourself empowering questions so that you can expect more out of life and increase your confidence with talking to women!

2. Meditate

I always instruct my students to learn how to meditate because meditation enables you to be calm and relaxed in the presence of a woman.

Most guys suffer from anxiety when they chat up a beautiful woman. Learning how to meditate will enable you to actually be yourself because your true self is not inhibited by nervousness.

Studies show that meditation helps regulate stress. So before going out on a date or to a bar, meditate.

Studies also show that men who meditate are perceived as more attractive to women compared to men who don’t meditate.

That’s the best way to pregame.

3. Be congruent

Being congruent is whenever you align with your thoughts, words and actions.

For example, If you want to kiss the girl, but hesitate because of fear of rejection, and you try to hide your fear by acting confident, you’ll come off as weird and indecisive. Your thoughts are not aligned with your words and actions.

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Being congruent is embracing how you feel and not being afraid to express it. If you want to kiss her, go for it. Don’t wait for the right moment, just do it.

But If you fear going for the kiss then don’t hide it as well. The willingness to show weakness is a sign of a confident and naturally attractive man. The more you try to hide, the less confident you are.

If you feel nervous about approaching a girl, and you attempt to approach as though you’re confident, it’ll come off as weird and creepy. That’s why most girls think guys are creepy: because they’re trying to put on an act. It’s better to embrace and accept that you feel nervous.

What shows more confidence, being nervous and trying to hide it or being nervous and not being afraid to show it?

Sometimes when I’m feeling frustrated and I see a girl I like, I don’t try to approach trying to give off a happy vibe. I approach embracing my frustration, so the opener I use will sound similar to this: Damn, I feel so frustrated with things right now, but I thought you were cute and I had to approach you.

That’ll come off genuine and charming. The more real you are, the higher the chance the girl will want to listen to you.

4. Be self amused

One of the few reasons we love kids (just kidding) is because they know how to have fun on their own; they know how to amuse themselves. If a child wants to run around and act like a plane, they’ll do so without feeling judged. The child welcomes that you join in the fun, but they don’t need you in order to have fun.

In relation to women, being self amused is expressing how you feel without wanting anything in return. If you feel like approaching this woman, you do so because you feel like doing it, not because you expect something from it.

Most guys focus on making making the girl react, but what I want you to start developing is focusing on making yourself react.

You’re not focused on saying things or doing things to game her, instead you’re focusing on gaming yourself.

If you say a joke, you say the joke because it’s funny to you, not because you want to get a reaction out of her. You won’t be peeking out of one eye to see if she’s laughing because you said the joke because it was funny to you. She just happened to be there.

When you begin to get in the habit of amusing yourself you become a fun person to be with. Not only with other people, but with yourself. You can have fun without needing anyone to make it whole. Nothing’s better than hanging out with someone who’s not trying to impress you and who’s able to have fun regardless if you’re there or not.

This causes people to want to join in the fun because if they see you having fun on your own, they figure that you must be fun to hang out with. That’s the logic that causes women, and people in general, to be drawn to you.

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If you approach a girl and she’s acting in a way that makes you unsure how she’s feeling, you won’t react automatically negatively to this out of defensiveness, you’re deriving your positive emotions from your own self, not from her reaction. But when you’re focused on getting a good reaction from her, any negative reaction causes you to lose your confidence.

Take back control and focus on making yourself react because that’s something that’s in your control.

5. Be a passionate

There’s a difference in the manner with which a passionate person expresses themselves as opposed to someone who lacks passion. They are more enthusiastic, and energetic, and the great thing about it is that they’re enthusiasm is contagious, no matter what it is they’re talking about.

If you say anything with enough passion, it’s going to be perceived as more interesting than if you spoke without passion.

I’ve had a lot of women tell me that they love whenever I talk about anything relating to psychology and/or mindfulness because they can feel the passion behind my words.

Having a passion also means that your sense of self is not limited to only women. You find a great deal of pleasure in engaging in your passion which means that if you go home alone you won’t feel as bad. You have something to look forward to.

One of my passions is basketball. I know that if I don’t go home with a woman, basketball will always be there for me. I can just forget everything and play ball.

Women want to know that you’re going to be alright if they happen to leave you because nothing sucks more than knowing that leaving someone will ruin their lives. That’s a huge load of responsibility to place on someone and something that most women wouldn’t want to take on.

6. Don’t take rejection personally

The most successful people in the world, particularly men who are good at interacting with women, differ in the way they react to “rejection” compared to men who don’t get how to talk to women.

I realized that when a girl rejects you, she really isn’t rejecting you, she’s just rejecting the idea of being with you. The only reason why we take it personally is because our sense of self is attached to the woman’s reaction (if she likes you or not).

When you begin to see that rejections happen every second of the day, you’ll realize that its no big deal.

Think about it, you reject people, I reject people, we all reject people on a daily basis. If we all took every rejection personally we would all be going nuts!

For the most part, women reject men because they either are having a bad day, or you caught them at a bad time. But we never see that. We think we’re the center of the universe and as a result she had to reject me because of “me”.

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No. Let go of that mentality. Realize that rejection is never personal and even if it was they’re just one person. They don’t know you so they can’t really reject “you”. They can just reject the idea they have of you. With that mentality in place you’re able to leave with a smile after a girl rejects you. That’s how you become mentally strong.

7. Develop a positive self image

Men who are successful with women see themselves as being successful at interacting with women. Men who are not see themselves as someone who is not successful with women.

What do you think happens when you imagine yourself as someone who’s not successful at engaging with women? You usually feel a loss of confidence. You feel pity for yourself as a result of the self image you’re seeing in your mind.

But if you see yourself as someone who is successful with women, you’ll naturally feel the motivation to become that person. This desire will cause you to take action and inevitably make this self image a reality.

But most guys don’t know that the self image is dynamic; you can change it. It’s not static.

By developing the self image of someone who us successful with women, rejection will not be perceived as a reflection of who you are as a person, but rather as feedback.

You may ask yourself, “how come this happens?”

It’s because if you perceive it it as a reflection of your self image, it will not be consistent with what you see inside, and as a result your mind will choose to ignore it.

The mind will only process feedback that strengthens the self image. That’s why if you believe you you aren’t good at interacting with women, you’ll only notice the feedback that confirms your self image. Rejection will sting more and when a girl does not respond to your text it’ll hurt your feelings.

This is why confident people can take an insult with a smile because their minds don’t allow them to process what happened. They laugh at it because they know it’s not true.

So now that we know this, how do you change your self image? Simple. Just take 30 minutes a day and envision who you’d like to become. Notice how women react differently to you and notice how you react differently as well.

If you do this for about 30 minutes a day, this compelling future will become too exciting for you to sit around and not take actions towards achieving it.

Conclusion

The reason why I call them habits is because they take time to develop.

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If you simply use the last exercise that I showed you about visualizing your ideal self for 30 minutes a day, and you see an image of yourself having already ingrained these 7 habits, you’ll feel like a different person, and if done consistently, your life will reflect those changes.

It’s inevitable. Your subconscious mind will make sure that you get what you focus on.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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