Advertising
Advertising

7 Habits That Will Make Men Attractive

7 Habits That Will Make Men Attractive

If you expect to get advice like, “grow a five o’clock shadow” or “work out”, you’re wrong. That kind of advice doesn’t fix the real problem.

What you will learn are the mental and behavioral habits that will increase your likelihood of attracting women.

How do I know this?

In a period of 4 months, I transformed myself from someone who struggled to interact with women with confidence into someone who often had spontaneous positive interactions with women as I went about daily life. That’s right. By accident.

I want you to let go and allow me to indulge your mind with an alternative reality of what it takes to become that guy that women want to talk with, spend time with, and date.

So are you ready? Lets get started!

1. Ask empowering questions

You’re walking down the street and see a beautiful woman walking past you and you have the urge to approach her. What is going through your mind?

Most likely you’re asking yourself questions like, “what if she doesn’t like me?” or “what if I get embarrassed?”

There are two types of questions: empowering questions, and disempowering questions. Empowering questions cause you to take action, and disempowering ones causes you to freeze up.

The types of questions you ask yourself effects what you chose to focus on and thus, how you’ll feel.

When you focus on what can go wrong, you get approach anxiety. But when you focus on what can go right or what you can learn from the situation, you will feel empowered.

Men who expect women to want to engage with them ask questions that guide their mind to focus on the desired outcome. If you focus on what you want you’ll feel excited; if you focus on what you don’t want, you’ll feel nervous.

The difference between a man who interacts confidently with women on a consistent basis and a man who doesn’t, comes down to the difference in the questions they consistently ask themselves.

Advertising

If you ask disempowering questions (“what if she doesn’t like me and rejects me in front of everyone?”), your mind will look for answers, even if it doesn’t make rational sense. The response will sound like, “you might look stupid in front of everyone”. A response to a disempowering question brings feelings of doubt and lack of confidence.

But if you ask empowering questions, such as, “what if she’s my next girlfriend?”, or “what can I learn from this regardless of the outcome?”, your mind will begin to look for answers, such as “I can’t miss out! I must approach her!” or “I can use this as a reference experience to improve my confidence with women,” your mind will respond with thoughts and emotions that will make you take action.

Rather than asking disempowering questions, begin to become aware of whenever you notice yourself asking disempowering questions and in exchange ask empowering question.

So if you hear yourself asking yourself, “what if she’s already taken?”, stop and interrupt the pattern by asking yourself, “what if she doesn’t have a boyfriend and she likes me?” or something along those lines. The feeling of missing out on your next girlfriend or partner will cause you to take action.

Anytime you feel some doubt or uncertainty, become aware of the questions you have to answer to elicit that kind of emotional response. You can ask yourself, “What would I have to ask myself to feel afraid of going for the kiss?” If you are aware enough you’ll notice you’re asking yourself disempowering questions such as “what if she rejects me?”

So take control of your mind and begin to ask yourself empowering questions so that you can expect more out of life and increase your confidence with talking to women!

2. Meditate

I always instruct my students to learn how to meditate because meditation enables you to be calm and relaxed in the presence of a woman.

Most guys suffer from anxiety when they chat up a beautiful woman. Learning how to meditate will enable you to actually be yourself because your true self is not inhibited by nervousness.

Studies show that meditation helps regulate stress. So before going out on a date or to a bar, meditate.

Studies also show that men who meditate are perceived as more attractive to women compared to men who don’t meditate.

That’s the best way to pregame.

3. Be congruent

Being congruent is whenever you align with your thoughts, words and actions.

For example, If you want to kiss the girl, but hesitate because of fear of rejection, and you try to hide your fear by acting confident, you’ll come off as weird and indecisive. Your thoughts are not aligned with your words and actions.

Advertising

Being congruent is embracing how you feel and not being afraid to express it. If you want to kiss her, go for it. Don’t wait for the right moment, just do it.

But If you fear going for the kiss then don’t hide it as well. The willingness to show weakness is a sign of a confident and naturally attractive man. The more you try to hide, the less confident you are.

If you feel nervous about approaching a girl, and you attempt to approach as though you’re confident, it’ll come off as weird and creepy. That’s why most girls think guys are creepy: because they’re trying to put on an act. It’s better to embrace and accept that you feel nervous.

What shows more confidence, being nervous and trying to hide it or being nervous and not being afraid to show it?

Sometimes when I’m feeling frustrated and I see a girl I like, I don’t try to approach trying to give off a happy vibe. I approach embracing my frustration, so the opener I use will sound similar to this: Damn, I feel so frustrated with things right now, but I thought you were cute and I had to approach you.

That’ll come off genuine and charming. The more real you are, the higher the chance the girl will want to listen to you.

4. Be self amused

One of the few reasons we love kids (just kidding) is because they know how to have fun on their own; they know how to amuse themselves. If a child wants to run around and act like a plane, they’ll do so without feeling judged. The child welcomes that you join in the fun, but they don’t need you in order to have fun.

In relation to women, being self amused is expressing how you feel without wanting anything in return. If you feel like approaching this woman, you do so because you feel like doing it, not because you expect something from it.

Most guys focus on making making the girl react, but what I want you to start developing is focusing on making yourself react.

You’re not focused on saying things or doing things to game her, instead you’re focusing on gaming yourself.

If you say a joke, you say the joke because it’s funny to you, not because you want to get a reaction out of her. You won’t be peeking out of one eye to see if she’s laughing because you said the joke because it was funny to you. She just happened to be there.

When you begin to get in the habit of amusing yourself you become a fun person to be with. Not only with other people, but with yourself. You can have fun without needing anyone to make it whole. Nothing’s better than hanging out with someone who’s not trying to impress you and who’s able to have fun regardless if you’re there or not.

This causes people to want to join in the fun because if they see you having fun on your own, they figure that you must be fun to hang out with. That’s the logic that causes women, and people in general, to be drawn to you.

Advertising

If you approach a girl and she’s acting in a way that makes you unsure how she’s feeling, you won’t react automatically negatively to this out of defensiveness, you’re deriving your positive emotions from your own self, not from her reaction. But when you’re focused on getting a good reaction from her, any negative reaction causes you to lose your confidence.

Take back control and focus on making yourself react because that’s something that’s in your control.

5. Be a passionate

There’s a difference in the manner with which a passionate person expresses themselves as opposed to someone who lacks passion. They are more enthusiastic, and energetic, and the great thing about it is that they’re enthusiasm is contagious, no matter what it is they’re talking about.

If you say anything with enough passion, it’s going to be perceived as more interesting than if you spoke without passion.

I’ve had a lot of women tell me that they love whenever I talk about anything relating to psychology and/or mindfulness because they can feel the passion behind my words.

Having a passion also means that your sense of self is not limited to only women. You find a great deal of pleasure in engaging in your passion which means that if you go home alone you won’t feel as bad. You have something to look forward to.

One of my passions is basketball. I know that if I don’t go home with a woman, basketball will always be there for me. I can just forget everything and play ball.

Women want to know that you’re going to be alright if they happen to leave you because nothing sucks more than knowing that leaving someone will ruin their lives. That’s a huge load of responsibility to place on someone and something that most women wouldn’t want to take on.

6. Don’t take rejection personally

The most successful people in the world, particularly men who are good at interacting with women, differ in the way they react to “rejection” compared to men who don’t get how to talk to women.

I realized that when a girl rejects you, she really isn’t rejecting you, she’s just rejecting the idea of being with you. The only reason why we take it personally is because our sense of self is attached to the woman’s reaction (if she likes you or not).

When you begin to see that rejections happen every second of the day, you’ll realize that its no big deal.

Think about it, you reject people, I reject people, we all reject people on a daily basis. If we all took every rejection personally we would all be going nuts!

For the most part, women reject men because they either are having a bad day, or you caught them at a bad time. But we never see that. We think we’re the center of the universe and as a result she had to reject me because of “me”.

Advertising

No. Let go of that mentality. Realize that rejection is never personal and even if it was they’re just one person. They don’t know you so they can’t really reject “you”. They can just reject the idea they have of you. With that mentality in place you’re able to leave with a smile after a girl rejects you. That’s how you become mentally strong.

7. Develop a positive self image

Men who are successful with women see themselves as being successful at interacting with women. Men who are not see themselves as someone who is not successful with women.

What do you think happens when you imagine yourself as someone who’s not successful at engaging with women? You usually feel a loss of confidence. You feel pity for yourself as a result of the self image you’re seeing in your mind.

But if you see yourself as someone who is successful with women, you’ll naturally feel the motivation to become that person. This desire will cause you to take action and inevitably make this self image a reality.

But most guys don’t know that the self image is dynamic; you can change it. It’s not static.

By developing the self image of someone who us successful with women, rejection will not be perceived as a reflection of who you are as a person, but rather as feedback.

You may ask yourself, “how come this happens?”

It’s because if you perceive it it as a reflection of your self image, it will not be consistent with what you see inside, and as a result your mind will choose to ignore it.

The mind will only process feedback that strengthens the self image. That’s why if you believe you you aren’t good at interacting with women, you’ll only notice the feedback that confirms your self image. Rejection will sting more and when a girl does not respond to your text it’ll hurt your feelings.

This is why confident people can take an insult with a smile because their minds don’t allow them to process what happened. They laugh at it because they know it’s not true.

So now that we know this, how do you change your self image? Simple. Just take 30 minutes a day and envision who you’d like to become. Notice how women react differently to you and notice how you react differently as well.

If you do this for about 30 minutes a day, this compelling future will become too exciting for you to sit around and not take actions towards achieving it.

Conclusion

The reason why I call them habits is because they take time to develop.

If you simply use the last exercise that I showed you about visualizing your ideal self for 30 minutes a day, and you see an image of yourself having already ingrained these 7 habits, you’ll feel like a different person, and if done consistently, your life will reflect those changes.

It’s inevitable. Your subconscious mind will make sure that you get what you focus on.

More by this author

3 Lessons on how to be an Attractive Man Influenced by Buddhist Philosophy 7 Habits That Will Make Men Attractive How to Stop Being So Damn Needy Around Women Female smoking Science Says This Simple Hack Can Help You Stop Smoking Weed

Trending in Communication

1 15 Inspiring Ideas to Boost Your Motivation for Success 2 How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success 3 How to Turn Your Fear of Missing Out into a Joy of Missing Out 4 What Is Resilience and Why Is It Important? 5 Positive Motivation vs Negative Motivation: Which One Is Better?

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

Advertising

Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

Advertising

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

Advertising

3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

Advertising

5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

Read Next