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8 Things That Happen When You Stop Comparing

8 Things That Happen When You Stop Comparing

Comparing yourself to other people can be detrimental to your mental and physical well-being.

In this age of social media we have instant access to everyone’s life, from our 8th grade ex boyfriend to Taylor Swift’s cats (even though Meredith and Olivia are too stinkin’ cute.)

But with that instant access comes the fear of inferiority. Why is everyone’s life so much better than mine?

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If you are waiting for your boyfriend to propose, it seems like everyone on your FaceBook timeline is getting engaged. If you are having issues getting pregnant, it seems like everyone on your Instagram feed is posting ultrasound pictures or baby bump updates.

Whatever the case may be, it seems like all we do is constantly compare ourselves to other people and, at the end of the day, who is that actually benefiting?  Below are a list of 8 things that will happen when you stop comparing yourself to others.

1. You will realize how many wonderful things you already have.

Stop thinking about what you don’t have, and take a quick inventory of what you do have: a job (even if it’s not a great job), friends (even if it’s only a few close ones), a place to live (even if it’s not as big or beautiful as you want). There is always something you have to be grateful for in your life, so find out what those are and take a moment to be thankful.

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2. You will stop stressing over the things you do not have.

Once you have started being thankful for what you do have, you will stop stressing over the things that you don’t. It’s always great to have goals and aspire for bigger and better things, but it is not healthy to constantly focus on whatever it is you feel like your life is lacking.

3. You will put more focus on reaching your goals.

If there is something that your life is “lacking”, such as a college degree, or other realistically obtainable “thing”; it will only be once you have stopped feeling sorry for yourself, that you can put that energy towards obtaining it. Find out what it is you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to, and see if it’s something you have the ability to change or not. For example, if you are comparing yourself to people who are skinnier or more fit than you, take some steps towards eating better and leading a healthier lifestyle.

4. You will realize that what you are comparing yourself to is not always accurate.

Especially in terms of Social Media, what you see is definitely not always what you get. People are only putting the best versions of themselves out there for everyone to see.  So what you are comparing yourself to is an unfair comparison; like looking in a magazine and trying to obtain the look of the photo-shopped model. It may look perfect on the outside, but always remember that every single person has things they feel like their life is missing.

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5. You’ll see a rise in your self-esteem.

There is always going to be someone stronger, smarter, richer, and more beautiful then you. All you can do is set goals for yourself if there are things that you want to change, but beyond that, you are who you are. You have to find out what the best qualities are about you and let those shine, while working on any attributes you feel need changed; but for YOU. Not for the benefit of others’.

6. You will become a better friend.

Those closest to us are the easiest to compare ourselves to. If you feel like your friends all have things that you don’t, you may resent them without even knowing it. There’s nothing more upsetting then your friend giving you good news, and you responding with, “I’m so happy for you, but…” Nothing good can come from feeling that you deserve something more than a friend or family member.

7. You will realize that life isn’t always fair.

This one may sound cliché, but seriously. It all comes down to, “But it’s not fair that this person has this and I don’t.” Luckily, as adults, we realize the childishness of this thought and can, hopefully, move past it. Just because someone has something that you feel like you deserve more, is not going to give you whatever that is. Just like calling someone else dumb will not make you and smarter, or calling someone else fat will not make you any thinner. Realize that you are the master of your own universe and can shape your life to however you see fit, you just have to have the will-power to leave the negativity behind, and go for the gold.

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8. You will be happier.

This is, easily, the best reason to stop comparing yourself to others’. Again, constantly focusing on what other people have is mentally exhausting and, frankly, depressing. Once you’ve found the strength to stop seeing everything as a competition, you will breathe so much easier and your mental and physical well-being will reward you.

Featured photo credit: Andrés Nieto Porras via flickr.com

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Last Updated on July 13, 2020

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

9 Simple Ways to Always Stay Positive

It’s common to be struck with a bout of pessimism, or to naturally be more towards the pessimistic end of the perspective spectrum. It’s hard to see the positives in life and become an optimist when you’re lost in the murky waters of negative thinking.

However, Henrik Edberg, the founder of The Positivity Blog is here to share nine ways we can create a more optimistic outlook and positive perspective:

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” — Maria Robinson

When I was younger — in my teens and early 20s — I was trapped. Not physically, but mentally: by the destructive thought pattern called pessimism. This negative thinking poisoned what might have been a pretty good and opportunity-filled childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. This pessimism created ceilings and walls where there really were none.

Throughout the period when I was ridden by pessimism, my life and I mostly stood still. Looking back, it was a terrible waste. If you are in pessimistic place, you don’t have to stay there for the rest of your life. I didn’t, for I learned to replace my negative thinking with optimism.

In this article I’ll explore nine positivity habits that have helped me to go from someone who was pessimistic most of the time to someone who is now optimistic almost all the time. I recommend to not try to add all the habits at one go but to choose one habit and to practice it for 30 days so it becomes a habit, before adding the next.

1. Ask Yourself the Right Questions

This is the simplest but perhaps also the most important habit I have discovered in adopting an optimistic mindset. The questions we ask ourselves day in and day out when we wind up in negative, difficult or uncertain situations make all the difference in our life.

A pessimist might ask him/herself questions like:

  • “Why did this happen to me?”
  • “Why do bad things happen to me all the time?”

But an optimist asks him/herself the questions that open up the mind to new viewpoints and possibilities. A few of my favorite questions for finding the optimistic perspective are:

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  • “What is one good thing about this situation?”
  • “What can I learn from this situation?”
  • “What is one small step I can take today to start solving this situation?”

2. Create a Positive Environment to Live In

The people you spend your time with and the information you let influence your mind will have a huge effect on your attitude and how you think about things.

Watch this YouTube video and learn the power of a positive environment:

So choose to:

  • Spend more time with the people who lift you up. And less time – or no time – with people who just bring you down by being negative and critical. Read: You are the Average of the 5 People You Spend the Most Time With
  • Let in the information that supports you. Spend less time on negative and self-esteem damaging media sources and spend more time reading positive and constructive blogs and books, watching motivating movies, listening to inspirational songs, and listening to audio books and podcasts created by optimistic people. Check out 12 Inspirational Movies With Important Life Lessons To Learn and 25 Most Inspirational Songs of All Time.

3. Be Grateful for What You Have (Don’t Forget About Yourself Too)

A very simple and quick way to boost the positive energy in your life is to tap into gratitude.

I usually do it by asking one or more of these questions:

  1. What can I be grateful for in my life today?
  2. Who are 3 people that I can be grateful to have in my life and why?
  3. What are 3 things I can be grateful for about myself?

Just spend 60 seconds or a few minutes during your day with answering one of these questions to reap the wonderful benefits.

4. Don’t Forget About Your Physical Self

Being an optimist isn’t just about thinking in a different way. It is also about caring for the physical part of ourselves.

I have found that working out a couple of times a week, enough quality sleep each night and eating healthy food has a huge effect on my mindset.

If I mismanage those very basic things then negative thoughts pop up far more often and I become more pessimistic and shut down about the possibilities in my life.

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So don’t neglect these basic fundamentals. Just caring for your physical self the right way can minimize a whole bunch of problems in life.

5. Start Your Day in an Optimistic Way

The way you start your morning can set the tone for the rest of your day. For example, a stress-free morning often leads to less stress during the rest of the day.

So how can you set an optimistic tone for your day?

A three-step combination that has worked very well for me is to ask myself a gratitude question during breakfast, read some positive information online or in a book very early in the morning and then follow that up with exercising.

This sets my mind on the right path and fills me up with energy for my day.

6. Focus on Solutions

A sure way to feel more negative about a situation is to sit around and do nothing about it. Instead, use the questions I shared in step one and open up your mind to the possibilities of the situation you are in.

If you have trouble to get started with taking action, ask yourself:

What is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling?

Then take that small step forward. However small this step is, it can have a big effect in your mood and thoughts. If the step feels too big or it just makes you procrastinate, then ask yourself:

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What is an even smaller step I can take to move forward today?

The most important thing is to move forward, even if it’s a tiny baby step.

7. Reduce Your Worries

The worrying habit is a powerful and destructive one and can take over anyone’s thinking. It used to be one of my biggest obstacles to optimism and to moving forward in life.

Two effective steps that have helped me and still help me to this day to minimize the worries are:

  1. Ask yourself: how many of my worries ever happened in reality? If you are like me you will find that the answer is: very few. Most of the things you fear throughout your life will never happen. They are just nightmares or monsters in your own mind. This question can help you to do a reality check, to calm down and to realize that you have most likely just been building another imaginary nightmare.
  2. Focus on solutions and the action you can take. The worries grow stronger in a foggy mind and an inactive body. So use the questions in Steps 1 and 6 to move out of your worries and into resolution.

8. Don’t Let Ideals Ruin Things

A common mistake people make when making a shift in their attitudes is that they think that they have be perfect and do things perfectly all the time. This traps them from being positive.

Changing to a positive attitude can be gradual. While you may slip and stumble, continuing this way over time will strengthen your positive viewpoint more and more.

But if you set an inhuman standard for yourself and think you have to go from being a pessimist to always being an optimist, then you may find it hard to live up to that. And so you may feel like a failure. You get angry with yourself. And you may even give up on changing this habit and fall back into negative thinking.

So instead, focus on gradual change. If you are optimistic 40% of the time right now, try to improve this to being optimistic 60% of the time. Then, increase that to 80% when you are used to the new standard, then subsequently 100% if you can.

This focus on gradual improvement is far more sustainable and likely to bring long-term success than trying to reach an inhuman standard grounded in perfection.

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9. Finally, a Reminder to Help You to Not Give Up

I would like to end this article with a simple but powerful and timeless thought that comforted and encouraged me to continue on when things looked bleak.

That thought is: It is always darkest before the dawn.

This thought has helped me to hold on and keep going when my social skills and dating life was just plain bad. It has helped me to continue on in my online business when things looked like they would never pick up. It has helped me to put one foot over another even when things looked dark.

I have found this thought to be very true. Why? Because when things seemed to be at the lowest for my blog, business, dating life or life in general, something positive would always happened. That’s probably because being at a low point forced me to change how I did things.

But maybe also because life has a way of evening itself out when I go on. By taking action rather than give up, something good will always happens.

Seeing this thought live itself out has strengthened my belief in staying optimistic, in taking action and to keep going even when going through rough patches.

Re-syndicated 9 Simple Habits to Stay Positive in Life | Personal Excellence

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Featured photo credit: Allie Smith via unsplash.com

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