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You’ve Had A Difficult Past, But You Seldom Talk About It And Just Smile, Here’s Why

You’ve Had A Difficult Past, But You Seldom Talk About It And Just Smile, Here’s Why

If you had a deprived childhood or have survived a divorce, you will probably not want to talk about it at all. You may have been neglected as a child, bullied at school, passed over in promotion at work, abandoned by your partner, or been subjected to violence, abuse and other traumas. Yet, you have put your difficult past behind you, continue to smile and look on the bright side. Here are 8 reasons why you took this empowering and inspiring pathway.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”- William Shakespeare

1. You refuse to play the victim for life

We all have battle scars and they hurt at times. But you have decided that the painful past must not lame you for life. The rationale is simple. You will not play the victim or let people know the awful truth because that means you are somewhat addicted to your pain. You were exploited and defenseless. Instead you have decided to forgive, forget and move on.

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2. You can start afresh

We all make mistakes and I could list a few horrific ones where I took the wrong turning in my life. Like me, you have decided that mistakes are for burning or burying. You have taken your inspiration from Thomas Edison whose workshop exploded in 1914 and all his work was lost. He had to start over but he was glad that all his mistakes were lost.

“Thank goodness all our mistakes were burned up. Now we can start again fresh.”- Thomas Edison.

3. You have stopped blaming yourself

You have stopped all the negative mantras about how foolish and gullible you were. Psychologists will always tell us that blaming ourselves is a natural defense mechanism in the post traumatic period. It is also a manifestation of the powerlessness you feel. You have taken the high road to recovery and healing. There is no stopping you and that is why you are smiling now.

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4. You refuse to let obstacles stand in your way

After a traumatic past when every obstacle imaginable blocked your progress, you may have thought that life is just one long struggle. Ryan Holiday has written a book called The Obstacle Is The Way in which he praises the people like you who have the mental strength to overcome things they cannot control. You are the living testimony to that because you still have plenty of grit and resilience, even now. Obstacles are part and parcel of life’s journey.

“May you always remember that obstacles in the path are not obstacles, they ARE the path.” – Jane Lotter

5. You have buried the memories

You have cultivated successfully the concept of mindfulness so that the moment is now. You are in the zone. Memories are exhausting and they use loads of negative energy.

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“Remember? Ohh, I wouldn’t do that! Remembering’s dangerous. I find the past such a worrying, anxious place.” – Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke

6. You keep daydreaming to a minimum

Who doesn’t daydream? It can throw you back into imagining all the “what ifs” scenarios. Or it can trap you into daydreaming about the future. You have dreams of course, but you manage to steer the daydreaming into keeping to your agenda and empowering you in the best possible way.

7. You have worked through your grief

We have all grieved loved ones and mourned their loss. But there are other losses such as financial stability, pets, good health, and loving relationships which can take time to heal. You have coped with the anger, despair and the rollercoaster of ups and downs. When all that has taken its course, you are ready to face life again and enjoy it to the full.

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“Loss has no friend, no allies, no benefit to the human spirit.”- Asa Don Brown.

8. You are traveling light

The traumas, disappointments and wrongs tend to be very heavy. You know the people who always manage to drop these into the conversation or worse still, mention them as excuses, justification, and to evoke pity. But wisely, you have decided that there is no more heavy baggage and you are travelling light from now on.

“Everyone you meet comes with baggage, find someone who cares enough to help you unpack.” – Ziad K.Abdelnour

Not only are you mindful, strong, caring, and confident but you are the best person I know to help other people unpack.

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on November 4, 2020

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

15 Simple Ways To Make Self Improvement That Will Change Your Life

Self-improvement doesn’t have to be big mind-blowing changes; it can actually be simple steps to improve upon what you already have to get you where you want to be.  However, what you will need is consistency, determination and wiliness to try some things that will stretch and challenge you.

Rather than setting your sights way off into the future, which leaves you feeling like you’ll never make it, you can start following these simple and effective self-improvement steps today.  So if you want to make an immediate impact on your life and are willing to take action, then keep reading— you’ll going to love these!

1. Be willing to work hard.

As with anything in life, if you want something, you’ve got to work hard to get it.  This doesn’t mean you burn the candle at both ends, leaving you exhausted and leaving your personal life in ruins.  It merely means that when you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the time to get there.  Action is what’s important here and the more ‘inspired’ the action is, the better the results in the end.

2. Make sure you have friends who you can talk to.

Sharing the load is important as with any self-improvement. If you can communicate with others and get feedback on how you are doing then that’s great.  We all need ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner to keep us going when times get hard, but you also need to have people who will tell you how it is even when you don’t want to hear it.  So make sure you have a good support network around you, especially those people whose opinions you respect.

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3. Adapt to your circumstances rather than over-thinking them.

Sometimes, we can hit a hard period. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or your partner has left you.  Instead of over analyzing the situation, learn to adapt to your circumstances and accept them as they are.  It’s not about making your circumstances into some kind of a drama; remember, what you focus on expands which means you’ll get more of it.  You then don’t become your problems and you’ll feel a lot less burdened by them.

4. Ensure that you use your time wisely.

Time is of the essence, some might say; whilst others will say that time is an illusion.  One thing we do know is that you have one life on this planet, so how you use that time is of the utmost importance.  So how can you use your time wisely? Only you know how to do that, but look at how you currently spend your days: do you sit working all day, get home, eat and then sit slumped in front of the TV for the rest of the evening?  Your time on this earth is precious, so isn’t it time to make use of the time you have left? Try something new, go for a walk, learn a new language or meditate but make sure it’s something you absolutely love.

5. Always be consistent.

A wonderful way to self-improvement is to make changes to how you do things.  For example, with your friends, are you always the unreliable one who bows out of an arrangement just before it happens? Or are you someone who starts a new exercise routine and then stops doing it 3 weeks into it?  Whatever it is and whatever you do, always be consistent. When you make a commitment, stick to it. It will improve your life immeasurably you’ll feel more confident and happier with yourself, especially because you’ll know that whatever you tackle, you’ll be able to consistently do it!

6. Go and find your happy place.

No, I’m not saying “place” as in popping to your local bar or restaurant and gorging yourself on your favorite drinks or food. What I’m saying is to find out what you love to do, what makes you happy and go there.  Your happy place is a place where you find peace, where you lose yourself and feel contented.  Meditation is a great way to find your happy place; it brings you back to you and ensures that you are always living in the present moment.

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7. Make sure you embrace all your emotions.

In life you are going to find that it throws you some difficult challenges, sometimes it will bring out your fears and lead you into uncertainty, and other times it will be joyful.  It’s important to embrace all emotions that come up in your life, embrace them wholeheartedly and understand why they are there and then let them go.  Try not to dismiss or resist them because remember “what you resist, persists,” so embrace them each and every time.

8. Always be prepared to step out of your comfort zone.

The idea of stepping out of your comfort zone for some people can leave you paralyzed with fear; however for any changing in your life, your comfort zone will always have to be stepped out of.  It doesn’t have to be something big, like doing a sky-dive or something just as crazy. However, it’s worthwhile to change something that you’d once have feared, like going to the cinema on your own or eating at a sushi restaurant when the thought of trying raw fish which would normally mean you running for the hills.

So try something new—it doesn’t have to be wacky, but it has to challenge you!

9. Be on hand to help others.

Whether it’s helping a stranger on the street or a family member or a friend helping someone else either in their time of need, lending a helping hand is a wonderful and simple self-improvement to make.  Giving to others is not only beneficial to those you are helping but also to yourself; it can give you a sense of purpose, of contribution and also takes your mind of your own troubles and worries.

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10. Live in the present moment.

A wonderful self-improvement tool is to live in the present moment, to live in the now.  It is within this moment that you’ll appreciate all that you have and see the beauty in the simplest of things.  Being mindful of your current circumstances and bringing your mind back to where it belongs will bring about a happier way of life instead of constant worry or stressing about the past or future—both of which do not exist. Only the present moment exists. When you get used to living that way, you’ll never want to go back!

11. Learn something new.

There is nothing so liberating as learning something new; it can lift both your confidence and self-esteem and give you a great reason to meet new people.  If you continually top up your brain activity by learning something new all the time, you’ll feel on top of your game and want to share the knowledge you have learned. There is nothing quite so empowering as learning a new tool in life that can either improve your circle of friends or raise confidence levels—or both!

Reading is also a great way to help you learn something new:

12. Exercise daily.

This seems an obvious one, but exercise is so important not only to your health but also to your spirit.  We all know that after exercise, the world can feel a brighter and more positive place, so why don’t we do it more often?  Exercise isn’t about getting the perfect body or losing weight; it’s more about feeling good inside and out!  With a healthy body comes a healthy mind—so start something today. Even if it’s just a daily walk, it’s better than staying on that couch, again.

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13. Go to new places, travel a bit.

I’m not saying go fly off to some far away distant forgotten land—although you can if you so wish. It’s more about going to new places and experiencing life outside of your own back yard.  Too many of us stay in one place too often. We only see the same people, the same streets and do the same things each and every day.  If you want to improve your life, get out there and see the world and what it can offer.  You can start by going to a town or city you’ve never been to in your own country and checking out the architecture, the landscapes and the people.  Anything new is good, so get out there!

14. Listen to uplifting music and dance.

If there’s one thing that can really improve your life and get you excited about it, it’s listening to great uplifting music and dancing.  When was the last time you really let go?  Let it all hang loose and got into a piece of music and let yourself go?  Dancing, like exercise, makes you feel great. It releases all kinds of emotions and can make you feel unbelievably good.  Self-improvement isn’t all about the serious stuff; it can be something as simple as finding new music, music that inspires you and makes you dance and have fun!

15. Get up earlier than normal.

This is the last one, and it’s last because it’s one of those self-improvement tips that we all know is a good thing, yet we seem to avoid it at all costs!  If you think about it, the earliest part of the day is when your brain is most active because it’s been turned off for the last 7 hours or so.  So don’t you think it’s best to get all those things above done in the morning?  Things like exercise, meditation and dancing, which can all be done in the first part of the day.  Take it from me: this early morning stuff can really get your day started with a bang!

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Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com

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