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You’ve Had A Difficult Past, But You Seldom Talk About It And Just Smile, Here’s Why

You’ve Had A Difficult Past, But You Seldom Talk About It And Just Smile, Here’s Why

If you had a deprived childhood or have survived a divorce, you will probably not want to talk about it at all. You may have been neglected as a child, bullied at school, passed over in promotion at work, abandoned by your partner, or been subjected to violence, abuse and other traumas. Yet, you have put your difficult past behind you, continue to smile and look on the bright side. Here are 8 reasons why you took this empowering and inspiring pathway.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”- William Shakespeare

1. You refuse to play the victim for life

We all have battle scars and they hurt at times. But you have decided that the painful past must not lame you for life. The rationale is simple. You will not play the victim or let people know the awful truth because that means you are somewhat addicted to your pain. You were exploited and defenseless. Instead you have decided to forgive, forget and move on.

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2. You can start afresh

We all make mistakes and I could list a few horrific ones where I took the wrong turning in my life. Like me, you have decided that mistakes are for burning or burying. You have taken your inspiration from Thomas Edison whose workshop exploded in 1914 and all his work was lost. He had to start over but he was glad that all his mistakes were lost.

“Thank goodness all our mistakes were burned up. Now we can start again fresh.”- Thomas Edison.

3. You have stopped blaming yourself

You have stopped all the negative mantras about how foolish and gullible you were. Psychologists will always tell us that blaming ourselves is a natural defense mechanism in the post traumatic period. It is also a manifestation of the powerlessness you feel. You have taken the high road to recovery and healing. There is no stopping you and that is why you are smiling now.

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4. You refuse to let obstacles stand in your way

After a traumatic past when every obstacle imaginable blocked your progress, you may have thought that life is just one long struggle. Ryan Holiday has written a book called The Obstacle Is The Way in which he praises the people like you who have the mental strength to overcome things they cannot control. You are the living testimony to that because you still have plenty of grit and resilience, even now. Obstacles are part and parcel of life’s journey.

“May you always remember that obstacles in the path are not obstacles, they ARE the path.” – Jane Lotter

5. You have buried the memories

You have cultivated successfully the concept of mindfulness so that the moment is now. You are in the zone. Memories are exhausting and they use loads of negative energy.

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“Remember? Ohh, I wouldn’t do that! Remembering’s dangerous. I find the past such a worrying, anxious place.” – Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke

6. You keep daydreaming to a minimum

Who doesn’t daydream? It can throw you back into imagining all the “what ifs” scenarios. Or it can trap you into daydreaming about the future. You have dreams of course, but you manage to steer the daydreaming into keeping to your agenda and empowering you in the best possible way.

7. You have worked through your grief

We have all grieved loved ones and mourned their loss. But there are other losses such as financial stability, pets, good health, and loving relationships which can take time to heal. You have coped with the anger, despair and the rollercoaster of ups and downs. When all that has taken its course, you are ready to face life again and enjoy it to the full.

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“Loss has no friend, no allies, no benefit to the human spirit.”- Asa Don Brown.

8. You are traveling light

The traumas, disappointments and wrongs tend to be very heavy. You know the people who always manage to drop these into the conversation or worse still, mention them as excuses, justification, and to evoke pity. But wisely, you have decided that there is no more heavy baggage and you are travelling light from now on.

“Everyone you meet comes with baggage, find someone who cares enough to help you unpack.” – Ziad K.Abdelnour

Not only are you mindful, strong, caring, and confident but you are the best person I know to help other people unpack.

More by this author

Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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