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12 Things Women With Hard Shells Want You To Know

12 Things Women With Hard Shells Want You To Know

Women with hard “shells” are strong, independent, empowered women although frequently complex and reserved. They are differentiated by their individual capabilities and interests, yet, share similar attributes. What do women with hard shells have in common? They are not status quo. They’re self-confident, uncompromising relative to their virtues, unpretentious, and well-established with deep-seated convictions.

The woman with a hard shell knows that, “True strength lies in her ability to embrace her feminine core, and whilst she may be a high achiever, and whilst she may be very intelligent – her real strength is in her true femininity. And in her character.” (Renee Wade, A Strong Woman)

Being misunderstood and falsely labelled is a regular occurrence for women with hard shells. Here are 12 things they want you to know about them, character traits that will help you learn the truth about who they are and what makes them tick.

1. They are phenomenal women who seem cold, conceited and intimidating sometimes – it’s just a display of their composure.

Sure, women with hard shells put up walls and come off as icy and indifferent; however, they do so to shield their characters and emotions. You see, it’s not that they lack feelings; it’s that they are predisposed to the side of caution. These women have been around the block a few times; they’ve been there, done that. Experience has taught them to protect their hearts and to guard their mental health and morale. Therefore, they naturally assume liability for their own emotional security.

Their passions run deep. The depth of their feelings makes them fragile, unable and sometimes just plain unwilling to express how they truly feel. If they respond curtly to your comments or to your compliments, it’s because they’re internalizing their appreciation that you thought enough of their contribution(s) to say ‘thank you’ or ‘good job,’ and they’re thinking about how to serve even better next time.

They hate being embarrassed and generally talk at length about their circumstances only with those closest to them. Thus, they will put forth every effort to show you how they feel. Watch out for what their actions reveal. In doing so you will find that women with hard shells are not daunting and unapproachable. Their guarded communications and associations are merely outer protective apparel that life has taught them to wear.

These women have endured a lot of challenges in life. They know what they want; they know what they don’t want. They can pretty much tell who’s genuine and who’s not. Thus, they tend to cut to the chase — be direct and businesslike. They endeavor relentlessly to excel without the need to bounce on anyone in the process. They demonstrate faith in themselves and realistically value their worth having invested consistently in their personal growth and professional development. As a result, they are self-confident and composed, not conceited or threatening.

2. They accept who they are and use their strengths and opportunities as leverage for peak success.

Many people, to their chagrin, try to be someone other than themselves. Not women with hard shells. They are good with who they are. They know themselves and appreciate their significance. They have become familiar with their strengths (talents or things that they do well; are good at) as well as their weaknesses.

These women are aware that their strengths escort them to true success. They center goal setting and activity planning on their strengths, and then on those weaknesses that inhibit their progress. Initially, they made the mistake of focusing efforts on beefing up their disadvantages first. Now they recognize that the power of leveraging comes from taking their assets and utilizing them to convert their weaknesses into strengths.

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Women with hard shells want you to know that focusing on strengths and related opportunities enables them to highlight the position where they produce best. The outcome is personal branding, increased performance, satisfaction, resourcefulness, and success. By using their strengths to do what they are good at, they have less stress, enjoy incredible accomplishments working less, earning more, and becoming experts in their chosen field.

3. They are realistic and noble; leaders, not followers, as evidenced by their drive and accomplishments.

Women with hard shells are progressive. This forces them to be shrewd, proactive, sensible, pragmatic, and unafraid of challenges. Because of their leadership aptitudes, they are not among those who follow the masses. They are not crowd pleasers, but rather choose to think, speak, and act according to their own expertise and awareness. They are not the ones who will agree with you just to placate you or keep the peace.

You will find these women to be skilled and able to stand alone, perceptive to realize when they necessitate assistance, and bold in requesting that needed help. They are coordinated and orderly. They’re prompt to acknowledge and to apologize for their imperfections, blunders, and shortcomings. They know of a certainty that no one is perfect including them.

As leaders, women with hard shells are quite familiar with the courtesies of forgiving and being forgiven. They know well that they stand to gain a whole lot more peace and freedom via forgiveness than by internalizing the discord, becoming bitter and resentful. These qualities are priceless particularly for those who become leaders, because they are able to maintain fruitful, harmonious work environments with their staff.

4. They live to satisfy their own morals and beliefs; yet, they respect the freewill of every man and woman.

Sound, well-founded principles are the essence of women with hard shells. They are quick to contend for their views when necessary, giving full regard to the rights of those who share a different opinion. These strong women have no problem standing alone in defense of their positions. If necessary, they will oppose persons with whom they are closely affiliated. They don’t live for other people’s acceptance; they live for a clear and just conscience, and a good night’s rest.

Hard-shelled women have faith in their own abilities. They want you to know that they do what they are convinced is proper within the appropriate parameters regardless of what other people perceive. Therefore, they are extremely cautious in their decision making since they detest being wrong and embarrassed. They abhor causing harm to others.

Despite their best efforts, they know that things don’t always go as planned; things don’t always go as anticipated. When their best efforts yield less than choice results, women with hard shells remind themselves that they did the best they could with the resources available. Accordingly, they overcome; they eliminate remorse, guilt, shame, and adjudications.

5. They are resistant to criticism as they work hard to keep their powers strong, their visions alive, and their fears in defeat.

Women with hard shells want you to know that they were not simply born as strong women; instead, they developed their strength of character over time by rising above adversities and rejections. They have become empowered to survive well and thereby find it difficult to be obstructed by destructive criticism. With strong faith and diligence, they keep fear at bay; they maintain a flourishing hope and mission.

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Their success is built on proper training, appropriate skill sets, firm willpower, dedication, and concentration. That’s the stuff that keeps dreams fresh, vivid, and visual. Exciting concepts and imaginations that become actualities following toil, sacrifices, sweat, and tears cause hard-shelled women to be unmoved by their haters and naysayers.

Fear has its place in their lives; however, they are not controlled by it. Fear pushes them to limits unknown and stimulates innovation and creativity. It shows them that they are capable of a great deal more than they comprehended. Engaging in fear and defeating it produces muscle, endurance, and triumph.

6. They are usually quiet and private individuals who have no need to meddle in other people’s affairs.

Albert Einstein stated that, “The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.” Women with shells want you to know that they live by design, they live with purpose and intent. They live low keyed, discreet, private lives. This allows them to focus, discover and excel beyond their wildest imaginations.

Quiet time helps them discern their needs versus their wants. It allows them to review open action items, to analyze unsuccessful endeavors, broken hopes, and shattered dreams. It gives them undistracted moments to think about activities they can do differently or better. Introspection permits time to ponder on whether or not they’re moving in the right direction. Taking a little downtime provides for relaxation and for planning weekend getaways and special vacations.

Women with hard shells want you to know that how they react to you matters a lot and vice versa. In their private moments they consider this, too. They really want you to know that since they are so involved with taking care of their own business, the desire and time for gossiping and butting into the affairs of others are alleviated. However, they are willing to lend you a helping hand when needed.

7. They are classy, well-maintained human beings who, like others, are vulnerable at times.

Strong women with hard shells are predictably a class act in more ways than one. It’s pretty obvious they pride themselves on dressing well, looking well, acting well and working well. They radiate style, confidence, and intelligence.

These are the women who choose not to dress down on casual Friday, or on every day as is allowed by some companies. Whether they’re a perfect 10 or a pleasantly plump 16, they know how to make the best of their figures, to dress appropriately, and look fabulous. These women assure that they not only look presentable, but that they also perform at top capacity.

Even with their refinement and elegance, women with hard shells want you to know that they, too, are defenseless at times. They are normal human beings. Their guards are not always up. Their observations are not always accurate. Sometimes they get let down, left holding the responsibility for breakdowns… they get hurt and abandoned, too.

8. They work, often behind the scenes, to help make life better for women as well as for other people.

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Do you know any women with hard shells? I bet you do. They are those ladies who work diligently to enrich the lives of others. Being relatively generous with their resources, they support women’s shelters, dress-for-success platforms, life coaching for women, job fairs, community activities, and many other events. They’re those compassionate women who strive to enhance living conditions for persons in distress.

These strong female caregivers help men, women, and children succeed and do well. They need no public recognition or praise. It’s important to women with hard shells that you realize they are not haughty, arrogant, or uncaring. They are movers and shakers for the good of many, but they do their good deeds quietly improving lives and giving hope wherever they go.

A strong woman, is one who feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow just as abundantly as her laughter. A strong woman is both soft and powerful. She is both practical and spiritual. A strong woman in her essence is a gift to all the world.” (Author Unknown)

9. They believe that a woman should not sit around expecting a man to build the life she desires; this attitude is irrational and selfish to them.

Men and women have different purposes and abilities. For women with hard shells, it is imperative that they assume wholesome relationships with men without adding the burden of egotistical dependency. They believe it is their responsibility to achieve their strategic ambitions. This just makes sense to them. They consider sitting around looking for someone else to create the life of their dreams to be absurd and too risky.

Women with hard shells are ecstatic when their men do things for them. Nevertheless, they refuse to wait for their men to do what they can and should do for themselves. These women undeniably believe in and commend the strength of the men in their lives. They also believe in undertaking personal initiatives to obtain personal aspirations. Each individual requires a certain substance in life that must come from his own efforts.

Hard-shelled women want you to know that they cherish the opportunity of depending on their men when they really need to, of growing with them, and of enjoying life with them. They want you to know that they are thoughtful and endeavor to live life without being overbearing and insensitive. They love their men sincerely, and they know how to have great fun as they sport an authentic sense of humor.

10. They are optimistic, resilient, considerate, and true friends; they don’t depend on outside evaluations to assess their worth.

Women with hard shells think positive and upbeat. They are sure to acquire what they want because they are sensible and work hard to deserve it. Still, these women do fall down; they get thrust into hardships. Instead of becoming downcast because of their failures and allowing disappointments to spoil their agenda, they employ their bounce back power. They perfect their efforts, land on their feet; utilize the experiences to grow and to move forward.

These hard-shell women want you to know that this resilience stems from their ability to look beyond present conditions and become inventive. They struggle, work very hard and find breakthroughs amid obstacles and inequities to generate new realities. Nothing seems impossible to them; thus, they finish strong. Observe that these times of difficulty birth incredible strength in them.

Optimism, flexibility, and determination exercised during distressed situations made them self-assured, understanding, and thoughtful women. Hard times and survival confirmed their power and worth sending them to heights they never considered possible. As a result, they listen well to advice but make their own final decisions. These qualities are the reason they make phenomenal friends mutually sharing loyalty, honesty, reliability, and exceptional friendships.

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11. They desire robust, intellectual, well-adjusted men for equally satisfying and lasting relationships.

Women with hard shells are tough, autonomous, and often unyielding; however, they are still human. They, too, long to have that special someone in their lives for friendship and companionship. Like other women, they want a friend, a soulmate and subsequently a spouse to have and to hold until in death do they part. Career success and financial freedom are incomplete if you don’t have a meaningful person to savor them with. Joy and happiness are to be given, to be shared.

Hard-shelled women wish you to know that they, too, want strong, vigorous, well-versed partners who can talk with them intelligently. They enjoy conversing about things of substance that enhance lifestyles and offer comfort. The ideal partner compliments their maturity, self-confidence, and visions. They have developed their own goals, achieved their own success and thereby do not in the least bit require their approval in pursuit of security and independence.

Hard-shelled, strong women want companionship, but not at any cost. They give excellent respect, admiration, sincere accolades and encouragement expecting to receive the same in return. According to James Michael Sama in 12 Things to Expect When Dating a Strong Woman:

You will never be happier than when you are with a strong woman, because she lives her life with a burning desire to make the best of it. She loves deeply and will motivate you to become the best possible version of yourself — while remaining the same man she fell for in the first place. Do not shy away from strong women, and do not be intimidated by their passion for life. Instead, be excited that you have found your teammate. You have found your partner in crime. You have found your equal.”

12. They are conscientious, focused workers who refuse to be distracted; they know how to say ‘no.’

If you’ve been around hard-shelled women, you know that they are hugely ambitious. They are single minded with specific objectives that sustain their heartfelt visions. Having achieved multiple degrees from the University of Hard Knocks and priceless lessons learned, they are proficient to meet inevitable challenges and setbacks. Learning is a continuous effort for these women who thirst for knowledge and continuous improvement. It is a crucial source of empowerment for them.

Women with hard shells wish you to know that they can’t afford to wait around for indecisive procrastinators. They won’t delay their task assignments nor will they pause for the approval of other people when it is unnecessary. They won’t mislead you, make false promises or agree to anything outside of their character. As Jessica Devlin articulated, the woman with a hard-shell “knows how to say no and does it unapologetically. A woman who says no and means it is honest. She won’t tell you yes to appease you.”

Synopsis

Women with hard shells care about others and tend to influence people positively with no hidden agenda, without expecting anything in return. People often read them incorrectly misconstruing their buoyancy, poise, assertiveness, and forte for arrogance. They seem aloof, unfriendly, or standoffish to many. However, many are kind, approachable, hardworking, and dedicated to being women of excellence.

The woman with a hard shell says, “Now you understand just why my head’s not bowed. I don’t shout or jump about or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing it ought to make you proud. I say, it’s in the click of my heels, the bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, the need of my care. ‘Cause I’m a woman phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.” – Excerpt from Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Featured photo credit: Politico.com & AP Photos via s3-origin-images.politico.com

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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