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5 Self-Fulfilling Prophecies You Don’t Want to Happen On You

5 Self-Fulfilling Prophecies You Don’t Want to Happen On You

We have all had them. Those thoughts that turn into beliefs that somehow become reality. This is the epitome of the self-fulfilling prophecies. A belief or thought that is made real by our attitudes and behaviors, positive or negative. It’s the negative that we want to avoid.

It may have started with a friend or loved one who drops a thought on you that seemed enticing at the time. And three years later you realize that you have been living out someone else’s dream and what turns out to be your nightmare.

Here are five self-fulfilling prophecies you don’t want make a reality.

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1. “The Wanderer” – Unwritten Goals

Think of goal setting like having a map for your life.

As The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland points out, “If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going, Any Road Will Get You There.”

That’s where goal setting plays an important part in our lives.  However, vague, unrealistic goals can be demotivating. Since only 10% or less of the population actually write down goals, it is easy to see how popular culture puts little emphasis on goal setting. By not writing down S.M.A.R.T. goals, you may wake up 5 years from now in the same frustrating job with the same massive amount of debt and wonder how you got to where you are. Writing down goals gives you a chance to create positive self-fulfilling prophecies and move away from a meaningless future.

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2. “The Prejudiced” – Living Out Advice from Prejudiced Family Members

It’s the uncle who you looked up to, but as you turned older you realize he had given you bad advice. For example, your uncle says “You come from the poorest part of the city, there is no way you will amount to anything.” Better yet a guidance counselor tells you, “You have never had a family member finish higher than the 10th grade, you will be running streets just like them.” By listening to these negative statements and living them out, you will have a hard time breaking a bad cycle. Choose whose advice you listen to wisely.

3. “Eeyore” – Letting Your Past Define Your Future

You remember the character from Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore was the pessimistic, ever glum donkey. He looked at his past as a means of predicting his future. Here is a real life example. Perhaps you were initially terrible in public speaking in high school or college. You tried it a few times, but you just gave up and concluded you were never going to be good at it. Fast forward to your job today. You need to give a short speech but are in complete shock and fear of it. You have just lived out your past. Rather than working towards improving, you give up early and live out an unfortunate self-fulfilling prophecy. Change it around and improve regardless of your past.

4. “Someone Else’s Dream” – Living Out Your Parents Career Advice

In his book 48 Days to the Work You Love, career coach Dan Miller features a story of the surgeon who as it turns out can’t stand working with his patients on a personal level. It’s not part of his personality. So rather than dealing with it rationally he turns to heroin. By the time Dan meets with the surgeon, the only veins left to shoot up heroin are in his heel. In talking with the surgeon, it turns out that his father and grandfather were both surgeons and he felt obligated to live out their dreams and not his. Today, he still worked weekends in an emergency room setting where the relationships with patients were short lived and he found his passion of driving a truck during the week. By living out your self-fulfilling prophecies and not your parents, you find things much more gratifying.

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5. “The Paranoid Boyfriend or Girlfriend”

Have you ever met a guy, you liked him, dated him for a month. However, every week he asks if you are going to break up with him and you end up doing so? People with a strong fear of rejection are hard to live with. Don’t be that guy or girl. Build a relationship day by day through trust, faith and love.

What these 5 negative self-fulfilling prophecies have in common is that they all start with how we talk to ourselves. If you keep a positive outlook and take action towards daily goals, you will achieve more positive self-fulfilling prophecies.

As historian Howard Zinn states it best, “Pessimism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; it reproduces itself by crippling our willingness to act.”

Featured photo credit: Tom Raftery via flickr.com

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Last Updated on October 16, 2019

5 Powerful Ways for Building Fulfilling Relationships

5 Powerful Ways for Building Fulfilling Relationships

We all have relationships. We have acquaintances, relatives, colleagues, neighbors and friends. However, for a large percentage of us, many of these relationships are not fulfilling.

They are unfulfilling because they lack real strength; and they lack real strength because they lack real depth.

Unfortunately, in today’s society, we tend to have shallow, superficial relationships with others, and it’s extremely hard for this kind of relationships to provide anything more than faint satisfaction.

I’d like to show you, based on my experience as a communication and confidence coach, how you can add a significant amount of depth, and thus strength, to your relationships and make your social life a whole lot more meaningful.

Here’re 5 simple yet powerful ways for meaningful relationships building:

1. Meet More People

This is an apparent paradox, but the quality of the people you meet has considerably to do with the quantity of people you meet.

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If you don’t know a lot of people and you barely meet one or two new people every season of the year, considering the variety of individuals out there, you won’t meet very often people who are a good match with you in terms of personality, interests and values.

And since this natural match plays a huge part in building strong relationships, you’ll just as seldom have the opportunity to develop strong relationships.

Conversely, if you go out a lot, you meet a lot of new people and you constantly expand your social circle, you’re much more likely to meet people you match up well with, and these people have a tremendous potential to become good friends, reliable partners, etc.

This is why it’s important to meet more people.

2. Talk about the Things That Matter To You

A relationship becomes the strongest when two people discover they believe in the same things and have similar interests. It’s these commonalities regarding values and interests that create the strongest emotional connection.

I’ve noticed that many people keep conversations shallow. They talk about trivial stuff such as the weather, what’s on TV, the lives of various movie stars, but they rarely talk about what really matters to them in life. This is a mistake from my perspective, because it’s the perfect method for a relationship to not develop.

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Talk about the things that truly matter to you and give others a chance to know what you care about and what you believe in. If they believe in the same things and they care about the same things, they’ll eagerly let you know. Thus you’ll find meaningful common ground and you’ll feel more connected.

3. Express Vulnerability

Many people try to come off as perfect. They don’t talk about their failures, they hide their shortcomings and they never say anything that could embarrass them.

This is all just a facade though. You may appear perfect to some, but you know you’re not perfect and they know that too. You’re only human and humans have flaws.

However, by hiding your flaws, what you do succeed in is appearing cold and impersonal. You seem like a marble statue rather than a real person. And this makes it very hard for anyone to connect with you emotionally.

Humans connect with other humans, not with ideals. Keep this in mind and don’t be afraid to let your vulnerability and your humanity show. This is what takes a relationship to the next level.

Take a look at this article and find out Why Showing Vulnerability Actually Proves Your Strength.

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4. Have Integrity

Integrity, as I see it, is the alignment between your thoughts, your words and your actions. When you say what you think and you do what you said you’ll do, you have integrity.

This is a crucial trait because if you have integrity, people can trust you. They can trust you to give them an honest feedback, even when it’s hard to shallow, and they can trust you to keep your promises.

This trust is one of the central pillars of a strong relationship, both in your personal and your professional life. So, as challenging as it can be sometimes, always try to have integrity.

Be honest with the people around you, even when this will initially hurt them. It’s more important for them to trust you than to not feel hurt. And always do what you promised. Even better, think twice before you promise anything, and only promise what you really can and you are willing to do.

5. Be There for Others

Another central pillar of strong relationships is support. Connections between people grow sturdy if they can rely on each other for support when it’s needed, whether that support means a few kind words or several massive actions.

Of course, you can’t be there for everybody, all the time. Your time, energy and other resources are limited. But what you can do is identify the genuinely important people in your life and then seek to be there as much as possible, at least for them.

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Your support will help them practically, and it will comfort them emotionally; which makes one hell of a difference in a relationship.

The Bottom Line

With the right mindset and the right behavior, you can strengthen a wide range of relationships in your life and advance them as far as they can be advanced.

And with strong relationships, not only that you feel more fulfilled, but you feel more connected to the entire world. You feel that your life has real value, you have more fun and you live in the moment. An entire world of opportunities opens up in front of you.

Then your task is to simply walk through the open doors.

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Featured photo credit: Proxyclick Visitor Management System via unsplash.com

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