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What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

What We Talk About When We Talk About Love

What do we talk about when we talk about love?

When we talk about love, we talk about something intangible, something that only exists in our hearts and minds. We talk about the feeling that has the power to bring happiness, fulfillment ,and joy. At the same time, we talk about a feeling that can lead to jealousy, frustration and anger.

Love is a coin with two heads. It is like a talented actor who can play two completely different characters without changing anything about his appearance. Love is tricky, deceitful, and probably the most incredible and indescribable feeling that exists.

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1. Love is beautiful and dangerous.

Love can be extremely beautiful. The feeling that you have when you look into the eyes of your child, a beloved family member or the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is indescribable. You can’t really explain why you have tears in your eyes by looking at this person, but for some magical reason, it feels just perfect.

At the same time, love can be dangerous. It can be dangerous when the person you look at doesn’t reciprocate your love. It can be dangerous when you love someone who doesn’t have the emotional strengths to allow love, or who is in a loving relationship with another person who would do anything to protect this love.

Love is the most beautiful thing on earth when it meets two people who want the same, but it can be extremely dangerous if it meets two people who want entirely different things.

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2. Love is reasoning without logic.

When you are in love with someone you see a different version of this person than all the other people. You see a perfect version, while the others see the real version. A person who is in love has the astonishing skill to ignore all the negative qualities and characteristics of the person he or she loves.

Even though the person you are in love with might not be good for you, you convince yourself that he or she is the perfect partner and the perfect human being.

Your emotions blind your logical reasoning. You don’t support your reasoning with logic. You support your reasoning with your emotions. This has nothing to do with reasoning, but with delusion.

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3. Love is the alleyway between reality and fantasy.

Now you already know that the person you are in love with is not really the way you see him or her. The person you love is different, more vulnerable and more human. The moment you realize that the person you love is a normal human being, just like you, is a determining moment.

In this very moment most people decide to end a fake love, even though they had the potential to experience what it really means to love. This is the moment in which you either decide to give into your fantasy and to refuse to accept reality, or to embrace reality and to love someone with honesty and authenticity.

4. Love is fear and happiness.

Love without fear barely exists and love that is based on fear can never survive. Jealousy, mistrust and a possessive mentality are the result of a love that is based on fear. This has nothing to do with real love. It is just a cocktail of negative emotions that are based on your own insecurities that you label as love.

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The sad truth is that a lot of people believe that negative emotions, such as jealousy, are a completely normal aspect of love. What they don’t realize is that real love that is based on affection, respect and empathy doesn’t know any negative and damaging feelings.

True love makes healthy and happy. Love that is based on fear makes both partners miserable and leaves them with the belief that finding love is impossible. It’s important to understand that finding true love is not impossible, unless you build it on the wrong foundation.

5. Love is acceptance without judgement.

Being in love means accepting the person you love the way he or she is. There are already too many people out there who try to change the person they are in love with, which eventually ends in a painful loss that could be avoided. It could be avoided by practicing acceptance.

It is easy to accept the positive sides of another human being, but it can be quite tough to accept the negative sides. However, you have to understand that no human being is perfect and that true love can only arise when you are willing to accept the person you love.

Yes, that means accepting weaknesses, different opinions, and different values. You are not the person you love and he or she is not you. You are two individuals who deserve to be accepted without any judgement. This acceptance is what creates the wonderful feeling that writers and musicians all over the world call unconditional love.

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Last Updated on April 14, 2021

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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