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Why Aren’t You Happy? Because You Haven’t Been Asking The Right Questions

Why Aren’t You Happy? Because You Haven’t Been Asking The Right Questions

What really makes you happy? When you are put on the spot and questioned about your happiness, what answers will you give? Happiness is not a destination or a thing, neither is it a substance or an item, rather it is a mindset and an outlook. If you think deeper or ponder on certain subjects, you will find out that being happy is not so farfetched.

After all, the mind is great at wandering for answers that will supply the body with the energy it needs to keep going. To dig deeper and discover what makes you happy and excited, you should ask yourself the following questions:

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What am I most grateful about in my life right now?

Happiness can be born out of contentment and satisfaction. And while many do not see it this way, but are interested in hunting rather than appreciating what they have, you should understand what place gratitude has in your life.

Be grateful and appreciate the feeling of satisfaction that comes with the things you currently have. Is it a decent family? Is it a great career? Is it an assurance of new beginnings or great health? Is it a new environment or a new destination? There is always something to be thankful for and you should start asking yourself what it is.

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Who do you most connect with, and why?

This question is centered on who you love and why you love them. Important relationships define our happiness, as we are social creatures and either want to be accepted or to accept others. Possibly, you are not getting the love you deserve or believe you deserve more. However, your family, friends, or loved ones will always provide you the options for you to answer this question.

If joy became a currency, what career or job do you think would make you wealthy?

Your job satisfaction has a way of contributing to your happiness. But most times many of us seek security and survival rather than aiming for what profession excites us. If you had to make a choice and pick, what occupation would you do for the joy and excitement it affords you?

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What I am committed to in my life right now, and why?

In the long run, what we believe in defines what we are committed to or what will be taking up most of our time and energy. Answering or asking yourself this question makes you realize or mirror what you believe in. Are you committed to your marriage, relationships, career or education, religion, or social interests? Why are you committed to these? What do you hope to gain from being committed to any of these things?

What do I admire in others?

What draws you to others and makes you interested in them. This question mirrors you to yourself, as you are able to realize what your values and personal motivation is. When you learn what you find intriguing and interesting in others, you can find ways to apply such things in your life. When you these, you will be able to find greater happiness in what you do.

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What motivates you, fear or passion?

At the end of the day, only two emotions define your every action — love or fear. Fear drives negative factors, such as focusing on what’s wrong, anger, guilt, shame, and resentment. Passion drives positive factors, such as gratitude, optimism, empowerment, and creativity.

With passion, you want to contribute and make the world better. Know what your motivation is and try to start every day with a task or project that is triggered by your passion rather than your fear.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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