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11 Ways to Talk So Toddlers Will Listen

11 Ways to Talk So Toddlers Will Listen

We all agree that toddlers can be complicated! Even the best parents and caregivers sometimes feel confused or helpless when it comes to dealing with these unpredictable creatures. If we adults put into practice a few simple tricks, we’ll enjoy the benefits of improved communication, mutual respect, and a life with little ones that’s a whole lot smoother.

1. Get Close

We’ve all seen that toddler who somehow doesn’t hear the adult calling to him or her from across the room, haven’t we? Though at times this behavior is an avoidance strategy, it’s a fact that task-oriented toddlers are capable of blocking out other sights and sounds when they are focused in on play.

Rather than raise our voices or call to the toddler from the next room over, it helps to approach the toddler so that he or she can hear us with less distraction.

2. Match Their Level

Toddlers are used to the bustling of “big people” and may not even notice that we’re nearby. After approaching a toddler, bend, sit, or kneel to get closer to his or her direct line of vision and hearing.

3. Use a Gentle Touch

If the toddler is comfortable with us as a trusted parent or regular caregiver, we can use a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder to get their attention before speaking.

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4. Be Intentional About Eye Contact and Expression

After approaching the toddler and matching their level, make an effort to achieve eye contact. Adults who focus on maintaining a pleasant or neutral expression (especially while giving directions or cueing a change in activity), will find that toddlers respond better to calm, consistent body language cues than they do to hurried or frustrated faces.

5. Be Calm and Assertive

In addition to exuding predictable body language, encourage a favorable response from toddlers by speaking in a calm, assertive voice. Whether a toddler is quiet and content or loud and squawking, the predictable voice of a trusted adult will help them feel secure– which significantly improves the odds of cooperation!

6. Use Short, Direct Statements

Toddlers process short statements better than directions with multiple steps or narratives outlining the daily schedule. For example, “It’s time to get our shoes on and get in the car” will receive a better response than “If we’re not in the car in five minutes, we’ll be late for the party and we might miss the games.” Toddlers are not little adults — let’s not treat them as such! For more efficient and productive transitions, activities, and clean-up efforts, keep it simple.

7. Keep Emotions Out of It

Of course there is a time and place for adults to express emotions to their children, but using emotional tactics to manipulate a child’s behavior is ineffective and inappropriate.

Yelling, sarcasm, and empty threats hurt the respect level in any relationship. Rather than being dramatic or manipulative to make a toddler react, implement clear rules and boundaries, and follow through on consequences.

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8. Offer a Choice

This strategy is gold when children are in that “I’m-the-boss” phase. When children feel as though they have the power of choice several times throughout their day, they are less likely to fight adults on every detail.

Simple choices like the following can be very empowering for a child:

Would you like to eat your yogurt with a spoon or a fork?

Would you like to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt today?

Should we walk the dog before you eat your toast, or after?

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Adults can choose alternatives that work well with the daily plan, and kids can enjoy the benefit of feeling like they have some control over their lives.

9. Tell What They CAN Do

It’s easy for parents and caregivers of toddlers to feel as though we are intervening all day long with the phrase, “No, don’t do THAT!” A simple change in wording allows the adult to offer a better alternative, and the child to understand what positive choice could replace the negative behavior.

For example, rather than saying, “Don’t pull the dog’s hair,” say, “Please touch the dog with a gentle pat.”

Instead of, “Don’t throw food on the floor,” try, “Let’s keep our food on our plates.”

Instead of “Stop leaving toys all over the floor,” say, “Please put your toys back in their cubbies.”

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Children respond more favorably to words that encourage positive behavior than they do to words that remind them of yet another thing they are NOT to do!

10. Encourage a “Yes” Response

Adults can encourage a “Yes, Mom” or “Yes, ma’am” response after giving directions or redirecting. This type of response reassures parents and caregivers that the child has heard and comprehended the request.

11. Be an Example

The best way for adults to teach appropriate communication is by modeling it! If we make eye contact, respond to requests, and speak in a respectful, affirming tone, the children in our lives will learn to do the same.

Ask yourself: In what areas is my toddler communicating well? In what areas do I hope to improve my toddler’s communication skills or abilities? What are the children in my life learning about communication through my example?

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Published on January 30, 2019

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

How to Support a Working Mother as a Working Father

In roughly 60 percent of two-parent households with children under the age of 18, both parents work full time. But who takes time off work when the kids are sick in your house? And if you are a manager, how do you react when a man says he needs time to take his baby to the pediatrician?

The sad truth is, the default in many companies and families is to value the man’s work over the woman’s—even when there is no significant difference in their professional obligations or compensation. This translates into stereotypes in the workplace that women are the primary caregivers, which can negatively impact women’s success on the job and their upward mobility.

According to a Pew Research Center analysis of long-term time-use data (1965–2011), fathers in dual-income couples devote significantly less time than mothers do to child care.[1] Dads are doing more than twice as much housework as they used to (from an average of about four hours per week to about 10 hours), but there is still a significant imbalance.

This is not just an issue between spouses; it’s a workplace culture issue. In many offices, it is still taboo for dads to openly express that they have family obligations that need their attention. In contrast, the assumption that moms will be on the front lines of any family crisis is one that runs deep.

Consider an example from my company. A few years back, one of our team members joined us for an off-site meeting soon after returning from maternity leave. Not even two hours into her trip, her husband called to say that the baby had been crying nonstop. While there was little our colleague could practically do to help with the situation, this call was clearly unsettling, and the result was that her attention was divided for the rest of an important business dinner.

This was her first night away since the baby’s birth, and I know that her spouse had already been on several business trips before this event. Yet, I doubt she called him during his conferences to ask child-care questions. Like so many moms everywhere, she was expected to figure things out on her own.

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The numbers show that this story is far from the exception. In another Pew survey, 47 percent of dual-income parents agreed that the moms take on more of the work when a child gets sick.[2] In addition, 39 percent of working mothers said they had taken a significant amount of time off from work to care for their child compared to just 24 percent of working fathers. Mothers are also more likely than fathers (27 percent to 10 percent) to say they had quit their job at some point for family reasons.

Before any amazing stay-at-home-dads post an angry rebuttal comment, I want to be very clear that I am not judging how families choose to divide and conquer their personal and professional responsibilities; that’s 100 percent their prerogative. Rather, I am taking aim at the culture of inequity that persists even when spouses have similar or identical professional responsibilities. This is an important issue for all of us because we are leaving untapped business and human potential on the table.

What’s more, I think my fellow men can do a lot about this. For those out there who still privately think that being a good dad just means helping out mom, it’s time to man up. Stop expecting working partners—who have similar professional responsibilities—to bear the majority of the child-care responsibilities as well.

Consider these ways to support your working spouse:

1. Have higher expectations for yourself as a father; you are a parent, not a babysitter.

Know who your pediatrician is and how to reach him or her. Have a back-up plan for transportation and emergency coverage.

Don’t simply expect your partner to manage all these invisible tasks on her own. Parenting takes effort and preparation for the unexpected.

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As in other areas of life, the way to build confidence is to learn by doing. Moms aren’t born knowing how to do this stuff any more than dads are.

2. Treat your partner the way you’d want to be treated.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard a man on a business trip say to his wife on a call something to the effect of, “I am in the middle of a meeting. What do you want me to do about it?”

However, when the tables are turned, men often make that same call at the first sign of trouble.

Distractions like this make it difficult to focus and engage with work, which perpetuates the stereotype that working moms aren’t sufficiently committed.

When you’re in charge of the kids, do what she would do: Figure it out.

3. When you need to take care of your kids, don’t make an excuse that revolves around your partner’s availability.

This implies that the children are her first priority and your second.

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I admit I have been guilty in the past of telling clients, “I have the kids today because my wife had something she could not move.” What I should have said was, “I’m taking care of my kids today.”

Why is it so hard for men to admit they have personal responsibilities? Remember that you are setting an example for your sons and daughters, and do the right thing.

4. As a manager, be supportive of both your male and female colleagues when unexpected situations arise at home.

No one likes or wants disruptions, but life happens, and everyone will face a day when the troubling phone call comes from his sitter, her school nurse, or even elderly parents.

Accommodating personal needs is not a sign of weakness as a leader. Employees will be more likely to do great work if they know that you care about their personal obligations and family—and show them that you care about your own.

5. Don’t keep score or track time.

At home, it’s juvenile to get into debates about who last changed a diaper or did the dishes; everyone needs to contribute, but the big picture is what matters. Is everyone healthy and getting enough sleep? Are you enjoying each other’s company?

In business, too, avoid the trap of punching a clock. The focus should be on outcomes and performance rather than effort and inputs. That’s the way to maintain momentum toward overall goals.

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The Bottom Line

To be clear, I recognize that a great many working dads are doing a terrific job both on the home front and in their professional lives. My concern is that these standouts often aren’t visible to their colleagues; they intentionally or inadvertently let their work as parents fly under the radar. Dads need to be open and honest about family responsibilities to change perceptions in the workplace.

The question “How do you balance it all?” should not be something that’s just asked of women. Frankly, no one can answer that question. Juggling a career and parental responsibilities is tough. At times, really tough.

But it’s something that more parents should be doing together, as a team. This can be a real bonus for the couple relationship as well, because nothing gets in the way of good partnership faster than feelings of inequity.

On the plus side, I can tell you that parenting skills really do get better with practice—and that’s great for people of both sexes. I think our cultural expectations that women are the “nurturers” and men are the “providers” needs to evolve. Expanding these definitions will open the doors to richer contributions from everyone, because women can and should be both—and so should men.

Featured photo credit: NeONBRAND via unsplash.com

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