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11 Ways to Talk So Toddlers Will Listen

11 Ways to Talk So Toddlers Will Listen

We all agree that toddlers can be complicated! Even the best parents and caregivers sometimes feel confused or helpless when it comes to dealing with these unpredictable creatures. If we adults put into practice a few simple tricks, we’ll enjoy the benefits of improved communication, mutual respect, and a life with little ones that’s a whole lot smoother.

1. Get Close

We’ve all seen that toddler who somehow doesn’t hear the adult calling to him or her from across the room, haven’t we? Though at times this behavior is an avoidance strategy, it’s a fact that task-oriented toddlers are capable of blocking out other sights and sounds when they are focused in on play.

Rather than raise our voices or call to the toddler from the next room over, it helps to approach the toddler so that he or she can hear us with less distraction.

2. Match Their Level

Toddlers are used to the bustling of “big people” and may not even notice that we’re nearby. After approaching a toddler, bend, sit, or kneel to get closer to his or her direct line of vision and hearing.

3. Use a Gentle Touch

If the toddler is comfortable with us as a trusted parent or regular caregiver, we can use a gentle touch on the arm or shoulder to get their attention before speaking.

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4. Be Intentional About Eye Contact and Expression

After approaching the toddler and matching their level, make an effort to achieve eye contact. Adults who focus on maintaining a pleasant or neutral expression (especially while giving directions or cueing a change in activity), will find that toddlers respond better to calm, consistent body language cues than they do to hurried or frustrated faces.

5. Be Calm and Assertive

In addition to exuding predictable body language, encourage a favorable response from toddlers by speaking in a calm, assertive voice. Whether a toddler is quiet and content or loud and squawking, the predictable voice of a trusted adult will help them feel secure– which significantly improves the odds of cooperation!

6. Use Short, Direct Statements

Toddlers process short statements better than directions with multiple steps or narratives outlining the daily schedule. For example, “It’s time to get our shoes on and get in the car” will receive a better response than “If we’re not in the car in five minutes, we’ll be late for the party and we might miss the games.” Toddlers are not little adults — let’s not treat them as such! For more efficient and productive transitions, activities, and clean-up efforts, keep it simple.

7. Keep Emotions Out of It

Of course there is a time and place for adults to express emotions to their children, but using emotional tactics to manipulate a child’s behavior is ineffective and inappropriate.

Yelling, sarcasm, and empty threats hurt the respect level in any relationship. Rather than being dramatic or manipulative to make a toddler react, implement clear rules and boundaries, and follow through on consequences.

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8. Offer a Choice

This strategy is gold when children are in that “I’m-the-boss” phase. When children feel as though they have the power of choice several times throughout their day, they are less likely to fight adults on every detail.

Simple choices like the following can be very empowering for a child:

Would you like to eat your yogurt with a spoon or a fork?

Would you like to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt today?

Should we walk the dog before you eat your toast, or after?

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Adults can choose alternatives that work well with the daily plan, and kids can enjoy the benefit of feeling like they have some control over their lives.

9. Tell What They CAN Do

It’s easy for parents and caregivers of toddlers to feel as though we are intervening all day long with the phrase, “No, don’t do THAT!” A simple change in wording allows the adult to offer a better alternative, and the child to understand what positive choice could replace the negative behavior.

For example, rather than saying, “Don’t pull the dog’s hair,” say, “Please touch the dog with a gentle pat.”

Instead of, “Don’t throw food on the floor,” try, “Let’s keep our food on our plates.”

Instead of “Stop leaving toys all over the floor,” say, “Please put your toys back in their cubbies.”

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Children respond more favorably to words that encourage positive behavior than they do to words that remind them of yet another thing they are NOT to do!

10. Encourage a “Yes” Response

Adults can encourage a “Yes, Mom” or “Yes, ma’am” response after giving directions or redirecting. This type of response reassures parents and caregivers that the child has heard and comprehended the request.

11. Be an Example

The best way for adults to teach appropriate communication is by modeling it! If we make eye contact, respond to requests, and speak in a respectful, affirming tone, the children in our lives will learn to do the same.

Ask yourself: In what areas is my toddler communicating well? In what areas do I hope to improve my toddler’s communication skills or abilities? What are the children in my life learning about communication through my example?

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Published on November 30, 2018

Signs of Postnatal Depression And What to Do When It Strikes

Signs of Postnatal Depression And What to Do When It Strikes

Postpartum depression (PPD) strikes about 15% of women around childbirth.[1] Moreover, this mood disorder is estimated to affect 1% to 26% of new fathers.[2] The causes of which are thought to be linked to hormonal changes, genetics, previous mental illness and the obvious change in circumstance.

The stigma of mental health – with or without support from family members and health professionals – often deters women from seeking help for their PPD. In this article, I will show you 10 ways to begin overcoming PPD.

Symptoms of Postnatal Depression

Postnatal depression is defined as depressive disorder, beginning anytime within pregnancy up to the first year of the child’s life. The symptoms of post natal depression are the same as those of depression. In order to receive a diagnosis from the doctor, 5 symptoms must be shown over a two week period. The symptoms and criteria are:

  • Feelings of sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness, nearly every day, for most of the day or the observation of a depressed mood made by others
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in activities
  • Weight loss or decreased appetite
  • Changes in sleep patterns
  • Feelings of restlessness
  • Loss of energy
  • Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
  • Loss of concentration or increased indecisiveness
  • Recurrent thoughts of death, with or without plans of suicide
  • Lack of interest or pleasure in usual activities
  • Low libido
  • Fatigue, decreased energy and motivation
  • Poor self-care
  • Social withdrawal
  • Insomnia or excessive sleep
  • Diminished ability to make decisions and think clearly
  • Lack of concentration and poor memory
  • Fear that you can not care for the baby or fear of the baby
  • Worry about harming self, baby, or partner

Should you, a friend or your partner be showing any of these signs, I recommend you to seek medical advice.

Causes of Post Natal Depression

It is worth noting here that there is a difference between what is commonly known as ‘The Baby Blues’ and post natal depression.

Postpartum blues, commonly known as “baby blues,” is a transient postpartum mood disorder characterized by milder depressive symptoms than postpartum depression. This type of depression can occur in up to 80% of all mothers following delivery. The Baby Blues should clear within 14 days, if not it is likely an indicator of something more in depth.

It is not known exactly what causes post natal depression, however there are some correlating factors. These factors have a close correlation and haven’t been shown to cause PPD:

  • Prenatal depression or anxiety
  • A personal or family history of depression
  • Moderate to severe premenstrual symptoms
  • Stressful life events experienced during pregnancy
  • Maternity blues
  • Birth-related psychological trauma
  • Birth-related physical trauma
  • Previous stillbirth or miscarriage
  • Formula-feeding rather than breast-feeding
  • Cigarette smoking
  • Low self-esteem
  • Childcare or life stress
  • Low social support
  • Poor marital relationship or single marital status
  • Low socioeconomic status
  • Infant temperament problems/colic
  • Unplanned/unwanted pregnancy
  • Elevated prolactin levels
  • Oxytocin depletion

One of the strongest predictors of paternal PPD is having a partner who has PPD, with fathers developing PPD 50% of the time when their female partner has PPD. [3]

Ways to Overcome Post Natal Depression

1. Seek Medical Help

As knowledge of PPD grows, more and more physicians are becoming aware of the indicators and risk factors. This means that health care providers are looking for signs as early as their first prenatal care visit.

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If you are at risk, letting your provider know early in your pregnancy means that you’ll be given extra support and care throughout the process. It is best to seek treatment as soon as possible.

If it’s detected late or not at all, the condition may worsen. Experts have also found that children can be affected by a parent’s untreated PPD. Such children may be more prone to sleep disturbances, impaired cognitive development, insecurity, and frequent temper tantrums.

2. Therapy

This is the first line of defence against post natal depression and will commonly be prescribed alongside medication. Around 90% of post natal depression cases in women are treated with a combination of the two treatments.

You don’t need to do anything special to prepare. Your counselor will ask questions about your life, and it’s important you answer honestly. You won’t be judged for what you tell, and whatever you talk about will be just between the two of you. Your counselor will teach you how to look at some things differently, and how to change certain habits to help yourself feel better.

Therapy is personalized for everyone, but women in counselling for postpartum depression often discuss topics including; who you’re feeling, your behaviour, your actions and your life. (If you need immediate support please call the San Diego Access and Crisis Line at (888) 724-7240. The toll-free call is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.)

3. Medication

There have been a few studies of medications for treating PPD, however, the sample sizes were small, thus evidence is generally weak.

Some evidence suggests that mothers with PPD will respond similarly to people with major depressive disorder. There is evidence which suggests that selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are effective treatment for PPD.

However, a recent study has found that adding sertraline, an SSRI, to psychotherapy does not appear to confer any additional benefit. Therefore, it is not completely clear which antidepressants are most effective for treatment of PPD.

There are currently no antidepressants that are FDA approved for use during lactation. Most antidepressants are excreted in breast milk. However, there are limited studies showing the effects and safety of these antidepressants on breastfed babies.

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4. Communication with Partner

Don’t blame yourself, your partner, close friends or relatives. Life is tough at this time, and tiredness and irritability can lead to quarrels.

‘Having a go’ at your partner can weaken your relationship when it needs to be at its strongest. It can be a huge relief to talk to someone understanding.

By spending time with your partner doing activities that you both enjoy, like going for a walk, can really help. This change of state, from moving location, can significantly elevate mood whilst providing ‘neutral ground’ in which to open up communication.

Be honest with your partner and show ways in which they can support you best through this time, even if it’s just talking or letting you have time to go take a shower.

5. Self Care and Rest

Don’t try to be ‘superwoman’. Try to do less and make sure that you don’t get over-tired. It’s common that women are the experts at ‘being busy’ and ‘doing it all’.

Rest whilst the baby is sleeping, and really take time to prioritise yourself. Throughout life, if you’re constantly giving out energy, you will be left feeling unbalanced. It’s important to become aware of one’s energy and making sure to give yourself energy first, before giving out is imperative.

Your body has just been through the trauma of the birth, which is very stressful. It therefore needs time to recover so taking time to yourself is important. Things as simple as a cup of tea, or shower or listening to music will really help.

6. Supplementation (especially DHA)

St John’s Wort is a herbal remedy available from chemists. There is evidence that it is effective in mild to moderate depression. It seems to work in much the same way as some antidepressants, but some people find that it has fewer side-effects.

One problem is that St John’s Wort can interfere with the way other medications work. If you are taking other medication, you should discuss it with your doctor. This is very important if you are taking the oral contraceptive pill. St John’s Wort might stop your pill working. This can lead to an unplanned pregnancy.

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It is also worth noting that fish oil (containing DHA) is being shown to correlate with lower instances of PPD. DHA consumption during pregnancy — at levels that are reasonably attained from foods — has the potential to decrease symptoms of postpartum depression,” conclude study researchers led by Michelle Price Judge, PhD, RD, a faculty member at the University of Connecticut School of Nursing.

7. Movement

Before starting any exercise program, you should consult with your doctor and find a fully qualified pre and post natal specialist. That being said, there is plenty of movement that can be done prior to ‘hitting the gym’, such as walking.

Not only does being outside positively benefit you by getting some fresh air and vitamin D. The same is said for your baby, who will likely sleep better once they’ve been outside. Exercise gets your endorphins going, which helps alleviate depression symptoms, It can also get you focused on something for yourself. In an analysis of data from 1996 to 2016, researchers discovered that moms who stayed physically active after birth experienced fewer depressive symptoms.[4] In contrast, one study found women who led a more sedentary lifestyle were, in general, more likely to experience postpartum depression in the first place. [5]

The type of workout doesn’t matter much. Yoga for pregnant women, stretching, and cardio are essentially equal in terms of making you feel better.

8. Socializing and Support Groups

Do go to local groups for new mothers or postnatal support groups. Your health visitor can tell you about groups in your area. You may not feel like going to these groups if your are depressed.

See if someone can go with you. You may find the support of other new mothers helpful. You may find some women who feel the same way as you do.

9. Accept Help

Some cultures believe that the symptoms of postpartum depression or similar illnesses can be avoided through protective rituals in the period after birth. Chinese women participate in a ritual that is known as “doing the month” (confinement) in which they spend the first 30 days after giving birth resting in bed, while the mother or mother-in-law takes care of domestic duties and childcare.

Whilst this may seem extreme, it’s worth noting that being able to accept help from your friends, partner and family can be extremely beneficial.

10. Avoid Smoking, Drink and Drugs

Which may seem common sense, however you may be tempted by the short term ‘fix’.

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Don’t use alcohol or drugs. They may make you feel better for a short time, but it doesn’t last. Alcohol and drugs can make depression worse. They are also bad for your physical health.

Final Thoughts

Most women will get better without any treatment within 3 to 6 months. One in four mothers with PND are still depressed when their child is one-year-old. However, this can mean a lot of suffering.

PND can spoil the experience of new motherhood. It can strain your relationship with your baby and partner. You may not look after your baby, or yourself, as well as you would when you are well.

PND can affect your child’s development and behaviour even after the depression has ended. So the shorter it lasts, the better.

Sometimes there is an obvious reason for PND, but not always. You may feel distressed, or guilty for feeling like this, as you expected to be happy about having a baby. However, PND can happen to anyone and it is not your fault.

It’s never too late to seek help. Even if you have been depressed for a while, you can get better. The help you need depends on how severe your illness is. Mild PND can be helped by increased support from family and friends.

Featured photo credit: Derek Thomson via unsplash.com

Reference

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