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Collaborate like the Jedi Council

Collaborate like the Jedi Council

Collaboration is hard work. Clearly communicating what you want to accomplish requires time, energy, and planning; unless, of course, you’re a Jedi. For a Jedi, a simple wave of the hand and the weak of mind do exactly as you request.

For everyone else, millions of dollars of productivity are lost each year because of failures of communication. Whether it’s employees being terminated because a manager doesn’t believe that they are performing well enough or employees running for the door because they don’t believe in their manager. The cost is astounding and a massive percentage of it could be avoided through better communication and collaboration.

Is being a Jedi really the easiest management job in the world? Did Obi-Wan simply envision the outcome and the path to achieve it and Anakin just knew what he intended? Learning to collaborate like Masters of the Jedi Council such as Yoda and Mace Windu takes time; here are some keys to collaboration we can learn from the Jedi:

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1. It takes time

“Patience you must have my young Padawan.” – Master Yoda

You can’t expect a Padawan to be a Jedi Master in a month. The Jedi Order has long required a lengthy apprenticeship, typically over a decade. Imagine how aligned your thinking would be if you and your mentor, apprentice, or boss spent 10 weeks doing every job together, let alone ten years!

Early on in the Padawan and Master relationship the Master Jedi leads and the Padawan follows, no questions asked. The expectation is clear that this is how things will remain for some time. This level of delegation requires strong leadership from the Master and extremely clear direction and relentless follow up. During the early days of these relationships they are less collaborative, however it builds the basis of trust and is a foundational transfer of knowledge.

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Be patient with your team members, especially when they’re new. Ask yourself the following questions: “Have I clearly set expectations?”, “Does Anakin (or insert Padawan or associate’s name) know how I like to communicate?”, and “Have I clearly conveyed the goal and why it’s important?”.

2. Focus on the “Why” before the “How”

“It’s against my programming to impersonate a deity.” – C-3PO

In Empire Strikes Back, while Luke Skywalker is trapped in the ice plains of Hoth he is visited by the ghost of his early mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi and told to travel to Dagobah to train under his old master Yoda. When Luke arrives on Dagobah, Yoda’s focus is on helping young Skywalker understand the importance of controlling the Force and not on how use a light saber. Yoda is constantly seeking to get Luke to understand the “why” rather than the “how” of controlling the Force.

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Before embarking on your next project, take the time to align everyone’s understanding of what you are working towards. Strive to show how each part is essential to the overall success and why this project is important to the company and each of the team member’s individually. Once C-3PO understood the “why” behind impersonating a god in front of the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi, he easily executed the technical skills necessary to achieve the “how”.

3. Write it down

“If an item does not appear in our records, it does not exist.” – Jocasta Nu

Despite the strength of the Force even the Jedi have a centralized repository of information. Located on Coruscant in the Jedi Temple are the Jedi Archives, a place where any Jedi can seek out the laws and knowledge of the Order, and the universe.

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Just as the Jedi need a central place to store information so does your team. Collaboration requires it. Whether your team works from a shared Google Doc, a white board, or a project management software (be it Kanbanchi, Asana, Basecamp or anything other – you name it) the likelihood of a team collaborating effectively if they are in the dark is low. A centralized information site allows parties to see progress (a key element of motivation) who is responsible for what task, and therefore where to direct questions, in addition to what to expect down the road.

Even with the power of the Force to aid them, the Jedi have to work to collaborate effectively. By being patient, taking the time to clearly communicate your needs, explaining why the team is doing what they’re doing, and then creating a forum to share information, and track progress you will be well on your way to collaborating like the Jedi Council. May the Force be with you.

Featured photo credit: The Jedi Council near the end of the Clone Wars via starwars.wikia.com

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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