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Pregnancy at Week 19

Pregnancy at Week 19

You may feel that your pregnancy is flying by. In fact, you are nearly at the halfway mark this week! Find out what’s going on in your body and how your baby is growing and changing during pregnancy at week 19.

How Your Baby Is Growing During Pregnancy at Week 19

This week, your baby has reached the size of a large mango, or around 8.5 ounces and 6 inches long. The cartilage in your baby’s body is hardening and turning to bone. Baby is becoming more coordinated and practices moving its legs and arms. Neurons are connecting in the brain, preparing for life outside the womb. All of these things are making it possible for baby to really move. You likely feel baby’s movements throughout the day and nighttime now. You may even start to notice a discernible pattern in baby’s wake and sleep times. Tip: if you’re having trouble noticing baby’s movements, lie down for a while. Sometimes when you are still you can feel the movements better. Moms describe kicks and punches as feeling like the flutter of a butterfly in your lower abdomen.

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    Photo Credit: yourbabylibrary.com

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    Your baby’s brain has developed the ability to use her five senses: sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound. She may even be able to hear you speaking on a regular basis, so reading aloud to her or talking to her throughout the day can be entertaining. She has developed a protective, waxy coating called vernix that will shield her skin from the amniotic fluid she’s bathing in. Some people believe the vernix offers many benefits to baby after she is birthed. Some parents write into their birth plan that the vernix is not to be washed off by the delivering physician or midwife so that it can be used shortly after birth. Some suggested benefits of the vernix include a special moisturizer that includes the same proteins that provide the healing qualities of breast milk. A mother who wishes to take advantage of vernix should ask that it not be wiped off upon delivery, but instead will be rubbed in all over the newborn’s body.

    How Your Body Is Changing

    Your body is getting ready for some big changes in the next half of your pregnancy. Your uterus will grow exponentially faster in the last half of pregnancy than it has the first half. You may start to notice round ligament pain, or a sharp, stabbing pain in your lower back, through your hips, and/or the backs of your legs. This is due to the large amounts of stretching your ligaments are doing to accommodate your growing uterus. Your may notice the palms of your hands turning a reddish color or find darkened patches elsewhere on your skin. This is due to the increase of estrogen circulating around your body. These are normal symptoms of pregnancy at week 19 and are not cause for alarm. Limiting your exposure to sun and using sunscreen when outdoors will help the color not to deepen any further.

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    Many women experience painful leg cramps during pregnancy, especially at night. No one knows for sure what causes them, whether it’s related to diet, increasing weight gain, or pressure on blood vessels, but a quick fix to get rid of the pain is to try stretching your calves by pulling your toes towards your shin. Other common side effects of pregnancy at week 19 include stuffy nose, back aches and headaches, constipation, increased appetite, dizziness, and stretch marks.

    Things to Do During Pregnancy at Week 19

    If you haven’t already chosen one, now is a good time to settle on a short list of names for your baby. Many parents opt to wait until they’ve met their little one before deciding which name fits their baby. It is still a good idea to have a few names you’re considering so that you and your partner are on the same page. Check out Baby Center’s Name Finder here.

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    It’s not too early to think about prepping yourself for labor and delivery. Research your options for birth and start to put together a birth plan. Birth plans typically include whether you want the option for pain medication during labor, how important breastfeeding is to you, where you would like post-birth activities (nursery check-ups, etc.) to happen, and other aspects that are important to your unique birth experience. You can find a birth plan template by The Bump here.

    Now is also a good time to start planning how you’ll design baby’s nursery after his arrival! While most parents opt to have their newborn sleep in their bedroom, you’ll likely use the baby’s room to store their clothes, use the changing table, store books and toys, etc. Parents usually enjoy this time, envisioning their newest family member joining their home. Often expectant parents have their baby shower in their second trimester, so you can start thinking about registering for baby items you’ll need. The website called Babylist offers an online option for parents to compile a central registry with items from any website on the internet. This is especially convenient to out-of-town friends and family who might be shipping you a gift.

    Featured photo credit: Pregnant – 33 Weeks/Kelly Hunter via flickr.com

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    Published on January 24, 2020

    5 Ways to Improve Your Parenting Skills (Psychology-Backed)

    5 Ways to Improve Your Parenting Skills (Psychology-Backed)

    There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Parenting is hard. It takes a great deal of effort to be even a decent parent. My husband and I are raising our three children ages 6, 6, and 7.

    Yes, I have my hands full. Twin six-year-old boys and a seven-year-old girl keep me on my parenting toes, so to speak. It is not easy, but I do my best to be a good parent. Having a PhD in psychology is helpful, but I still devour plenty of parenting books and research articles to continually try to do better. I am still a work in progress just like all parents.

      It would be great if we knew exactly what to do and how to do it with our kids. But not all kids are the same and they are not born with a manual that provides us with instructions on how to raise them right. However, we do have research on parenting and psychology that can help us out and point us in the right direction.

      Below I have five tips on how to improve your parenting skills starting today! These tips are backed by research. The first step toward being a great parent is knowing how. It is difficult to be a good parent without knowing first and foremost the how and why.

      1. Practice Loving without Conditions

      Loving unconditionally seems like a given that we all assume we are doing as a parent. However, we may have behaviors or words spoken that undermine our ability for our children to feel unconditionally loved.

      For example, asking our child if he wants another mom when he is acting out is not practicing unconditional love. The message that is being sent to the child is that if they act out or misbehave, they are at risk of losing you as a mother, since you ask “do you want another mom” or “do you want to live somewhere else?”

      If you have ever made these statements, it doesn’t mean you are a terrible parent. However, if we want our child to feel loved unconditionally, then we need to stop saying things that make the child feel like the relationship could ever be severed because of their behavior.

      Another way to look at these threats is comparing them to threatening divorce. If you have ever been married, or lived in a home with married parents, then you know that when one person threatens divorce, it cuts to the core.

      Threatening divorce damages the relationship, because trust is lost. The other person begins to feel that that their relationship may not be forever, and that the relationship can be ended because their spouse is threatening divorce. Even if the person threatening doesn’t really mean what they are saying and they truly love their spouse, the words are damaging none the less.

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      The same principles go for parent and child relationships. If a child has been threatened with loss of their current home life, the parent leaving them, or being placed in foster care, then that child does not feel loved unconditionally. They will believe that love from their parent is contingent on their behavior. It is conditional love which means that they are only loved under certain conditions.

      My son Charlie has recently gotten into the habit of saying “I love you Mom” every time that he gets in trouble. He kicked the dog the other day. Not hard, but nevertheless he kicked our family dog. I was fuming. I yelled at him and he was sent to his room for a long time out (I know the yelling was not a good thing to do). I couldn’t even think of a consequence in the heat of the moment so I said “go to your room, I don’t want to see you right now, I will think about your consequence later.”

      He cried, and as he was running up the stairs and he was saying “I love you Mommy, I love you Mommy, I love you Mommy.” Why was he saying that? Because in his six-year-old mind, he is worried that I will stop loving him if he has bad behavior.

      Kids don’t know that we love them unconditionally. They are learning though and we must teach them that we do. My response in this situation and always is to say “I love you too.” I then usually follow it up with “I don’t like your behavior right now, but I will always love you.”

      Kids need to be told that they are loved regardless of their behavior. It needs to be ingrained that they are loved even if they act out, break the rules, or misbehave.

      An article by Elite Daily examined several research studies on unconditional love.[1] The findings from these studies showed that children become more well-adjusted, emotionally healthy, and physically healthy adults when they experience unconditional love in childhood. When children are exposed to conditional love in their parent-child relationship, the research showed that, children have higher levels of anxiety which in turn negatively affects their long-range health, such as heart health.

      Loving unconditionally means loving without conditions. Unconditional love is loving someone just the way that they are, flaws and all. Tell your children that you love them, even when they break the rules, misbehave, or they tell you that they hate you (most kids say this to their parents at some point in time).

      You must always respond with “I love you regardless of your behavior.” It doesn’t mean that you are accepting or allowing the bad behavior. There should always be reasonable consequences to match the behavior. However, they shouldn’t ever be made to feel that the love of their parent can be revoked because of bad behaviors.

      2. Develop a Bond That Will Last a Lifetime by Creating Memories

      You need to spend time with your kids in order to create a bond. Quality time matters, but so does quantity time.

      Kids want to be with their parents. Spend time together as a family. For example, make it a point to have dinner at the kitchen or dining room table at least a few nights a week. Make a rule that no technology is allowed at the table during that time, so that you can talk and spend time together.

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      Before you know it, that child will be grown and out of your home. Take the time to spend meal times together, talking and truly getting to know your child before they leave your home as an adult.

      Barking Up the Wrong Tree looked at research on how to create happy memories that last a lifetime. Some of the things discovered in the research included:[2]

      • Memories are made when our senses and emotions are elevated.
      • If we are pulling out the camera phone, it is likely an elevated experience that you want to remember.
      • Celebrating milestones and praiseworthy moments (graduations, winning seasons, etc.) helps to create positive lasting memories.
      • Struggling together creates a bond. If you have worked through conflict in your relationship and made it better in the process then you have created a bond. Fraternities haze, soldier fight together, and families overcome struggles together. These all make for lasting bonds. When you struggle together as a family, celebrate the success at the end of your victory, once you have overcome the challenge together.

      Take the time to make memories with your children. They are only little once. Go on those vacations, hike to the top of a mountain together, sail across an ocean, go camping, or teach them to ice-skate.

      Do anything and everything that will help create memories, bonds, and experiences that will last a lifetime in their memory. Those memories are what will carry them into old age with happiness in their heart.

      3. Stop the Yelling

      Yelling at our kids is not good parenting. Yet it is still happening on regular basis in most homes. I admit, I am still continually working on this one. I think this quote summarizes the situation.

        However, I know I need to continually work to not yell or raise my voice, as I would prefer a household with zero voices ever raised.

        Yelling causes our children to become anxious. It also affects them emotionally and mentally in a negative manner. If you have ever been yelled at by a boss or superior, you probably remember it and it is not a fond memory. It made you feel bad. It is hard enough to be reprimanded in a calm voice.

        When someone, whether adult or child, is yelled at while being reprimanded it causes anxiety, stress, and negative emotions to abound. When the yelling involves name calling or insults it becomes emotional abuse.

        Heathline Parenthood examined research on the topic of yelling and found that parents who yell at their kids end up with children who are more aggressive verbally and physically.[3] Children learn from their parents’ example. If yelling is a regular occurrence in your household, then your child is learning that when dealing with behavior or situations that they don’t like, it is appropriate to yell. None of us want to teach that to our children, so we must take action to stop the yelling.

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        Healthline provides some tips on how to stop yelling:

        • Know what triggers the yelling. What are the behaviors occurring or situations where you find yourself yelling at your children?
        • When you feel that you are going to yell, give yourself a time out or count to ten.
        • Practice responding in a calm, even tone. Practice makes the action a habit.
        • If you do yell, then admit the mistake and apologize to your child. They will then learn that it is not an acceptable behavior and that they too should apologize if they make a mistake and end up yelling. (Yes, I apologized to Charlie for yelling and he had to apologize to our dog Max.)

        My article about yelling less at your kids less is also helpful: The Only Effective Way to Talk With Children When They Are Acting Out. This article outlines the steps to use the “one-ask” parenting approach. This approach is used to help parents follow up with consequences more quickly so that situations don’t escalate to worse behavior by the children and yelling from the parents. Some tips from this article on talking to your children without yelling include the following.

        • Get on their level, talking face to face in a calm voice.
        • Don’t make repeated threats about a consequence that is coming to them and wait for the situation to become more heated.
        • Follow through with the consequence (i.e. loss of playtime or time-out) immediately after they violate your warning. Don’t wait for them to repeat the bad behavior several more times. One warning is all that is needed. Then, if they break the rule or don’t obey, the consequence should be immediately implemented.

        If you find that your yelling is so entrenched in your daily behaviors that you have a hard time kicking the habit and you need more support, then buy, or find at your local library, the book Triggers by Amber Lia and Wendy Speake. Their tips were even featured on the Focus on the Family national radio program and were rated as a number one show for 2019. Their gentle parenting methods simply work.

        A quote from the book:

        “Peacemaking moms produce peacemaking kids.”

        Wendy and Amber also have a Facebook group that is free to join. It is Gentle Parenting with Amber and Wendy. In this group, you will find thousands of other parents looking for support to yell less in their homes. Check out the group if you want more connected support to stop yelling at your kids. I am a member of this group too. Nobody is perfect, but we can do better as parents by yelling less starting today.

        4. Provide Experiences Over Toys

        Toys are fun. But our kids don’t need an excess of overcomplicated, electronic, and expensive toys in order to be happy or develop in a healthy manner. Focusing on experiences over toys is a way to improve as a parent now.

        The next holiday or birthday that comes up, think about gifting your child an experience, for example, a year membership to the children’s museum or zoo. Another experience is a trip to someplace interesting such as a National Park. These experiences help to create memories. They also help to make your child a more well rounded individual as they are out in the world experiencing activities rather than sitting in their room playing the newest video game.

        Motherly posted a recent article that delved into the science that experiences are better for our kids than toys. Here is a quote from that article that is worth noting.[4]

        And if we need one more reason to cool it on the toy giving, researchers have discovered that gratitude and generosity increase when experiences are given instead of objects. Thomas Gilovich, a psychology professor at Cornell University, conducted many studies over many decades and found that happiness is derived from experiences, not things. Bottom line: The happiness derived from a childhood experience is far more significant than the fleeting excitement of toys under the Christmas tree. Giving experiences that involve spending time together instead of gifting toys brings greater and longer-lasting joy. Don’t stress about the number of toys, mama. Focus on making memories.

        Creating family experiences and making memories go hand-in-hand. Our money and resources get more bang for their buck when they are used on experiences for the family instead of things. The research from the Motherly article shows that families are happier overall when they have more experiences together and less toys.

        5. Let Them Play and Be a Child

        Play and childhood development go hand-in-hand. However, the amount of playtime our children are getting has been diminishing in recent decades.

        We are so intent on our children learning, that we take away from their playtime. Play is learning. We need to get our children back to basic playtime so they can develop and learn in a natural way.

        Increase their playtime and limit the electronics. Research by Very Well Family found that too much technology is damaging to our children.[5] When children get too much time on electronic devices, their research found that children have sleep issues, obesity, behavior problems, academic problems, and emotional issues. Limit your children’s time on technology.

        According to We Can, we need to aim for less than two of screen time per day for our school aged children. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends far less time for children under the age of five. We Can offers a free screen time chart so you can track your child’s time on digital devices.

        The goal is to get children playing and off the technology. Playing will help them developmentally. In my book Let Them Play, I explain the importance of play and provide 100 child developmental play activities. Some great play activities that promote development and learning that are listed in the book including Play Doh, magnet blocks, Legos, puppet shows, and hopscotch.

        Parents can teach their children different play activities while they actively play with their children. Fifteen or twenty minutes of playtime together can help to create bonding time between parent and child. Then the parent can allow their children to continue playing the activity on their own. This play time is crucial to the child’s healthy social, emotional, physical, and cognitive development.

        They are only little once. Let them be a child when they are little. Two-year-old children aren’t meant to sit at desks for hours completing school work. They were made to play, explore, and be active physically. This is how they learn and develop best.

        Final Thoughts

        These are not the only ways to improve as a parent. However, these are five ways that you can begin improving as a parent starting today.

        Nobody is a perfect parent, which means we all have room for improvement. Look at your own parenting methods objectively and decide where you can improve. Then do something about it.

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        Featured photo credit: Jonathan Daniels via unsplash.com

        Reference

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