Advertising
Advertising

8 Brilliant TED Talks That Will Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

8 Brilliant TED Talks That Will Improve Your Emotional Intelligence

As the world becomes increasingly automated through machines that replace human labor, there still exists something that robots can and never will be able to replace – emotional intelligence (EI). EI is the key thing that differentiates us from robots; it is the ability to feel, understand, and manage emotions and behavior within ourselves and amongst other people.

Humans are social beings at heart, and EI understands this by helping us to see the best in others as well as ourselves. This can prepare you for managing any difficult situations that come your way. Investing in your EI therefore ensures longer term success in all aspects of your life. The good news is that EI can be learned no matter how old or young you are, and putting it into practice is completely up to you. Here are eight top picks from TED talks to kickstart your EI growth journey:

1. On Vulnerability

Who: Brené Brown, research professor at the University of Houston

How it helps: Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness by many; something we should strive to hide from others whenever we feel afraid or incapable. In fact, Brown’s research and experience on vulnerability shows quite the opposite – how being vulnerable helps to enforce an attitude of kindness and gentleness towards yourself and others, and to prevent the blame, addiction and judgement that can arise from the tendency to hide one’s imperfection.

Advertising

2. On Compassion

Who: Daniel Goleman

How it helps: In this classic TED talk, Goleman shares his insights on compassion, one of the main factors that determines your emotional intelligence. Through engaging stories, he notes the inherent motivation behind being compassionate towards others, explains how empathy separates us from becoming sociopaths, and touches on examples of compassion that truly make the skill worth practicing.

3. On Love and Acceptance

Who: Andrew Solomon, Writer on Politics, Culture and Psychology

How it helps: Solomon explains the fine difference between unconditional love and acceptance, and describes his understanding about both concepts from his interviews of numerous families and their children. The touching stories that he shares shows how this is a choice, and will give you fresh perspective on what unconditional love and acceptance does for ourselves and society.

Advertising

4. On Smiling

Who: Ron Gutman, Founder and CEO of HealthTap

How it helps: Smiling doesn’t cost us anything, but according to Gutman, is also worth the equivalent of receiving “16,000 British pounds in cash”. In this talk, Gutman takes us through studies on smiling – from our inborn ability to smile without being taught to wide reaching effects of smiling on ourselves and others. Well worth a listen to understand and use the power of a smile.

5. On Stress

Who: Kelly McGonigal, Health Psychologist

How it helps: In a fundamental shift of perspective, McGonigal shows us how stress can help rather than hinder. All too frequently, we get stressed when being unable to cope with our own emotions, or being affected by those of others. However, McGonigal suggests reframing our thoughts into using stress for the better, and we can apply this to how we deal with everyday stressors. A big part of improving EI is also learning to shift your perspective using positive psychology, making this talk incredibly relevant.

Advertising

6. On Saying Thank You

Who: Dr. Laura Trice, Counsellor and Coach

How it helps: In just over three minutes, Trice reminds us of the act of saying thank you and why it means so much. When said a certain way, this simple trick we were taught since we were young can boost your EI in no time.

7. On Disagreement

Who: Margaret Heffernan, Management Thinker and Former CEO of 5 Businesses

How it helps: Disagreement sounds like a recipe for disaster, especially when it comes to inter-personal relationships, but Heffernan shows how disagreement can lead to improved and outcomes through communication. A vital tool for anyone looking to boost their EI in an assertive and productive manner.

Advertising

8. On Listening

Who: Julian Treasure, Sound Consultant

How it helps: Listening – the skill of paying conscious attention to sound – is becoming increasingly unused as loud and attention grabbing noises continue to overwhelm our world. Treasure speaks of the risks associated with greater noise distraction, such as being more desensitized and less empathetic. Throughout the talk, he gives the audience several methods of improving ways of listening, which are certainly worth trying out. Although featured for businesses, we can take a leaf out of Treasure’s book by remembering to listen and to do it well, in order to increase our sensitivity to others and the environment around us.

Featured photo credit: Athletic Man Jumping Between Rocks In Outdoor National Park by Ed Gregory via stokpic.com

More by this author

How To Overcome Cultural Barriers At Work Are You Shy? Use It to Your Advantage How to Know What We Really Want 8 Brilliant TED Talks That Will Improve Your Emotional Intelligence 5 Ways A Gratitude Journal Can Improve Your Life

Trending in Communication

1 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way 2 How to Break Free From Negative Thinking for Good 3 15 Simple Things You Can Do to Boost Your Daily Motivation 4 How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often 5 Feeling Super Stressed? Do This Daily Routine Every Day

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on September 18, 2020

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

For the original article by Celestine: 13 Helping Points When Things Don’t Go Your Way

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.” – Hans Selye

Have you ever experienced moments when things just don’t go your way? For example, losing your keys, accidentally spilling your drink, waking up late, missing your buses/trains, forgetting to bring your things, and so on?

You’re not alone. All of us, myself included, experience times when things don’t go as we expect.

Here is my guide on how to deal with daily setbacks.

1. Take a step back and evaluate

When something bad happens, take a step back and evaluate the situation. Some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What is the problem?
  2. Are you the only person facing this problem in the world today?
  3. How does this problem look like at an individual level? A national level? On a global scale?
  4. What’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you as a result of this?
  5. How is it going to impact your life in the next 1 year? 5 years? 10 years?

Doing this exercise is not to undermine the problem or disclaiming responsibility, but to consider different perspectives, so you can adopt the best approach for it. Most problems we encounter daily may seem like huge issues when they crop up, but most, if not all, don’t have much impact in our life beyond that day.

Advertising

2. Vent if you have to, but don’t linger on the problem

If you feel very frustrated and need to let off some steam, go ahead and do that. Talk to a friend, complain, crib about it, or scream at the top of your lungs if it makes you happy.

At the same time, don’t get caught up with venting. While venting may temporarily relieve yourself, it’s not going to solve the problem ultimately. You don’t want to be an energy vampire.

Vent if there’s a need to, but do it for 15 to 20 minutes. Then move on.

3. Realize there are others out there facing this too

Even though the situation may be frustrating, you’re not alone. Remember there are almost 7 billion people in the world today, and chances are that other people have faced the same thing before too. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

4. Process your thoughts/emotions

Process your thoughts/emotions with any of the four methods:

  1. Journal. Write your unhappiness in a private diary or in your blog. It doesn’t have to be formal at all – it can be a brain dump on rough paper or new word document. Delete after you are done.
  2. Audio taping. Record yourself as you talk out what’s on your mind. Tools include tape recorder, your PC (Audacity is a freeware for recording/editing audio) and your mobile (most mobiles today have audio recording functions). You can even use your voice mail for this. Just talking helps you to gain awareness of your emotions. After recording, play back and listen to what you said. You might find it quite revealing.
  3. Meditation. At its simplest form, meditation is just sitting/lying still and observing your reality as it is – including your thoughts and emotions. Some think that it involves some complex mambo-jumbo, but it doesn’t.
  4. Talking to someone. Talking about it with someone helps you work through the issue. It also gets you an alternate viewpoint and consider it from a different angle.

5. Acknowledge your thoughts

Don’t resist your thoughts, but acknowledge them. This includes both positive and negative thoughts.

By acknowledging, I mean recognizing these thoughts exist. So if say, you have a thought that says, “Wow, I’m so stupid!”, acknowledge that. If you have a thought that says, “I can’t believe this is happening to me again”, acknowledge that as well.

Advertising

Know that acknowledging the thoughts doesn’t mean you agree with them. It’s simply recognizing the existence of said thoughts so that you can stop resisting yourself and focus on the situation on hand.

6. Give yourself a break

If you’re very stressed out by the situation, and the problem is not time sensitive, then give yourself a break. Take a walk, listen to some music, watch a movie, or get some sleep. When you’re done, you should feel a lot more revitalized to deal with the situation.

7. Uncover what you’re really upset about

A lot of times, the anger we feel isn’t about the world. You may start off feeling angry at someone or something, but at the depth of it, it’s anger toward yourself.

Uncover the root of your anger. I have written a five part anger management series on how to permanently overcome anger.

After that, ask yourself: How can you improve the situation? Go to Step #9, where you define your actionable steps. Our anger comes from not having control on the situation. Sitting there and feeling infuriated is not going to change the situation. The more action we take, the more we will regain control over the situation, the better we will feel.

8. See this as an obstacle to be overcome

As Helen Keller once said,

“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Whatever you’re facing right now, see it as an obstacle to be overcome. In every worthy endeavor, there’ll always be countless obstacles that emerge along the way. These obstacles are what separate the people who make it, and those who don’t. If you’re able to push through and overcome them, you’ll emerge a stronger person than before. It’ll be harder for anything to get you down in the future.

9. Analyze the situation – Focus on actionable steps

In every setback, there are going to be things that can’t be reversed since they have already occurred. You want to focus on things that can still be changed (salvageable) vs. things that have already happened and can’t be changed. The only time the situation changes is when you take steps to improve it. Rather than cry over spilt milk, work through your situation:

  1. What’s the situation?
  2. What’s stressing you about this situation?
  3. What are the next steps that’ll help you resolve them?
  4. Take action on your next steps!

After you have identified your next steps, act on them. The key here is to focus on the actionable steps, not the inactionable steps. It’s about regaining control over the situation through direct action.

10. Identify how it occurred (so it won’t occur again next time)

A lot of times we react to our problems. The problem occurs, and we try to make the best out of what has happened within the context. While developing a healthy coping mechanism is important (which is what the other helping points are on), it’s also equally important, if not more, to understand how the problem arose. This way, you can work on preventing it from taking place next time, vs. dealing reactively with it.

Most of us probably think the problem is outside of our control, but reality is most of the times it’s fully preventable. It’s just a matter of how much responsibility you take over the problem.

For example, for someone who can’t get a cab for work in the morning, he/she may see the problem as a lack of cabs in the country, or bad luck. However, if you trace to the root of the problem, it’s probably more to do with (a) Having unrealistic expectations of the length of time to get a cab. He/she should budget more time for waiting for a cab next time. (b) Oversleeping, because he/she was too tired from working late the previous day. He/she should allocate enough time for rest next time. He/she should also pick up better time management skills, so as to finish work in lesser time.

11. Realize the situation can be a lot worse

No matter how bad the situation is, it can always be much worse. A plus point vs. negative point analysis will help you realize that.

Advertising

12. Do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it

No matter how bad your situation may seem, do your best, but don’t kill yourself over it. Life is too beautiful to worry so much over daily issues. Take a step back (#1), give yourself a break if you need to (#6), and do what you can within your means (#9). Everything else will unfold accordingly. Worrying too much about the outcome isn’t going to change things or make your life any better.

13. Pick out the learning points from the encounter

There’s something to learn from every encounter. What have you learned from this situation? What lessons have you taken away?

After you identify your learning points, think about how you’re going to apply them moving forward. With this, you’ve clearly gained something from this encounter. You’ve walked away a stronger, wiser, better person, with more life lessons to draw from in the future.

Get the manifesto version of this article: [Manifesto] What To Do When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Featured photo credit: Alice Donovan Rouse via unsplash.com

Read Next