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Why It’s Really Good and Normal to Lose Some Friends as You Grow Older

Why It’s Really Good and Normal to Lose Some Friends as You Grow Older

friendship – IMG_3604Usually people feel sad and lonely when they notice their pool of friends is getting smaller and smaller as they grow older. But, it’s completely normal to lose friends as you grow older.

When you’re past the 30-year-old mark, you can no longer just “hang out” with friends carefree, every day. I mean, you’ve got responsibilities now; you’re wiser and have a clearer picture of what you want out of life.

Here’s why it’s really normal to lose some friends as you grow older, and why you shouldn’t be too downcast about it.

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1. You have to deal with family, career and other concerns first.

As you grow older, you are more engaged in building your business, career and or taking care of your family and just can’t see many of your friends as much as you used to anymore. That is completely normal and expected. If you were to neglect these key areas of your life so that you can spend days on friends’ couches and on local bar stools, it would be sad indeed.

Of course, it sucks when the rigors of adulthood wash away friendships, but it happens. Fortunately, you can always pick up the phone and catch up with a particularly close friend you’ve not been in touch with for a while.

2. You discover some friendships just aren’t worth the effort any more.

Maintaining friendships is hard work. It takes up your time, and even resources. While there are some friendships you cherish and wish to maintain for as long as possible, some just aren’t worth investing in anymore. Not that those friendships you aren’t interested in anymore are necessarily bad—it’s just that you are older now and have outgrown them.

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For example, friendships from when you were young, rebellious and a worse version of yourself are often best left in the past. On the surface, it may seem like it’s a bad thing to lose these old friendships, but it’s good. It’s proof that you are growing. If you are not losing some of those old friendships, you may not be growing up.

3. You relocate to geographically distant places.

One day a close friend calls and tells you she’s received a job offer from a company that pays well; the only catch is that it’s overseas. And she already took it. Another couple of months pass by and another close friend moves out of the city to another state hundred of miles away. And another, and another, and another. Eventually, only two close friends remain.

And then you call the two remaining friends to inform them you are getting married, buying a house upcountry or whatever, and planning to move out of the city soon. You realize getting together with these friends socially will become too much effort. So your friendship slowly ruptures. It sucks, but it it happens. You have to accept it and more on, otherwise you may never grow.

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4. You start to enjoy different things.

As we grow older, we change. Our friends also change, as do the things that bonded us. For example, you may have an old friend you loved because he was simple and modest, but who has since become rich and developed a taste for the extravagant. You notice it’s awkward for you to spend time with him now because you can’t afford the same restaurants, travel arrangements and other entertainments. So you gradually grow apart.

In cases like these, there’s often no malice or definitive parting of the ways. It just happens slowly and it’s good because it allows you to let go and make room for new friends who you share similar interests, values and maybe even station.

5. You realize that some friends are actually toxic.

Jim Rohn famously said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” He was right. Sometimes you find some friends have problematic mindsets that are only revealed as they grow up. We all know those friends—those who have a skewed view of women or men, for example. They always manage to make you do or say things you’d vowed never to do again like drink, maybe. Their crazy lifestyle is problematic for you, and they somehow always drag you into it when you are around them.

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Although you genuinely care for them, you know they just aren’t good to be around anymore. So you avoid them. That’s a smart move because it protects you from getting into something you’ll regret later.

6. You have a handful of cherished friends you prioritize.

When you are older, you’ve had a chance to evaluate, sieve and settle for true friends who you know will stay no matter what, no matter how circumstances change. These true friends love you for who you are, not for what you have. And you love them in the same way.

These are the type of friends you prioritize now and are willing to move mountains for. You enjoy their company and they enjoy yours. Your conversations are great and visiting one another to pick each other’s brain is a pleasure.

It’s hard to find true friends like these so maybe there are just two, three or maybe four, if you are lucky – but never an entire gang. And that’s the way you like it because it take less effort to maintain one true friend than ten on-and-off buddies.

Featured photo credit: friendship – IMG_3604 by N i c o l a via Flickr via flickr.com

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Last Updated on August 16, 2018

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

10 Ways To Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone And Enjoy Taking Risks

The ability to take risks by stepping outside your comfort zone is the primary way by which we grow. But we are often afraid to take that first step.

In truth, comfort zones are not really about comfort, they are about fear. Break the chains of fear to get outside. Once you do, you will learn to enjoy the process of taking risks and growing in the process.

Here are 10 ways to help you step out of your comfort zone and get closer to success:

1. Become aware of what’s outside of your comfort zone

What are the things that you believe are worth doing but are afraid of doing yourself because of the potential for disappointment or failure?

Draw a circle and write those things down outside the circle. This process will not only allow you to clearly identify your discomforts, but your comforts. Write identified comforts inside the circle.

2. Become clear about what you are aiming to overcome

Take the list of discomforts and go deeper. Remember, the primary emotion you are trying to overcome is fear.

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How does this fear apply uniquely to each situation? Be very specific.

Are you afraid of walking up to people and introducing yourself in social situations? Why? Is it because you are insecure about the sound of your voice? Are you insecure about your looks?

Or, are you afraid of being ignored?

3. Get comfortable with discomfort

One way to get outside of your comfort zone is to literally expand it. Make it a goal to avoid running away from discomfort.

Let’s stay with the theme of meeting people in social settings. If you start feeling a little panicked when talking to someone you’ve just met, try to stay with it a little longer than you normally would before retreating to comfort. If you stay long enough and practice often enough, it will start to become less uncomfortable.

4. See failure as a teacher

Many of us are so afraid of failure that we would rather do nothing than take a shot at our dreams.

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Begin to treat failure as a teacher. What did you learn from the experience? How can you take that lesson to your next adventure to increase your chance of success?

Many highly successful people failed plenty of times before they succeeded. Here’re some examples:

10 Famous Failures to Success Stories That Will Inspire You to Carry On

5. Take baby steps

Don’t try to jump outside your comfort zone, you will likely become overwhelmed and jump right back in.

Take small steps toward the fear you are trying to overcome. If you want to do public speaking, start by taking every opportunity to speak to small groups of people. You can even practice with family and friends.

Take a look at this article on how you can start taking baby steps:

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The Number One Secret to Life Success: Baby Steps

6. Hang out with risk takers

There is no substitute for this step. If you want to become better at something, you must start hanging out with the people who are doing what you want to do and start emulating them. (Here’re 8 Reasons Why Risk Takers Are More Likely To Be Successful).

Almost inevitably, their influence will start have an effect on your behavior.

7. Be honest with yourself when you are trying to make excuses

Don’t say “Oh, I just don’t have the time for this right now.” Instead, be honest and say “I am afraid to do this.”

Don’t make excuses, just be honest. You will be in a better place to confront what is truly bothering you and increase your chance of moving forward.

8. Identify how stepping out will benefit you

What will the ability to engage in public speaking do for your personal and professional growth? Keep these potential benefits in mind as motivations to push through fear.

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9. Don’t take yourself too seriously

Learn to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes. Risk taking will inevitably involve failure and setbacks that will sometimes make you look foolish to others. Be happy to roll with the punches when others poke fun.

If you aren’t convinced yet, check out these 6 Reasons Not to Take Life So Seriously.

10. Focus on the fun

Enjoy the process of stepping outside your safe boundaries. Enjoy the fun of discovering things about yourself that you may not have been aware of previously.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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