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When Do Babies Start Sleeping Through The Night?

When Do Babies Start Sleeping Through The Night?

The one question every new parent asks is when do babies start sleeping through the night? Babies may start having a few episodes of sleeping for 6 – 8 hours through the night by around 4 – 6 months. They may do it once, or a couple of nights in a row and on other nights they may need your help.

Every Baby is different but there are some common patterns

It is important to understand that there is no switch you can flip to make this happen. Babies don’t just start sleeping through the night and then keep doing it forever; there is a lot of stopping and starting because there are so many factors that contribute to their sleep development, but there are a few theories that work; both on their own and in combination. Our role as parents is to help them learn and feel secure to achieve it. By the time they reach their first birthday, they become very good at it and not only do they need to sleep through the night, they want to.

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The minute you announce a pregnancy, especially if it is your first baby, every other parent immediately tells you to cherish your sleep because it will diminish significantly when you have a new baby. This is true to some extent. Babies have very different sleeping patterns to adults until they adjust to their new world and learn to sleep outside the womb. However, as difficult as that first year can be, it doesn’t have to be unbearable and the more you know and are prepared about what to expect, the easier you will cope.

Babies have very different lives inside the womb. They sleep a lot during the day while the mother is active; essentially rocking the baby to sleep. At night when the mother is still, they move around and stay awake. Women find it the hardest to sleep during the last few weeks of pregnancy as the baby becomes increasingly active.

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When babies are born, they need to adjust to a different routine that we impose on them, one where they learn to be awake more during the day and sleep through the night. This does not happen automatically and babies must learn to do this as they develop.

Babies must first reach some physical and cognitive milestones that will help them sleep through the night.

  • Newborns have a startle reflex called the Moro reflex. Until they are around 4 months old they will respond to disturbances such as noise, sleep cycles and other stimuli by startling. They demonstrate this by flailing their arms and being surprised easily. Losing their Moro reflex will help them sleep through the night.
  • Babies gain weight and grow. Whether they are being exclusively breastfed, mixed fed or are only drinking formula, they double their birth weight by around 5 months and will start to require solid food by around 6 months. A baby’s sleep pattern will change during a growth spurt. They may sleep more or they may fuss more. Sometimes they will sleep more during the day, which could affect their sleep at night.
  • Infants will gradually require less feeding through the night (night weaning). Breastfed babies tend to feed more frequently because breast milk is digested faster, however all newborns need to be fed every 2 – 4 hours. As they grow and when they start solids, they don’t need to feed as frequently during the night. When they are fuller, they sleep for longer and they learn to ignore their hunger during the night.
  • Babies will learn to self soothe. Whether it is by using a pacifier, sucking their thumb, holding on to a favourite toy or blanket or listening to music or a noise machine, babies will start to get through their sleep cycles independently. When they wake up or go into a lighter sleep, they start to return to deep sleep by themselves, without needing assistance from their parents.

When do babies start sleeping through the night? Some ways to help them.

  • Establish a good bedtime routine. You don’t have to watch the clock; don’t focus on the exact minute, just thereabouts. Dinner, bath, pajamas, a story or song, a goodnight kiss and a favourite toy or blanket, some ambient sound or music and a darkened room. Maybe even a pleasant room spray; Lavender is very soothing for sleep. The trick is to be consistent so they know what to expect and feel secure.
  • It is important to find a reliable way to comfort them if they call out to you. The book French Children Don’t Throw Food by Pamela Druckerman talks about the way in which French mothers wait a little when the baby cries out. They claim that newborns will be able to learn to sleep by the time they are 2 months old if we let them. They may not do it every night as other issues arise throughout their development, but ordinarily, when all things are well, they learn to sleep through the night earlier this way.

“Waiting is the key: the French do not do instant gratification. It starts more or less at birth. When a French baby cries in the night the parents go in, pause, and observe for a few minutes. They know that babies’ sleep patterns include movements, noises and two-hour sleep cycles, in between which the baby might cry.” – Michele Hanson, The Guardian

  • There are several ways to help babies sleep through the night.

“Some common methods include the Ferber method, the “cry it out” method, the “fading” method, and the “no-cry” sleep training method.” – Tamekia Reece.

You may be comfortable letting the baby cry themselves to sleep. You may prefer to pick them up and rock them to sleep, especially if you have multiples or other children and you don’t want everyone else woken. Most people settle for somewhere in between.

  • Focusing on awake times is sometimes more beneficial than worrying about how long the baby is sleeping for. If you understand how long a baby should be awake for their age, their day naps fall into place and this influences immensely how they sleep at night.

An infant’s milestones may interfere with sleeping through the night. Knowing what to expect will contribute to how you survive them.

The first year of a baby’s life is one of the most dynamic. So much happens to them in that first 12 months and they experience many changes. It is important to provide consistency and a sense of security for babies so that they feel safe. Sometimes giving them the space and opportunity to sleep is all that you can do and the most common milestones just need to be endured. Staying calm and positive to get through the nights and days of upheaval and always returning to the routine will help immensely.

  • Babies will learn to roll, crawl, sit upright by themselves and stand; not necessarily in that order and sometimes they will skip a step. Their brains are processing these new abilities and this could prevent them sleeping through the night. Often babies will practice their new skills through the night when there aren’t as many distractions and this tends to keep them awake or disturb their sleep.
  • Babies will experience pain and discomfort associated with teething, illness and vaccinations. Fever, aches and stress will almost certainly mean that they take longer to fall asleep and may sleep for shorter periods. They may need medication, but mostly they need comfort and support to get through it.
  • Traveling or going on holidays and sleeping away from home, changes in the home like a new bed or a new baby brother or sister or any other break in the routine will affect an infant’s sleep patterns. It is our job as parents to make any transition as smooth and secure as possible.
  • When babies start eating solid food their bodies will experience changes that may affect their sleep. Their digestive systems will be working harder, they will wet and soil their nappies in a different way and they will remember the different textures, smells and tastes they have encountered through the day.

When something is wrong. Sometimes there is evidence that we need more help.

  • A snoring baby may not be cause for alarm, they may just be congested or in a very deep sleep. However it may also indicate that they have a condition called sleep apnea, which means their breathing is being interrupted.
  • If you suspect that your baby is having difficulty breathing it is important to look for signs such as bluish lips and fingers, wheezing or a caving of the chest. Irregular breathing could be a symptom of conditions such as asthma or croup and may need professional investigation.
  • Some babies experience acid reflux, which is when milk is regurgitated back up from their stomach into their throat causing burning and discomfort. They will vomit or spit up regularly after feeds and this can be uncomfortable and distressing. Often the symptoms of GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease) will present when they are lying down, so sleeping becomes associated with pain and discomfort.
  • If an infant is not reaching their milestones including sleeping through the night on a regular basis by the time they turn one, they may need to be examined by a pediatrician. It isn’t a reason to immediately panic, but addressing issues early may contribute greatly to a resolution in the long run.

Ideally, a baby will sleep through the night sooner rather than later, but children, like adults, will have sleep interruptions and disturbances occasionally and with the right information and support, sleepless nights will become an exception rather than the rule. So next time you wonder when do babies start sleeping through the night, consider the facts listed above.

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Published on May 24, 2019

How to Raise a Confident Child with Grit

How to Raise a Confident Child with Grit

My husband and I facilitate a couple’s marriage and parenting group. Recently, the group discussed qualities, characteristics, and traits we wanted to see our children develop as they grow up. One term that came up that all parents seemed to upon agree as a highly valued trait was that of grit. The question from our group was:

“Can grit be taught to our children?”

The answer is, yes. Parents can help their child develop grit.

What is grit? Dr. Angela Duckworth is the top researcher on this subject and wrote the book Grit. She defines grit as “passion and perseverance for long term goals”. This new buzz word is popular in the adult realm, but what about our developing children? What if we could help our children develop grit as young children.

Grit is more crucial to success than IQ. Duckworth, through her research at Harvard, found that having grit was a better predictor for an individual’s success than IQ. This means having the smartest kid in the room doesn’t ensure any level of success in their future. They can be brilliant, but if they aren’t properly intrinsically motivated, they won’t be successful.

Grit determines long term success. If a child can’t pick themselves up and try again after a failure, then how are they going to be able to do it as adult?

What a gift it would be to our children to engage them in a manner that helps them recognize their passions, talents, and develop a persevere to purse their goals. Below are some tips on how to raise a confident child with grit.

1. Encouragement is Key

When a child wants to learn how to ride a bike, do they keep going after they fall down or do they quit after the first fall?

If they aren’t encouraged to get up and try again, and instead are coddled and told they can try again some other day, then they are being taught to play it safe.

Safe and coddled don’t exactly go hand-in-hand with building up grit. The child needs to be encouraged to try again. This can be a parent saying “you can do it, I believe in you” and “I know that even if you fall again you will try again and eventually you will get the hang of it”.

Encouragement to keep trying so that they can build up perseverance is very helpful in building a child’s confidence. This confidence is what will help them strike out and try again.

If they feel that they can’t do it or shouldn’t do it, then they won’t. The mind is a powerful thing. If a child believes that they can’t be successful in doing something, then they won’t be successful. Part of building that mentality of believing in themselves comes from encouragement from their parents, care givers, and teachers.

Cheer Them On

How many times have you heard a story of success that someone had in life that all began because someone believed in that person?

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A coach, a mom, a teacher can have a huge impact by believing in the child’s ability to be successful and voicing that encouragement to them. Words are powerful. Use them to build up a child, by telling them that they can do it even if they have try again and again.

Be their support system by being their cheerleader. Cheerleaders don’t just cheer when the team is winning. They cheer words of encouragement to keep the team going.

The same goes with children. We need to cheer for their successes, but also cheer for them to keep going and fighting the fight when life gets tough!

You Can’t Force Them

Keep in mind that you can’t force a child to keep trying. They have to do it themselves.

For example, when my daughter was learning to tie her shoes, it was a real struggle. She gave up. I couldn’t make her want to try to do it again. She had to take a break from the struggle for a few months and then try again.

She was more successful the second time around, because she had matured and her fine motor skills had improved. It would have been ridiculous for me to force her to practice tying her shoes for the three or four months in between, with tears and arguing taking place.

No, instead we took a break. She tried again later. Forcing her to learn something that she wasn’t ready to learn would have pit us against one another. That would have been a poor parenting move.

There are boundaries that parents can set though in some cases. For example, if your child begins an activity and wants to quit mid-season because they are terrible at the sport, you have the opportunity to keep them in the sport through the end of the season to show them that quitting is not an option.

Although they may not win another tennis match the rest of the season or win another swimming race all year long, finishing the commitment is important. It will help with the development of grit by teaching them to persevere through the defeat. It is character building.

If your child is great at all things all the time, they will not develop grit. They need to try things that challenge them. When they aren’t the best at something, or for that matter, the worst, it creates an opportunity for them feel real struggle. Real struggle builds real character.

2. Get Them out of Their Comfort Zone

My daughter wanted to try cheerleading this past fall. She has never done this activity in the past, nor is she particularly coordinated (sorry sweetie). For that matter, she couldn’t even do a cartwheel when cheer season began.

However, we signed up because she was so excited to become a cheerleader. I signed up to coach because there was a need for more cheer coaches. We were all-in at that point.

Once the season began, I quickly realized that cheerleading was far outside my daughter’s comfort zone. The idea of cheerleading was great in her mind. The reality of memorizing cheers and learning physical skills that were hard for her made the experience a struggle. She wanted to quit. I said to her “no, you were the one who wanted to do this, so we finish what we started.” I had to say this more than once. I don’t think anyone on the squad knew this was the case, because she kept at it.

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She kept practicing those cheers every evening. It did not come naturally to her at first, so it was uncomfortable. She always seemed to be half a beat behind the other cheerleaders, which made it very awkward and uncomfortable for her. However, letting her know that quitting mid-season was not an option made her try harder. She wanted to learn the cheers so she wouldn’t stand out on the squad as the girl who didn’t know what she is doing.

By the end of the season, she became a decent cheerleader. Not the best, but she was no longer half a beat behind the rest. She learned skills that were hard for her to conquer. Now that she felt success in achieving something that was uncomfortable and hard for her. She knows she has it in her to do that in other areas of life.

That is why it’s ok for us as parents to let our kids feel the struggle and be uncomfortable. If they don’t experience it when they are young, they will as adults, but they won’t be equipped with the perseverance and inner-strength built from years of working hard through smaller struggles as they grew up.

Allowing our children to struggle helps them build that skill of perseverance, so that they have the grit to achieve hard things in life that they really desire to accomplish.

3. Allow Them To Fail

Your child will fail at things in life. Let them. Do not swoop in and rescue your child from their personal failures. If they don’t fail, then they don’t have the opportunity to pick themselves up and try again.

If I had pulled my daughter from cheerleader once I realized that it was going to be a real struggle, she wouldn’t have experienced failure and struggle. Letting her have this small failure in life taught her lessons that can’t be taught in a classroom. She learned about the power she has within herself to try harder, to practice in order to make change happen, and to push through it even when you feel like giving up because it is embarrassing.

Failure is embarrassing. Learning to handle embarrassment is taking on a fear. When kids learn to do this at a young age, it is practice for adult life. They will experience failure as an adult. They will be better equipped to handle life’s disappointments and failures if they have learned to handle the fear of embarrassment and failure when they are young.

Practice builds up the skill. Processing and handling fear, embarrassment, and failure are skills.

If I had pulled my daughter from cheer and allowed her to quit, I would have taken from her the opportunity to learn how to process and handle the embarrassment and failure she was experiencing at each practice and games. She learned to keep trying and that practicing the skills would lessen the embarrassment and feelings of failure.

Learning the value of practice and how to preserve through the fear and failure are priceless lessons. We may want to rescue our children because we want them to be successful at the things that they do, but how will they be successful in this competitive world as adults if they are provided with only opportunities in which they succeed?

Failure is needed to learn to thrive. Success in adulthood does not come easy to children who are protected from failure because they haven’t built up the ability to persevere.

Perseverance comes when they have learned time and time again how to take the fear of embarrassment and failure head on and practice to get better.

4. Teach Them to Try Again

Encourage your child to try again. Don’t let them quit on the first try.

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Life is hard. If we quit the first time we tried at things, we would never amount to anything in life. We need to teach our children that trying again is simply part of life.

Help them to give it a go by providing encouragement and support. Offer to practice with them, provide them with tutoring or coaching if necessary — whatever it takes to get them back on the proverbial horse and trying again.

Break it Down

Sometimes failure occurs because they are trying something all at one time and they haven’t mastered the smaller components.

For example, a math student isn’t going to jump into calculus as their first high school math course. No, of course not. They build on their skills. They begin with basic math, then algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and pre-calculus to then they get to the calculus level.

If they are thrown into the deep end by taking on calculus before the foundation of their math skills are built, they will fail.

Help your child try again by breaking down what it is they are trying to achieve.

Going back to my cheer example… my daughter was not the best at learning the cheers when we began. It then dawned on me that we needed to break down each cheer phrase by phrase. Once we learned the phrase and movements that went with it, we could then learn the next one. Once these were learned, we could combine the phrases, practice them together, and then try to move to learn the next phrase in the cheer. It was a tedious process, but it worked.

Not all skills come easy for kids. Helping them learn the skill of breaking things down into manageable tasks is another way we teach them about grit. They are learning to build skills by persisting, practicing, and building upon previous experience, knowledge, and skills.

Grit is put into practice in childhood when they learn how to break down large tasks into smaller achievable tasks in order to build toward a greater goal.

5. Let Them Find Their Passion

Your child may be a wonderful pianist. However, if they aren’t passionate about the skill, then they likely won’t be happy or fulfilled in becoming a concert pianist.

It’s great to help your child discover their talents, but also let them discover what they are passionate about in life.

True success will come because they are passionate about the activity, not because they are the best. The best usually become that way because they are passionate first. Therefore, let your child experience a variety of activities and interests so that they can discover what they love to do.

6. Praise Their Efforts, Not the Outcome

Praising their efforts keeps them motivated and trying. If you focus on outcome, then when they fail, they will become defeated and discouraged.

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Focusing on the fact that they tried hard and pointing out specific ways that they did well in terms of effort will support them in trying again. When you make a habit of focusing on outcome, then failures are avoided at all costs, including taking risks.

Risks are needed in order to become successful. Therefore, make a habit of praising their efforts, even when the outcome is not what they had hoped and tried for, because eventually, if they keep trying their efforts will result in success.

7. Be a Model of Grit

If you are a parent or a caregiver for a child, then you are a model to that child. Children naturally look up to the adults in their life that are closest to them, especially their parents. They will look at your ability to persevere and achieve. Your grit will show.

Your children are watching. They may not know the term grit, but they will learn about working hard, not giving up, trying again after failure, and all that grit entails from your actions.

How you handle life is being watched by your children. You can work on your own grit by reading Angela Duckworth’s book Grit .

Develop a Growth Mindset

Helping your child develop a growth mindset is also helpful to your child in their development of grit. Dr. Dweck, author of Growth Mindset and researcher at Stanford, developed a theory of fixed versus growth mindset.

Basically, what it means is that if you have a fixed mindset, you will fear failure and easily give up. Someone with a growth mindset believes that their talents, skills, and abilities can be improved with hard work and learning. Parents and caregivers can help with the development of a growth mindset.

    Some of the ways that a growth mindset can be developed include:

    • Teaching your child how the brain works: neuron connections, right brain versus left brain.
    • Teach them to set goals.
    • Teach them to have a “can do” attitude.
    • Teach them to develop a strategy when they want to achieve something.
    • Teach them that mistakes are an opportunity to learn.
    • Teach them that failure is a normal part of life.
    • Teach them about self talk: Self Talk Determines Your Success

    There are a great deal of activities and materials online for helping your child develop a growth mindset including these resources below (each site contains at least some free content):

    The Bottom Line

    Grit is not just for adults, it is something we can help our children develop. Grit is more critical to success than IQ, so we should be helping our children develop this quality early in life.

    As a parent, being a model of grit, is one of the first ways to help our children become “gritty”.

    Featured photo credit: Gabriela Braga via unsplash.com

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