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How To Fall Asleep When Stress Creeps Over You At Night

How To Fall Asleep When Stress Creeps Over You At Night

You’re so tired, you can hardly drag yourself through the clean-up from dinner.  By the time 9pm rolls around, you fall into bed, grateful the day is done.

You turn off the light and take a breath.  Finally!  You wait for the sleep to settle over you.

It doesn’t.

Instead of the desperately needed shut-eye, thoughts of the credit card debt you still haven’t paid off begin to nudge your mind.

You roll onto your stomach. You mull over the rumors of upcoming layoffs at work. You flip over your pillow. Those bad headaches you keep getting–could they be a symptom of something worse? You roll to your left.

And then there’s the car’s sporadic engine problems and the unknown cost you imagine it will take to fix it…Your heart picks up its pace and you are now wide awake, filled with dread.

Enough! you shout at yourself. You demand that your brain shut down…but you don’t know what to do to stop these mental invaders. So you grab your phone and click on your Facebook app. Maybe the distraction will help.

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You just sabotaged a good night’s sleep.

I do it, too. In fact, millions of us do it every night. A recent study showed that 75% of us have trouble sleeping 3-4 nights a week. Chronic sleep problems can contribute to cardiac disease, a decrease in immune function, depression, anxiety and weight gain.

Got your attention with that one, didn’t I? Yes, the fat-storing hormone cortisol rises when we do not get enough sleep.

Getting a good night’s sleep is far more important that just being alert when you drive and being sharp when you work. Sleep, or lack of it, directly affects our longevity and quality of life.

Below are 21 effective methods for turning off the endless loop of worry and floating gently into the Land of Nod.

1. Read an instruction manual

Boring is good. Robert Ludlum and Stephen King are bad…at least from the stand point of getting your noggin to quiet down. No new appliances to bone up on? How about a book on nutrition or web design? You want something with no plot, no excitement, just some how-to info and facts.

2. Alphabetize fruit

I have no experience with sheep. I’ve never known anyone who actually counts sheep. (Can they really jump over fences?) So forget the sheep. For monotonous distraction, think of a fruit for each letter of the alphabet. If you make it to Z (good luck finding a fruit starting with X), start over with vegetables.

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3. Use tactical breathing

When I was in the US Army Nurse Corps, I learned all kinds of hacks for keeping your head together when under fire. Tactical breathing is by far the most effective in reducing tension and anxiety, and it works in under 30 seconds. Try it now: Slowly take a long, measured breath in through your nose counting to 4, then hold it for a count of 4. Slowly blow it out through your mouth for a count of 4, and hold your breath for another count of 4. Repeat it one more time: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4.  Not to get too technical, but the magic here is in holding the breath–it balances the oxygen/carbon dioxide mix in the blood, and that decreases fear while also clearing the mind.

4. Problem-solve or come up with a plan of action

This is my #1 defense against anxiety-driven sleeplessness–I get a pen and paper and I make notes. I write down the thing that has me the most torqued up–maybe it’s an avalanche of tasks that must be done or maybe my company is going to be bought out and it will be time to change jobs. Regardless, I plan out what I’m going to do the next day to move through the unknown. Once that’s done, it’s all there on paper and my mind is empty enough to sleep.

5. Strip

Get out of your night clothes and lie naked between the sheets. Sometimes the wrinkles in pajamas can activate the skin sensors just enough to keep you wakeful. And if you sleep with a partner, is there anything more comforting than the warmth of skin on skin?

6. Take a bath or shower

I cannot stand having sticky, sweaty skin. Since I live in Florida, where we have only two seasons (Summer and Not Summer), I have to shower pretty much every night before bed, because if I don’t, the stickiness keeps me awake…and that can lead to anxious rumination. If showering wakes you up too much, and you have a bathtub, take a bath for just 5-10 min. It will relax you and make your skin feel oh so good.

7. Cool it down

Turn the temperature in your room down enough that you need at least a light blanket. The weight of the blanket helps to calm those skin sensors I mentioned earlier and the cool temperature is more conducive to sound sleep.

8. Clean your room

I’m not saying you should be up scrubbing your floors. All I mean is, tidy things up in your sleeping space. I can’t explain it, but I’ve heard from many of my clients over the years (and I’ve experienced it myself) that having a calm, organized sleeping space helps us to feel calm and organized internally. But (I hear you ask) the room is dark so how can it make any difference? Some say it decreases the energy in the room, but there’s no scientific evidence yet that supports that. Still…that’s how I and many others experience it. So take 5 minutes to tidy things up a bit. What could it hurt?

9. Turn on some white noise

Or put in some ear plugs. Background noise can be irritating at night and that can increase overall anxiety. I’m a big fan of fans. I like the soft white noise they create and I love how they drown out everything else.  Earplugs are a distant second, but are certainly better than listening to the garbage truck roaring down your street at 3am. It’s possible that you’re more sensitive to noises outside than you’re aware, so give it a try.

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10. Put on socks

Cold feet can keep you awake for hours, and warm socks can solve that problem quickly. (Don’t use a heating pad–it can scald you without you realizing it and it’s a fire hazard.)

11. Journal

If you’ve turned your pillow over…and over, and sleep has still kept its distance, call a truce. Turn your light on, grab a notebook or journal, and start writing from the heart. Don’t correct your spelling, don’t work at crafting the perfect sentence. Just get it out. It’s astonishing how far down you can drill into your own hidden thinking by doing this. When you have nothing left to say, put it down and turn off the light. You’ll probably fall asleep within minutes.

12. Practice head to toe progressive relaxation

Start by curling your toes and relaxing them, curling them and then relaxing. Point your feet and relax, point and relax. Move up the body, doing this with every major muscle group, ending with the most important muscle group–the face. Pay especially close attention to relaxing all the muscles in your face, because those muscles are tied directly to your emotions. It’s very tough to be anxious when your face is completely in repose. Try it, you’ll see.

13. Use aromatherapy

Smelling the essential oil of lavender has been shown in multiple research studies to ease emotional distress and promote restful sleep. Anecdotally, others also include lemon balm, peppermint and chamomile as calming agents. Our sense of smell has a lot more to do with health than anyone previous understood, so take a whiff and see what happens.

14. Remake your bed

Kind of like the PJs, wrinkled, disorganized sheets can make it tough to relax. And the National Sleep Foundation says that the scent of fresh, clean sheets helps people fall asleep faster. So, remake your bed…assuming of course that you’re sleeping alone.

15. Spend some time in prayer or mediation

Sitting in bed, back up against the wall, legs crossed or straight out, close your eyes and put all of your attention on your breath. Work at slowing it down, making it measured and full. Spend some time on this. Maybe do some progressive relaxation while continuing to do conscious breathing. As something floats into your thoughts, just tell it you’re a bit busy and will tend to it tomorrow. Imagine yourself surrounded by angels who completely love you and want to guide you to the happiest life possible. Smile when you think of them, thank them for that love and support.  In a few minutes, you may find your head dropping down as you drop off. Again thank them for helping you get the rest you need, and slide down into your comfy bed.

16. Rock yourself gently

Some find that the motion of a rocking chair lulls them to sleep just like a baby. If you don’t have one, sit up in bed and gently rock back and forth with your eyes closed. See if that motion calms you enough to drift off.

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17. Listen to sleep-inducing music on YouTube

There is a treasure trove of wonderfully soothing music in playlist form (some of which play for more than 8 straight hours, if you want to just leave it on all night). Scroll through the options on YouTube to find the perfect one for you. For people who are especially auditory, this can be quite helpful.

18. Sing a lullaby

Hearing music that you used to listen to as a baby can trigger the pre-verbal memories of being safe and warm with love. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to let go for the night.

19. Force yourself to stay awake

Reverse psychology? Maybe, but more likely it’s a way of stopping the panic we feel when we are trying to force ourselves to drift off. And research supports this as a viable way of getting yourself to fall asleep, despite your best efforts to stay awake.

20. Make it dark

Really dark. Remove even the smallest lights from your room. Or wear an eye mask. Light pollution is a real thing and something to take seriously in your bedroom. Those electronic blue lights are the absolute worst for sleep (so maybe you want to buy a new alarm clock?), causing brain stimulation, not relaxation.

21. Just say no…

…to your beloved electronics. Smart phones, Kindles, TVs, laptops…think of them as your sleep enemies.   Their light shoots through the eyes and straight into the center of the brain that controls sleep and wakefulness. It’s the neurological equivalent of downing a Red Bull. And the mental engagement (or shall I say, rabbit hole) that social media hooks us with will blast our brains like an air horn. Smack your hand if you reflexively reach for them

So the next time you’re mind isn’t cooperating with your body’s need for sleep, don’t toss and turn, wasting the night away. Take charge of the situation by trying some of these antidotes, and you’ll grace yourself with a solid night’s rest.

Featured Photo Credit: © Bialasiewicz | Dreamstime.com – Woman Lying In Bed Sleepless Photo

Featured photo credit: http://www.dreamstime.com/bialasiewicz_info via dreamstime.com

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Last Updated on February 20, 2019

13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with Them and Enjoy the Ride

13 Tips to Face Your Fears, Grow with Them and Enjoy the Ride

Fear. I spend my life talking about fear — fighting fears, fixing fears and understanding fears. And yet I doubt I get 10 calls a year from people saying “Mandie can you help me fix my fear?”

Why is this so critically important to you?

The realization for me is that fear is not the fundamental driving force in your life it’s what regardless of whether I’m talking to a doctor, a teacher, a CEO’s, a senior citizens or teenager – every single one of those conversations has a direct correlation with your world.

Fear can range from the overwhelming desire to look away or stop in your tracks to literally fleeing your country and the life you knew. In this article, I will share you with 13 tips to face your fears and enjoy the ride.

1. Know That Fear Is Real, but Can Be Overcome

Right now around the world people are facing fear — real fear. Fear that I pray my children and I will never experience. Does that lessen my fears or your fears in your relativity safe 21st century life?

When I look at the world we all live in, I find that fear like so many other emotions can mean so many different things to so many different people:

  • The child who has to be physically dragged to their first day of school.
  • The man facing the judge.
  • The woman with her hand poised over the buttons over her phone because she has to walk down a dark corridor late at night alone.
  • The man as the surgeon says “count backwards from 10 Mr Smith.”
  • The woman that’s told “We are sorry, we can’t help you.”
  • The man that faces the empty circle of a gun and prays for his very existence.

These and a million more (Portrayed in every kind of movie, book or song you could imagine) are what make us human. We face fear and somehow move forward or are stopped in our tracks.

Like the rabbit in the headlights of the car that veers off through the field away from the tyres of the car or stays still praying for salvation. Like someone will save them. Sound familiar?

Fear is huge. Fear is everywhere and yet fear can be overcome, controlled and can even be a power for good.

2. Accept Your Fear

Firstly if you aren’t facing the barrel of the gun, atrocities that make the news or impeding death, that’s a good start. However it doesn’t mean your fear is any less real.

We are quick to say “I can’t moan, my life is not as bad as X.” While in theory, that’s honorable your appreciation of Mr. or Mrs. X’s horrific life won’t change anything directly. So accept your fear is relative to you.

And here’s what can be done.

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3. Get Some Perspective

I found myself asking anyone that would answer “what is your worst fear”. The answer that intrigued me the most came from my daughter (15 years old and she usually has a copy of Fight the Fear – my book – in her school bag so she can help someone else be as positive and confident as her. No matter what life throws up.)

And her fear, surprised me — heights. I pointed out that we live in a sprawling bungalow (one storey) and the highest she goes is two storeys’ at school! She laughed but added, fear isn’t like that Mum. I know it’s not a real fear, but it’s like when you stand on a chair and feel unsafe.

That girl will go far. Because she truly gets fear.

We know something is scary and yet we still do it. Why? Because we have a perspective to the fear. When you lose perspective, it can feel too big, and too scary.

So look around you to get some perspective on your fear:

  • Are you really at risk?
  • Will this kill you?
  • Which leads us on to..
  • If the worse was to happen what would it be?

4. Hold a Hand

As a coach, it is my job to holds someone’s metaphorical hand and help them face a fear.

Like the child petrified of the thunder storm or the teen that can’t get back in a car again after failing their test, your job as a parent is to reassure, encourage, enable and motivate someone to face something that ideally they never would choose to again.

We know many of our fears aren’t real. However, it is only when someone guides us with love, respect, lack of judgement and safety are we able to get through fear. And trust me, you can get through your fears. I’ve seen it so many times.

Ask yourself:

  • If the worse were to happen, what would that be?
  • Could that really happen?
  • If the worse did happen, how would you recover?
  • If the worse were to happen, what would you need to do next?

By seeing fear as not the end destination but part of being human, you can see through it’s wily evil ways and move forward.

5. Know Whose Hand You Hold Either Physically or Emotionally

This helps with fears for the rest of your life.

Think of someone you can always rely on (and ideally you won’t just answer yourself because that adds a lot of pressure to your existence!) And you will find that you’ve already found a way to get through fear.

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The beauty of this is that it means that fear becomes part of life not something to be feared and shied away from.

It means you know you can turn to your friend, partner, colleague, parent, sibling and say “Right I need to deal with this, and I’m going to need you to help me.”

For one moment, think about it from the other person’s view point. When we get to help other people we feel valued, loved, respected and lots of other positive emotions and we get a good dose of positive chemicals setting off in our bodies too.

Your fear, and your determination to fight it, helped someone else too. Now that’s cool right?

6. Understand That There Are Some Things Fear Will Never Touch

I like to find role models in life — people who have faced heroism, history changing moments, war, atrocities, miracles, life saving inventions.

Not everyone was looking for greatness, however they all found it. And one of my favourite books to date is written about Alistair Urquhart, the forgotten highlander. If this doesn’t get turned into a film in the future, then no man’s story is likely to.

Alistair went through the most horrific experiences in the 2nd world war. If you think of one of the awful things that happened back then in our world, Alistair went through at least 3 of them! Asked afterwards how did you cope? He talked about how whatever they did to his body, no matter how they starved, tortured, threatened or mocked him, they couldn’t have his mind. In his mind he was free.

Of all the people’s voices I’ve heard in my head over the years, this is one of those statements that reminds me anything is possible if you have faith and hope.

Look for the things in life that fear can’t touch. They will create confidence and faith for the future, whatever you face. And they will give you a sense of why being you is awesome.

Of all the billions of people on this planet, no one will have an answer identical to yours!

7. Process Your Fears to Carry on with Life

Being brave is not about sticking your chest out and smiling regardless of what hell you endure. It is about finding a way to emotionally process your fears to be able to keep going.

I have a tool kit of things I can rely on – tools, strategies, techniques. They include people to hug or talk to, music. hobbies, walks on the beach and even my favourite food. It sounds mad but at the times where I have questioned “how will I get through this?” I’ve found immense joy in doing the most unlikely of thing that makes me smile.

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It may be a short lived moment of happiness. However, it reminded that nothing stays the same and I can find away.

One client told me that it was crazy when it felt like their world was falling around their ears to run a bath to the brim (you don’t waste water) get the best bath oils, light too many candles, lock the door and drink a glass of bubbly (champagne is only for special occasions.)

Did that moment fix the disaster that my clients life felt? No, however it gave them a moment of calm and the brain is far quicker to find solutions, resolve and motivation to keep going when you do that.

It may feel like madness to do something you love, however it can be a powerful way to help you find solutions to the fears you face in life.

8. Assume the Worse

If you read the statement from the client above. Notice how they assumed it was wrong to fill the bath up to the top? How bubbly is only for special occasions?

Think how naughty they felt to be doing something that was not allowed?

  • Think about what age it may have made them feel?
  • Think about how they feel about champagne?
  • What special moments it’s been a part of in their lives?

And you can see how the assumptions they made about their “right” to have these things was not healthy.

When I drag the assumptions out of people’s words for them to see, they are often struck by how negative the words make them feel.

Don’t assume your words aren’t impacting on you. You can go through fear and actually enjoy the ride when you take the time to understand how you are letting words get to you.

9. Take a Fear That Feels Insurmountable Right Now.

If you were to repeat it to me out loud, what would you say?

Would you have blame on yourself in there? Would you assume others can do it and it’s just you? Would you feel small, unsuccessful, useless, unworthy?

Usually, when you do this exercise, you are able to spot the untruths that run wild in your head convincing you that you are doomed. And rarely when we are faced with our assumptions is there is a lot of evidence to them.

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10. You Are Not Defined by Your Fear

One fear does not define your life – be mindful of that. It is likely to lead you to thinking of all the times you’ve succeeded and bring a moment of calm, confidence and faith back to you.

11. Go with Fear

When you learn to go with fear, you could find yourself actually having fun, no seriously – having fun.

I have a few amazing clients I’m working with right now who would describe themselves as life long worriers, or pessimists. In the past that has served them well, enabling them to keep safe, steer clear of risks and even develop strategies in the event of disasters. However, now they find it’s becoming hard to break the cycle and they really want to because it’s holding them back.

Notice how they’ve found their hidden fears and want to face them?

One client said “I knew this was going to be tough, and I knew I couldn’t fight it alone and I knew you would be the one to help me.” Before I sat an incredibly successful, confident, capable business owner with a family and a social life to die for.

However, I’ve learned that the most successful looking lives can hide things that impact on life, success, love, happiness and business.

We didn’t start with the fear that they felt was holding them back, we broke the fear down, and found lots of little obstacles that had been deemed as “life” and “unchangeable” and “that’s just the way it is” by developing awareness to the little steps on the road to their obstacles to happiness and success they were able to tackle them in a different way.

12. Discover Great Skills in Your Scary Moments

And in that clients words “I came here to work with you to grow my company, and my own personal skills. I didn’t expect to get the children to be cleaning up after themselves and my partner being more attentive! It all feels a little magic.”

The moral is that out of the scariest of moments, we can find great skills we didn’t know we had. Find better, healthier, happier ways to live and find ways to enjoy life more. (And have a bit of magic!)

What a great place to be in ready for the next fear that thinks it’s going to get in the way of you, right?

13. Own Your Fear

Think back over these tips and come up with at least one example for each one. Write them down. Put them on your phone. Turn them into a piece of art. Turn them into a poem. Frame them. Go for a fast walk across the fields, beach, down town and repeat these things in your head to the sound of your feet on the ground.

We rarely take the time to appreciate how far we have come, how much we can achieve or what we are capable of – by really owning the tips in this article you will have given your brain a big fat dose of “Damn right I can do this!” and the motivation and accountability to say “Let’s find a way” through any fear.

You can’t help but feel good when you see that can you? And fear doesn’t stand a chance, does it?

More Resources About Fighting Fear

Featured photo credit: Ben White via unsplash.com

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