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13 Things To Remember If You Love Someone With Cancer

13 Things To Remember If You Love Someone With Cancer

When someone you love is faced with something as unfamiliar and unpredictable as a cancer diagnosis, everything around you might seem like it’s falling apart. What do you do? What do you say? How do you support them through this? How do you support yourself?

Here are a few things to remember as you work through this situation with someone you love.

1. It’s time to forget everything you think you know about fighting cancer

No two cancer experiences are alike. While one person’s story may be enough to get you through today, your loved one probably won’t feel the same. You can read all the books and articles out there, but in reality, cancer has a way of behaving unpredictably, either for better or worse.

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2. People with cancer want to talk about things other than cancer

There will be times your loved one wants to talk about what they’re going through, but don’t be surprised if those times seem few. Those battling cancer don’t want to bring up cancer in every single conversation they have with you. Often, they’ll just want to talk about the same things the two of you always talk about: their favorite sports team or the latest book they read. Just go with it. Save “cancer talk” for their next doctor’s appointment, unless they bring it up first.

3. Sometimes all you need to do is listen

Someone faced with a cancer diagnosis more than likely understands that you don’t understand what they’re going through. They don’t expect you to. They also don’t expect you to give them unsolicited advice or to constantly shower them with positive messages. Sometimes all they need is for someone to listen to them. Being that person for them is more helpful and meaningful than you might realize.

4. Someone with cancer needs encouragement, not advice

If your loved one has a doctor they really trust, they will lean on him or her for advice about their circumstances. They probably don’t expect that kind of support from you, too. While their relationship with their doctor may be all business, they might want their relationship with you to be the exact opposite. A simple, “I’ll be right here, we’re going to get through this” before an appointment might be just what they need from you.

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5. A small act of kindness goes a long way

Something as small as picking up a newspaper or making a quick Target run on your way to visit them at home can mean much more to them than it might to you. It’s the little things that really make a difference.

6. Be observant

Your loved one might not always feel comfortable or able to tell you what they need. Pay close attention to their words and body language. Someone who is used to being independent can feel very overwhelmed when they start to realize they need to depend on others for basic necessities. It helps to ask them what they need or to ask them specifically, “Can I take care of that for you?”

7. Be patient

Keep in mind that you are not the only one faced with this reality. Your loved one doesn’t know how to handle it most of the time either. They will probably get frustrated, and so will you. Be patient. If you need to take a few deep breaths, go ahead. Caring for someone with cancer is a journey filled with twists and dead ends. It doesn’t get easier, but you might be able to settle into a rhythm to make things more bearable.

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8. Be positive

Fill their environment with positivity as often as you can. This doesn’t mean you have to shower them with cards or avoid talking about the negative things going on in your life. Encourage them, especially when they’re having a rough day, the same way you would want someone to encourage you. Let them know you are there for them, no matter what.

9. Give them space when they need it

Try not to take it personally if your loved one seems to be pushing you away. That’s not their intention at all. Everyone grieves in their own way, and sometimes your loved one might just need some alone time. Respect that need. Let them know you can be there if they need you, but don’t be there if they’re trying to communicate they need to be alone.

10. Don’t claim you understand what they’re going through

Odds are, you don’t. Everyone’s experience with cancer is different, the same way every type of cancer varies in the way it affects the body. You may have dealt with similar traumatizing experiences before or you might have even battled cancer yourself, but now is not the time to bring up your experiences to show your loved one you “get it.”

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11. Be respectful and supportive of their decisions, even if you don’t agree

Ultimately, treatment decisions are still completely up to them. If they make decisions without consulting you first, or you don’t agree with the decision they have made, now is not the time to speak up. Those battling cancer are losing control of many parts of their life, they may have once taken for granted. Let them have control over their treatment. Let them have this moment.

12. You need support, too – but not from your loved one who’s suffering

When faced with a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, grieving can hit you hard. It’s not easy to take care of someone you love and deal with your feelings at the same time. You might need support, too – and that’s okay – but seeking out and expecting support from the person you’re taking care of, isn’t the best way to go. Find a friend, another family member or even a professional to help get you through it, so you have the strength to help the one who needs it most.

13. There’s still a person underneath the pain

Not even just “a person” – a person you love. Undergoing treatment and the disease itself will change them on the outside, sometimes so much so that you barely recognize them. They’re still there. They’re still the same person you have always known and loved. Look past the physical changes. You’ll see them there, and once you do, that’s something you’ll be able to hold onto forever.

Above all, remember to allow yourself time to slow down and take things moment by moment. Whatever happens, you are going to make it through this.

Featured photo credit: Hernán Piñera via flickr.com

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Last Updated on October 17, 2019

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

How to Spend More Quality Time with Your Partner

You see your partner every single day. They are the first person you talk to in the morning and the last person you kiss goodnight.

But does seeing each other day in and day out equal a healthy relationship? Not necessarily.

Spending quality time with your partner is the best way to ensure your relationship stays healthy and strong. This means going above and beyond sitting together while you watch Netflix or going out for the occasional dinner. You deserve more from your relationship – and so does your spouse!

What does quality time mean? It means spending time with your spouse without interruption. It’s a chance for you to come together and talk. Communication will build emotional intimacy and trust.

Quality time is also about expressing love in a physical way. Not sex, necessarily (but that’s great, too!) but through hand-holding, cuddling, caressing, and tickling. Studies show that these displays of affection will boost partner satisfaction.[1]

So how do you spend quality time with your partner? Here are 13 relationship tips on making the most out of your time with your partner.

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1. Recognize the Signs

If you want a healthy relationship, you have to learn how to recognize the signs that you need to spend more quality time together.

Some telltale signs include:

  • You’re always on your phones.
  • You value friendships or hobbies over quality time with your spouse.
  • You aren’t together during important events.
  • You are arguing more often or lack connection.
  • You don’t make plans or date nights.
  • You’re not happy.

If you are experiencing any of these relationship symptoms, know that quality time together can reverse the negative effects of the signs above.

2. Try New Things Together

Have you ever wanted to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language? How about skydive or ballroom dance?

Instead of viewing these as solo hobbies and interests, why not involve your partner?

Trying new activities together builds healthy relationships because it encourages spouses to rely on one another for emotional and physical support.

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Shared hobbies also promote marital friendship, and the Journal of Happiness Studies found that marital satisfaction was twice as high for couples who viewed each other as best friends.[2]

3. Schedule in Tech-Free Time

Your phone is a great way to listen to music, watch videos, and keep up-to-date with friends and family. But is your phone good for your relationship?

Many couples phone snub, or ‘phub’, one another. Studies show that phubbing can lower relationship satisfaction and increase one’s chances of depression.[3]

Reduce those chances by removing distractions when spending quality time together and showing your partner they have your full attention.

4. Hit the Gym as a Couple

One way you can spend more time together as a couple is by becoming workout partners. Studies show that couples are more likely to stay with their exercise routine if they work out together.[4] Couples also work out harder than they would solo. One study found that 95 percent of couples who work out together maintained weight loss compares to the 66 percent of singles who did.[5]

Join a gym, do at-home couples’ workouts, try couples yoga, hit the hiking trails, or get your bikes out. No matter which way you choose to exercise, these healthy activities can promote a healthy relationship.

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5. Cook Meals Together

Pop open a bottle of wine or put some romantic music on while you get busy – in the kitchen, of course!

One of the best relationship tips for spending quality time together when you both have busy schedules is to cook meals together.[6]

Spice things up and try and prepare a four-course meal or a fancy French dish together. Not only is this a fun way to spend your time together, but it also promotes teamwork.

If all goes well, you’ll have a romantic date night meal at home that you prepared with your four hands. And if the food didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, you are guaranteed to have a laugh and create new memories together.

6. Have a Regular Date Night

Couples experience a greater sense of happiness and less stress when they are spending quality time together.[7] One of the biggest relationship tips for a healthy partnership is to include a date night in your weekly routine.

The National Marriage Project found that having a weekly date night can make your relationship seem more exciting and helps prevent relationship boredom.[8] It also lowers the probability of divorce, improves your sex life, and increases healthy communication.

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Some great ideas for what to do on your date night include:

  • Have a movie marathon – Gather up your favorite flicks and cuddle up on the couch.
  • Play games together – Cards, board games, video games, and other creative outlets are a fun way to spend quality time together.
  • Recreate your first date – Go back to that restaurant and order the same meal you did when you first got together. You can spice up your evening by pretending you’re strangers meeting for the first time and see how sexy the night gets.
  • Plan a weekend getaway – There’s nothing better than traveling with the one you love.
  • Dinner and a movie – A classic!
  • Try a new restaurant – Make it your mission to rate and try all of the Mexican restaurants/Irish pubs/Italian trattorias in your area.
  • Have a long sex session – Intimacy promotes the release of the oxytocin hormone which is responsible for a myriad of great feelings.[9]

Here’re even more date night ideas for your reference: 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples

Final Thoughts

The benefits of spending quality time together are endless. Here are just some of the ways it can contribute to a healthy relationship:

  • Improves emotional and physical intimacy
  • Lowers divorce rates
  • Improves communication
  • Reduces marital boredom
  • Bonds couples closer
  • Improves friendship
  • Boosts health
  • Reduces stress

These are all excellent reasons to start making date night a regular part of your week.

It’s easy to have a healthy relationship when you set aside dedicated time to share with your spouse. Try new things together, make your spouse your workout buddy, and look for innovative ways to be close and connected.

These relationship tips will bring great benefits to your marriage.

Featured photo credit: Allen Taylor via unsplash.com

Reference

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