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15 Struggles Only Victims Of School Bullies Can Understand

15 Struggles Only Victims Of School Bullies Can Understand

School bullying is, without doubt, one of the most destructive experiences a child could have. Not knowing from moment to moment whether you are going to be victim of yet another prank, rumor, or violent outburst is soul destroying.

Only the victims themselves know the true effects of these attacks, and that is why I can give you this account so freely.

I was bullied at twelve years of age for the best part of a year. I remember it like it was yesterday. It had a devastating affect on my life, but it didn’t beat me.

Let’s take a closer look at the lives of the victims and how they struggle as a result of this cruelty.

1. They Feel Violated

Bullying comes in many different forms, but even the mildest offense can cause the victim to feel violated. When a group of kids turn on you and start calling you names, it feels like you have lost control of the world you had created for — a world that was happy up until that point.

2. They Feel Alone

Victims don’t want to make a report to anyone when they are bullied — particularly when they are kids. It’s just not the cool thing to do, and they fear it will make the bullying worse. It can be hard making your way home from school every day with a heavy heart, knowing you have to face those pesky bullies again tomorrow and the next day. You start to wonder if it will ever end.

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3. They Feel Afraid

Some bullies are ruthless and will go to great lengths to make sure their victim is left shaken after every incident.

4. They Feel Angry

Victims want to scream “STOP.” They want to fight back but they’re paralyzed. They want to vent their anger and shout about this injustice, but they have nowhere to turn.

They’re angry with the bullies and they’re angry with the people who should be helping— their help is not enough to stop it.

The victim will struggle with schoolwork because they have had a lot of their books destroyed by the bullies and because they are too emotional to concentrate.

If you were locked in a cabinet for the entire recess, you would struggle with your school work, too. The victim is further ridiculed by the teacher and parents for their poor performance in school.

6. They Feel Depressed

Kids who are bullied on an ongoing basis will eventually become depressed. That kind of pressure wears down the victim, who eventually experiences chronic low mood. They are sad both at school and at home. Life becomes unbearable. School bullying has the potential to cause serious anxiety and depression in young people, despite the best efforts of our schools to control it.

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7. They Feel Desperate

If the bullies won’t stop and the kid doesn’t make any effort to report these incidents, this can go unnoticed for a very long time. Some kids are bullied for years on end.

The victim becomes desperate and can’t see an end to this terrible nightmare. Many contemplate suicide, some attempt it, and, sadly, some are successful.

8. They Have Bad Dreams

Kids who are bullied are not only living a nightmare all day, but they often re-live the whole ordeal in their sleep at night.

Nightmares are frightening and make matters worse for the victim when they wake to face the day ahead. The only relief is to stay away from school, and so they face further problems with their schoolwork.

9. They Want to Be Invisible

Being a victim of bullying is so overwhelming that being invisible is the best possible solution. If the bullies can’t see you, they can’t pounce on you, call you names, throw food at you, and so on.

In time, they’ll forget all about you and move on to the next poor victim.

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10. They Feel Humiliated

It’s natural to feel humiliated when you are being targeted by completely insensitive people and in such a cruel way. If you ever had a rumor spread about you — true or false, it makes little difference —, you just want to hide away and never come out.

Cyber bullying is the perfect vehicle for humiliation — it’s so easy to do and has devastating effects for the victim.

11. They Just Want To Be Normal

Victims crave normality. They just want to wake up and feel normal, happy even. They want to go to school and have a normal day, come home and have some normal time with their family.

Instead they feel on edge, depressed, fearful, tearful, and detached from their old life.

12. They Want to Be Bullies

Victims plot and scheme about what they would do to their bullies if they got the chance. Who would blame them? But, of course, this would make them bullies, so it’s not the answer.

13. They Feel Isolated

You can be in the company of loving people, but if you have a terrible secret and nobody knows, you can feel alone.

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Not only that, but those people will notice changes in you and they won’t understand. They may even dismiss you for being silly and offer little help.

When parents don’t understand these changes in their child, they feel helpless too.

14. They Feel Powerless

Usually, victims are outnumbered — bullies aren’t brave enough to take on a victim alone. There is little these kids can do when a gang approaches them — they have no way to fight back.

Every day they wish there was a way out, but the option to snitch is just not worth it. They have been threatened several times and know that there will be repercussions if they defy the bullies.

15. They Can Feel Courageous

Every now and again, things work out for the victim. Sometimes, they’ll throw a punch and surprise everyone and, what’s more, it will land right on cheek of the ring leader. A moment of glory at last — finally the victory is theirs.

Sometimes, the gang might be interrupted just before they strike — Yes! the victim wins again.

Other times, it may be just the case that the bullies took it easy on the victim for some unknown reason. Maybe they got a conscience or something. Either way, it was an easy day for a change.

There’s no doubt that victims of school bullying have a lot to contend with — many will suffer from low self esteem and may even grow up with more serious mental health problems. But, for many, the experience makes them stronger, and so they find their way past all the hurt and shame and go on to live productive and successful lives.

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Last Updated on August 19, 2019

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

How to Be True to Yourself and Live the Life You Want

We live in a world that constantly tells us what to do, how to act, what to be. Knowing how to be true to yourself and live the life you want can be a challenge.

When someone asks how we are, we assume that the person does not mean the question sincerely, for it would lead to an in depth conversation. So telling them that you are good or fine, even if you’re not, is the usual answer.

In an ideal world, we would stop and truly listen. We wouldn’t be afraid to be ourselves. Instead, when we answer about how we are doing, our mask, the persona we show the world, tightens. Sometimes even more so than it might have been before. Eventually, it becomes hard to take off, even when you’re alone.

Imagine a world where we asked how someone was doing and they really told us. Imagine a world where there were no masks, only transparency when we talked to one another.

If you want to live in a world that celebrates who you are, mistakes and all, take off the mask. It doesn’t mean you have to be positive or fine all the time.

According to a Danish psychologist, Svend Brinkman, we expect each other to be happy and fine every second, and we expect it of ourselves. And that “has a dark side.”[1] Positive psychology can have its perks but not at the expense at hiding how you truly feel in order to remain seemingly positive to others.

No one can feel positive all the time and yet, that is what our culture teaches us to embrace. We have to unlearn this. That said, telling others you are ‘“fine”’ all the time is actually detrimental to your wellbeing, because it stops you from being assertive, from being authentic or your truest self.

When you acknowledge a feeling, it leads you to the problem that’s causing that feeling; and once you identify the problem, you can find a solution to it. When you hide that feeling, you stuff it way down so no one can help you.You can’t even help yourself.

Feelings are there for one reason: to be felt. That doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. It just means that you start the process of problem solving so you can live the life you want.

1. Embrace Your Vulnerability

When you are your true self, you can better self-advocate or stand up for what you need. Your self-expression matters, and you should value your voice. It’s okay to need things, it’s okay to speak up, and it’s okay not to be okay.

Telling someone you are simply “fine” when you are not, does your story and your journey a great disservice. Being true to yourself entails embracing all aspects of your existence.

When you bring your whole self to the table, there is nothing that you can’t beat. Here’re 7 benefits of being vulnerable you should learn.

Can you take off the mask? This is the toughest thing anyone can do. We have learned to wait until we are safe before we start to be authentic.

In relationships especially, this can be hard. Some people avoid vulnerability at any cost. And in our relationship with ourselves, we can look in the mirror and immediately put on the mask.

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It all starts with your story. You have been on your own unique journey. That journey has led you here, to the person you are today. You have to be unafraid, and embrace all aspects of that journey.

You should seek to thrive, not just survive. That means you do not have to compete or compare yourself with anyone.

Authenticity means you are enough. It’s enough to be who you are to get what you want.

What if for the first time ever, you were real? What if you said what you wanted to say, did what you wanted to do, and didn’t apologize for it?

You were assertive, forthcoming in your opinions or actions to stand for what is right for you, (rather than being passive or aggressive) in doing so. You didn’t let things get to you. You knew you had something special to offer.

That’s where we all should be.

So, answer me this:

How are you, really?

And know that no matter the answer, you should still be accepted.

Bravery is in the understanding that you still may not be accepted for your truth.

Bravery is knowing you matter even when others say that you do not.

Bravery is believing in yourself when all evidence counters doing so (i.e. past failures or losses)

Bravery is in being vulnerable while knowing vulnerability is a sign of strength.

It’s taking control.

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2. Choose Your Attitude in Adversity

You can take control of your destiny and live the life you want by being true to yourself. You can start anytime. You can start today.

You can start with one day at a time, just facing what happens that day. Most of us get overwhelmed when faced with the prospect of a big change. Even if the only thing we change is our attitude.

In one instant, you can become a different person with a change of attitude. When you take control of your attitude, you become able to better understand what is around you. This allows you to move forward.

Originally, you may have had a life plan. It could have started when you were little; you were hoping to become a mermaid, doctor, astronaut or all three when you grew up. You were hoping to be someone. You were hoping to be remembered.

You can still dream those dreams, but eventually reality sets in. Obstacles and struggles arise. You set on a different path when the last one didn’t work out. You think of all the “shoulds” in your life in living the life you want. You should be doing this…should be doing that…

Clayton Barbeau, psychologist, coined the term “shoulding yourself.’[2] When we are set on one path and find ourselves doing something different. It becomes all the things you should be doing rather than seeing the opportunities right in front of you.

But in all this disarray, did you lose sight of the real you?

It may be in our perceived failures and blunders that we lose sight of who we are, because we try to maintain position and status.

In being who we really are and achieving what we really want, we need to be resilient: How to Build Resilience to Face What Life Throws at You

It means that we do not see all possibilities of what might happen, but must trust ourselves to begin again, and continue to build the life we want. In the face of adversity, you must choose your attitude.

Can attitude overcome adversity? It certainly helps. While seeking to be true to yourself and live the life you want, you will have to face a fact:

Change will happen.

Whether that change is good or bad is unique to each person and their perspective.

You might have to start over, once, twice, a few times. It doesn’t mean that everything will be okay, but that you will be okay. What remains or should remain is the true you. When you’ve lost sight of that, you’ve lost sight of everything.

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And then, you rebuild. Moment after moment, day after day. We all have a choice, and in this moment, that matters.

You can choose to have a positive attitude, seeing the silver lining in each situation and, where there is none, the potential for one. Maybe that silver lining is you and what you will do with the situation. How will you use it for something good?

That’s how you can tap into yourself and your power. Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes on purpose. It can happen when we aren’t even looking for it, or it can be your only focus. Everyone gets there differently.

You can rise, or you can remain. Your choice.

When the worst happens, you can rely on your authenticity to pull you through. That’s because Self Advocacy, speaking up to let others know what you need, is part of finding the real you.

There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Or sometimes, helping others can help us deal with the pain of a hurtful situation. You decide how you’re going to help others, and suddenly, you become your best self.

3. Do What Makes You Happy When No One’s Looking

Being the best version of you has nothing to do with your success or your status. It has everything to do with your Character, what you do when no one’s looking.

In order to create the life you want, you have to be the person you want to be. Faking it till you make it is just a way to white knuckle it through your journey. You have the fire inside of you to make things right, to put the pieces together, to live authentically. And Character is how you get there.

If you fall down and you help another up while you’re down there, it’s like you rise twice.

Along with attitude, your character is about the choices you make rather than what happens to you.

Yes, it’s about doing the right thing even when obstacles seem insurmountable.  It’s about using that mountain you’ve been given to show others it can be moved.  It’s about being unapologetically you, taking control, choosing your attitude in adversity and being the best version of you to create the life you want.

How do you know what you really want? Is it truly status or success?

Unfortunately, these things do not always bring happiness. And aspects of our image or “performance driven existence” may not achieve satisfaction. Materialism is part of our refusal to accept ourselves as enough. All the things we use to repress our true selves are about being enough.

“Enoughness” is what we truly seek, but ego gets in the way.

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Ego is the perception of self as outer worth. It’s not REAL self worth.

Ego represses our true self with a new self— the self of chasing ‘“Am I ever enough?”’ questions. And instead of filling our true selves with self-love and acceptance, when we “should ourselves” and chase “enoughness,” we feed the ego or our image.

It’s important to realize YOU ARE ENOUGH, without all the material trappings.

Stanford psychologist Meagan O’Reilly describes the damage of not thinking we are enough. One of her tactics for combating this is to complete the sentence,[3]

“If I believed I were already enough, I’d ____”

What would you do if you felt you were enough?

By believing you are enough, you can live the life you want.

So many fake it to try to get there, and they end up losing themselves when they lose more and more touch with their Authenticity.

Final Thoughts

By being yourself, you are being brave. By acknowledging all you can be, you tell the universe that you can until you believe it too. The steps are easy, and you are worth it. All of it is about the purpose you are leading and the passion that is your fuel.

Being true to yourself is all about mastering how to live life authentically rather than faking or forcing it. Having the life you want (and deserve) is about being trusting in yourself and the purpose you are living for. Both need passion behind it, fueling it each second, or you will experience burn out.

When you are authentic, you can call the road you walk your own. When you live your life for you and not just the results of all your actions (faking it till you make it), you can let go of what you don’t need. This clarifies and pushes purpose to you, living for something that is greater than you.

You will find that making decisions based on what will actually achieve your goals, will help you attain the life you want, and your success with each step, will allow you to enjoy the process. Good luck!

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Featured photo credit: Ariana Prestes via unsplash.com

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