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10 Things Only People Who Don’t Like Parties Can Understand

10 Things Only People Who Don’t Like Parties Can Understand

Why are parties considered almost an obligatory activity for you to have a good time? If this question bothers you, then you will understand what truly makes a good night out — parties not included. There are loads of things you can do to enjoy yourself. Standing around trying to talk and socialize with the inevitable drink in one hand does not have to be one of them.

People look at you strangely when you try to tell them that you don’t like parties, that they can be exhausting and even stressful. In their minds, they only visualize glinting lights on glasses, people laughing, music, dancing, making new friends, staying up till the small hours of the morning and generally having a fantastic time. If they only knew what you have to go through to make sure that you avoid them at all costs.

If you don’t like partying, here are 10 things you can understand and relate to.

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1. You are not a hermit or recluse

You have your own circles of friends and you are not particularly keen on getting to know loads of new ones. You also enjoy being with your friends for a night at the cinema or dining out in the latest ethnic restaurant. You are not a loner because you know the value of being in the company of close friends.

2. You have other ideas about having a good time

You don’t want to explain to anyone (and why should you?) that there are other ways of having a good time. Have they not heard about books, films, gardening, yoga, or swimming? Which commandment says “Thou shalt have a good time only at parties,” you wonder.

3. You want to relax

Parties are hard work, so forget about relaxation. When you are dragged kicking and screaming to a party, this is usually what happens: you see your friends and maybe chat with them. Nothing new there. Then, maybe you want to be a little bit more adventurous and socialize more broadly. So, you have to work out opening lines, think up interesting topics, and areas of common interest. Then there is the music, chaos, standing up for long periods, trying to get another drink, and finding a chair to sit on. This is exhausting and you wish you had never accepted the invitation.

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4. You like your beauty sleep

It is wonderful to go to bed and sleep soundly. No getting home late, no mad searching for taxis, which by this point are as scarce as hen’s teeth. Nothing like your own nightcap, a warm bed, and zero worries about how many hours of sleep you’ll get. Sheer bliss!

5. You don’t like drinking

Why does everyone sort of frown when you say that you don’t drink? Is there some magical ingredient in alcohol which makes you a social and fun-loving animal? The joy of never having a hangover the next day is indescribable. Once was more than enough!

6. You feel like you’re taking an exam

Parties are like an examination in social skills. But this is supposed to be about having a great time, isn’t it? No way. Now you have to keep the conversation going and then you have to think of an exit strategy. You ask yourself why it feels as if your social skills are being assessed. You begin to feel like an alien because you have only clicked with one person in the last ten you have met.

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7. You hate having to circulate

You think nostalgically about sitting round the dinner table with some close friends and having a relaxed chat. At parties, there is no such thing because you have to circulate. The problem here is that it is a hell of a job to find one interesting person to talk to. It seems that you have to keep mixing and circulating and sometimes you never find that person. You would have a better chance of winning the lottery.

8. You find parties rowdy and noisy

The noise level is usually unbearable as the lives and souls of the party get going. Miley Cyrus gets louder and people get drunker, rowdier, and noisier. This is another reason why you hate parties. You must have been crazy to accept this time. The next time, you will be at home watching the end of a really good film and maybe chatting about it with some friends.

9. You find quieter parties too intense

You know the ones, those smaller parties where people are intent on talking about politics, philosophy, and the greater questions of life. They break up into small groups and it is impossible to escape. But you already have your own ideas on these topics and are not prepared to give a TED talk late at night. These parties can get very intense and sometimes end with argumentative people getting heated. You want to curl up in bed, but you’ve already been trapped.

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10. You are tired of the introvert and extrovert labels

You’re tired of having to explain that most people are neither totally introverted or extroverted. It is rather like a spectrum and you just happen to be nearer the quieter end of the scale. People are wired differently, so you wonder what the fuss is all about. In addition, you are not prepared to go to parties because you feel you should do so or because there is too much peer pressure.

Let us know in the comments how you escape parties and how you still manage to enjoy yourself!

Featured photo credit: Newbury Birthday Party /Gareth Williams via flickr.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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