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15 Things To Expect In Your Third Trimester

15 Things To Expect In Your Third Trimester

Ah, pregnancy! The miracle of life! For those of us fortunate enough to experience it, we know it to be one of the most magical, difficult, surreal and challenging passages of life. Just as no two women are identical, no two pregnancies are the same: some women breeze through pregnancy, whereas others spend their 40 weeks trying to muster the strength to get out of bed every day.

By the time you’ve reached the 28 week mark, you and your baby have officially made it through two thirds of your pregnancy. Congratulations! But although the finish line may be in sight, your body and your baby’s body still have plenty of work to do preparing the both of you for what lies ahead: labor, delivery, and the rest of your lives together!

My pregnancy was a text-book study of (almost) everything that could possibly happen in those blessed 40 weeks. Seriously. Short of gestational diabetes and mood swings, I experienced every pregnancy symptom I (and my doctors) had ever heard of. Whilst most women usually experience a handful of these symptoms to varying degrees, for some women (like me) they can be more severe. Whereas, for others, they may be non-existent!

If at any time during your pregnancy you are concerned by what you are experiencing in your body, be sure to check with your health practitioner as soon as you can. Here are some of the things that can happen during the third trimester…

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Fatigue

Imagine carrying around a 4-5kg sack of potatoes for a day… no wait a minute- you don’t have to! That’s technically what you’re doing already, except it’s a sack of amniotic fluid with a baby inside. Although our bodies are designed not to calculate the extra weight of the rising bun in our oven, we are still under the strain of carting it about. Add to that the many changes and transformations still going on inside of you, the pressures of living your day to day life, and the fact that you might be having trouble sleeping (from the awkwardness of your bump or the need to use the bathroom every 45 minutes)- and you’ve got a sure-fire recipe for sleepiness! This is one symptom that will carry on, perhaps for a long while even after the birth, when you have a newborn to take care of, so it’s probably best to try sleep as much as you can, or at least put your feet up and relax at every opportunity.

Stretch Marks

It’s undeniable. People who previously hesitated before congratulating you now do so without restraint as your bump is more and more prominent by the day. In the last trimester, most of baby’s internal organs and systems are formed, so now your little one is mostly concentrating on growing. Stretch marks, basically stripes across parts of your body that have been stretched over a short period of time, affect roughly 80% of pregnant women, and can break out across your belly, thighs, arms, breasts and bottom. They can also appear overnight. I had a single little stretch mark under my massive belly, which I found quite cute. I woke up one morning and to my horror discovered seventeen more of them streaking their way across my bump. They aren’t painful, but can get a little itchy if your skin gets too dry.

Unfortunately, skin elasticity is mostly genetic, so there’s not much that can be done to truly avoid getting them. The good news is that they do fade with time and become barely noticeable after a year or so. Word to the wise- spending time in the sun can dry out your skin, increasing your risk of getting stretch marks and causing any marks you already have to darken and become more prominent. For this reason, it’s best to avoid tanning your belly, chest and thighs whilst pregnant. Read more about stretch marks here.

Varicose Veins

As your baby grows, their weight will put pressure on some of the major veins that carry blood between your legs and your heart. This can result in blood pooling, usually in your extremities, which can cause dark, spider-like veins, called varicose veins, to appear sprawling around your ankles, knees and thighs. Compression tights and stockings can help improve circulation. Otherwise, these veins usually disappear within a few months of giving birth. Should some linger, there are surgeries that can be done to get rid of them. Read more about varicose veins here.

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Hemorrhoids

Hemorrhoids are actually a form of varicose vein that crop up in and on the outside of your rectum due to poor circulation. They can be very painful, and cause bleeding when you go to the toilet, but they too usually disappear within a few months of giving birth (although the pushing in delivery can make them worse). There are treatments that can help ease the discomfort they cause, as can special cushions. Read more about hemorrhoids here.

Heartburn, Re-flux and a Decrease in Appetite

Remember the days when you couldn’t keep anything down? And remember the days following that when there was no fridge big enough to hold all the food you were craving? Well, surprisingly, you might find yourself having come full circle in the third trimester. As baby grows and takes up more room in your belly, your expanding uterus will put pressure on most of your internal organs, especially your stomach and intestines. This may shrink the amount of food you feel like eating; you may even lose a few pounds in the last two months. This increased pressure is also partly responsible for other digestive troubles, such as heartburn, acid re-flux, and even bouts of vomiting. Read more here.

Water Retention

In these last few months, you may find yourself packing on the pounds, even though you might be not be increasing your food intake. It’s probably due to your body retaining more water and, once again, poor circulation is to blame. Oedema, the official term for swelling, usually occurs in the feet, ankles and legs, but can happen all over your body, especially in hot weather. Compression tights, sitting or lying down with your legs raised above your heart, and massaging your feet in icy cold water can all provide relief. Reminding yourself that it doesn’t last forever, and that you’ll deflate within a few days of giving birth can also help.

However, should find yourself swelling up suddenly and drastically within a matter of days, contact your medical practitioner so that they can keep an eye on you, as severe oedema is also an early symptom of pre-eclampsia. Otherwise, be sure to drink plenty of water and moisturize your skin regularly to avoid the appearance of stretch marks. Read more about oedema here.

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Incontinence

It’s not just your digestive system that’s under pressure from baby, your bladder is too! As gravity does its thing the entire amniotic sac/baby combo weighs down heavily on your pelvic organs, causing you to rush (or waddle at high speed) to the nearest bathroom at every opportunity. You might also find yourself having a few little ‘accidents’ when you cough, sneeze or laugh. This is due to the stretching and subsequent weakening of your perineal muscles- the hammock like muscular system between your legs that holds up your internal organs. Kegels exercises can help strengthen this area, and are crucial for getting your entire body back into shape postpartum. Read more about kegels here.

Aches and Pains

That growing baby can also take its toll on your back, hips and other joints. The sheer weight of carrying an extra 4-5kgs can lead to some seriously uncomfortable muscular tugs and pulls, usually between the small of your back down to the bottom of your spine. Pains in and around the bottom of your bulging belly are also caused by ligaments being stretched to accommodate your growing bump, and are officially (and appropriately) called Round Ligament Pain. Luckily, your body is secreting the hormone relaxin, to relax tension in your joints and make it easier to carry such a heavy burden. Alternatively, you can relieve some of your aches and pains by soaking in a warm, but not too hot, bath, having a massage from a certified, prenatal masseuse, or wrapping your belly to take the pressure off your back. This YouTube tutorial shows how.

Nesting Instinct

Weirdly, amidst the sleep deprivation, heartburn and back pain, you may find yourself buzzing with energy- sometimes at the weirdest times. The nesting instinct is basically just that- an irresistible urge to ‘nest, or make your environment (and yourself) ready to receive baby. Some women wake up in the middle of the night to get through piles of ironing, others rearrange their homes every week for two months. Repainting, reupholstering, cleaning, sorting, scrubbing… I personally disinfected every kitchen cupboard and appliance with a fine toothbrush, and scrubbed my sinks and bathtub within an inch of their lives! This instinct, while surreal to you and anyone living with you, is perfectly natural and a good sign that all is in order with your hormones as baby is on its way.

Leaky Breasts

Your tummy isn’t the only thing expanding in preparation for baby’s arrival into this world- your baby’s first (and favorite) food source is also getting into gear. Your breasts may have deflated somewhat in the second trimester, but they will most likely be back at their biggest and bulkiest in these last few months. You might even find them squirting or leaking a little milk when stimulated or squashed. If your breast don’t leak before the birth, there’s nothing to worry about, as most women’s milk only comes in after the baby has been born. Read more about changes in your breasts here.

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Impatience and frustration

I have yet to meet anybody who loved every minute of being pregnant. All of the women I talk to admit to it being a long, loooooong process. Especially towards the end, when the thrill and novelty of the experience has worn off, and you find yourself too heavy to move around, too uncomfortable to sleep, and too nauseous to eat. Just remember: this too shall pass, and within a matter of weeks!

People’s remarks

An interesting pregnancy phenomenon: when a women is with child, her body seems to become public property- to be discussed, scrutinized and even touched, sometimes by complete strangers! I cannot count how many passersby stroked or patted my belly, each with a piece of advice or prediction about my baby’s gender. Many people also seem to lose all sensitivity, so be prepared to field comments on your weight gain: “You look like you’ve swallowed a beach ball!”, or inability to birth the baby soon enough, “You’re still here? What are you waiting for??” Cultivate a standard ‘smile and nod’ reaction, or feel free to tell people when they’re bothering you. You’ll find that most people won’t take offence. You’re pregnant, you can get away with quite a bit!

Dropping

As your due date approaches, you might feel and notice your bump hanging lower than usual. This is, very simply, because that’s exactly what it’s doing. In anything from a few weeks to a few days before labor, baby will realize that it’s time to make its grand debut, and will engage its little head in preparation for birth.

A Few Trips to the Hospital or Birthing Center

If this is your first baby, chances are you’ll make a few wrong calls about when it’s on its way. Outside of emergency symptoms (such as your water breaking or bleeding), first time mothers can spend many hours, even days in labor. Labor pains are easily confused, especially if you don’t know what they feel like! Gas, indigestion, an upset tummy or even just a vigorous kick from your little munchkin can all be mistaken for contractions. Hospitals advise that parents only come in when the contractions are regular and at a certain interval, usually 4-5 minutes apart. As soon as contractions start, it’s best to call your doctor to see what they advise, otherwise you risk making the journey just to be sent back home which, even in the stages of early labor, is very frustrating and disheartening. Read more here.
Best of all, at the end of this long journey, when your body has worked hard crafting a living being inside of you, the greatest thing you can expect is the moment that makes it all worthwhile: when you hold your beautiful, squidgy little baby in your arms for the first time!

Featured photo credit: Juanedc via flickr.com

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Published on May 24, 2019

How to Raise a Confident Child with Grit

How to Raise a Confident Child with Grit

My husband and I facilitate a couple’s marriage and parenting group. Recently, the group discussed qualities, characteristics, and traits we wanted to see our children develop as they grow up. One term that came up that all parents seemed to upon agree as a highly valued trait was that of grit. The question from our group was:

“Can grit be taught to our children?”

The answer is, yes. Parents can help their child develop grit.

What is grit? Dr. Angela Duckworth is the top researcher on this subject and wrote the book Grit. She defines grit as “passion and perseverance for long term goals”. This new buzz word is popular in the adult realm, but what about our developing children? What if we could help our children develop grit as young children.

Grit is more crucial to success than IQ. Duckworth, through her research at Harvard, found that having grit was a better predictor for an individual’s success than IQ. This means having the smartest kid in the room doesn’t ensure any level of success in their future. They can be brilliant, but if they aren’t properly intrinsically motivated, they won’t be successful.

Grit determines long term success. If a child can’t pick themselves up and try again after a failure, then how are they going to be able to do it as adult?

What a gift it would be to our children to engage them in a manner that helps them recognize their passions, talents, and develop a persevere to purse their goals. Below are some tips on how to raise a confident child with grit.

1. Encouragement is Key

When a child wants to learn how to ride a bike, do they keep going after they fall down or do they quit after the first fall?

If they aren’t encouraged to get up and try again, and instead are coddled and told they can try again some other day, then they are being taught to play it safe.

Safe and coddled don’t exactly go hand-in-hand with building up grit. The child needs to be encouraged to try again. This can be a parent saying “you can do it, I believe in you” and “I know that even if you fall again you will try again and eventually you will get the hang of it”.

Encouragement to keep trying so that they can build up perseverance is very helpful in building a child’s confidence. This confidence is what will help them strike out and try again.

If they feel that they can’t do it or shouldn’t do it, then they won’t. The mind is a powerful thing. If a child believes that they can’t be successful in doing something, then they won’t be successful. Part of building that mentality of believing in themselves comes from encouragement from their parents, care givers, and teachers.

Cheer Them On

How many times have you heard a story of success that someone had in life that all began because someone believed in that person?

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A coach, a mom, a teacher can have a huge impact by believing in the child’s ability to be successful and voicing that encouragement to them. Words are powerful. Use them to build up a child, by telling them that they can do it even if they have try again and again.

Be their support system by being their cheerleader. Cheerleaders don’t just cheer when the team is winning. They cheer words of encouragement to keep the team going.

The same goes with children. We need to cheer for their successes, but also cheer for them to keep going and fighting the fight when life gets tough!

You Can’t Force Them

Keep in mind that you can’t force a child to keep trying. They have to do it themselves.

For example, when my daughter was learning to tie her shoes, it was a real struggle. She gave up. I couldn’t make her want to try to do it again. She had to take a break from the struggle for a few months and then try again.

She was more successful the second time around, because she had matured and her fine motor skills had improved. It would have been ridiculous for me to force her to practice tying her shoes for the three or four months in between, with tears and arguing taking place.

No, instead we took a break. She tried again later. Forcing her to learn something that she wasn’t ready to learn would have pit us against one another. That would have been a poor parenting move.

There are boundaries that parents can set though in some cases. For example, if your child begins an activity and wants to quit mid-season because they are terrible at the sport, you have the opportunity to keep them in the sport through the end of the season to show them that quitting is not an option.

Although they may not win another tennis match the rest of the season or win another swimming race all year long, finishing the commitment is important. It will help with the development of grit by teaching them to persevere through the defeat. It is character building.

If your child is great at all things all the time, they will not develop grit. They need to try things that challenge them. When they aren’t the best at something, or for that matter, the worst, it creates an opportunity for them feel real struggle. Real struggle builds real character.

2. Get Them out of Their Comfort Zone

My daughter wanted to try cheerleading this past fall. She has never done this activity in the past, nor is she particularly coordinated (sorry sweetie). For that matter, she couldn’t even do a cartwheel when cheer season began.

However, we signed up because she was so excited to become a cheerleader. I signed up to coach because there was a need for more cheer coaches. We were all-in at that point.

Once the season began, I quickly realized that cheerleading was far outside my daughter’s comfort zone. The idea of cheerleading was great in her mind. The reality of memorizing cheers and learning physical skills that were hard for her made the experience a struggle. She wanted to quit. I said to her “no, you were the one who wanted to do this, so we finish what we started.” I had to say this more than once. I don’t think anyone on the squad knew this was the case, because she kept at it.

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She kept practicing those cheers every evening. It did not come naturally to her at first, so it was uncomfortable. She always seemed to be half a beat behind the other cheerleaders, which made it very awkward and uncomfortable for her. However, letting her know that quitting mid-season was not an option made her try harder. She wanted to learn the cheers so she wouldn’t stand out on the squad as the girl who didn’t know what she is doing.

By the end of the season, she became a decent cheerleader. Not the best, but she was no longer half a beat behind the rest. She learned skills that were hard for her to conquer. Now that she felt success in achieving something that was uncomfortable and hard for her. She knows she has it in her to do that in other areas of life.

That is why it’s ok for us as parents to let our kids feel the struggle and be uncomfortable. If they don’t experience it when they are young, they will as adults, but they won’t be equipped with the perseverance and inner-strength built from years of working hard through smaller struggles as they grew up.

Allowing our children to struggle helps them build that skill of perseverance, so that they have the grit to achieve hard things in life that they really desire to accomplish.

3. Allow Them To Fail

Your child will fail at things in life. Let them. Do not swoop in and rescue your child from their personal failures. If they don’t fail, then they don’t have the opportunity to pick themselves up and try again.

If I had pulled my daughter from cheerleader once I realized that it was going to be a real struggle, she wouldn’t have experienced failure and struggle. Letting her have this small failure in life taught her lessons that can’t be taught in a classroom. She learned about the power she has within herself to try harder, to practice in order to make change happen, and to push through it even when you feel like giving up because it is embarrassing.

Failure is embarrassing. Learning to handle embarrassment is taking on a fear. When kids learn to do this at a young age, it is practice for adult life. They will experience failure as an adult. They will be better equipped to handle life’s disappointments and failures if they have learned to handle the fear of embarrassment and failure when they are young.

Practice builds up the skill. Processing and handling fear, embarrassment, and failure are skills.

If I had pulled my daughter from cheer and allowed her to quit, I would have taken from her the opportunity to learn how to process and handle the embarrassment and failure she was experiencing at each practice and games. She learned to keep trying and that practicing the skills would lessen the embarrassment and feelings of failure.

Learning the value of practice and how to preserve through the fear and failure are priceless lessons. We may want to rescue our children because we want them to be successful at the things that they do, but how will they be successful in this competitive world as adults if they are provided with only opportunities in which they succeed?

Failure is needed to learn to thrive. Success in adulthood does not come easy to children who are protected from failure because they haven’t built up the ability to persevere.

Perseverance comes when they have learned time and time again how to take the fear of embarrassment and failure head on and practice to get better.

4. Teach Them to Try Again

Encourage your child to try again. Don’t let them quit on the first try.

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Life is hard. If we quit the first time we tried at things, we would never amount to anything in life. We need to teach our children that trying again is simply part of life.

Help them to give it a go by providing encouragement and support. Offer to practice with them, provide them with tutoring or coaching if necessary — whatever it takes to get them back on the proverbial horse and trying again.

Break it Down

Sometimes failure occurs because they are trying something all at one time and they haven’t mastered the smaller components.

For example, a math student isn’t going to jump into calculus as their first high school math course. No, of course not. They build on their skills. They begin with basic math, then algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and pre-calculus to then they get to the calculus level.

If they are thrown into the deep end by taking on calculus before the foundation of their math skills are built, they will fail.

Help your child try again by breaking down what it is they are trying to achieve.

Going back to my cheer example… my daughter was not the best at learning the cheers when we began. It then dawned on me that we needed to break down each cheer phrase by phrase. Once we learned the phrase and movements that went with it, we could then learn the next one. Once these were learned, we could combine the phrases, practice them together, and then try to move to learn the next phrase in the cheer. It was a tedious process, but it worked.

Not all skills come easy for kids. Helping them learn the skill of breaking things down into manageable tasks is another way we teach them about grit. They are learning to build skills by persisting, practicing, and building upon previous experience, knowledge, and skills.

Grit is put into practice in childhood when they learn how to break down large tasks into smaller achievable tasks in order to build toward a greater goal.

5. Let Them Find Their Passion

Your child may be a wonderful pianist. However, if they aren’t passionate about the skill, then they likely won’t be happy or fulfilled in becoming a concert pianist.

It’s great to help your child discover their talents, but also let them discover what they are passionate about in life.

True success will come because they are passionate about the activity, not because they are the best. The best usually become that way because they are passionate first. Therefore, let your child experience a variety of activities and interests so that they can discover what they love to do.

6. Praise Their Efforts, Not the Outcome

Praising their efforts keeps them motivated and trying. If you focus on outcome, then when they fail, they will become defeated and discouraged.

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Focusing on the fact that they tried hard and pointing out specific ways that they did well in terms of effort will support them in trying again. When you make a habit of focusing on outcome, then failures are avoided at all costs, including taking risks.

Risks are needed in order to become successful. Therefore, make a habit of praising their efforts, even when the outcome is not what they had hoped and tried for, because eventually, if they keep trying their efforts will result in success.

7. Be a Model of Grit

If you are a parent or a caregiver for a child, then you are a model to that child. Children naturally look up to the adults in their life that are closest to them, especially their parents. They will look at your ability to persevere and achieve. Your grit will show.

Your children are watching. They may not know the term grit, but they will learn about working hard, not giving up, trying again after failure, and all that grit entails from your actions.

How you handle life is being watched by your children. You can work on your own grit by reading Angela Duckworth’s book Grit .

Develop a Growth Mindset

Helping your child develop a growth mindset is also helpful to your child in their development of grit. Dr. Dweck, author of Growth Mindset and researcher at Stanford, developed a theory of fixed versus growth mindset.

Basically, what it means is that if you have a fixed mindset, you will fear failure and easily give up. Someone with a growth mindset believes that their talents, skills, and abilities can be improved with hard work and learning. Parents and caregivers can help with the development of a growth mindset.

    Some of the ways that a growth mindset can be developed include:

    • Teaching your child how the brain works: neuron connections, right brain versus left brain.
    • Teach them to set goals.
    • Teach them to have a “can do” attitude.
    • Teach them to develop a strategy when they want to achieve something.
    • Teach them that mistakes are an opportunity to learn.
    • Teach them that failure is a normal part of life.
    • Teach them about self talk: Self Talk Determines Your Success

    There are a great deal of activities and materials online for helping your child develop a growth mindset including these resources below (each site contains at least some free content):

    The Bottom Line

    Grit is not just for adults, it is something we can help our children develop. Grit is more critical to success than IQ, so we should be helping our children develop this quality early in life.

    As a parent, being a model of grit, is one of the first ways to help our children become “gritty”.

    Featured photo credit: Gabriela Braga via unsplash.com

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