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8 Uncomfortable Actions That Result in Self-Improvement

8 Uncomfortable Actions That Result in Self-Improvement

Stepping out of your comfort zone is the toughest action you can take. It’s right there in the name: comfort zone. Obviously, stepping outside of it would make you uncomfortable. And who wants to be uncomfortable?

However, doing so is the only way you’ll ever grow as a person. In today’s fast-moving world, self-improvement is the key to getting ahead. It’s no longer acceptable to be just average; in order to succeed in life you need to excel in everything you set out to do. Making these changes might scare you, but the success you’ll experience after doing so will make all the discomfort worth it.

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1. Being skeptical

There’s a terrible saying that complacent people use when they don’t feel like standing up for what they believe in: “It is what it is.” It’s a resignation that, even though they know something is wrong in the world, there’s nothing they can do to change it. The greatest minds of our time never used this phrase; they questioned why “it is what it is,” and put their all into changing, and bettering, the world around them. Be the person that acknowledges that things don’t have to be the way they are, and that we all can change for the better.

2. Being honest

Being honest is not always the easiest thing to do. But it’s always the right thing to do. And this doesn’t just mean you should be honest when you know there’s a chance of getting caught. Hold yourself to the highest level of integrity. Live in private the way you live in public. Keep your promises. Even if everyone else around you is a back-stabbing weasel, take solace in the fact that you continue to maintain a high standard for yourself.

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3. Waking up early

The most successful people in the world wake up hours before they actually start working. They use this time to exercise, eat a healthy breakfast, and prepare themselves for the busy day ahead of them. Your time on Earth is your most valuable commodity. Once it’s gone, you can’t ever get it back. While it’s definitely easier to stay in bed as long as you can before you have to get to work, you’re really just wasting the most important gift you’ve been given.

4. Tracking your spending

So many of us can’t start our day without Starbucks or some other pick-me-up that costs $2-3 per day. While that doesn’t seem like much, it ends up costing you anywhere from $300 to $500 over the course of a year ($15,000 over the course of a career!). I’m not saying you should never indulge yourself, but you also should never get in the habit of spending money just because you feel like you need to. Keep track of every penny you spend, and you’ll almost immediately realize there are things you’re spending too much on that you can cut out right away.

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5. Tracking what you eat

One of the keys to self-improvement is watching what you eat. This goes along with the last point about spending money: if you eat a donut every day just because “you always do,” you might want to think about cutting down. Again, I’m not saying you should completely give up the sweets, but you should definitely acknowledge that not everything you put into your body is healthy. Making healthy changes to your diet will not only leave you feeling better physically, but you’ll also end up with a healthier mental attitude as well.

6. Speaking in public

There’s an old Seinfeld joke about people’s number one fear being public speaking, while number two is death: People would rather be in the coffin than giving the eulogy. If you think about it, having a fear of public speaking makes no sense. Since almost everyone is terrified of it, there’s no reason for you to be afraid of it. Remember in college when everyone had to give a speech? Did you actually care if the person up front made a mistake or didn’t perform well? No! The only time people care enough to remember a speech is if it’s incredibly good. Think about that the next time you have to give a presentation: You’ll only be remembered if what you said was worth remembering.

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7. Focusing on one improvement at a time

It’s easy to become overwhelmed by all the areas of self-improvement you should be focusing on. But it’s impossible to attack them all at once. If you’re trying to quit smoking, you probably shouldn’t also try to give up your daily donut at the same time; you’ll drive yourself (and others around you) absolutely crazy. Take the time to make a plan of attack, so you’re able to focus on one area of improvement at a time. After a year of self-improvement, you’ll feel like a completely new person.

8. Setting and achieving improbable goals

When setting goals for self-improvement, you don’t want to make them so easy that you reach them with minimal effort, or so hard that you become completely overwhelmed. Set goals that are just out of reach, so that every time you hit one you feel a sense of accomplishment. For example, if you want to start working out, it’s a terrible idea to plan to go to the gym seven days a week; it just won’t happen. But it’s also too easy to just go once a week. Make a plan to go at least three times, and, if you feel up to it, four or five. No matter what you’re trying to accomplish, plan so that you have to strive to reach the minimum goal you’ve set, but you also have room to improve.

Featured photo credit: 04222014 – Success Boot Camp Graduation at PCP – US Department of Education via farm8.staticflickr.com

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Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Last Updated on July 15, 2020

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

How to Let Go of Toxic People in Your Life

“Entitlement is an expression of conditional love. Nobody is ever entitled to your love. You always have a right to protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being by removing yourself from toxic people and circumstances.” -Dr. Janice Anderson & Kiersten Anderson

It’s not always obvious if you have someone toxic in your life. A toxic relationship is one that is harmful to you. A toxic person can create distress to the degree you feel inadequate and isolated. So, what makes a toxic person?

A toxic person has toxic behavior, meaning it’s not that the whole person is toxic[1]. It’s what they do that counts. Most toxic people run from accountability and misrepresent reality to you. They misrepresent your worth and your ability to heal from them can be stifled the longer you keep them in your life. You have a role to play with it as well; if your values are dismissed by them and you don’t act on it, you have allowed room for toxicity to grow.

When you are in a toxic relationship, you feel less than. You feel as though you are not worth anyone’s time or effort. You feel unheard, and sometimes you feel unsafe. You don’t feel good about yourself in a toxic relationship, whether it be with a partner, friend, or family member.

You may stay in a toxic relationship for a number of reasons. You may believe yourself to be a burden, have a lack of boundaries, resist change, fear conflict, try to be a people pleaser, find yourself codependent, or are partially stuck in a pattern or unhealthy cycle of abuse.

Letting go of toxic people may not be easy. In order to do so, you have to know why or how they are toxic to you and read between the lines that they do not have your best interests in mind.

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Letting go of toxic people is hard because you are good and want to see the good in others. You think their apologies are authentic. You have trouble believing they are being dishonest. You don’t spend time healing from it. You get pulled back into the pain because you don’t want it to end. However, if you feel like something isn’t right, it probably isn’t right.

You should walk away from a toxic person because you need to preserve your peace. You need to feel like yourself again. And you need better support.

Letting go of toxic people can involve four major steps.

1. Recognize the Red Flags

Red flags are signs a person is being toxic. It’s when someone shows characteristics that you should feel caution about. It’s when you feel any level of dissatisfaction and distrust. Trust your gut. When you recognize red flags, you can evaluate whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not. This gives you some level of control over what you allow in your life. The earlier you detect these behaviors, the better off you will be.

Red flags can include:

  • They always put themselves first.
  • They point out imperfections and sabotage your self-esteem.
  • You may feel drained or used when you’re around them.
  • What you give isn’t reciprocated. They don’t return the goodness you provide as a friend.
  • They ignore your boundaries and get angry when you tell them “no.”
  • You catch them in half truths or outright lies when you confront them about anything.
  • You are the villain; they are the victim.
  • Second chances always lead to repeated patterns of behavior.
  • They may engage in abuse.

2. Set Boundaries

There are emotional boundaries that one can set, but there are also physical ones[2]. You can leave any time. Setting boundaries is also an important part of self-care.

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You shouldn’t walk on eggshells. Tell them how you feel. Are they respecting you, fulfilling your needs, and listening to you? If not, it’s time to set up a healthy emotional distance and start letting go of toxic people around you.

There are levels to this. You have your inner circle, which could include family, and then you have acquaintances and strangers. If a toxic person is in your inner circle, it’s time to pull back and put up some boundaries for them to follow. If they can’t hear you out, you can cut off the connection completely.

You can give second chances, but you have to be careful. If someone knows they can get away with something, they will do it again. If there’s any chance for the relationship, they have to know not to cross certain lines.

3. Invest in Yourself

You deserve to know you are worthwhile. Try to remember that things will get better and that anything is possible. How do you do so? Invest in yourself.

This means self care, goal setting, surrounding yourself with positive support, and feeling a sense of peace. Your greatest ambition should be to love yourself. Without self-love, letting go of toxic people will be difficult.

Every relationship is a risk, but if you know yourself and what you will allow, toxic people will have less of a hold over you. If you are a giver or people pleaser, you are most at risk to being in a one-sided relationship. You shouldn’t be punished for caring, but sometimes trust needs to be earned. If you have self-love, you are treating yourself the best way possible. You know that others need to meet your standards; otherwise, they don’t get to be a part of your life.

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It’s possible that you can love yourself and still not see the signs. It can be difficult for some to be aware that toxic people exist. However,, if you know how much you mean to others in your life and what you are worth, you will be less likely to take on a relationship that is harmful to you or repeat negative patterns. Self-love is how we get out of toxic relationships, but it’s also how they never begin.

4. Know When Forgiveness Is Possible

There are times a person will prove their worth to you. They may make a mistake that makes them seem like a horrible person. They may forget to be good to you because of their own issues. They may just have no example of what a healthy relationship looks like. They may have an inflated ego that really comes from insecurity. The list goes on.

If they apologize, that’s a start. Look at their actions. Are they changing for the better because they really want to change or just seeming to in order to manipulate you? A person may control others with their image or perceived personality, but if you see through them, you may be able to discern the degree to which they are willing to be there for you.

If they start to do the right thing, you may begin to trust them again. Don’t start forgiving them until time has passed and you are sure there is growth, even if they show vulnerability or remorse. You can give a second chance if they truly have an awakening. Otherwise, it’s best to get out. Don’t let them walk all over you; let them walk out the door.

If you do give a second change and they still refuse to change, you have every right to remove them and continue the process of letting go of toxic people. The moment you even want to leave may also be a good time to get out. You don’t have to compromise yourself in order to care for them.

Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger[3]. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You have to go back to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from someone. You don’t have to let them back in. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

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Remember, forgiveness is ultimately for you, not them. You don’t need that person in your life in order to forgive them, and if you give them a second chance, proceed with caution.

Final Thoughts

Recognize the red flags, set boundaries, invest in yourself, and know when forgiveness is possible. This is how you cope with a toxic person impacting your life. You have power in the direction of your life and the people who accompany you as you move forward. Use it.

If a person is worthwhile, they will prove themselves through their actions, not their words. If they cross certain lines that really harm you, you owe them nothing. You have every right to feel what you feel and to be upset. Honor your feelings and communicate them because it’ll only continue to keep happening if you don’t.

If this is happening to you, it’s time to put a stop to it. It’s time to take control. It’s time to live for yourself, not for what others say about you. It’s time to set your standards higher than they’ve ever been before. And most of all, it’s time to let go.

Resource reminder: A physically abusive relationship is ALWAYS toxic. There are resources for you. Always speak up.

If you are in such a cycle or domestic violence or abuse reach out for help. For example, there is The National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org/) which can be reached at 1−800−799−7233. There are other ways to get help if you simply ask for it. 

More Tips on Letting Go of Toxic People

Featured photo credit: Hannah Busing via unsplash.com

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