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Being Alone Is Her Default: 15 Things To Remember If You Love A Woman Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

Being Alone Is Her Default: 15 Things To Remember If You Love A Woman Who’s Used To Being On Her Own

Do you love a woman who is used to being on her own? While you may be used to being around people and going to your friends after a hard day, this independent woman is used to relying on herself. She can have fun by herself, but she can also have a lot of fun with you – check out 15 things to remember if you love a woman who is used to being on her own.

1. She Is Emotionally Strong

She is used to relying on herself, so she is emotionally strong. She can fight her own battles, and while this may seem intimidating initially, you will appreciate her strength when either of you go through a difficult time.

2. She Will Be Reserved At The Beginning

To start with, she will be reserved about the things that are important to her. However, the more you get to know her, the more you will find out. When she is fully open with you, you can be proud to be one of the very few people she chooses to be close to.

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3. She Likes To Do Her Own Thing

As she spends time alone regularly, she has picked up hobbies and activities that she enjoys doing alone, like running or reading. Be proud of her for her interests, and encourage her to keep pursuing them.

4. She Isn’t Used To Relying On Other People

She may struggle with letting you do things for her, as she isn’t used to other’s looking out for her. However, that isn’t to say she doesn’t like relying on other people; she probably does, it will just take her a while to get used to it.

5. She Likes It When Things Go Her Way

She will be stubborn when you two disagree, and she will fight to get her way. Sometimes she will win, and sometimes you will – which makes a healthy, fair relationship.

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6. She May Want To Take Things Slowly

She isn’t used to being with someone so often, so she won’t want to jump in the deep end straight away. Don’t be pushed away by this – she likes you a lot, but it is a big lifestyle change for her. A woman that is used to being alone might want to take things more slowly than you are used to — but she is worth it.

7. She Still Enjoys Time Alone

She is used to spending time alone and she enjoys that time, so she won’t give it up. You are still very important to her, but she will still need alone time in order to regroup.

8. She May Be Unsure About Your Feelings Towards Her

She isn’t the kind of person who is regularly in relationships, so she may be unsure about your feelings for her. She may question your feelings, but only because this is new territory for her.

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9. She Will Take Time To Open Up Emotionally

She won’t tell you her life story and all of her problems straight away, because she is a pretty private person. She will open up over time, but right now she is simply focusing on enjoying her time with you.

10. She May Worry About How Much She Likes You

At the beginning, she may withdraw from you for a while. This isn’t because she doesn’t like you; she just wants to assess her feelings and decide what she wants.

11. Her Trust Must Be Earned

This woman does not trust everyone and anything – it takes time and patience to earn her trust. However, once she does trust you, she will trust you fully.

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12. She Is Headstrong

She is headstrong and is used to running her life efficiently without any help. This strength is admirable, and it means she never depend on you for everything.

13. She May Not Need You, But She Wants You

At the beginning, she isn’t spending time with you because she feels like she needs you. She knows she just wants to enjoy your company at this point – but with time and patience, you may grow to need each other.

14. She May Be Wary Of Commitment

Commitment can be scary to all of us; you are giving someone the power to hurt you or leave you. However, she is willing to push past her fears and wander into the unknown together.

15. She Is Used To Being Alone

Her natural comfort zone is being alone, and being alone will always be comforting to her. You can love her for a lifetime, and she will always enjoy being alone. Let her be alone when she wants to be, and be proud of her independence.

What did you think of this list? Do you agree? Share with your friends to see what they think!

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on July 8, 2020

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I want?”

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said,

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

The 3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying ‘No’ Means Saying ‘Yes’ to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

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Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say ‘No’

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

4. When the Request Comes In, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your ‘No’ with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

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6. Consider How to Use a Modified ‘No’

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

Final Thoughts

Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

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Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

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