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6 Reasons Why You Don’t Love The Person You Cheat On, Even If You Claim You Do

6 Reasons Why You Don’t Love The Person You Cheat On, Even If You Claim You Do

How do you define a cheater? A dishonest crook, a person who is selfish and unconcerned with the world around them. Being a responsible and ideal lover requires a degree of commitment, honesty, and truth. With such things, it is easier to navigate a relationship.

One who cheats doesn’t really think of preserving, rather they think of expunging and releasing. What is a relationship without some loyalty and certainty? It’s important to consider the effects and consequences of cheating when you look at what you want to protect, rather than at the immediate satisfaction you will achieve.

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Once, I may have believed that being with another woman would liberate me and give me something that was missing in my relationship, but the truth is that there is no shelter elsewhere — only devastation to your own self and to your relationship.

True love never involves cheating. Your partner should protect you and look out for your best interests, always wanting you to be happy. If you have cheated in the past, you may being lying to yourself about your true feelings. Here are some reasons why you don’t love the person you cheated on, even if you say you do.

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You are not being selfless

How can you say you love someone when you are not willing to make some compromise and let some things go? True love is selfless and sacrificial. And there is nothing selfless and sacrificial about cheating on your partner.

You are not solid in the relationship

When cheating comes into play, you may think you love your partner, yet that love is one that’s easily shaken. True love is solid. It is stable and complete. It does not need anything extra. When love cannot be consistent and stable, then it is not true love and it does not mean much.

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You are not confrontational when it’s needed

If you care and have deep feelings, you don’t run away from the person you care for or look for another outlet to gain pleasure. I’ve met people who claimed to cheat because they just wanted to use it as an outlet, a means of dealing with some issue. They wanted to explore and engage in an adventure because they felt restless. If you love your partner truly, you deal with those issues head on and as a team. Both sides need to be present to make their voices heard in a working relationship.

You don’t embrace the positives of your relationship

Love is supposed to be a positive state of being. Joy, richness, depth, and trust are born out of love. Cheaters take these things for granted and always want something more. What they fail to consider is that the consequences of cheating are all negative — guilt, mistrust, lies, and betrayal. It may be easy for you to take love for granted, but those who take love seriously understand that all its greatness outweighs any immediate pleasure gained from cheating.

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You are not accepting of your partner

Love is not indirect. It never drifts, digresses, or gets distracted. True love means truly accepting your partner and everything that comes along with them. If you are on the right track, you will also seek acceptance from your partner, rather than pursue other alternatives. If you cheat, it means that, on some level, you have not wholly accepted your partner and the relationship.

You are not a believer

When people tell me that they are cool with cheating, I ask myself this question: do they believe in the actions they are taking? When you love someone, you believe what the person tells you and expect the same in return. This is how trust is born. Cheating is a violation of this. If you take away this trust and belief, what is left of the relationship? If you believe that true love involves cheating in any sense, you are kidding yourself.

At the end of the day, cheating is cheating — it is wrong. It may be okay to admire others when you are in a loving relationship, but taking action or pursuing something that would work against your relationship is not love. It is poison. If you truly love someone, not cheating is easy.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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