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If You Have a Smart Girlfriend, You’ll Understand These 10 Things

If You Have a Smart Girlfriend, You’ll Understand These 10 Things

I once dated a smart girlfriend. It was a relationship that was driven rather than walked. Looking back at it, I wished it had lasted, because you are solid and safer when you are in a relationship with a smart girlfriend. You are not looking over your shoulder; rather, you are looking ahead at possibilities and outcomes. Here are some things that are a little different about dating a smart woman.

1. She has strong opinions.

Even when you discuss random stuff with her, like sports, politics, literature or entertainment, she has strong opinions. She knows what she is talking about and her opinion is centered on what is pleasant to her and not to you.

2. She can handle her money.

She knows how to handle her money. She sees money as a tool rather than an item. She is resourceful with it and treats is as valuable. She leads her finances and her finances don’t lead her. If you are giving her money, understand she will treat it right.

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3. She handles kids and the elderly the smart way.

She is not childish or stupid. She is comfortable and can relate with kids or older adults. She is not rude. She is tolerant and won’t develop cold feet when she is with any age group. She is happy to converse with people of all sorts when she has the chance to.

4. She is confident.

Her intellect is an assurance for her. She can deal with stuff and is not scared to air an opinion. She would do the courageous thing rather than cower in fear or reluctance. So if you are in a tough situation, she certainly knows how to get you out of it.

5. She wants to succeed.

Good is not enough for her; rather, she will go for excellent. Even if she fails in the process, she won’t stop—she will continue chasing for success. She loves challenges and what it means to her success. Rather than be inactive, she will always show resilience and tread into newer territories.

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6. She knows how to manage a crisis.

She doesn’t cower in the face of a crisis. She can get tough when she meets with a tough situation. Rather than withdraw, she adapts and creatively digs in to get out of the situation. Actually, difficult moments define her mental strength and abilities.

7. She is dependable.

She is reliable. If she says she will do something, she will do it. She is so dependable and such an asset that you can count on her in almost any case. You can vouch for her, because she will always get the job done.

8. She is consistent.

She is not unstable. If she is in a relationship with anyone, she commits herself to it. She doesn’t have to say yes to what she doesn’t believe in or that you won’t prove rewarding. With her, there is no insecurity. She is in it with you for the long haul because she knows that it means something. She is stable and efficient.

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9. She knows her worth.

She doesn’t feel inferior to anyone. She respects herself and respects everyone around her and expects the same from them. She will dress well and communicate perfectly. It is not as if this validates her, she just wants to be the ideal person that commands respect.

10. She is resourceful.

Her knowledge does not make her lazy. She actually uses it as a weapon to get what she wants or what is of value to her. She develops networks and alliances that propel her to a destination. She is proactive and is always finding a way to get things done and make the world around her better. She simply won’t settle for cheap.

Don’t hurt a smart lady because she will leave you if she has to, for the right reasons.

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Featured photo credit: http://www.compfight.com via compfight.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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