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Small Things Wonderful People Do That Build Deep Relationships

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Small Things Wonderful People Do That Build Deep Relationships

There are only two kinds of relationships – those that are long-term and those that are very long-term. The rest are acquaintances. Long-term relationships are deep and are built to weather the storms along the way.

Here are ten small things wonderful people do to build deeper relationships:

1. They (Genuinely) Care

They care for what you care about as if it’s their own. There is a difference between genuinely caring and “pretending to care” and they clearly are in the former camp. When they converse with you, they tend to drop their agenda and focus on yours.

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2. They Remember

I am not talking about birthdays and anniversaries. They care about things that matter most to you. In other words, they act as your self-appointed accountability partners. They catch things that you might have dropped owing to your busy schedule.

3. They (Thoughtfully) Connect

They thoughtfully connect you to people from their network to expand the space of your own possibilities in your personal and professional life. They are keenly aware that your capacity expands significantly when you are connected to the right people.

4. They Follow-up

They are relentless in their followup – not on what they need from you, but on things that move the needle of your personal and professional lives. They are aware that you start your projects with great intentions, but like everyone else you need a helping hand in following them through to completion.

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5. They Make You Think

They don’t simply accept what you say when it comes to you taking important (game-changing) decisions in your work and life. They ask thoughtful questions that will make you think and re-think. In the process, you end up making better decisions.

6.  They Celebrate Your Wins

They are not “passively jealous” of your wins. They celebrate your wins with all their heart. In addition, they ensure that you don’t rest on your laurels by helping you set your sights on the next big thing for you.

7. They (Really) Listen

They listen to what you say AND they also listen to what you don’t say. They read between the lines to get to the bottom of what’s the real underlying issue that is bothering you. They also create a level of comfort for you to openly share your hopes, dreams, desires, fears, challenges, concerns, wishes and your wants.

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8. They Smile

They are like a fresh breeze. They walk in with a smile all the time. It’s a joy to be spending time with them. You are in a flow when they are around.

9. They Make YOU Smile

They touch your life in such a powerful way that you start feeling good about yourself. They accentuate your positives and help you cover your negatives. In short, they make you smile and feel blessed. In their presence. you feel relaxed and at ease about life.

10. They Are Just a Phone Call Away

They make it clear and mean it when they say they are just a phone call away. They are there for you in good times and bad times. Just the fact that they are available in case you need them gives you a boost in your confidence to take on the challenges ahead.

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11. They Demonstrate a High PGQ

Practical Generosity Quotient (PGQ) is the capacity one adds in relation to the capacity the other person needs to move the needle in a significant way. They bring with them a PGQ so high that you don’t have a choice but to feel blessed to be their friend.

In summary, your life is wonderful because you are surrounded by these wonderful people. Build deep relationships with these people and make your life magical.

Featured photo credit: Black Chaos via flickr.com

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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