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Stop Repeating These 10 Excuses, They’re Simply Lies

Stop Repeating These 10 Excuses, They’re Simply Lies

Excuses suck. No one does great with them. Sometimes even when these excuses seem valid, you shouldn’t just resort to it. There is no point in holing ourselves with excuses. We should always find a way to make things better and do what should be done. Besides many of these excuses that we hang ourselves with are lies.

1. “It is not possible.”

Why do you think it is not possible? If it has not worked out before that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Lies like this distract you from the big picture and the possibilities of making a success when all that surrounds you are failures. Retract this statement and focus on the positive.

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2. “I am not worth a dime without a college degree.”

This excuse is so stupid. Why consume yourself with the impossibility of chasing those things that matter to you when you can succeed even without a university degree. A lot of people in our society started from nothing and became a success without a college degree.

3. “I am not good enough.”

Perhaps you come from a minority or you are physically or financially incapacitated, this should not wither your dreams and the possibility of becoming the success you can be. No one is really good enough at first, it must have taken a lot of practice and success for you to become renowned and successful. Being disadvantaged is a good start because the world always loves the underdog.

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4. “I don’t have the money to do this.”

Rather than think that money is the problem, find a way that you can be of service to someone to generate the money you need. This excuse is a lie because money is not a problem but it is you playing the victim.

5. “What will people say if I did this?”

The truth is that no one is concerned about you. And this is a fact because everyone is sucked up in their world and you are the least of their problems. Even if they notice you for a second, this is temporary. Focus on permanent solutions to your challenges rather than temporary hindrances.

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6. “This is who I am, I cannot change.”

Why can’t you change? Change is a constant thing. Humans are created to adapt and survive. If you are being dogmatic and do not swing with the wind of change, you will only become buried by it.

7. “I am too old for this.”

This doesn’t stick because age is more of a mindset rather than a number. You have to break out of that cocoon of being too old and start doing what needs to be done. Colonel Sanders started KFC at age 62. Why make excuses about your age. Whether it is a degree you want to earn or a company you want to start, you are not late in pursuing your goals.

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8. “I am not a lucky person.”

How the world defines luck is one that is synonymous with chance. What choices you make is what affects your “luck” or chances of becoming what you want to be. Besides success is not a gamble. You have to earn it and luck only comes to play when you have gone in search of it.

9. “I will go after it after I have gotten married.”

Well it means you really don’t want to get what you are after. Marriage is a milestone that doesn’t affect your success or failure rate. Perhaps you are looking for a companion to hold your back or you are trying to marry a rich man or rich lady, your chance at becoming happy should not depend on this. You should look at the big picture and develop your credibility for marriage rather than let marriage develop your credibility.

10. “I am too busy.”

No one is too busy. Rather you have to define your priorities rather than complain that you are so busy. Being busy doesn’t answer the right questions. Rather you should free up space for what truly matters.

Featured photo credit: https://unsplash.com/ via unsplash.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on July 17, 2019

The Science of Setting Goals (And How It Affects Your Brain)

The Science of Setting Goals (And How It Affects Your Brain)

What happens in our heads when we set goals?

Apparently a lot more than you’d think.

Goal setting isn’t quite so simple as deciding on the things you’d like to accomplish and working towards them.

According to the research of psychologists, neurologists, and other scientists, setting a goal invests ourselves into the target as if we’d already accomplished it. That is, by setting something as a goal, however small or large, however near or far in the future, a part of our brain believes that desired outcome is an essential part of who we are – setting up the conditions that drive us to work towards the goals to fulfill the brain’s self-image.

Apparently, the brain cannot distinguish between things we want and things we have. Neurologically, then, our brains treat the failure to achieve our goal the same way as it treats the loss of a valued possession. And up until the moment, the goal is achieved, we have failed to achieve it, setting up a constant tension that the brain seeks to resolve.

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Ideally, this tension is resolved by driving us towards accomplishment. In many cases, though, the brain simply responds to the loss, causing us to feel fear, anxiety, even anguish, depending on the value of the as-yet-unattained goal.

Love, Loss, Dopamine, and Our Dreams

The brains functions are carried out by a stew of chemicals called neurotransmitters. You’ve probably heard of serotonin, which plays a key role in our emotional life – most of the effective anti-depressant medications on the market are serotonin reuptake inhibitors, meaning they regulate serotonin levels in the brain leading to more stable moods.

Somewhat less well-known is another neurotransmitter, dopamine. Among other things, dopamine acts as a motivator, creating a sensation of pleasure when the brain is stimulated by achievement. Dopamine is also involved in maintaining attention – some forms of ADHD are linked to irregular responses to dopamine.[1]

So dopamine plays a key role in keeping us focused on our goals and motivating us to attain them, rewarding our attention and achievement by elevating our mood. That is, we feel good when we work towards our goals.

Dopamine is related to wanting – to desire. The attainment of the object of our desire releases dopamine into our brains and we feel good. Conversely, the frustration of our desires starves us of dopamine, causing anxiety and fear.

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One of the greatest desires is romantic love – the long-lasting, “till death do us part” kind. It’s no surprise, then, that romantic love is sustained, at least in part, through the constant flow of dopamine released in the presence – real or imagined – of our true love. Loss of romantic love cuts off that supply of dopamine, which is why it feels like you’re dying – your brain responds by triggering all sorts of anxiety-related responses.

Herein lies obsession, as we go to ever-increasing lengths in search of that dopamine reward. Stalking specialists warn against any kind of contact with a stalker, positive or negative, because any response at all triggers that reward mechanism. If you let the phone ring 50 times and finally pick up on the 51st ring to tell your stalker off, your stalker gets his or her reward, and learns that all s/he has to do is wait for the phone to ring 51 times.

Romantic love isn’t the only kind of desire that can create this kind of dopamine addiction, though – as Captain Ahab (from Moby Dick) knew well, any suitably important goal can become an obsession once the mind has established ownership.

The Neurology of Ownership

Ownership turns out to be about a lot more than just legal rights. When we own something, we invest a part of ourselves into it – it becomes an extension of ourselves.

In a famous experiment at Cornell University, researchers gave students school logo coffee mugs, and then offered to trade them chocolate bars for the mugs. Very few were willing to make the trade, no matter how much they professed to like chocolate. Big deal, right? Maybe they just really liked those mugs![2]

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But when they reversed the experiment, handing out chocolate and then offering to trade mugs for the candy, they found that now, few students were all that interested in the mugs. Apparently the key thing about the mugs or the chocolate wasn’t whether students valued whatever they had in their possession, but simply that they had it in their possession.

This phenomenon is called the “endowment effect”. In a nutshell, the endowment effect occurs when we take ownership of an object (or idea, or person); in becoming “ours” it becomes integrated with our sense of identity, making us reluctant to part with it (losing it is seen as a loss, which triggers that dopamine shut-off I discussed above).

Interestingly, researchers have found that the endowment effect doesn’t require actual ownership or even possession to come into play. In fact, it’s enough to have a reasonable expectation of future possession for us to start thinking of something as a part of us – as jilted lovers, gambling losers, and 7-year olds denied a toy at the store have all experienced.

The Upshot for Goal-Setters

So what does all this mean for would-be achievers?

On one hand, it’s a warning against setting unreasonable goals. The bigger the potential for positive growth a goal has, the more anxiety and stress your brain is going to create around it’s non-achievement.

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It also suggests that the common wisdom to limit your goals to a small number of reasonable, attainable objectives is good advice. The more goals you have, the more ends your brain thinks it “owns” and therefore the more grief and fear the absence of those ends is going to cause you.

On a more positive note, the fact that the brain rewards our attentiveness by releasing dopamine means that our brain is working with us to direct us to achievement. Paying attention to your goals feels good, encouraging us to spend more time doing it. This may be why outcome visualization — a favorite technique of self-help gurus involving imagining yourself having completed your objectives — has such a poor track record in clinical studies. It effectively tricks our brain into rewarding us for achieving our goals even though we haven’t done it yet!

But ultimately, our brain wants us to achieve our goals, so that it’s a sense of who we are that can be fulfilled. And that’s pretty good news!

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Featured photo credit: Alexa Williams via unsplash.com

Reference

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