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11 Habits That Pull You Out Of The Vicious Spiral Of Taking Things Too Personally

11 Habits That Pull You Out Of The Vicious Spiral Of Taking Things Too Personally

When I saw the Grand Canyon for the first time, I cried. It made me realise how tiny and insignificant my existence was compared to the greater scheme of things. Without perspective, we sometimes forget how small we are. We waste our time taking things personal, blowing things out of proportion and making it all about us. Taking things too personally is a slippery slope that can destroy our self-esteem. If you find yourself falling down a vicious spiral of taking things personal, here are 11 tips to pull yourself out.

1. Remember you are the size of a grain of sand.

Your house is in a city, in a state, in a country, on a continent, on Earth, in our solar system, in the Milky Way, in our Universe and so on. Translation, you are but a speck. Keeping our existence into perspective, knowing that our Universe is 13.8 billion years old and we live, on average, for about 70 years reminds us that taking things too personally is a waste of time.

2. Stop, think and respond.

Quite often our communication style is to react; we say or do the first thing that comes to mind. Controlling your response in any given situation allows you to reflect on what’s happening and calmly communicate with the person that might be getting under your skin.

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3. Make “I’m rubber and your glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you” your new mantra.

We’ve all heard this saying before. It means that you don’t really care whether or not a person is speaking ill of you. By letting things roll off of your back, you avoid the stress that comes with taking things too personally. Making it a mantra creates a personal reminder for you and no one else  — we’re here to avoid conflict, not create it.

4. Use Nonviolent Communication.

Nonviolent communication is also known as Compassionate Communication or Collaborative Communication. It was invented by Marshall Rosenberg in the 1960s and focuses on self-empathy, empathy and honest self-expression. It’s a four-step process based on (1) observation, (2) feeling, (3) need, (4) request.

For example: “Dan, when I (1) see dishes in the sink, I (2) feel irritated because I’m needing (3) the kitchen that we share in common to be clean. (4) Could you please do your dishes?”

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You’re not taking the fact that he hasn’t done the dishes, personally; you’re communicating how you feel without being irrational or demeaning. Find out more at The Centre for Nonviolent Communication.

5. Be okay with being vulnerable.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by expressing our feelings can help resolve conflicts. When we talk things out and let ourselves be seen, we’re letting the other person know how we feel without taking it personal — much like we did in number 4.

6.  Realise that if someone isn’t saying nice things about you, it’s a reflection of them — and it’s nothing personal.

People who judge others or put other’s down to make themselves feel better have their own self-esteem issues. If someone is being unkind to you, remember that they’re probably behaving this way because of something that’s happened to them in the past of present; which has nothing to do with you.

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7. Learn how to be a passive listener.

Passive listening is when you’re sitting quietly and not responding to what the other person is saying. This relates back to being able to calmly respond to a situation without reacting and putting your foot in your mouth.

8. Learn to love yourself.

Improving self-esteem will allow you to not take things personal. The way we feel about ourselves is a direct reflection of how other’s feel about us. When we don’t speak highly of ourselves, why should someone else?  If you suffer from low self-esteem that’s affecting your daily life, seek out help from a psychologist, therapist or coach.

9. Ask for clarification.

We distort, delete and generalise information based on our personal values and beliefs. Someone might say something to us, and we might make it mean something completely different. By asking for a specific explanation, you’ll be provided with a clearer understanding of what is trying to be said.

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10. Ask for feedback.

There isn’t failure, only feedback, and we need that feedback to grow. After you ask for clarification, ask for feedback on what different strategies or approaches you could use next time.

11. Remember you’re only human.

Further to number 10, we all make mistakes. All we can do is learn from those mistakes and not take that feedback personally, so we can do better next time. When we stop learning and keep making the same mistakes, it’s time to seek help from friends, family, co-workers or mental health professionals.

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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