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15 Ways In Which You Ruin Your Life Even If You Don’t Notice It

15 Ways In Which You Ruin Your Life Even If You Don’t Notice It

Life is like a house that needs to be built and maintained. People try to avoid many realities and continue to ruin what’s good in their life without even noticing. Such poor choices don’t have to be made by you. Being happy and successful starts with acknowledging what damage you are doing to yourself right now and doing well to fix it.

1. You ruin your life when you don’t forgive

You can’t take life too seriously. People will hurt you and you will hurt others. Holding on to grudges or anger will only blind you from focusing on what is truly important.

2. You ruin your life when you keep a job you don’t like

Sometime you keep a job because you want a steady paycheck. But why jeopardize your happiness and focus on the present rather than on the future where you are free and happy?

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3. You ruin your life when you care about what others think

You can’t please anyone. Caring about what others think will only make you empty as people will end up hurting and disappointing you.

4. You ruin your life when you are always procrastinating

Stop waiting for things to be perfect before you take action. Go out there and do what needs to be done to make your life perfect.

5. You ruin your life when you don’t take care yourself

Your body is your vehicle to success. Treating your body right by eating right and maintaining a healthy lifestyle will not only secure a healthy future but boost your self-esteem now.

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6. You ruin your life when you complain about everything

Living a life of complaints doesn’t take you anywhere but will leave you disappointed, frustrated and angry. You need to channel that energy you use to complain into something worthwhile.

7. You ruin your life when you live in regrets

Your past cannot be changed. Learn from it and move on. Living in regrets only saps your positive energy and distracts you from possibilities.

8. You ruin your life when you pick the wrong partner

If you are Samson, please don’t pick a Delilah. Nothing is as awful or destructive as living with someone who doesn’t compliment or make you happy.

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9. You ruin your life when you compare yourself to others

There is nothing as awful or as degrading as trying to compare yourself with others. We are all unique so why try to compare yourself with someone who is not you.

10. You ruin your life when you believe money will make you happy

Money offers you freedom, but there are many simple things in life that will make you happy and don’t require any money. Draining your life and focusing all your attention on wealth can make you distraught.

11. You ruin your life when you are not grateful

Gratitude means to appreciate the things you have. If you are thankful, you will have an ease, and an internal peace.

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12. You ruin your life when you are in the wrong relationships

It is a bad thing to have an awful partner, but it will also tear you down if you are in relationships with friends who bruise and batter your self-worth.

13. You ruin your life when you are pessimistic

You should always be optimistic that things will be better. You cannot be negative and continue to condemn everything good that will come your way.

14. You ruin your life by living a lie

Many take on lives that are not theirs. They pretend and live under false guises. You have to be completely honest about who you are and live on that line.

15. You ruin your life by worrying about everything

Take some time to reflect and appreciate those great things you currently have. Although life is not perfect, it most definitely has handed some wonderful things to you. So appreciate it and quit worrying about what may not matter at the end of the day.

Featured photo credit: http://www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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