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20 Little Signs You’ve Found The One

20 Little Signs You’ve Found The One

Whenever a couple that has been married for a long time tell the story of how they met, they can always pinpoint the moment in which they knew they found “the one.” Though there definitely is that moment of clarity in which you realize you would rather be with this person than anyone else in the world, there are also many small moments leading up to such an incredibly epiphany. If any of the following apply to you, you might want to start thinking about taking your relationship to the next level.

1. Seeing them makes everything better

Everyone has awful days where they just want to crawl into bed and never come out. But the right partner will erase all of the pain you’ve gone through all day, and make you realize just how lucky you are. The instant you see their face, you’re able to remember why you put up with the garbage you deal with at work all day: because you want to make a better life for them, and for your future together.

2. You can share your hopes and dreams with them

When you’ve found the one, you want them to know everything you want out of life. You share with them even the most farfetched dreams you’ve ever had, because with them by your side, you actually feel like you might accomplish all of your goals. Even your silly childhood dreams become a tangible possibility when you have someone to support you on your journey.

3. You can admit when you’ve made a mistake

I’ve seen so many relationships around me fall apart simply because both parties failed to be able to admit they messed up. When you find the one, you feel comfortable admitting mistakes because you know your better half won’t hold it against you in the long run. You can trust that they’ll accept your honesty and you’ll be able to work toward a better relationship in the future.

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4. You want to make their life better and easier

When you’ve found the one, you start living for someone other than yourself. You sacrifice every fiber of your being to make sure they have an easy go of it. Even if you’ve had a long day, you’ll come home and want to immediately start cleaning the house and cooking dinner for them, so they can relax for a bit. If they forgot to get something at the store, you’ll gladly hop in the car and go get it, even if it means missing out on your favorite show. For that one person, putting their comfort ahead of your own is of utmost importance.

5. You don’t do certain things without them

If you have made it a habit to watch a certain show together every week, you would never watch it without them. If going to Rita’s for a gelati is something you only do with them, you don’t go without them by your side (unless you’re picking something up for them!). If they’re on a diet, you won’t bring home Chick-Fil-A for yourself. When certain things become your “couple” things, you know you’ve found someone special.

6. You argue seldom but passionately

Everyone argues once in a while, but like I said before, you don’t harp on insignificant moments just to prove “I’m right.” You let most things go, but when you do have an argument, you aren’t insulting or rude. You simply show your passion for whatever it is you’re arguing about, and you also listen to what the other person has to say. Again, these arguments aren’t about getting your way, but more about finding a common ground on which you both can build.

7. You resolve arguments amicably

Like I said, when you’ve found the one, you don’t care who’s right or wrong in an argument; you just want to improve your relationship. When you’ve found a person who you actually like more after an argument, you can be pretty sure you’ve found a good one.

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8. You’re upfront when something bothers you

From the moment we started getting serious, my wife and I started living by one rule: If it bugs you, sleep on it, and if it’s still bugging you, bring it up. This has worked wonders for us, and it’s part of the reason we rarely get into fights. By the next morning, we’ve had time to put things in perspective, and more often than not we realize what was bothering us the night before isn’t that big of a deal (especially if it’s not a chronic habit). If it is worth bringing up, well, see number 7 above.

9. You love getting random texts from them

Everyone knows the feeling of getting butterflies early on in a relationship. Not everyone knows the feeling of getting butterflies in a relationship that’s been going strong for years. I’ve been with my wife for almost seven years, and I still smile every time I get a text from her. It shows that, even when she has work and school on her plate, she still has me on her mind in some way. And we both still find little ways to keep our relationship fresh, even after all this time.

10. They know what to order for you

Scenario: You’re waiting to be seated at a restaurant, and you have to use the bathroom. You come back to find your table ready, and the waitress has already brought over a cold glass of your favorite beer. I’m pretty sure all men can agree that a woman who knows what beer to get you has found the most direct pathway to your heart. As for what women want…? Okay, I’ve been with one for seven years, and sometimes I still struggle a bit with this!

11. You pick up each other’s signs in social settings

As an introvert, I can only handle being out so long. Same with my wife. We both reach a point where we are ready to go, but aren’t in a position in which we can be rude about it. Knowing your significant other well enough to know when they’ve had enough and are ready to go home is a sure sign that you care deeply for them.

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12. You know when to leave them alone

No one said you have to spend every moment of every day together. Sometimes, even if you want to be right next to them, they’ll want some space. I know my wife needs a few minutes to herself after a long day of work, so during that time I’ll get dinner started or pick up a little around the house. By the time we sit down for dinner, I know she’ll be ready to share her day with me, regardless of how good or bad it went.

13. You encourage each other

This goes along with the earlier entry about sharing hopes and dreams. When you’ve found the one, you want all of their dreams to come true. It could be supporting them on a diet or pushing them to go back to school to further their career. You simply want to see them succeed, and will be there to help every step of the way.

14. You know how to cheer them up

When they’re in a funk, you know exactly what to do to make things a bit better. You know them better than most anyone else does, and you also will go to greater lengths to make them happy than anyone else would. Even on their worst day, you that picking up her favorite flowers, or his favorite flavor of ice cream, will make them smile. You might not be able to fix the problem right away, but you can make facing it just that much easier.

15. You listen to the same story over and over

I’m guilty as sin of this one. I tell the same stories about my younger days constantly, and instead of cutting me off, my wife humors me, lets me laugh about it, and ends up laughing along with me. I mean, you get to a point when you know everything about each other, so you’re bound to run out of stories to tell. That doesn’t mean you can’t take a trip down memory lane every once in a while.

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16. You can make anything fun with them

Grocery shopping alone is the most boring (and frustrating) errand in the world, as far as I’m concerned. However, going to Giant with my wife is simply another moment in which to make a memory. When you have as many inside jokes as we do, the grocery store is full of endless comedic material. When you’ve found someone who can make shopping for frozen vegetables entertaining, you’ve definitely found the one.

17. You’re cheesy as heck around them

You have a completely different sense of humor when you’re around the one you love. You can make the corniest, silliest jokes possible, and know that you’ll both crack up about it. You don’t feel the need to “be cool” around them, and you can let yourself go.

18. You put effort into gifts for them

Like many guys, I’m not the best gift-giver. My family would rather spend money on experiences than material things, so I grew up not being “gifted” (sorry for the pun) with the ability to pick out good presents. That changed when I met my wife. Whenever a special occasion comes around, I go out of my way to find something special, and even go as far as making something for her that shows just how much I care. I knew she was the one when I actually felt like being crafty just for her. If you’ve ever gone shopping for yourself, and ended up finding something special for your significant other instead, you’ve probably found the one.

19. You’re intimidated by how you feel for them

Being in loooove is definitely a scary proposition. When you’re just starting to get the feeling that “this is it,” you’re actually scared of the feelings you’ve been having. That’s simply because you’ve never felt that way before. You might even push her away at first, which I unfortunately did for a while. Don’t fight it. The rest of your life will be so much easier having the one you love by your side throughout it all.

20. You wouldn’t trade them for the world

Along with being intimated by how you feel for them, you might be hesitant to give up “the single life.” Sure, settling down means you probably won’t have those late nights with your friends for much longer, and you’ll have to make decisions as a couple instead of independently…but who says these are bad things? When you settle down with the one you love, you’ll wonder why you wasted so much time at the bar in your younger days, and you’ll wish you had gotten on track a bit sooner. When you find the one, your life will change immensely. But you’ll be totally okay with that.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm1.staticflickr.com

More by this author

Matt Duczeminski

A passionate writer who shares lifestlye tips on Lifehack

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Published on September 23, 2020

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

6 Effective Negotiation Skills to Master

I don’t know about you, but many times when I hear the word negotiate I think of lawyers working out a business deal or having to do battle with a car salesman to try to get a lower price. Since I am in recruiting, the term “negotiation” comes up when someone is attempting to get a higher compensation package.

If we think about it, we tend to negotiate almost every day in a wide variety of things we do. Getting a handle on the important negotiation skills can be incredibly beneficial in many parts of our lives. Let’s take a look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

What is Negotiation?

First, let’s take a look at what negotiation is. Put simply, negotiation is a method by which people settle their differences. It is a process in which compromise or agreement can be reached without argument or dispute.

Anytime two people or sides disagree on something, they are almost always looking for the best possible outcome for their side. This could be from an individual’s perspective or someone representing an organization.

In reality, it’s rare that one side gets everything they want and the other side gets nothing that they are seeking. Seeking to reach a common ground of sorts where both sides feel like they are getting most of what they want is the key to being successful and maintaining the relationship.

Places We Negotiate

I’ve mentioned that we negotiate in just about all phases of our life. For those of you who are shaking your head no, I invite you to think about the following:

1. Work/Business

This one is the most obvious and it’s what naturally comes to mind when we think of the word “negotiate”.

When you first started at your current job, you might have asked for a higher salary. It could be that you delivered a huge new client to your company and used this as leverage in your most recent evaluation for more compensation. If you work with vendors (and just about every company does), maybe you worked them to a lower price or better contract terms.

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In recruiting, I negotiate with candidates and hiring managers all the time to land the best talent I can find. It’s very common to accept additional work with the (sometimes spoken, sometimes unspoken) agreement that it will benefit your career in the future.

Recently, I took over a project that was my boss was working on so that I would be able to attend a conference later in the year. And so it goes, we do this all day long at work.

2. Personal

I don’t know about you, but I negotiate with my spouse all the time. I’ll cook dinner with the understanding that she does the dishes. Who wants to mow the lawn and who wants to vacuum and dust the house?

I think we should save 10% for retirement, but she thinks 5% is plenty. Therefore, we save 8%. And don’t even get me started with my kids. My older daughter can borrow my car as soon as she finishes her chores. My younger daughter can go hang out with her friends when her homework is done.

Then, there are all those interactions in our personal lives outside our homes. The carpenter wants to charge me $12,000 to build a new deck. I think $10,000 is plenty so we agree on $11,000. I ask my neighbor if I can borrow his snowblower in the winter if I invite him over the next time I grill steak. And so on.

3. Ourselves

You didn’t expect this one, did you? We negotiate with ourselves all day long.

I’ll make sure I don’t skip my workout tomorrow since I’m going to have that extra piece of pizza. My spouse has been quiet the last few days, is it worth me asking her about, or should I leave it alone? I think the car place charged me for some repairs that weren’t needed, should I say something or just let it go? I know my friend has been having some personal challenges, should I check in with him? We’ve been friends for a long time, I’m sure he’d come to me if he needed help. I’ve got the #4 pick in this year’s Fantasy Football draft, should I choose a running back or a wide receiver?

Think about that non-stop voice inside your head. It always seems to be chattering away about something and many times, it’s us negotiating with ourselves. I’ll finish up that report that the boss needs before I turn on the football game.

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Why Negotiation Skills Are So Important

Put simply, negotiation skills are important because we all interact with other people, and not only other people but other organizations and groups of people as well.

We all rarely want the same thing or outcome. Most of the time a vendor is looking at getting you to pay a higher price for something than you want to spend. Therefore, it’s important to negotiate to some middle ground that works well for both sides.

My wife and I disagree on how much to save for retirement. If we weren’t married it wouldn’t be an issue. We’d each contribute how much we wanted to on our retirement funds. We choose to be married, so we have to come to some agreement that we both feel comfortable with. We have to compromise. Therefore, we have to negotiate.

If we each lived on a planet by ourselves, we would be free to do just about anything we wanted to. We wouldn’t have to compromise with anyone because we wouldn’t interact with anyone. We would make every choice unilaterally the way we wanted to.

As we all know, this isn’t how things are. We are constantly interacting with other people and organizations, each one with their own agenda’s, viewpoints, and opinions. Therefore, we have to be able to work together.

6 Negotiation Skills to Master

Having strong negotiation skills helps us create win-win situations with others, allowing us to get most of what we want in conjunction with others around us.

Now, let’s look at 6 effective negotiation skills to master.

1. Preparation

Preparation is a key place to start with when getting ready to negotiate. Being prepared means having a clear vision of what you want and how you’d go about achieving it. It means knowing what the end goal looks like and also what you are willing to give to get it.

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It also means knowing who you are negotiating with and what areas they might be willing to compromise on. You should also know what your “bottom line” is. By “bottom line” I mean what is the most you are willing to give up to get what you want.

For instance, several years ago, I decided it was time to get a newer car. I say newer because I wanted a “new to me” car, not a brand new car. I did my research and figured out what type of car I wanted. I decided on what must-have items on the car I wanted, the highest amount of miles that would already be on it, the colors I was willing to get it in, and the highest amount of money I was willing to pay.

After visiting numerous car dealerships I was able to negotiate buying a car. I knew what I was willing to give up (amount of money) and what I was willing to accept, things like the color, amount of miles, etc. I came prepared. This is critical.

2. Clear Communication

The next key skill you need to be an effective negotiator is clear communication. You have to be able to clearly articulate what you want to the other party. This means both clear verbal and written communication.

If you can’t clearly tell the other person what you want, how do you expect to get it? Have you ever worked through something with a vendor or someone else only to learn of a surprise right at the end that wasn’t talked about before? This is not what you would call clear communication. It’s essential to be able to share a coherent and logical vision with the person you are working with.

3. Active Listening

Let’s do a quick review of active listening. This is when you are completely focused on the speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond appropriately. This is a necessary ingredient to be able to negotiate successfully. You must be able to fully focus on the other person’s wants to completely understand them.

If you aren’t giving them your full attention, you may miss some major points or details. This leads to frustration down the road on both sides. Ensure you are employing your active listening skills when in arbitration mode.

4. Teamwork and Collaboration

To be able to get to a place of common ground and a win-win scenario, you have to have a sense of teamwork and collaboration.

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If you are only thinking about yourself and what you want without giving much care to what the other person is wanting, you are bound to wind up without a solution. The other person may get frustrated and give up if they see you are unwilling to meet them halfway or care little for what they want.

When you collaborate, you are working together to help each other get what is most important to you. The other upside to negotiating with a sense of teamwork and collaboration is that it helps create a sense of trust, which, in turn, helps provide positive energy for working to a successful conclusion.

5. Problem Solving

Problem-solving is another key negotiation skill. When you are working with the other person to get the deal done many times you’ll face new challenges along the way.

Maybe you want a new vendor to provide training on the software they are selling you but they say it’s going to cost an additional $20,000 to provide this service. If you don’t have the additional $20,000 in the budget to spend on the software but you feel the training is critical, how are you going to solve that problem?

From what I’ve seen, most vendors aren’t willing to provide additional services without getting paid for them. This is where problem-solving skills will help continue the discussions. You might suggest to the vendor that your company will also be looking to replace their financial software next year, and you’d be happy to ensure they get one of the first seats at the table when the time comes if they could perhaps lower the pricing on their training.

There’s a solution to most challenges, but it takes problem-solving skills to work through them effectively.

6. Decision-Making Ability

Finally, having strong decision-making ability will help you seal the deal when you get to a place where everyone feels like they are getting what works for them. Each step of the way you can cross off the list when you get what you are looking for and decide to move onto the next item. Then, once you have all of your must-have boxes checked and the other side feels good about things, it’s time to shake hands and sign on the dotted line. Powerful decision-making ability will help you get to the finish line together.

Conclusion

There you have it, 6 effective negotiation skills to master to lead a more fulfilling life. Once we realize that we negotiate in one form or another almost every day in every phase of our lives, we realize how critical a skill it is.

Possessing strong negotiation skills will help you in nearly every one of your relationships at both the workplace and in your personal life. If you feel your arbitration tools could use some sharpening, try some of the 6 effective negotiation skills to master that we’ve talked about.

More Tips to Improve Your Negotiation Skills

Featured photo credit: Windows via unsplash.com

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